THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE v THE TOON *** TOMORROW NEET!

Posted '11:25am bells' Sunday 13th March 2016




"AALL OF A SUDDEN THE LESTAA AWAY TICKETS
HAVE SOLD OOT!---I WONDER WHY???"



For a change we heed to an away game with 'a spring in wor step!' and NOT 'with wor heed in wor hands!' az we set the sat nav for deepest Leicestershire and 'The Bag of Crisps Stadium' <(Walkers) < (originally!)

Of course wor opponents tomorrow are flyin' high at "the top o the leegue", while we sit in 2nd bottom place and if you'd asked any Toon fan at '5 bells' last Saturday afternoon (after we'd lost 3-1 to Bournemoooth!) aboot wor next game, they would have said the scoreline would be 4,5 or 6 nil to Lestaa!---at least!

However!---with a new and proven manager in charge (and we say 'manager' az apposed to 'heed coach'!) things can anly 'look up' and who knows wot he can get oot of the players that McClaren couldn't?

And do WE feel sorry for 'The Wally with(oot) the Brolly'???---yoo bet we DON'T!--- az hiz continual denials of even the worst results--- 6-1 at Man City--("We played well---in the first half!") and the 2 defeats to Wotfad in the FA Cup and leegue ---("we matched them and didn't deserve to lose!") <(oh yes we did!) amongst many many othaa 'undesorved'? defeats----had me and the rest of The Toon fans tearin' wor hair oot from the roots and bangin' wor heeds off brick waalls! "AAARRRGGGHHH!"

Playin' Riviere up front against Bournemoooth waz the final straw (he haz scored ONE goal in the last TWO seasons) az this disjointed performance finally sealed hiz fate and gave US some hope with Rafa's amazin' appointment! (The great Real Madrid waz hiz last team, remember!)

And hears anothaa indictment of McClaren's tenure: 
'The Sunday Sun': "The former Liverpool and Real Madrid boss was delighted to learn that some of his new squad members shrugged off injuries and knocks in a bid to impress him on day one of his stint in charge!"

In othaa words, some of them didn't want to play for McClaren and so had feigned injury!

Like we say!---things can anly get better!----it surely can't get any worse than just 7 wins oot of 31--can it?

We must back 'Rafa The Gaffa' to the hilt!---"Howay The Toon!"

"THERE'S ANLY ONE SPANISH 'WAITER'!" <('Waitin' for the chance to manage NUFC!)

Posted '1:55pm bells' Saturday 12th March 2016


"NO!---NOT! THE ONE FROM BARCELONA!!!"---
"THE ONE FROM MADRID!!!"


Az per usual 'The Geordie Times' iz one day behind with the sensational news of 'Rafa The Gaffa's appointment az NUFC manager! <(Wot the hell did yoo expect?)

And in complete contrast to wor reaction when McClaren signed on the dotted line last Joon, we are totally OVERWHELMED  with hiz appointment! (see story below!)
With TWELVE major trophies to Rafa's name, includin' The Champions Leegue, UEFA Cup and World Club Championship!---this--at last!-- it's a dream come true for aall black n whites!


Of course, we are still in the thick of a relegation battle, but at least it gives us hope of avoidin' the drop---sommik we were resigned to if McClaren had stayed!

We have two very tough games comin' up next---away to 'The Basil Brush Brigade' of Lestaa on Munday neet and of course the derby against the SMBs the followin' Sunday! <(a game we dreaded but now have a bit hope!)

Chelski fans didn't like him for some reason when he waz there, despite him winnin' The UEFA Cup for them---and caalled him 'The Fat Spanish Waiter' <(these spoilt brats don't know just how lucky they were!) <(Look at where Chelski are now?)

We are fully behind wor new manager and will back him to the hilt in wor remainin' 10 games and hope that he can instil some confidence in them, 'form a propaa game plan' and play players in their proper positions---and NOT play those who are simply not good enough and ne use to us whatsoever! <(Riviere, Doumbia, Saivet, etc etc etc!)

The 'Ronny Gill' haz devoted a total of THORTEEN PAGES (13!) in today's issue, in relation to Rafa's appointment!---wot does that tell yoo aboot how much NUFC meeenz to 'The Toon' and aall futbaall mad Tynesiders!?  

"FOLLY WITH 'THE BROLLY'!" *** "WE TOLD YOO SO LAST JOON!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 11th March 2016


"YOUR 'NICKED' FOR IMPERSONATING A FOOTBALL MANAGER!"

 
Well it's finally happened!----The 'famous' 'Wally with the Brolly' haz been given hiz P45 by NUFC after 9 disastrous months in charge, where he oversaw just 7 victories in hiz 31 leegue and cup games!

He waz appointed on Joon 10th last summer and 'The Geordie Times' headline the next day read: "Good Golly Miss Molly!---It's The Wally With The Brolly!" and we went on to say that we thought it waz a bad appointment! (see below for wor report on Joon 11th)

We hate to be proved right--but it waz never gannin to work considerin' hiz previous failures with Derby Coonty, etc!

"Rafa The Gaffa!" haz been lined up to replace him and with TWELVE major trophys on hiz CV, this iz an impendin' appointment that we hope and pray comes to fruition later today????
(but this IZ NUFC and we will take nothin' for granted!)

"We told yoo so!" report below!

"GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY!--IT'S THE WALLY WITH THE BROLLY!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 11th Joon 2015

"YOO CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS---
BUT YOO CAN'T PICK YOUR FAMILY!"
 
Unless yiv been livin on the planet Zog for the last few months, it comes az ne suprize that 'The Wally With The Brolly' haz been appointed az heed coach at NUFC on a 3 year contract!

To be honest we feel totally underwhelmed by hiz appointment and think that the trophies we are taalkin' aboot winnin' must be The FA Resorve Leegue Cup or The Northumberland Senior Cup!

However!--- the very fact that he iz with us for 3 years at least meenz that WE MUST BACK HIM and hope that we have made a missteak in questionin' the clubs decision to give him the job!
(Az the old sayin' gans--"Yoo can pick your friends-but yoo can't pick your family!")

On the bright side--he can hardly de any worse than John 'the best coach' Carver did last season ---can he!? (the forst 'demand' by the club to him iz a 'top 8' finish next season!) <(we shall see!)

Major signings MUST be made before the new season starts and we await (yet again!) with baited breath to see the 'quality' players he/the board will 'attempt' to bring to St James'!

The clock's 'a tickin'---very fast!

HMS NEWCASTLE

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 9th March 2016

There iz still 'deathly silence' from within the corridors of NUFC, some fower days since wor disastrous 3-1 home defeat to the hands of those futbaall 'giants', AFC Bournemoooth!

"MEEENWHILE!"


"DO THEY REEELY 'FINK' WE ARE AZ THICK AZ PLANKS!?"

Posted '1:00pm bells' Munday 7th March 2016

Az a season ticket holder I get a 'weekly newsletter' from NUFC

In this weeks newsletter there iz NE mention whatsoever of wor current predicament, BUT! there IZ a quiz to win VIP tickets for wor forthcomin' home game with The SMBs!

"UNBELEEEVIBLE!"

THE TOON 1 BOURNEMOOOTH 3 ! *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016 *** SLEEPWAALKIN' TO THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF!

Updated '10:36am bells' Sunday 6th March 2016

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!!!

"FROM THE WALLY WITH THE BROLLY"---
"TO THE GOON FROM THE TOON!"


NUFC 1  Bournemoooth 3---March 2016!



 

"ING-ER-LAND" 2  Croatia 3---November 2007!

Make ne missteak, NUFC are sleepwaalkin' to the edge of
the cliff and it wont be too lang til we fall into The
Championship below, on this evidence!

 

The 'warm weather' trainin break obviously paid dividends
az we have taken precisely NE points from the 2 games
since we came back from Spain!

 

Buoyant Bournemoooth came for the 3 points and got
them 'ne bothaa' az The Toon simply couldn't deal
with their forward play and wor inabilitly to deal with it
cost us the game!

  The Toon attack @ The Gallowgate End (1st half)

 

'The Goon from The Toon' (McClaren's new name!)
got it completleee wrang again when he picked
Riviere to partner
Perez up front az Riviere haz anly scored ONE goal in
the last 2 seasons!

Hiz substitution at half time said it aall---and by this point
we were 1-0 doon through an own goal from Steve
Taylor who sliced the baall into hiz own net @
The Leazes End!

  Lookin' toward The East Stand

 

When it got to 2-0, aall 'The Goon' could de waz to 'hide'
like 'a frightened rabbit' on the bench and take a swig from
hiz bottle of waataa az the crowd finally torned on him,
chantin' "Steve McClaren--your takin' us doon!"

   WATER TORTURE!

Perez pulled one back 10 mins from time when Shelvey gave
him a great through baall and he finished nicely to give us
a glimmer of hope!

This soon evaporated (like McClaren's waataa!) when the
visitors sealed a much desorved 3-1 victory in the final
minute of the game az the crowd vanished from the stands!

 

   2nd half action @ The Leazes End

 

Even 'The Goon from The Toon' admitted later (for the
forst time!) that we WILL be relegated if we play like
that!----the words of a doomed man very close to the cliff edge!

 

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Taylor, Lascelles,
Dummett (Anita 31), Shelvey, Colback, Sissoko
(Aarons 59), Perez, Wijnaldum, Riviere (Mitrovic 46)

 

Attendance: 52,107 (amazingleee, the highest of the
season to watch this shambles!)  (3,100 happy
Bournemoooth fans) *


Finally! lets remind worsels wot Steve Taylor said when
we came back from wor 'warm weather' trainin'!

 



 





THE TOON v BOURNEMOOOTH *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 4th March 2016

Bournemoooth away orlier this season----
Happier days!---The Toon (in white) actually win an away game!---just!
 

With just 11 games to gan to save wor season, we take on Bournemoooth @ SJP in yet anothaa must win game!---anly this time we MUST! win it or trips to MK Dons and BURTON next season look to be on the cards! (Burton are top of Leegue 1)

An easy game?---you'd better NOT believe it, az wor visitors have lost just ONE oot of their last TEN competitive away games!---while we have won just FOWER at home in the leegue so far this sorry sorry season!

Bournemoooth will have a great followin' and have sold aall of their 3,100 allocation for the Leazes top tier!

They are actually now EIGHT points clear of NUFC after their 2-0 derby win against Sooothampton orlier this week!

With Swanzee (unexpectadly!) winnin' away to 'The Arse' az well in midweek we are now SIX points adrift of 5th bottom place alang with The SMBs, Norwich and of course Villa (who looked doomed for certain!)

Like we say---a win iz a 'must'---a draw iz 'ne good' and a defeat iz 'a disaster'!

A full match report will appear here sometime on Sunday

THE P*SS POTTS OF STOKE 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 3rd March 2016

THE TOON ATTACK THE AWAY END 1st half  (dark strip---for a 'dark' performance!)

"X' CERTIFICATE!"

After an 18 day sunshine break in southern Spain yoo would have thought that NUFC would retorn refreshed and 'rarin to go' in wor bid to avoid the dreaded drop!----And wot did we get????---yet anothaa inept shockin' display beneath the floodlights, rain, sleet and howlin' wind!

With less than 2,000 Toon fans shiverin' to death in the visitors enclosure to witness this latest debacle, it waz a sorry sight az the team trundled dejectedly off the pitch at the end to 'howls of derision' from those still left in the away end!

It waz obvious from the start that 'The Brollyless Wally' had set hiz stall oot to try and get a goal-less draw and a point---and the fact that not one solitary corner came wor way in the forst period and just a couple of 'powder puff' efforts from wor lack lustre strikers? said it aall az we faced a Stoke side that were awful az well!

2nd half 'action'?

The killer blow in this dreadful game came 10 mins from time when Jack Colback failed to clear from the edge of the box and the baall fell nicely to Xherdan Shaqiri---
and 'Mr X' gleefully hammered the baall past Rob Elliot in 'The Toon' goal, az he stood 'rooted to the spot'----az the rest of wor defence looked on!

A late effort from sub Doumbia waz brilliantly saved by Butland in the home goal---but the game waz up by this time!

That's SEVEN defeats in a row away from home now---and with just SEVEN goals scored on the road we are heedin' for wor lowest away goals tally---EVER!

With just 11 games to gan, it looks now like a straight fight between NUFC, The SMBs and Norwich, just az to who will join Villa in the 2nd flight next season, az aall 3 of the above mentioned are stuck on 24 points!

Unbeleeevibly McClaren claimed after the match that we were "unlucky" az Butland had "saved them!" and that "we didn't deserve that!"---Az they would say in a Xmas pantomime 
"OH YES WE DID!" 

'The Wally' obviously watched a different 'pantomime' to us!???

He then uttered theeze 'inspirational' words! "Dust yourself down and go again on Saturday!"

We reely divvint naa wot to say any more!
---we are f*****' speechless!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Lascelles, Taylor, Dummett, Colback (Perez 84), Shelvey, Sissoko, Wijnaldum, Gouffran (Riviere 74), Mitrovic (Dombia 84)

Attendance: 27,331 (less than 2,000 diehards this time!) *

THE HARVESTER

The pre match 'gargels' took place here!---the anly boozer anywhere near the groond which waz 'rammed' <(yoo have to 'pre-book' to get in!---honest!) <(Sarnie Steve booked a table for us!)

THE P*SS POTTS OF STOKE v THE TOON **** TOONEET!

Posted '11:50am bells' Wednesday 2nd March 2016

ACTION FROM LAST SEASON @ STOKE---WE LOST 1-0!
(TOON IN DARK STRIP)

Havin' not played for 18 days due to failures on the field and had a 'sunshine break' in between az a 'reward for that'?, we heed for 'The Potteries' toneet for yet anothaa vital game.
Results ower the last few days of othaa relegation haunted clubs have been fairly kind to us, but we still find worsels now in 2nd bottom place on goal difference.

Snow iz forecast on this chilly night aheed and so lets hope that 'trip to the sun' and 'waam weather' friendly win against those giants of Europe, Lillestrom! have instilled some confidence in us!

We have lost on wor last 3 visits here and havin' taken just 7 points away this season and scored just 7 goals on wor travels az well---the odds divvint look good in wor favour---do they?

We leave at '2 bells', hopefully not to battle through snowdrifts to get there and hopefully for a good result against Stoke----we shall soon find oot!

Match report will appear here tomorrow sometime!