THE HEEDBANGERS v THE OXTAIL SOOPS ***TOONEET! ***FA CUP 1st ROOND REPLAY! ***"THE £90,000 GAME!"

Updated '1:40pm bells' Wednesday 20th November 2013

One of the biggest games in Conference side Gatesheed's recent history teks place toooneet @ Gatesheed International Stadium, when they play Oxford United of Leegue Two in an FA Cup replay which haz been dubbed "The £90,000 game!"

This iz because the winners will progress to the next roond where they will face Wrexham away in anothaa live telly game worth £90,000 in TV money etc! <(a considerable amoont for a 'cash strapped' club like Gatesheed!)
The forst game @ Oxford a week gone Saturday ended 2-2 after 'The Heed' threw away a 2 goal lead in the dyin' minutes!

If yoo buy an advance ticket for this game, then it will anly cost yoo A FIVER! ***However!-***if yoo decide to 'pay on the night' then this gans up to FOURTEEN QUID!***so yoo are well advised to get to the stadium ticket office yesterday if yoo plan on gannin' and save yourself NINE QUID! (openin' times are from '9am til 6:30pm bells'!)
(Zimmerframeite prices on the neet are NINE QUID while sprogs will anly have to pay TWO QUID to get in!)

'The Oxtails' are sure to bring a 'souper' followin' <(sic!) and a crowd of 2,500 iz wor guess?*** the game iz on live BT telly, with a '7:45 bells' kick off!

Unfortunately, az a'm workin' neetshift toneet, aa won't be able to gan, but aa will be listenin' intentleee on mee Truck radio az aa travel doon to Halesowen, sooth west of Bormingham, yet again! <(for the 87th time since Joon!) <(NO!---a'm not that sad---a'v got to keep coont az aa get paid by each trip!)   

OFFICIAL!*** 'BEARDO' TO OPEN NEW GROOND!

Posted '9:10am bells' Monday 18th November 2013


'The Geordie Times' can excluuusiveleee reveal that former Toon hero and current resorve team coach, Peter Beardsley, will open Consett's new groond this comin' Friday neet when a Toon X1 will provide the opposition!

'Beardo', who iz in hiz 50s now, iz set to play <(for at least some of the game!) and The Toon have promised to send their strongest possible team, bearin' in mind that we play 'The Canary Custards of Norwich' @ St James' Park the next day in a Premyaa Leegue encoontaa!

The new groond which haz one of them synthetic pitches iz to be called 'Belle Vue Stadium', which of course teks it's name from the old one which waz caalled simply 'Belle Vue'!

The anly doonside to aall this iz that snow iz expected later on this week az temperatures are set to plummet and Consett of course iz high up in the 'moontains' of Coonty Durham next to 'The Pennine chain', which doesn't help!

More to follow on aall this az the week progresses!

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 2 THE THIEVES of CROOK 1 ***FA VASE 2nd ROOND

Posted '10:55am bells' Sunday 17th November 2013

'THE CROOKS' GOALIE LIES IN THE GOALMOOTH IN DISPAIR
@ 'THE DUNSTON TEA-HUT END'
AZ 'THE BAD BLUE BOYS' TAKE A TWO GOAL LEAD!

2012 FA Vase winners 'Dunston Bad Blue Boys' progressed to the next roond of the competition yesterday when they beat 'The Thieves of Crook' 2-1 @ Federation Park, Dunston in front of an estimated 250 crowd! <(estimated by ME!)

The home side took the lead orly on @ 'The Dunston Rocketless End' <(The 'Rocket' tower block waz demolished last year!) when fine work from Danny Craggs and lee McAndrew foond Dale Burrell and hiz shot went in via the post!

The lead waz doubled orly in the 2nd period when a Stephen Goddard pass foond Nicky Kane and he wellied the baall into the Crook Toon net from the edge of the box @ 'The Dunston Teahut End', az their goalie laid despairingly on the pitch for aroond 30 seconds after the goal! (see above pic!)

The visitors pulled one back through a penalty at the mid-point of the half and it waz a nervy last qwaata of the game for 'The Bad Blue Boys' az  'The Crooks' tried to 'pinch' an equaliser!

ACTION AT 'THE DUNSTON ROCKETLESS END'

But it waz to ne avail and Dunston now progress to the next roond alang with 'The Whitley Bay Watchers' who won 3-0 against Runcorn Toon, 'The Pit Yaakkers of Ashington' who were 3-1 winners against Worksop and Morpeth Toon and Newcastle Benfield who both hit SIX in their respective games to reach roond 3, with the ultimate prize a trip to Wembley for the final next May!

After the match it off to the packed clubhoose to celebrate with the team with a few 'broon ales'! <(Imagine dein' that with the NUFC 1st team?)

"ER!"---"SORRY ABOOT THE CRUMPLED TEAMSHEET!
BUT IT'S BEEN IN MEE BACK POCKET SINCE YESTERDAY!"

THE BAD BLUE BOYS v THE THIEVES of CROOK ***FA VASE 2nd ROOND ***TODAY!

Posted '12:35pm bells' Saturday 16th November 2013

Az mentioned orlier this week, a'v decided to 'take in' Dunston's game against Crook Toon in the FA Vase @ Federation Park, Dunston, (kick off '3 bells') az of course 'The Toon' have yet anothaa blank weekend due to yet anothaa International break! <(Just wot good that done England last neet, who lost 2-0 to Chile @ Wembley, iz anybody's guess?)

Of course 'Wembley' iz the ultimate prize for the FA Vase finalists and it shud be a crackin' game in blustery conditions! <(ie: it's dead windy ootside  az aa speak az the waves in the Tyne testify! 

Anyway!--a'm takin' mee trusty camera alang to get a few fotos of the action on the pitch (and in the clubhouse!) and will post a match report later today or tomorrow for anybody who iz remotelee interested? <("ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!")

WORLD AND EUROPEAN AVERAGE GATES LEEGUE 2013-2014 (TOP 20)

Updated '1:40pm bells' Wednesday 13th November 2013


ST JAMES' PARK***THE MILBURN STAND

The Toon have dropped 3 places since last season in the world average gates leegue and we now find worsels ootside the top 10 in 13th place, the same az last month!
Wor average since then haz climbed to just above the 50,000 mark!
Europe haz aall the best supported sides in the world!

Borussia Dortmund from Jawmany are still the best supported club side in the world az we write, with an incredible average gate of ower 81,000!

1 Borussia Dortmund***81,430 (Jawmany)
2 Barcelona***80,437 (Spain)
3 The Cockney Reds of Salford***75,135 (London!)
4 Real Madrid***74,752 (Spain)
5 Bayern Munich***71,020 (Jawmany)
6 Real Sociedad***64,993 (Spain)
7 Schalke 04***61,604 (Jawmany)
8 The Arse***60,025 (London)
9 Hertha Berlin***55,569 (Jawmany)
10 Hamborg***53,691 (Jawmany)
11 Borussia Munchin' Gladbachs***52,456 (Jawmany)
12 Ajax***50,432 (Holland)
13 THE TOON***50,185 (Geordieland!)
14 Eintract Frankfurt***49,500 (Jawmany)
15 The Blue Moonies***47,047 (Mancland)
16 Celtic***46,016 (Scotland)
17 Stuttgart***45,694 (Jawmany)
18 Atletico Madrid***44,969 (Spain)
19 The Liverbirds***44,704 (Mickey Mooseland)
20 Hannover 96***44,257 (Jawmany)   

"BLANKETY BLANK!"

Posted '1:19pm bells' Tuesday 12th November 2013

"WHITLEY BAY or DUNSTON?"

With ne NUFC fixtures of any description from the forst team to the juniors for ELEVEN DAYS! we find worsels kickin' wor heels once again until a Toon X1 open Northern League Consett's new groond a week on Friday!

Yet anothaa 'blanket blank' weekend coz of Internationals meenz that we must find wor 'fix' this weekend somewhere else!

The FA Vase looks the best bet with quite a few Tyneside and Northumberland Northern League sides still in it.

Newcastle Benfield play Cheadle Toon from Cheshire, while 'The Pit Yaakkers' of Ashington host Worsop Parramore!

If yoo fancy a trip to the seaside then yoo can aalways watch Morpeth Toon who travel to Cleethorpes Toon <(aallso the home toon of Grimsby Toon of course!)

Whickham are at home to Parkgate, while fower times Vase winners Whitley Bay 'Watchers' play Runcorn Toon @ their Hillheads groond

2012 winners 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston play Crook Toon @ Federation Park and az as this iz the nearest game to me, then aa finx that's where aa'll be heedin' come Saturday @ '3 bells' <(via Dunston's clubhoose of course!)

Yoo could of course take in a Conference game @ Gatesheed Stadium where 'The Heedbangers' host Salisbury City! (with reduced prices for NUFC season ticket holders on production of your season ticket card!) (£9) (£2,U16's) 

Aall games kick off @ '3 bells'---The choice iz entirely yours!

SPORZ 0 THE TOON 1

Posted '1:48pm bells' Monday 11th November 2013

"WE WILL REMEMBER THEM!" >>>>>

THE SUN BLAZES DOON AZ THE TOON 'BLAZE DOON' ON THE SPORZ GOAL!
(The Toon are in 'Brazil yellow'!)

"KRUL' LUCK FOR SPORZ, AZ WE HAD THE PORFECT 'REMY'DY!"

It waz 45 years and 1 day since mee forst visit to 'the smoke' when we drew 0-0 with 'The Arse' @ Highbury in 1968, which iz just fower miles doon the road from White Hart Lane!

And this of course torned oot to be a 'very happy annivorary' az we beat 'The Arse's' arch rivals 'Sporz' 1-0 with a superb goal from Loic Remy in the 13th minute, when he rounded Brad Friedel in the home goal @ 'wor end' of the groond!

The 1st half belonged to us az we pressed for the opener from 'the off' and Remy's goal bore 'the fruits of our labour' az the Toon played in their new 'Brazil' 3rd strip of yellow shirts, blue shorts and white socks!

We could have had more but had to settle for a one goal advantage at the break az Sporz predictably 'came at us' from the start of the 2nd half.
Tim Krul waz wor hero of this half when he made save after breathtakin' save az Sporz laid siege to wor goal, but 'lady luck' waz on wor side this time az they just couldn't get the baall into wor net!

The biased ref and hiz two linesmen gave decision after decision to the home side (or shud that be 'b*stard' referee and linesmen?) but somehow we held oot to claim the 3 away points az the 2,400 Toon fans celebrated wildleee at the final whistle after SIX minutes of extra time waz added by 'the b*stard in the black'!

After the match we heeded to 'McGlynn's bar' near King's Cross for a few 'doon yer neck' 'gargels' before heedin for the train yem!

 Wor train waz predicably 'dry' on the way back, with one 'Transport Dibble' askin' me THREE TIMES if I had any alcohol in mee bag, az he shaked uncontrollably! <(hopin' that aa had, so he  could 'nick me'!)
"Aall av got mate, iz a couple of 'scabby eyes'(pies) and a bottle of 'Fanta' orange!", aa said, az he looked at me 'deflatedly' < (if there's such a word!)

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Yanga, Santon, Sissoko, Cabaye, Tiote, Gouffran (Obertan 84), Remy (Cisse 74), Shola Ameobi (Anita 59)

Attendance: 36,042 (2,400 very happy and relieved Toon fans!)

SPORZ v THE TOON *** 'HIGH NOON BELLS' ***THIS SUNDAY DINNAATIME!

Updated '1:40pm bells' Saturday 9th November 2013

 

 

"READY FOR 'THE OFF'!"

For the fourth weekend in a row we find worsels with a dinnaatime kick of, this time @ White Hart Lane in "norf Landan" at the ungodly Sunday 'Sky' time of 'high noon bells' <(they really couldn't give a sh*t aboot us---could they???)

We find worsels on the five to seven bells' train, which (hopefully!) wont be delayed by floods, famine or 'leaves on the line' and we shud be able to get a few gargels before the game!
But we won't be in Tottenham for a drink az many of the pubs are now eetha boarded up, been torned into 'flower shops' etc or were bornt doon in the riots!
A few 'liquid lubrications' aroond King's Cross looks wor best bet, when we get there!

Aall the trains back are 'dry' of course, thanx to the British Transport Dibbles (just to make wor 'trip experience'  a bit more less enjoyable---yoo understand!)
Which begs the question once again!---Why don't they just ban the troublemakers and leave the rest of us in peace???

The Toon will be playin' in their new 'Mellow Yellow' away (3rd!) strip and 'Fab' Coloccini iz expected to feature az iz Cheik Tiote who haz been carryin' an injury.
Ne sign however of 'Spiderman' Guttierrez who iz still in Argentina due to 'family reasons'?

The Toon have sold their entire allocation of tickets, which numbers some 2,400 we understand!

Match report to follow sometime on Monday!

45 YEARS AGO TODAY! ***GROOND NUMBER 004 !

Updated 'high noon bells' Saturday 9th November 2013

HIGHBURY ***AZ IT LOOKED IN 1968

It iz 45 years ago tooday since aa forst saw The Toon play in London against The Arse @ their old Highbury groond and it waz aalso Remembrance Sunday week az well!
By pure coincidence aa will find meesel back in norf Landan this Remembrance Sunday when we play Sporz @ White Hart Lane.

Back in 1968 Harold Wilson waz Labour Prime minister, and Ted Heath hiz Tory opponent. The Beatles and The Rollin' Stones were in their heyday and it waz anly two bob to get into a futbaall match (10p! kids---20p adults!) and programmes were sixpence (less than 3p!)

Beer waz less than two bob a pint (although aa waz too young to drink back then!) and yoo could buy a packet of fish n chips for 'one and six'! (7p!)

Below iz mee archive match report from that day when aa travelled doon to 'the smoke' for the forst time by the supporters club bus for the princely sum of 25 shillings! <(mee finx!?) (£1:25p!)

"Aa memories!" <("quick!---pass mee zimmer frame!")

MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS ALERT! *** "NEW GROOND!***NEW GROOND!***NEW GROOND!"

Posted '12:43pm bells' Wednesday 6th November 2013

"URGENT NEWSFLASH!"



"IF THIS DOESN'T HAVE YOO
DROOOOLIN' AT THE MOUTH
THEN NOTHIN' WILL!"

Attention aall 'mad-sad groundhoppers', be yoo of the 'NUFC Variety' or the 'Anorak Brigade' who follow non leegue futbaall!
The Geordie Times haz been informed by mad-sad groundhoppers 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' and 'Biffa the Bear', that a Toon X1 will officially open Consett's new groond on Friday 22nd November @ 7:45pm bells'!
 

Admission will be £6 for big kids***£3 for zimmerframeites***£1 for sprogs!

The new groond which cost 3 million poond to build iz situated in the Crookhaall area of Consett aboot half a mile sooth of the toon centre!

REMEMBER!---yoo read this forst in The Geordie Times and ne where else!