NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS! **** "STEEL' YOURSELF!!!!"

Posted '12:33pm bells' Wednesday 1st Joon 2016

The forst pre season friendlies have been annoonced involvin' wor resorve/U21 side, who will heed for the delights of Corby Toon's Steel Park for a 4 team weekend tournament in July!

Saturday 23rd July '3;30 bells':
Corby Toon v NUFC X1

Sunday 24th July 'high noon bells':
PSV Eindhoven X1 v NUFC X1

(Aalso playin' on those two days will be a Leeds United X1 who play PSV on the Saturday @ 'high noon bells' and Corby the followin' day @ '3:30 bells')

Tickets for one day are priced @ £15 and £25 for the two days!

"WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE!---WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE!---WE'VE B***!"

Posted '12:48pm bells' Munday 30th May 2016

"NO!---NOT THAT NEW YORK!"

Aa waz at Tibshelf Sorvices on the 'M1' the othaa day, (the service station aa normally fill mee truck up with diesel on mee way to Redditch in Worcestershire)
Az aa gan in there up to 5 times a week, aa naa aall the staff and they naa that a'm a Toon fan (The NUFC crest on mee old T shirts aa wear for work gives it away!)
One of them said to me the othaa day: "Look on the bright side---you'll have loads of new grounds to go to in The Championship next season!"
Quick az a flash aa replied: "The ANLY groond aa havvent been te iz New York Stadium in Rotherham!---Aa been to aall the rest at some point ower the years!"
He looked at me az though aa waz completlee mad---and he waz probably (definitely!) reet!

"AYE!---THAT ONE!"

Oot of the 23 othaa teams in The Championship, a'v actually been to "er!" 30 (THORTY!) groonds they have used, includin' their old ones! (31 includin' SJP)


The Mad-Sad Groundhopper's 'A' to 'Z' list! (Pleeeze note!--some groonds like Huddersfield's new'in  have changed their name 3 times---on mee forst visit it waz called The McAlpine Stadium)   

TWO grounds: (Az they were named on mee forst visit!)
1/2: Brighton, Goldstone Ground, Amex Stadium
3/4: Cardiff: Ninian Park, Cardiff City Stadium
5/6: Derby, Basebaall Ground, Pride Park
7/8: Huddersfield, Leeds Road, McAlpine Stadium
9/10: Reading,Elm Park, Madjeski Stadium
11/12: Wigan, Springfield Park (to watch NUFC resorves),
JJB Stadium
13/14: Rotherham, Millmoor, Don Valley Stadium (to watch NUFC resorves)

ONE ground:
15:The Hazbeenz & Villians, Villa Park
16:Barnsley, Oakwell
17:Birmingham, St Andrews
18:Blackburn, Ewood Park
19:Brentford, Griffin Park
20:Bristol City, Ashton Gate
21:Burton, Pirelli Stadium (to watch NUFC resorves)
22:Fulham, Craven Cottage
23:Ipswich, Portman Road
24:Leeds, Elland Road
25:Norwich, Carrow Road
26:Forest, City Ground
27:Preston, Deepdale
28:QPR, Loftus Road
29:Sheff Wed, Hillsborough 
30:Wolves, Molineux

Still to visit:
1: Rotherham, New York Stadium

"A BLESSING IN 'DISGUISE'!"

Posted '2:35pm bells' Saturday 28th May 2016

"THE FEEL GOOD FACTOR!"

"SORRY TONY!---WE DON'T NEED YOU NOW!"

Amazingleee!--after a disastrous relegation, aall Toon fans are 'on cloud 9' that Rafa iz stayin' to guide us back to 'the promised land' at the forst attempt!

The clubs 'hand' of course waz forced because of wor demise and they HAD to give in to Rafa's demands of 'total control' or else they would have 'lost him'!---And the consequences of that would have been catastrophic!  ('The Tramp in a Tracksuit', Tony Pulis's name had been mentioned az possible new manager!!!) <(god forbid!!!)

Had NUFC NOT been relegated then we 'fink' that those in charge would NOT have 'given in' to Rafa's demands and that he 'would have walked'! (ie: Premyaa Leegue TV millions rules OK!) And so relegation to the 'abyss' haz torned oot to be 'a blessing in diguise' az far az we are concerned!

With season tickets bein' slashed by 10% we are absolutleee certain that average gates will exceed 50,000 next season!---even against Burton Albion and Rotherham United!

The 'feel good' factor' iz back---that's for certain!

Meeeenwhile!---the forst of the play-offs takes place today @ '5:30 bells' when Sheff Wed take on Hull for a place in the Premyaa Leegue!
We reeely would like Sheff Wed to win and gan up---not because we like them--but because they charged Leeds fans £47 ! (FORTY SEVEN QUID!) to get in last season!!!
We imagine that Hull will be much cheaper!?


Updated '10:10am bells Sunday 29th May 2016

We didn't get wor wish az Hull won 1-0 and we will probably be singin' "FIFTY QUID!--YA HAVIN' A LAFF!" when we gan to Hillsborough next season!

Barnsley play Millwaall today in the Division 1 play off final and we would like Barnsley to come up az its nearer (and less dangerous!)

Updated '12:35pm bells' Munday 30th May 2016

Barnsley DID win (3-1) az the Millwaall fans rioted! <(now that's a surprise!)      

'LOCK IN' AT LOKEREN?

Posted '12:42pm bells' Friday 27th May 2016

News that we might? play an away friendly against Belgian side Lokeren pre season haz reached 'The Geordie Times'---a groond we have aalredy previouslee visited in The Inter Toto Cup!

Othaa friendlies are rumoured at Bornley and Donny Rovers--again!--groonds we have previousleee visited!

A trip to Ireland haz aalso been mentioned az well az a home game in the week before the new season starts!

We shall see and keep yoo posted az to any developments on the above!

"SOME JOYOUS NEWS AT LAST!----RAFA IZ STAYIN'!!!!!"

Posted '11:45am bells' Wednesday 25th May 2016


PRAISE THE LORD!

News haz reached 'The Geordie Times' from wor secret club spy (via carrier pigeon!) that 'Rafa the Gaffa' haz AGREED to stay and manage wor beloved club!!!!

We understand that he haz signed a 3 years deal and will have TOTAL CONTROL!!!!

REMEMBER! we telt yoo this last week (see article below!) and yoo hord this breakin' news forst in 'The Geordie Times' and ne where else!----an announcement will be made by NUFC later today!

It waz later revealed that Rafa's daughters, Cladia and Agata were at wor game away to Liverpool in April and waalked past the away end where the Toon fans were congregated before the match, on their way to the main stand.
The Toon fans were singin' Rafa's name to the tune of La Bamba and after the match they told him: "Dad, you cannot leave these people!---they love you! ---you have to stay!" 

"SHHHH!"---RAFA DEAL IMMINENT!? (Update)

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 20th May 2016

Wor 'secret' club 'insider' and 'Geordie Times'z cheef sauce of infomation haz telt us that a deal to keep 'Rafa the Gaffa' iz imminent and shud be completed in the next few days!
We can anly hope (and pray!) that this iz true az the alternatives bandied aboot  (Neil Warnock and the 'Tramp in a Tracksuit' Tony Pulis!) are truly frightenin'!

We will keep yoo---wor loyal reeders informed of any future developments!----watch this space!  

 

 

Updated 'high noon bells' Saturday 21st May 2016

 

Wor 'secret agent' and 'club insider' tells us that Rafa wants TOTAL CONTROL!

But will the club give him it?

 

 

Updated 'high noon bells' Munday 23rd May 2016

 

Furthaa discusions between wor beloved MD 'Penfold and 'Rafa the Gaffa' are takin' place az we speak with written agreements and roles bein' discussed!

Rafa haz aalso been consulted ower the future of certain players to be kept or jettisoned and aall will be reveeeled very soon we hope!

 

WHERE ARE YOUR ANORAKS NOW!?"

Posted '9:23pm bells' Sunday 22nd May 2016

"ARE YOO WATCHIN' RONNY RADFORD?"
"ARE YOO WATCHIN' RICKY GEORGE?"

Northern Leegue Morpeth Toon won the FA Vase Final at Wembley after an amazin' 4-1 'giant killing' win ower  Hereford!!!!---the team we love to hate!---hate!---hate!
In the exact opposite to 1972, when NUFC were odds on favourites to beat Hereford, Morpeth were the massive underdogs to beat Hereford in todays Vase final---and they DID!

The team from the Welsh border country had 20,000 plus fans compared to Morpeth's 4,000 and they were 'odds on' to win!!!

Morpeth's nickname iz 'The Highwaymen' but this waz ne 'highway robbery' az they completleeee ootplayed the 'cow pats' from Herefordshire! 
We say 'cow pats' az Hereford wanted to bring a bull mascot onto the pitch before the game---but the FA refused due to crowd safety issues---and so they had to use a COW instead (ne horns to injure anyone yoo understand!!!)
Personally aa didn't watch the game on the telly, az if aa had, aa would have probably 'jinxed' Morpeth and they would have lost!
Remember that I waz at that fateful game in 1972 when Hereford fans dressed in anoraks invaded the pitch at the end of the game---and it haz lived with me like a livin' nightmare ever since!!!

Were yoo there Ronny Radford and Ricky George to witness THIS giant killing???? ---PLEEEEZE tell me yoo WERE!!!??? 

ARROGANCE BEYOND BELIEF!

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 22nd May 2016

"KEEP THE FAITH!"

"THE CUP THAT DOESN'T CHEER!"

Louis Van Gaal climbed the steps of Wembley yesterday and waz booed by the Man U 'faithful'? for WINNIN' the FA Cup!!!!
Unbeleeevible!!!!---Not anly that but they are NOT even havin' a victory parade roond Manchester to celebrate their win against Pardew's Palace!
One reason for this waz given by a Man U fan from Devon (where else?) on Radio 5 Live the othaa day.
"It's would be EMBARESSING to parade this trophy!" he argued!
UNBELEEEVIBLE!!!!

Arsene Wenger iz anothaa manager who fans vent their fury on---runners up in the Premyaa Leegue and 20 years in a row of qualifying for The Champions Leegue and winnin' the FA Cup 2 years in a row (2013 & 2014) iz not enough for some of their 'Arsehole' fans!

Man City have sacked their manager despite him winnin' the Premyaa Leegue 2 years ago and the Leegue Cup this season---"NOT good enough !", their fans cried!

In Scotland a Celtic fan came on the radio and said that he thought aboot NOT renewin' hiz season ticket despite them winnin' the Scottish Leegue 5 years in a row!---He changed hiz mind when he foond oot that Brendan Rogers was to be their next manager!!!

In complete contrast Newcastle United FC get relegated and 52,000 fans torn up to see it and back Rafa 100% throughoot the last game of the season!--beggin' him to STAY!

IT'S UNREEEEL!!!! 

"Aalways look on the BRIGHT side of light!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 17th May 2016

THE TYNE BRIDGE IZ THE 2nd BOTTOM ONE!

Brighton's failure to beat Sheff Wed in their play-off semi final tie last neet meenz that we will definatly have a 700 miles plus roond trip to deepest Sussex next season----with live telly on a Thorsday neet --ne doubt?

The othaa teams who we will defiantly play next season include, Rotherham, Burton, Huddersfield, Wigan and Brentford!

We understand that Rafa haz had positive talks with wor owner and we can anly hope he haz FINALLY lorned hiz lesson and that this deal will come to fruition! (PLEEEZE!!)---but 'divvint haad yer breath' az NEIL WARNOCK'S name haz been bandied aboot az well!---Shud this be the case, then could someone pleeeze tell me the quickest way to the Tyne Bridge parapet from wor hoose! 

THE TOON 5 (FIVE!) SPORZ 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '10:40am bells' Munday 16th May 2016

VIEW FROM THE MILBURN STAND BALCONY

"IT COULD ANLY HAPPEN TO US!"

Havin' anly lost just ONE home game aall year and havin' gone FIVE games unbeaten, we took on a Sporz side in 2nd position and lookin' to finish above arch rivals Arsenal!
A breathtakin' 5-1 win in front of 52,000 plus with anly 10 men waz the outcome---in WOR favour, but we still find worsels in 'The Championship' next season----It could anly happen to NUFC!

The atmosphere waz truly amazin' considerin' that we were aalready relegated with Rafa's name continually shouted by the fans from forst whistle to last!---It could anly happen here!

Sporz must have thought that we would throw the 'towel in' considerin' wor demise, but they were in for a shock az we put in wor BEST performance of the season to bow oot of 'The Premyaa Leegue'!

19th minute: Wijnaldum fires in at The Leazes End from a Sissoko pass to put us 1-0 up!

39th minute: It's 2-0 az Mitrovic puts an unstoppable heeder past Lloris in the visitors goal after a pinpoint through baall from Toonsend foond hiz heed! (this goal waz scored az a plane with a pathetic message from The SMBs on the side, flew ower the groond!) <(THAT'S why they are called The SMBs!)

60th minute: Lamela pull a goal back for Sporz with a shot that somehow squeezed past Darlow in The Toon goal!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END AZ THE SHADOW CREEPS OWER THE PITCH!

67th minute: Mitrovic iz sent off for a 'studs up' challenge on Walker and we are doon to 10 men!

73rd minute: You would have thought that the team in 2nd top place would take advantage of the extra man ower the team 3rd bottom---but exactly the opposite happened when we were awarded a penalty at The Gallowgate End when Sissoko fell like a stone in the box to give us a dubious penalty!---Wijnaldum made ne mistteak from 12 yards oot and we were 3-1 up!

85th minute: It's 4-1!---az Toonsend hits the post and the baall rebounds oot and eventually finds Aarons on the far side of the 18 yard box---he fired a shot past Lloris into the far corner!
GAME OWER!  The crowd sing , "RAFA  BENITEZ!---WE WANT YOU TO STAY!" az he looked on dumbfounded from the dugout!

87th minute: Janmaat completes the rout with an easy chance to put the 10 men 5-1 up!-----The crowd chant, "5-1 to The Championship!"---"We've anly got 10 men!", in 'gallows humour style' az the Sporz end quickly empties!

'The Arse' beat 'The Hazbeenz and Villians' 4-0 to compound Sporz's misery and finished above them----and az the final whistle blew the crowd applauded and chanted Rafa's name---you would have thought that we had WON the leegue and NOT been demoted!
"IT COULD ANLY ****** ****!"

Toon team: Darlow, Janmaat, Taylor, Mbemba, Dummett, Tiote (Shelvey 62), Colback, Wijnaldum (Aarons 76), Sissoko (Sterry 84), Toonsend, Mitrovic

Attendance: 52,183 (Unbeleeevable under the circumstances!)
(3,100 shell shocked Sporz fans!) *