ANOTHAA FORST TEAM BLANKETY BLANK WEEKEND! *** BUT!

Updated '12:30pm bells' Thorsday 23nd January 2014

Yet anothaa blank weekend iz comin' up, inflicted and caused entirely by worsels!
The FA Cup iz to blame, az we are of course ne langer in it! (thanx to wor exit to Cardiff!) and we divvint play again til next Tuesday, when we face the lang jorney to East Anglia to play 'Delia's Custard Crumbles' @ Carrow Road in a Premyaa Leegue encoontaa.
And the players 'reward' for gettin' knocked oot of the cup by an inferior team???---a weeks sunshine break to Dubai (with their golf clubs ne doubt?) while we, the fans, shiver on Tyneside!

In the meantime, while they try to get their golf handicaps doon,  we are 'toyin' with the idea of gannin' to Manchester on Saturday instead, to watch wor Under 18s in action against Man U U18s @ their trainin' groond in Carrington!

We divvint normally gan to watch the kids away, but with a blank weekend to fill, it's a chance to chalk anotha Premyaa Leegue trainin' groond, off the smaall list that we have been te and which we can coont on one hand! <(ie: Of the current Premyaa Leegue trainin' groonds, we have been to, we include: NUFC, SMB, Sporz, West Brom and Stoke!)

We will let yoo know on Friday if we are definatly gannin', but theeze games can be cancelled or changed at very short notice with different kick off times and venues!  <(ie: we divvint want anothaa wasted jorney like we did to Bishop's Stortford! (see ground 307 (NOT!)   (see right hand tool-bar)>>>>

THE TOON U18s 4 THE SMB U18s 0 *** FA YOUTH CUP 4th ROOND

Posted '10:45am bells' Tuesday 21st January 2014

"COME ALL WITHOUT! *** COME ALL WITHIN!"

A hat-trick by Jonathyn Quinn ensured that The Toon progressed to the 5th roond stage of the FA Youth Cup last neet @ St James' Park against a p*ss poor mackem outfit!

We dominated from the start and pounded the SMB goal, but the inevertible  breakthrough didn't come til near half time when Rolando Aarons crossed and number 9 Quinn fired home @ The Leazes End of the groond!


THE TOON PLAYERS CELEBRATE AFTER 'THE MIGHTY QUINN'S' OPENER!

The lead waz doubled 10 mins after the re-start when Adam Armstrong's cross waz fumbled by mackem keeper (wait for it!) Maksymilian Stryjek! and Quinn waz at hand once again to slot home from five yards oot!

'The Mighty Quinn' completed hiz hat-trick in the 72nd minute when Jamie Sterry passed in field to wor 'number 9', who drove the baall past mackem keeper 'mak' @ The Gallowgate End to put the game beyond the 'weardosiders'!

"CHEESE-IO!---CHEESE-IO!---CHEESE-IO!"

The rout waz completed by Adam Armstrong 7 minutes from time after a mis-hit back pass foond him, and he had the easy chance of scorin' wor 4th goal and teach the SMBs 'a futbaall lesson' they won't forget in a lang time!


'BLONDIE ALAN THE MORRIS DANCER' GIVES A 'V' FOR VICTORY SALUTE!

By the time the 4th goal had went in 90% of the 200 or so mackems who were huddled in the 'North East Corner' had departed to mockin' chants from the 3,000 plus Toon fans of: "CHEESE-IO!---CHEESE-IO!---CHEESE-IO!" (az opposed to 'cheerio'!) in reference to the many 'Cheesey Chip shops' in the 'Hendon', 'Pennywell' and 'Witherwack' areas of mackemland! <(Yes! there iz such a place az 'Witherwack'!)

Attendance 3,501 (200 SMBs)

THE TOON U18s v THE SMB U18s *** FA YOUTH CUP @ ST JAMES' PARK *** TOOONEET!

Posted '1:17pm bells' Monday 20th January 2014

THE TOON U18s v DARLO U18s FA YOUTH CUP 2012
THE TOON WON *** VIEW FROM 'THE EAST STAND'

We are not even into the last week of January but we are set to play The SMBs for the THORD time this year aalready, when we take on their U18s in The FA Youth Cup 4th roond in a '7 bells' kick off @ St James'!

We have aalready won the previous 2 derbies @ The Academy of Sshh! (Yee Naa Wot!?) with wor U18s winnin' 1-0 and wor U16s winnin' 2-1 on Saturday 11th January

Az usual in theeze games anly The East Stand will be open for payin' spectators!
It's £3 for big kids and £1 for sprogs and zimmerframeites (Season tickets NOT valid for this game! <(Yi'll have to pay!)

'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be meetin' in 'The Newcastle Arms' az we normally do, for a few 'gargels' pre and post match, if anyone cares to join us!?
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<


Match report and pix to follow tomorrow---sometime!

THE JELLIED EELS MOB 1 THE TOON 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-14

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 19th January 2014

THE 3rd GOAL! *** YOHAN CABAYE FIRES IN 
A FREE KICK FROM THE EDGE OF THE BOX!
(SORRY ABOOT THE BLURRED PICTURE!)
TOOO MUCH DRINK AGAIN, I'M AFRAID!

"NUMBER 5 *** WHO ARE YOO???!"

The day started off at 'The Central' where we caught the '7:22am bells' train doon to 'The Smoke', arrivin' in East Ham just after openin' time!
'The Overdraft Tavern' iz wor 'local' when we are doon here and the boozer iz just alang the road from East Ham tube station and aboot a 20 minute waalk from the groond!

After a (canny few!) liquid refreshments it waz time to heed for the tornstiles where there were massive queues for the Toon end!
A little bit of 'queue jumpin' later and we were in wor seats near the corner flag at the back of the stand!

We started off well and before lang we were in the lead when a pass from 'Goofy' Gouffran foond Yohan Cabaye who skipped around the West Ham defence to slot home @ 'The Bobby Moore End'! <(the far 'end' from us)

And then a bit of confusion az to who had actually scored wor 2nd a few minutes later, when wor 'number 5?' fired into the net??? (we DON'T have a number 5 on wor books???)
It transpired that it waz in fact Loic Remy who scored wor 2nd! Unbeknown to us, he'd had to swop hiz number 14 shirt coz there waz blood on it and he waz given a number 5 shirt for the rest of the half! (This goal brought a response from the home fans in 'The Chicken Run', who sang, "We hate Fat Sam more than you!") 

We were coastin' it at this point and then bang on half time we conceded a soft goal which trickled into wor net in front of the 3,000 Toon fans present, behind the goal!

LOOKIN' TOWARDS 'THE FAT SAM APPRECIATION SOCIETY'
IN 'THE CHICKEN RUN'!
(VIEW FROM ROW 'AA' IN THE 'CLEVER TREVOR' BROOKING STAND!)
 

"ANDY CARROLL HE LOVES THE TOON!"

'Big Fat Sam's Jellied Eels' Mob then came oot in the 2nd half with aall guns blazin' and missed a glorious chance orly on to grab the equaliser through Cole in front of the goal!
Andy Carroll then 'striped off' to make hiz 1st home appearance of the season to wild applause from their fans!
He then missed a glorious chance az well, when he 'skied' the baall into row 'ZZ' when it waz much easier to score!
This brung a response from the Toon fans who sang, "Andy Carroll he  loves The Toon!"

Then at 'the death' Carroll fouled Ben Arfa on the edge of the box and Yohan Cabaye took the free kick which rebounded in off the keeper and post, to seal the victory, az the Toon faithful 'went mental'! <(Andy reeely DOES love The Toon!)

After the match we went back to 'The Overdraft' for some 'celebratory sustenance', before heedin' for 'The Ship Tavern' in 'Holborn', before boardin' the last train back to Tyneside @ '9 bells' from 'King's Cross'! 

Toon team: Krul, Santon (Dummett 74), Williamson, Steve Taylor, Yanga, Tiote, Anita (Shola Ameobi 60), Cabaye, Sissoko, Remy (Ben Arfa 78), Gouffran

Attendance: 33,343 (3,000 happy Toon fans!)

'Geordie Times' 'factfile': Loic Remy's goal waz the 22,222nd goal scored on matchday 22 in the Premyaa Leegue's 22 year history!

THE KRAY TWINS! *** JELLIED EELS! *** AND AALL THAT!

Posted '9:01pm bells' Friday 17th January 2014

It iz fast approachin' 45 years since aa forst set foot in "Landan's Eest End" to watch The Toon!
The game waz played at the same time az The notorious Kray Twins gangsters trial waz takin' place at The Old Bailey and we lost 3-1 that day, with Wyn Davies gettin' wor goal!
Below iz a match report from that game aall them years ago, when 'jellied eels' were a speciality 'dish' roond them parts! < (Quick!---pass mee zimmerframe!)

Below that iz a preview of tomorrows game against WHU

BIG FAT SAM'S JELLIED EELS MOB v THE TOON **** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Updated '1:01pm bells' Friday 17th Jamuary 2014

THE BOLEYN GROOND LAST SEASON *** 0-0 !

Tomorrow mornin' we're off on the '125' to 'The Smoke' once again, this time to the "eest end of Landan" where we take on 'Fat Sam's Jellied Eels' @ The Boleyn Groond in Upton Park!

The home side are on a bad run at the moment (apart from their win at Cardiff last week---like!) and this iz the perfect opportunity for us to take aall three points, although WE are not exactly on a good run eetha, havin' lost wor last FOWER games!

We have sold wor entire allocation of 3,000 tickets, so lets hope we are 'up for it' @ Upton Park come '3 bells'!?

Ne team news for us yet, but former Toon striker Andy Pandy Carroll shud feature after retornin' from a lang injury last week, although he haz never scored against us (yet!)
Anotha former 'Mag' Kevin Nolan iz suspended and won't play!

For those of yoo who like a drink, the trains doon are 'liquid lubrication' friendly, BUT aall the one's back from 6:30 onwards ARE NOT! <(we are on the '9 bells' train back, so at least we have a bit time 'shovel' a few pints/gallons! doon wor necks before travellin' back! "Hic!"

"WHEY AYE!--DUBAI!"
After the match the Toon players are bein' 'rewarded'? for gettin' knocked oot of the FA Cup by Cardiff ,when they will 'jet off' to Dubai for some 'warm weather' trainin' on the date(s) of the fourth roond ties next week, az we of course divvint have a game because of this!!!! <("divvint forget the golf clubs, lads!")

Az per usual a 'Geordie Times' match report will be forthcomin' sometime on Sunday! 

CANARY CUSTARDS GAME UNCHANGED! *** "HORRAY!"

Posted '1:00pm bells' Wednesday 15th January 2014


LAST SEASON'S GAME AT CARROW ROAD *** 0-0 !

AT LAST!---some good news to report in January after the disastrous defeats against West Brom and Cardiff, plus the 'no goal' against Man City! (NOT! forgettin' wor wasted 525.2 mile roond trip to Bishop's Stortford on Monday!) (see below!)

Because *'The Canary Custard Crumbles of Norwich' lost 3-0 to *'The Jacksonless Jivers of Fulham' <(explanations below!) in their FA Cup replay last neet, it meens that wor game in Norwich gans aheed az planned on Tuesday January 28th!
It would have been changed to the Wednesday had Norwich progressed, az their game against Sheff Utd in the next roond of the cup waz due to be played on the Sunday before, for live telly!

Wor £10 each way train tickets which we porchaced a while back can now be used and NOT binned! (To re-book would have cost us a fortune at short notice!)
Like aa say!---AT LAST! some good news!

*We used to caall them 'The Jackson Jivers' because of the Michael Jackson statue which stood ootside Fulham's groond. But the statue of him haz now been removed from Craven Cottage!---SO! 'The JacksonLESS Jivers' it iz!

*Norwich's celebrity chef owner Delia Smith's speciality iz 'Rhubarb and Custard Crumbles' (ie: The green and yellow of Norwich!)

GROUND NUMBER 307 (NOT!) WOODSIDE PARK, BISHOP'S STORTFORD

Updated '12:15pm bells' Thorsday 16th January 2014


"SPOT THE RAIN DROPS!"


ground number 307 (NOT!)
Date of first visit (to clubhoose!): 13th January 2014
Woodside Park, Bishop's Stortford

Tottenham Hotspur U21s P
Newcastle United U21s P

FA Premier Reserve League
Attendance: 14 in the clubhoose---8 NUFC saddos!

"525.2 MILES TO HAVE A PINT IN 'THE NAGS HEAD'!"

The trip to deepest Hertfordshire to watch the resorves play Sporz resorves started off @ 'high noon bells' + 30' (That's! 12:30 to yoo ignoramassesss!) when 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' torned up at wor hoose and then it waz onward to 'The Newcastle Arms' near St James' to pick up 'Glennn from Ashington' and 'Biffa the Beer'!

Fower and a qwaata hours later (and 250 miles plus) we arrived at the groond to find it shut, with the car park deserted, but the floodlights were on!--- "Game on!"

Az the clubhoose wasn't open yet we decided to heed into the toon and find a boozer to quensh wor thirsts and 'The Nags Head' waz the forst one we came across two minutes away!

"525.2 MILES FOR A PINT OF SHANDY!!!"

Fower quick pints between us later (shandy for me az aa waz the driver!), we decided to heed back to the groond which waz situated at the end of an industrial estate and in the flight path of Stansted Airport some three miles distant!

"Heartbreak in Hertfordshire!"

By this time torrential rain waz pourin' doon and az we parked up 'Biffa' got a 'dreaded text' off  'Dave from York' who waz in the now open clubhouse, that the match had been POSTPONED because of a waterlogged pitch!---"Game off!" --we couldn't f***** believe it!---aall that way for NOWT!

"WE WAZ THERE!"  ("NOT!")

'The Caped Crusader' then torned up like a 'half drooned rat' soaked to the skin and we gave him the (not unexpected!) bad news!

A quick look at the pitch which waz covered in puddles conformed that the match couldn't take place az both sets of players stood around wonderin' wot to de next in a corridor leadin' to the pitch.
We entered the clubhoose to find 'Dave' with hiz sidekick 'Alex of St George' droonin' their sorrows (in more ways than one!)

They had used their FREE rail passes, travellin' through ELEVEN counties on various 'branch lines' to get there in their quest to try and travel on EVERY rail line in the country! 
We divvint want to bore yoo to death, but we just naa that yoo are 'dyin'? to naa which counties they went through!---arnt yoo??? They were (deep breath!)---Durham, North Yorks, Humberside (now East Yorks), Sooth Yorks, Notts, Lincolnshire, Leicestershire, Cambridgeshire ,Bedfordshire ,Hertfordshire, and Middlesex! <(It DOESN'T get much sadder than this, I'm afraid!)

But it nearly DID!---az 'Glennn from Ashington' pondered for a while whether to stay and watch the match at Sporz trainin' groond the next day, az waz then rumoured, az he hasn't missed a resorve game home or away so far this season! <(sheer stupidity if yoo ask us!)
However! this waz just a rumour az The Toon were reluctant to stay doon there anothaa day!
He decided NOT to 'risk it' and come back with us, az he had ne where to stay or plans for comin' back! (the train would have cost him an arm and a leg!)

Anothaa Toon fan caalled 'St Albans Steve' (coz he lives there!) waz devastated the match had been postponed az this would have been hiz 100th groond watchin' The Toon!

It waz then the lang drive back to Tyneside after wor fruitless jorney (a 525.2 miles roond trip!) and just five miles from the groond the rain (predicably!) stopped!
We eventually got back at 'midneet bells' (after nearly smashin' the suspension on a speed hump at Wetherby Sorvices!) wonderin' if we'd ever get the chance to gan there again!???

PS: The game WAZ played at Sporz trainin' ground  at 'high noon bells' the day after <(a groond we visited last season!)
 'Alex of St George' and 'Dave from York' who had stopped doon the London area for a bit of extra 'train-line spottin' were there and telt us that it waz 1-0 to Sporz after 16 SECONDS!
Score after 30 minutes: we were FOWER (4) -NIL DOON!
Half time score waz: 4-1 (ne news of wor scorer?)
Full time: there were ne more goals so Sporz won 4-1!
We eventually foond oot that The Toon's scorer waz Michael Richardson in the 37th minute!
(PS:'The Train-line Saddos' <(their new name!) aalso managed to 'squeeze in' 'Essex' az well, the next day!?)

Footnote: Because the game waz actually played, it meens that wor chances of ever seein' The Toon play @ Bishop's Stortford are very slim az Sporz will be in a different division to us next season, az the resorve leegue splits into two divisions (Sporz will be in the top division and we will be in the lower, due to wor leegue positions!)  

THE TOON 0 THE BLUE MOONIES 2 ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-14

Posted '9:00am bells' Monday 13th January 2014


THE TOON ATTACK 'THE GALLOWGATE END DURIN' THE 2nd HALF

"NO JUSTICE @ ST JAMES'Z! "YOU F*****G  OLD C**T!"

Wot can we say aboot the disallowed Cheik Tiote goal that hazzent aalready been said???

Yi'v aall probably seen the incident a thoosand times---but!--- how can yi chalk off a goal of this quality coz a player NOT interferin' with play, iz in an offside position???

After Tiote's wonder strike he ran to the Toon dugout where he waz hugged in delight az Joe Hart in 'The Blue Moonies' goal protested to the referee that Yohan Gouffran waz interferin' with play!
The linesman on the far side had KEPT HIZ FLAG DOON (ne offside!) but the ref went to him some 30 seconds later and told him to RAISE HIZ YELLOW FLAG and rule the goal OFFSIDE! (which he DID!) The worst decision a'v ever seen---EVER!

The crowd and wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' went mad aboot the injustice of it aall, but it waz to ne avail az the teams went in at the break to a crescendo of boos a'v never heard before!
Pardew apparently caalled  Pellegrini "A F*****G  OLD C**T!" (Pardew iz 52--Pellegrini iz 60!) az both camps argued az they went doon the tunnel!

'The Blue Moonies' had taken the lead after just 7 minutes through Dzeko who simply stode through wor defence to fire home @ 'The Gallowgate End' and thoughts of a 'cricket score' entered mee heed at this stage!

However!---we re-grouped and and az the game ebbed 'to and fro' we got the vital breakthrough (or so we thought!?) not lang before the interval with Tiote's strike! (TV later picked up a conversation between the ref and linesman in which 'the liner' said the baall had struck Gouffran before enterin' the net!--it obviously DIDN'T but the goal waz chalked off by the man in black!)

The 2nd half waz played oot to a chorus of boos directed at the linesmen, ref AND Joe Hart and we came close on several occasions to gettin' the equaliser!

And then deep into stoppage time 'The Blue Moonies' made the game safe when Negredo broke through and hiz shot waz saved by Tim Krul but rebounded straight back to him for a simple tap, with the goal empty!----Justice had NOT been done!

Toon team: Krul, Yanga (Haidara 82), Santon, Tiote, Williamson, Steve Taylor, Sissoko, Anita (Cisse 73), Cabaye, Goufrffran (Ben Arfa 82), Remy

Attendance: 49, 423 (less than we expected!) (2,500 'Blue Moonies' who hadn't taken up their full allocation of 3,000 tickets!?)

PS: We are off on anothaa groundhoppin' mission in a few hours time to Bishop's Stortford in deepest Hertfordshire, where The Toon U21 resorves are playin' Sporz U21s
Match report on that game to follow sometime tomorrow!

THE TOON v THE BLUE MOONIES *** TODAY!

Posted '9:38am bells' Sunday 12th January 2014

ACTION FROM WOR LEEGUE CUP TIE AGAINST
'THE BLUE MOONIES' ORLIER THIS SEASON!
(WE LOST THIS ONE 2-0!) (VIEW FROM 'THE LEAZES END')

This afternoon @ St James' we have an 'eeezy'? fixture against 'The Blue Moonies of Mancland' in a '2:05 bells' kick off, for live telly!

Wor visitors have won the last NINE games against us and (az mentioned orlier this week) they are gannin' for an unprecedented 'TEN in a row'! which shows the gulf in class between the two clubs, who are both owned by the mega rich! (one spends the money and one keeps it!) <(guess which one 'keeps it'!?)

We can anly hope that they have an 'off day' after their six-nil demolition of 'Fat Sam's Jellied Eels' last Wednesday and hope (and pray!) that we divvint put in yet anothaa 'Mr Hyde' performance az we did against Cardiff last week and West Brom on New Years Day!

Both 'Fab' Coloccini and Davide Santon are likely to miss the game due to injury and 'Mat' Debuchy of course iz still suspended, after hiz daft sendin' off at West Brom!

The weathaa on Tyneside today iz very frosty az aa look oot across 'the sacred Tyne river', but can we give 'The Mancs' a 'frosty reception' az well?, in front of an expected capacity crowd!
Put your hand up pleeeze 'Dr Jykell'!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will be forthcomin' tomorrow mornin' and then we're off on the road @ dinnaatime to sample the delights of Bishop's Stortford in Hertfordshire to watch the Toon's U21 resorve side play Sporz U21s in yet anothaa mad-sad groundhoppin' 'mission' tomorrow neet! <(wethaa permittin'!?)

Match report on that game sometime on Tuesday!