THE TOON v THE FRIAR TUCK MOB ****TOONEET!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 22nd August
2017  *** Updated Wednesday from 'high noon bells' onwards!
(Forthaa updates at half time and full time!)

Somewhere in Sherwood Forest near Nottingham, as Friar Tuck tells Robin Hood and Maid Marion the bad news aboot the Leegue Cup draw!
"Lets hope we get knocked out!-- I dont fancy having to get out of bed in the middle of the night to watch the draw!"


Tooneet we face Forest in the Leegue Cup 2nd roond (now renamed the Carabao Cup) and IF we get through we will be in the draw at (wait for it!)---- '4 15 AM bells' on Thorsday mornin---live from CHINA!
A far eastern company iz sponserin the competition, and haz insisted the draw shud be made then ('11 15 am bells' in China) so if yoo want to hear the draw yoo will have to drag your lifeless body oot of your 'scratch pit' (bed!) at this ungodly hour and listen to it on 'TALKSPORT 'radio!

"Wot next?" we ask worsels?  a GAME that kicks off at '4 15 bells' in the mornin for the benefit of somewhere on the othaa side of the world? ---If yoo are a gamblin man/woman, then DONT bet against it!!

More madness from NUFC, this time---ticket prices for the Forest game DOUBLE in price if yoo buy them on match day!
They've done it before of course!
Its crazy!

Meenwhile, we fully expect that we will field a weakened team az Rafa wont want any new injuries aheed of wor vital Leegue game v 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of eest Landan on Saturday!
(Even aftaa Rafa 'juggles' hiz line up, we still shud be too strong for Forest )

News aalso reaches us that wor players are in dispute with club aboot bonus payments this season!---The last thing 'Rafa the Gaffer' needs as he tries to gee the players up!

Still ne sign of any quality new signins eethaa!-
7 days til the window closes---and coontin!

A full match report will appear tomorrow AFTER the cup draw ---(dont 'fink' I can stay awake that long to hear it?)--- thats providin we get through of course!

Oot of the 19 teams who have made into the 3rd roond so far, 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have been to them aall, bar Bristol Rovers new groond ( we've been to 2 of their old groonds, but not this one!)
Oot of tooneets ties the anly possibilty of a new groond iz Rochdale, who are away to Stoke!

Az the draw iz unseeded now, with the so caalled 'big guns' enterin, anly London Stadium iz missin from wor 'list'
(A groond we will visit anyway in December in the Premyaa Leegue!)

PS: The Geordie Times haz abandoned attempts at 'live streamin' pictures from games az the reception inside St James' Park iz very poor and difficult to download!
We will however put the half time and full time score out below and download pictures after the game, away from the groond, where there iz better reception! (ie: In some nearby 'drinkin den'!)
The game kicks off at '7 45'pm bells' (unless somebody from China decides otherwise!?)
(watch this space!)

Half time score:  2  2
(Mitrovic  Aarons for Toon   Cummins for Forest)
Full time score: Lost 3  2 after extra time!
Walker scored winner for Forest.

Because of the late finish because of extra time I went straight home to my local pub to drown my sorrows! ---- IT WOZ SHUT!!!

On the plus side: At least I dont need to get up at '4 am bells' to listen to the 3rd roond draw!---OR!---take any more time off graft midweek for future Leegue Cup games!


Attendance:27,709 (1,000 Forest)

Pix to follow in tomorrows match report

'UDDERDSFIELD 1 THE TOON 0 ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '10 36am bells' Munday 21st August 2017

"BUY!-BUY!" or it might be "BYE!-BYE!"

A totally inept performance from the boys in black made it a very black day indeed az we were defeated by a team caalled 'The Terriers', who will surely be in a dog fight alang with us at the foot of the table! (We played in wor aall black away kit!)

The Geordie Times predicted before the season started that we wud finish in 14th place----we will now be happy with a 17th place finish after watchin this shambles!

Quite simply, if wor beloved owner known affectionatly az 'The Fat Controller' to Toon fans, doesnt 'put hiz hand in hiz pocket' in the next 10 days (when the transfor windows shuts) then we fear the worst could happen!

9 of wor players on the pitch at the start were playin in The Championship last season and promises of several quality new faces havent materialised!

The home side and fans 'were up for it' az predicted and won most of the 2nd baalls az we continued to give away posession

We did have chances az we attacked towards wor own fans in the 1st half  and Matt Richie had a great effort tipped aroond the post by the 'uddersfield keeper in the 17th minute!

But the home side pressed on and the breakthrough came in the 5th minute of the 2nd half when Mooy hit a curlin effort past Elliot in The Toon goal!

We had a penalty appeal torned doon and a blatent stamp by Mounie on Issac Hayden woz missed by the ref and he got away with it!

Perez aalso missed a chance to equalise deep into the 2nd half but hiz shot just went ower the bar---and that woz 'it ' az the clock coonted doon!

Like we say---we MUST 'buy' some quality players in the next 10 days or else it could be "bye!-bye!" To the Premyaa Leegue for the THORD time under The Fat Controllers 'leadership'!

Toon team: Elliot, Manquillo, Lascelles, Clark, Mbemba, Atsu, Hayden (Diame 76), Merino, Ritchie, Gayle (Joselu 52), Perez (Murphy 80)

Attendance: 24,128 (groond record) 2,340 unhappy Toon fans!

THE PRE MATCH ' GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE!
(Top) The Deighton Club
(Bottom) Superbowl Bowling Club!  Thats reet!  we got a drink in a 10 pin bowling alley!

LIVE PHOTO STREAM PRE MATCH UDDERSFIELD

Posted 12 45pm bells Sunday 20th August 2017

Lost 1  0!

We woz cr*p!

Full match report tomorrow😥

THE WONDERS OF MODERN TECHNOLOGY!

Posted 7 30am bells Sunday 20th August 2017

Withoot kickin a baall NUFC have moved 2 places up the Premyaa League aftaa yesterdays results!
Mebeez we shudnt play again and we might just win the Leeegue!

'UDDERSFIELD V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '2 22 pm bells' Saturday 19th August 2017

We make wor shortest jorney of the season tomorrow (Bornley iz aboot the same distance at 230 miles roond trip from Tyneside) when we travel to 'uddersfield (Yorkshire prenoonciation-- not wors!) for wor forst away game back in the top flight
This of course iz 'uddersfield's forst  EVER home game in The Premyaa Leegue and they and their fans will be 'up for it'!--'especially after their unexpected 3-0 win at Palace last week!
(The last time they played in the top flight woz way back in 1972 in the old 1st Division!)

We beat them of course last season doon at their place and we have to say that it woz the best away atmosphere on the road!
Thats wot we can expect tomorrow, come '1 30 bells'!

Dummett, Lejeune and Yedlin are aall oot injured and Shelvey misses the next 3 games after hiz daft sendin off against Sporz
Joselu iz expected to make hiz Toon debut though!

A capacity selloot 23,000 crowd will be there, includin 2,340 Toon fans (440 more than last seasons allocation)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Munday with 'live stream pub crawl pix before the game! (Er!---because of the orly kick off we will probably de just ONE 'liquid lubrication location'!

SMB U18s 1 THE TOON U18s 1

Posted 1:00 pm bells Saturday 19th August 2017

"MATT FINISH SECURES A POINT!"

Wor U18s were in action against The SMBs equivelent this mornin at The Academy of Sshhh! (Yee naa wot!) in Whitburn
We took the lead 4 mins aftaa the restart when a Elias Sorensen cross foond the feet of Matty Longstaff and he fired a low shot into the mackems net!

A dodgy lookin goal (which apparently looked offside) woz given in the 88th minute to the SMBs to square the contest

NUFC MAD SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 18th August 2017 *** Updated Saturday

More excitin news haz reached The Geordie Times that wor U23s have been drawn against Swanzee, Bornlee and COLCHESTER in the Premyaa Leegue Cup, group 'D'
Ties will be played home and away against each of the above

We highlight Colchester az NUFC have nevaa been to their new Weston Homes Comunity Stadium and therefore neethaa have the mad sad groundhoppers!

Ne dates for the above---but one thing does puzzle us , az Colchester have nevaa played in the top flight before?

Meeenwhile!----wor U23s are in action tooneet at The Hawthorns in Leegue game, where we will play WBA at '7 bells' (of course we have been there many many times before!)

Updated Saturday afternooon
The Baggie Troosers of West Brom 0
The Toon U23s  4
A great win for wor resorves at WBA where we totally ootplayed the home side!

The goal sequences were az follows:
14th minute: a Kyle Cameron curler (try sayin that after 10 pints!) opened the scorin in front of a huge 224 crowd (very few NUFC mad sad groundhoppers!)
Then Luke Charman doubled wor advantage 6 mins later with a fine shot!
It woz 3-0 just 5 mins later when Craig Spooner got in on the act (shot)

We added just 1 more in the 2nd period when Owen Bailey heeded  home to  complete the scorin in the 75th minute!

A LETTER FROM WHITBY

Posted 'hign noon bells' Thorsday 17th August 2017

The Geordie Times haz receeeved a very nice letter from Whitby Town FC about wor U23s game at their groond last month when we played Celtic U23s in 'The Whitby Town Tounament'

Grandson Jamie woz asked by one of Whitby's committee caalled Eddie if he would like to be one of the Toon mascots for the game
He jumped at the chance and waalked oot with the teams before the match

A photo woz taken before kick off in the centre circle and Eddie haz kindly sent 2 to us

Thanx very much Eddie and we will bee lookin oot for Whitby's results for sure!
One of the friendliest away trips we have been te (and we have been to quite a few!

Jamie iz on the extreeem left of the photo holdin a futbaall
(See ground 325 turnbull ground whitby for a match report on the game!)

"JOSELU IZ A GEORDIE!"

Posted 12 55pm bells Wednesday 16th August 2017

News haz just reached The Geordie Times by carrier pigeon that we have signed Jawman striker Joselu from Stoke for 5 million quid!
He haz signed a 3 year deal and iz wor 6th aquasition <(we naa aall the big words!) in the current transfor window!

More singnins are expected soon!
Az per usual watch this space!

THE TOON 0 SPORZ 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 14th August 2017

The Toon attack 

The Leazes goal

"Jonjo presses self destruct button!"

Wor forst game back in the top fight woz not a happy one!
We started off well az we attacked The Leazes goal but within 6 minutes Paul Dummett had to leave the field with wot looked like a calf injury to be replaced by Lascelles.

And then in the 34th minute new boy Floran Lejeune woz 'sissor kicked' by Harry Kane and he had to leave the field with wot looked like a serious injury! (A great start on wor 'retorn'!)

We were the better team and shud have scored through Dwight Gayle but he fluffed hiz chance and we went in 0 0 at half time and very pleased with wor performance!

And then the game changer----Delle Alli held onto the baall and Jonjo Shelvey  gave him a slight push and he went doon like 'a  sack of taatys' and woz sent of in the 47th minute (from wor seats 'up in the gods' we didnt see that Shelvey had stamped on Alli's ankle!)

From then on it woz 'backs to the waall' az we tried to stop last seasons runners up!
Sporz then piled on the pressure az they attacked The Leazes goal and within 13 mins of Shelvey's sendin off they made the breakthrough when the man who had 'went doon like a sack of taatys' scored with a shot across the box!

10 mins later and it woz aall ower bar the shoutin when Ben Davis doubled their lead and the game in effect woz lost.

We tried gamely to battle on, but to no avail and Sporz hit the post late on, but it 'mattered not' az they wound the clock doon!

Ne points---ne goals-- 1 sendin off---2 injurys---3rd bottom of The Premyaa!
NOT a good day 'at the office'!

Toon team: Elliot  Manquillo  Lejeune (Mbemba 34)  Clark  Dummett (Lascelles 6)  Shelvey  Hayden  Richie  Perez  Atsu  Gayle (Merino 76)

Attendance: 52,077  (some empty seats in away section   3,000 happy Sporz fans!)

The pre and post match 'gargels' took place here!

Its  10 50am bells as desperate 

Toon fans hammer on the door 

of The Bodega to let them in! 

(Kick off woz at 1 30 bells 

so we went oot orly)

Fans catch the sun ootside

Bar Loco on Leazes Park Road

A view to die for!

You can just see 

The Leazes End roof

from upstairs in Bar Loco

Below

Inside Bar Loco

A group of Sporz fans (Sporz play in white!)

Pass Tilleys Bar on their way to

a 'burka bar'! (sic!)