THE MYTH OF FAT SAM!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 25th May 2017


"I TOOK THEM DOWN!---I TOOK THEM DOWN!"

NEVER BEEN RELEGATED?---"OH YES YOO HAVE!"

So Fat Sam haz 'hoyed the towel' in at Crystal Palace and retired and will now be 'hoyin' a  towel on' by the swimmin' pool at hiz luxury retreat on the Costa Blanca in Spain, named "Casa St James" which he named after gettin' a ridiculous 4 MILLION poond 'pay off' from then NUFC chairman Freddie Shephard for bein' a failure here! (borin', lang kick futbaall--and aall that! "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

It's not the anly place he's been sacked eethaa---Blackpool, Blackborn Rovers, West Ham and Ing-er-land in disgrace, just to name 4! (and huge 'pay offs'!)

He 'abandoned the mackem ship' last summer to take on the Ing-er-land job, leavin' 'Miseryguts Moyes' to take ower (and finally 'sink it'!)  and haz now decided to retire, leavin' Palace in the lurch this time and 'on the rocks'!

It's aalways been said that he's NEVER been relegated---BUT 'The Geordie Times' can tell yoo otherwise, az in the 1996-1997 season he woz RELEGATED to the 4th tier of Inglish futbaall, while in charge of Notts Coonty!!!

He played for the mackems az well! (when he woz a bit thinner!)--and az yoo may gather by this, we divvint reelly like him very much! and so we hope he enjoys (not!) the 'sun sea and sangria'! (That's sunburn!, sea food! (whale and chips!) and loads of sangria to make him even fatter!

"Bye bye Fat Sam!--yoo certainly wont be missed by us!"     

MOYES mACKEM MISERY!

Posted '1:10pm bells' Tuesday 23rd May 2017


"I'M THE WORLDS 'NUMBER ONE' DRUNKEST FOOTBALL MANAGER!
AND AM IN DAILY CONTACT WITH SIR ALEX! --HIC! HIC!"

News reaches us that Miseryguts Moyes haz tendered hiz resignation to the mackem hierarchy!
We here at 'The Geordie Times' are devastated az we thought he woz dein' a MAGnificent job in gettin' the SMBs relegated at the forst time of askin'!

Several 'quality names' have been hoyed into the ring, includin' out of work former Toon managers, ALAN (I beg your) PARDEW!----'The Wally with the Brolly'!----'John "I am the best manager in the world" Carver' and Joke Kinnear, who iz odds on favourite to be their next manager and haz told anybody who will listen that he can "Do a great job!" and take them to "The next level!"

The "Great job!" he iz on aboot iz that he can ---"De a great job drinkin' aall the Gin, Vodka and Whisky from the optics in the hospitality area of the main stand!"  And "Take them to the next level!"  (ie: Leegue ONE!)

TOON FANS SHOW THEIR APPRECIATION
OF 'JOE'K, WHEN HE WOZ HERE!

More on aall this later!

'GEORDIE TIMES' SPOT THE DIFFERENCE QUIZ!

Posted '11:05am bells' Sunday 21st May 2017

    BEFORE RELEGATION!

   AFTER RELEGATION!

Usin' your skill, judgement and 'half a sheeps brain', see if yoo can 'spot the difference' between the 2 photos which were taken at Newcastle Airport recently!

Photo 'ONE' woz taken az yoo pass through 'passport control' before the mackems were relegated
Photo 'TWO' woz taken after the mackems were relegated!

Top prize for gettin' the correct answer will be an aall expensive trip to Cold Blow Lane on a cold January night to see the SMBs play MILLWAALL at 'The Den of Inequity' where 'Jack the Ripper' will be waitin' to 'greet yoo' under one of the dark railway arches that lead to the groond! (Stab proof vest NOT provided!)

E mail your answer to: safc@wearedoomed!.com  

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS---"WE TOLD YOO SO!"

Posted '1:27pm bells' Friday 19th May 2017

THE TURNBULL GROOND, WHITBY

9 days ago 'The Geordie Times' released details of wor forst U23s frriendlies of the season at Whitby!
nufc.com haz just posted that TODAY!---more than a week after us! ("HA! HA!--we were forst!---this time!")
Worsels, Celtic, AZ Aalkmaar and of course the hosts Whitby Toon, will play in a 4 team tournament at The Turnbull Groond at the end of July!
We play Celtic at '7:45 bells on Thorsday 27th July and eetha Whitby or AZ Aalmaar on Saturday 29th July with that ko time dependin' on wethaa we win or lose on Thorsday ('1:30 bells' ko for losers---'5:30 bells' ko for winners)
Tickets for each game are:£10 for big kids', £6 for zimmerframeites and £3 for sprogs!

Rumours have it that wor forst team will be sailin' off to Ireland in pre season, az well az friendlies in Ing-er-land and at SJP!
(Europe haz aalso been mentioned by wor secret agent, namely 'Secret Pigeon'!)

'SECRET PIGEON' AT WOR GAME v PRESTON!

"REMEMBER!!!  REEED THE GEORDIE TIMES FORST FOR AALL THE LATEST PRE SEASON FRIENDLY UPDATES!!"

"SORVES THEM REET FOR TAKIN' 'WOR EYES OOT'!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 18th May 2017

TOON FANS IN TOP TIER
EMPTY SEATS IN BOTTOM TIER!
(Photo 'nicked' off nufc.com!)

"HILLSBOROUGH HILLBILLIES HORROR!

'uddersfield beat 'The Hillsborough Hillbillies' last neet in a dramatic penalty shoot-out and will progress to the Play Off Final at Wembley at the end of the month v 'The Biscuitmen of Readin'!

I cannit say I am sorry to see Wednesday faall at the penultimate hurdle az they charged us a ridiculous £42 to get in this antiquated pre-historic groond in April---the highest we had to 'cough up' for an away ticket durin' the season!
(The Premyaa Leegue maximum iz £30!)

They anly gave us the upper tier of The Leppings Lane End az well, (3,200) but were unable to sell the extorshinate £42 tickets to their own fans, who were housed in the lower tier, when they could easily have sold them to us! (see top photo)
(Capacity of Hillsborough 39,000---attendance 28,883!)
We actually got 1,500 less tickets than Leeedz got for their Yorkshire derby! --and Leeedz fans were charged less az well!
 
It haz been estimated that promotion via the play offs will earn a mind bogglin' £170,000,000 to the winnners and £300,000,000 if they manage to avoid relegation!!!

"SORVES THEM REET--IF YOO ASK US!"

THE TOON U23s 1 THE JELLIED EELS MOB U23s 2 ***DIVISION 2 PLAY OFF FINAL

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 17th May 2017



 NUFC U23s TAKE A FREE KICK @ THE GALLOWGATE END
PIC FROM WOR PAPARAZZI REPORTER 'DAVE FROM YORK'
WHO WOZ IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EAST STAND

 
The Toon's 'second string' failed in their bid to win promotion to the 'top flight' of the reorve leegue when they lost 2-1 to 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham last neet at SJP!

A Smith corner in the 19th minute foond the heed of Cameron who nodded it of to Heardman and he scrambled the baall ower the goal line to give us a 1-0 lead, az 'Rafa' and hix staff looked on from The Milburn Stand'!

However, West Ham's Martinez had othaa ideas and he scored twice after this just before and after the half time interval to give the "eest Landaners" the victory and promotion to the forst division of the resorve leegue!

Attendance: 1,824 includin' a handful of the 'Jellied Eels Mob' diehards in the corner of The East Stand!

"WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF FUN!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 16th May 2017

"WE'VE GOT 2 NEW SIGNINGS AZ WELL!!
IZ THAT 'SUPERMAC' ON THE FAR LEFT AND 'BEARDO' ON THE FAR RIGHT?"

"AALL REET MEE OLD CHINA!"

A new sponsors name will adorn wor strips next season az 'wonga' have been consigned to the dustbin!
'FUN88', who are a Far East gamblin' company will sponsor us for the next 3 seasons!
The new strip will have RED numbers on the back for the forst time since the 1980's and 'FUN88' will be in light bluey/green on the front---strips gan on sale on June 15th next month!

Meeenwhile!---wor U23 side are in a play off final at SJP tooneet when we face 'The Jellied eels Mob' of West Ham!
It's a 'one off' game and the winners win promotion to Premyaa Leegue 2--Division 1 (the 'top flight of the resorve leegues!)

KO iz at '7 bells' and the East Stand will be open ---FREE to season ticket holders and members and £3 for 'big kids' and £1 for sprogs and zimmerframeites who arnt!

"THERE'LL BE A WELCOME IN THE HILLSIDES!"

Posted '10:30am bells' Munday 15th May 2017

Swanzee's 2-0 win at The SOS on Saturday coupled with Hull's 4-0 defeat at Palace yesterday, meeenz that we will have a *700 mile (plus) 'continental' trek to Sooth Wales and back again next season!--az Hull gan doon and Swanzee stay up! (*707.2 miles to be exact!)
Cedric the Swan will no doubt greet us with open 'wings' when we arrive!

The Championship play offs both ended 'aall square' so we are ne wiser az to where we will be heedin' to come next seasons fixtures.
We would prefer 'uddersfield to come up az we foond a canny club there----and it isn't far on the train!

Sheff Wed would be next on wor 'list', az again, it isn't tooo far away!
Fulim iz wor 3rd choice az London iz anly 3 hours away by 'Inter City'
The one we divvint want iz 'The Biscuitmen of Readin' az this meenz 2 trains a tube ride and a bus ride from Readin' station to their groond which iz 4 miles away from the train station!
(Yoo CAN get a train direct to Readin' BUT it teks ages to get there via a 'Cross Country train'!)

Az the Championship play off final isn't till the end of the month, we will have 2 weeks to wait to find oot!

Not includin' the above scenario we will have at least NINE train trips to King's Cross (KX, London) next season!
(Sporz, Chelski, 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham, Wotfaad, The Arse, Fat Sam's Palace, Bournemoooth (via KX), (ne where near) Brighton (via KX) and Sooothampton (via KX)
And if eetha Fulim or Readin' join 'the elite leegue' it will be TEN!---more than half wor 19 away games!

We could in fact travel to nearly AALL wor uttha away games by train via Cross Country etc---apart from Stoke which iz a bustard of a place to get te!---even by road! (Fixture 'times' could effect aall this of course!)

COPY 'CATS'

Posted '11:35am bells' Munday 15th May 2017

So we just had to copy the mackems and fly a plane ower their groond celebratin their relegation, az they did to us last season.

Sorry!-- but it doesn't work when somebody else haz done it forst---and to put a banner sayin' "United by cancer--divided by leagues" iz cringeworthy in wor opinion!

It cost the mackems £1,000 last season to fly the plane ower wor groond and we can anly assume it cost 'us' the same on Saturday.
That money would have been better spent givin' it DIRECT to a cancer fund and NOT to the company who flew the plane!

"IT'S EMBARRESSIN'!"

"18 LIVE GAMES?---YOUR HAVIN' A LAFF!"

Posted 10:42am bells Sunday 14th May 2017

SKY telly haz takin' the number of televised games today to new heights!--for they are showin' an incredible total of EIGHTEEN LIVE GAMES from 'high noon bells' til 11:00pm bells' tooneet!

Divvint beleeeve me?----then just look at this!

1 'High noon bells' : Palace v Hull (Sky Sports 1 HD)
2 'High noon bells' : 'uddersfield v Sheff Wed (Sky Sports 2)
3 '1:30pm bells' : Feyenoord v Hercales (Sky Sports 2-red button)
4 '1:30pm bells' : Willem 11 v Ajax (Sky Sports 2-red button)
5 '2:15pm bells' : West Ham v Liverpool (Sky Sports 1 HD)
6 '3:00pm bells' : Alaves v Celta Vigo (Sky Sports 2 HD)
7 '4:30pm bells' : Sporz v Man U (Sky Sports 1 HD)
8 '6:30pm bells' : Blackpool v Luton (Sky Sports 2)
9 '6:30pm bells' : Carlisle v Exeter (Sky Sports 2-red button)
10 '7:00pm bells' : Bilbao v Leganes (Sky Sports 3-red button)
11 '7:00pm bells' : Eiber v Gijon (Sky Sports 3-red button)
12 '7:00pm bells' : Real Madrid v Sevilla (Sky Sports 3 HD)
13 '7:00pm bells' : Sociadad v Malaga (Sky Sports 3-red button)
14 '7:00pm bells' : Villarreal v Deportivo (Sky Sports 3-red button)
15 '7:00pm bells' : Las Palmas v Barcelona (Sky Sports 5 HD)
16 '7:00pm bells':Betis v Atletico Madrid (Sky Sports 3-red button)
17 '9:00pm bells' : Portland v Atlanta (Sky Sports 2 HD)
18 '11:00pm bells' :New York Red Bulls v LA Galaxy (Sky Sports 2 HD) 

ABSOLUTLEEEE INCREDABLE!!!
"Hope your lass likes futbaall?"