Monday, 27 May 2013

PRE SEASON FIXTURES*** LATEST NEWS ****"A LITTLE STICK OF BLACKPOOL ROCK?

Posted '2:35pm bells' Monday 27th May 2013


News reaches 'The Geordie Times' aboot a possible forst team pre-season friendly against Blackpool @ Bloomfield Road sometime in late July!
The reason bein' that BOTH clubs will have the 'Wonga' logo on the front of their shirts next season!
This begs the question az to wethaa we will be crossin' 'The Cheviot Hills' and playin' a friendly @ Tynecastle az well, az 'The Jam Tarts' of Hearts aalso sport the 'Wonga' logo?

More pre-season friendly news below!

Sunday, 26 May 2013

PREMIER LEAGUE FINAL AVERAGE GATES TABLE 2012-2013

To view the final average gates table 'click' onto top tool-bar!

THE GEORDIE TIMES 1 v 0 THE SUNDAY TIMES!

Updated 'high noon bells' Sunday 26th May 2013

Aa waz 'trawlin' the internet<(az yi de!) and came across this 'racist article' in wor 'step-sister paper' The Sunday 'Times' which waz published a fortneet ago!


I am sure yoo woood aall like to tell this 'hate preacher' just wot yoo think of him!
He must have choked on hiz Sunday dinner when he hord wor score from QPR, (on the same day he wrote this 'article'!) which meant we couldn't be relegated!
The fact that he aalso thinks that the 'mackems' are 'Geordies', shows hiz true southern ignorance!
'Hate mail' shud be sent to him forthwith! via 'The Sunday Times' Twitter-site!


"HA!-HA!"--"WE'RE STAYIN' UP!"


Saturday, 25 May 2013

2013-2014 PRE SEASON FIXTURE NEWS ***LATEST!*** AFRICAN ADVENTURES?

Posted '9:45pm bells' Saturday 25th May 2013

'Excluuusive' news from wor 'sister paper' The Cape 'Times' from Sooth Africa, claims that we are to play in a pre season tournament there in mid July against Ajax Cape Toon and 'The Toffee Noses' of Everton!

The games <(they aserturn!) will be played between the 19th and 26th of July in the 'Mother City'<(Cape Toon!) and frantic negotiations are takin' place 'az we speak'!, to get aall the necessary paperwork sorted oot before they annoonce any match details!
Nowt can be divulged at this stage before any approval, but they de hope to have everything 'sorted' by the end of this month!

The Geordie 'Times' will of course bring yooo!, wor loyal reeeders, any forthcomin' news of this, 'second hand, first', az per usual! watch ^ this space!   

Friday, 24 May 2013

GEORDIE TIMES QUIZ ANSWERS!?

Posted '10:30am bells' Friday 24th May 2013
WHO'S DELAPIDATED GROOND WAZ THIS?
(AALL WILL BE REVEEELED!)
(SEE BELOW!)

Last week we asked yoo three Toon related questions:

1: Did The Toon score from a corner kick in ANY of wor 54 competitive games this season?
Answer:  "NO WE DIDN'T!"

2: How many yellow or red cards in total did Toon players pick this season?
Answer: 111! (106 yellow cards and 5 red cards!)

3: Name anothaa former English groond, apart from Belle Vue, Consett, where The Toon have played, which went by the same name?
Answer: See the archive ground match report below, for the answer!

106 belle vue doncaster rovers


(GROUND NUMBER 106)

Date of First Visit: 4th AUGUST 1992

BELLE VUE, DONCASTER

 

DONCASTER ROVERS 1 

NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 (Liam O’ Brien)

 

FRIENDLY FIXTURE---

ATTENDANCE 3,951 (1,500 Toon fans)

 

"KEEGAN'S GUILTY CONSCIENCE!"

 





BELIEVE IT OR NOT!----this Tuesday neet pre season friendly was arranged by ‘then’ Toon manager Kevin Keegan, because as a young lad who lived in the nearby Armthorpe district of Doncaster, he used tih craall under the wooden fence at Rovers groond and get in for nowt!.

 

Nuw! wor Kev obviously had a guilty conscience and it must have been playin' on his mind aall those years and when someone at Belle Vue foond oot aboot this, after 'Special 'K' had admitted as much on a telly programme!
The Donny official was on the 'dog 'n' bone' as quick as a flash tih organize and demand a friendly for the hard up Yorkshire club, as 'compensation' for the revenue that they lost aall those years ago!.(so the story gans!)

 

'King Kev' even answered written pleas from cash starved Rovers fans to bring The Toon back to hiz place of birth, az their club had nearly been wound up by the Inland Revenue just a few months orlier!

 

Fourth Division 'Donny' were one of the poorest clubs in England back then (probably because of fans sneakin' in under the fence!) and the state of their groond cortainly reflected this.

For example, the visitors dilapidated and weed strewn terraces ran anly half way behind one goal with the rest of this end bein' covered by a shallow grass bank!. (some of the weeds were a foot high!)

 

The main stand with a dodgy lookin’ roof extention at the front, looked ready to faall doon at any moment and so we kept well away from that side and plonked worsels on the crumblin’ terrace ! (A sorry sight indeed!)

 

But!---it was the Newcastle team (who had narrowly avoid relegation to the ‘old’ THORD DIVISION just three months orlier!) who were ‘a sorry sight’ durin' the match!, and we could anly manage a ‘one's each’ draa against one of the leagues paupers!

 

Keegan opened Rovers new £100,000 floodlights<(where did they get the money from?)
but must have been ruein’ hiz decision to come home az Donny striker Mike Jeffrey missed two great chances in the forst 10 minutes to put the home side aheed!

 

In reply Micky Quinn and Lee Clark had efforts saved and David Kelly aalso went close az both sides went in goal-less at the break.

In the 2nd half Rovers again through Jeffrey had a glorious chance to put ‘The Paupers’ in from but shot waz well saved by defender Kevin Scott who cleared off the line with sub goalie Pavel Srnicek stranded!

 

The deadlock waz finally broken in the 75th minute when The Toon took an undeserved lead through ‘super sub’ Liam O’Brien (who had came on just minutes orlier) and he lashed in a Kevin Sheedy cross  in front of the Toon faithful standin’ in ‘The Giant Weed End’!<(wot else?)

 

 

The Fourth Division minnows were not to be denied though and ‘thorn in wor side’ Mike Jeffrey beat Kilkline on the right and wellied the baall into the net for a well desorved equaliser in the 83rd minute and the game ended aall square!

 

For the record the Toon line-up waz: Wright (Srnicek 45), McDonough, Beresford, Bracewell, Kilcline, Scott (Kristianson 68), Brock (O’ Brien 68), Clark, Kelly, Quinn, Sheedy.

 

VERDICT: It’s just a pity WE could'nt find THAT gap under the fence to ‘escape’ from this dire performance! 

 

©Fink™ (the mad-sad groundhopper!)
 
THE HEEDLINES ON THE BACK PAGE OF
'THE JAWNIL' NEXT DAY, SAID IT AALL!
 

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

"I BEG YOUR PARDEW!" ***"AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETLEEE DIFFERENT!"

Updated '1:00pm bells' Thorsday 23rd May 2013

In yesterday's 'Ronny-Gill' wor manager said that we'd better beware of othaa clubs pinchin' wot star players we have left and that there waz nothin' we could de to stop this!?---with the back page heedline of: 'PARDS IS ON GUARD'

Today he says that next season we can emulate Liverpool and finish az high az seventh!?---with the back page heedline of:
'REDS ARE BLUEPRINT' 
How the hell can we match them if we continue to sell rather than buy star players???
And 'lest we forget'---it iz less than a month since 'The Liverbirds' inflicted wor heaviest home defeat in livin' memory! <(SIX-NIL just in case yoo've forgotten!)

One minute he's says 'one thing' and the next he says something COMPLETLEEE DIFFERENT!
It's like a scene from 'Monty Python's Flying Circus!'

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

2013-2014 PRE SEASON FIXTURE NEWS!

Posted '6:40pm bells' Tuesday 21st May 2013 

Pre-season games 2013-2014
Ok!---the season haz just finished and aalready we are lookin' at the fixures for next season! <(ARE we sadists or wot!?)
Wot we de naa for certain iz that wor Under 17s will be playin' once again in 'The Northern Ireland Milk Cup' (group 4), with the final @ The Ballymena Showgrounds' (above)

Ne othaa venues have been decided yet, but we de naa wor three opponents, who will be: 'The Liverbirds' U17s, Coonty Armagh and 'O' Higgins of Chile <(ne relation to the late snooker player 'Hurricane Higgins' of Belfast!)

The tournament takes place between July 28th and August 2nd and some of the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are 'toyin' with the idea of takin' in at least one of wor games there, shud the forst team be playin' in Sooth Africa or the USA az rumoured, for the 2nd year runnin'!?
(The 'plan' iz to gan on the 'short hop' to Ireland az the sheer cost of the Africa or America trip rules many of 'the mad-sad groundhoppers' oot of the equation!)

Speculation aboot the trips to Africa/USA  are still 'up in the air'!---but fear not!---'The Geordie Times' will bring yoo!, wor loyal reeeders any news of this, 2nd hand 1st---az usual!

Watch this space!

Monday, 20 May 2013

THE TOON 0 THE ARSE 1

Updated '1:45pm bells' Monday 20th May 2013

"BITTER SWEET SIXTEEN!"

YOHAN CABAYE PREPARES TO TAKE A CORNER
(bottom right) @ THE GALLOWGATE END
(NOTE THAT THE OFFICIALS ARE WEARIN YELLOW!)

For the seventh season in a row we failed to win wor last home game, when we lost 1-0 to 'The Arse' with a dubious lookin' 'offside' goal in the 2nd half!
The fact that ne Toon players protested aboot this made us think that perhaps we were wrang in the forst place?

Anyway!---it doesn't reeely matter az we yet again put in a tired lack lustre 2nd half performance to put the 52,000 crowd to sleep! "ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"
THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES END (2nd half)
(OFFICIALS ARE IN GREEN NOW!?)

We started off much brighter though in the forst period az we attacked 'The Gallowgate End' and had a couple of good chances to gan aheed, but poor finishin' let us doon again!

In the 37th minute the crowd borst into spontanious applause for goalie Stevie Harper who waz makin' hiz very last appearence for us in hiz number 37 shirt and Stevie acknowledged them with a brief wave az 'The Arse' bared doon on wor goal!<(the 'highlight' of the half!)

The taalkin' point for us at half time waz the fact that a minutes applause for for former Toon player Steve Carney who sadly died a fortneet ago waz NOT forthcomin' before the kick off, despite a request for this by hiz family! <(shame on yoo NUFC!)<(when the Queen Mother died, we had a minutes silence for hor, but az far az I'm aware she never played for us!) 

Anyway!---When 'The Arse' took the lead there waz ne way back for us and we aall wished for the final whistle and this sorry season to end!

At the end fans were asked to remain in their seats while the team did 'a lap of honour' but many couldn't get oot of the groond fast enough az thoosands 'scrambled' for the exits!<(wot does THAT tell yoo?)

Othaa results meeen that we finish in a sorry SIXTEENTH position oot of twenty!

More of 'I Beg Your Pardew' next season?
YOO'D BETTER BELIEVE IT! 

Toon team: Harper, Coloccini, Yanga (Campbell 80), Debuchy, Steve Taylor, Cabaye (Anita 57), Ben Arfa, Gutierrez, Tiote, Cisse, Gouffran (Marveaux 64)   

Attendance: 52,354 (3,000 'Arseholes' in Level 7 celebratin' their Champions Leegue qualification!)
The crowd waz the highest in Britain ower the weekend, includin' the two 'play-off finals' @ Wembley!

Geordie Times quiz questions:
1: Did we score from a corner kick in ANY of wor 54 competitive games this season?
2: How many yellow and red cards in total did Toon players receive this season?
Waz it 81?---91?---101?---or---111?

Answers to theeze questions on Friday when we publish the othaa quiz question answer we asked last week:
Name anothaa former English groond, apart from Belle Vue, Consett, where The Toon have played, which went by the same name?
(A VERY famous ex Toon player and manager waz born here!)
*A 'mad-sad groundhoppers' match report from THAT game will be published on Friday az well!



Sunday, 19 May 2013

THE TOON v THE ARSE ***TODAY @ 4 BELLS!**** THE FINAL CURTAIN CAALL!

Posted '9:25am bells' Sunday 19th May 2013

ST JAMES' PARK FROM LEAZES PARK
(TAKEN ON THORSDAY***WHEN IT WAZ SUNNY!)

The final day of season 2012-2013 iz upon us in wot will be wor 54th competitive game of the campaign  
This iz now a 'no pressure game' for us, az we are thankfully, safe from 'the abyss'!--So lets hope we can 'play' for a change!

Stevie Harper makes an unexpected but welcome appearance in hiz 199th and last ever game for the club and he will receive a standin' ovation from the capacity crowd az he runs towards the Leazes/Gallowgate End az the teams come oot the tunnel!

Captain 'Fab' Coloccini iz aalso expected to make his final 'curtain caall' for us and we wish him well for the future, if (az expected) he 'jumps ship' back to Argentina!

It's a foggy day here on Tyneside az aa speak and heavy rain iz forecast this afternoon!

This IZ a 'pressure game' for 'The Arse' of course, who are in pole position for a Champions Leegue place in their race with their arch enemies 'Sporz' to avoid the 'dreaded'<(and don't we know it!) Europaa Leegue!--- 'Sporz' just so happen to be playin' the SMBs @ White Hart Lane @ the same kick off time!

We can anly hope that both 'Sporz' and worsels can 'de the business' today, which will mean we could finish in a 'mind bogglin' TENTH position shud othaa results gan wor way? <(very unlikeleee we finx!)

'The Arse' az we aall naa painfully scored SEVEN against us @ their place orlier on this season and have the best defensive away record in 'The Premyaa' this season, havin' conceded just 14 goals!---On top of that WE havvent won wor final home game of the season for SIX years! <(so that's an easy three points for us then!)

Steve Taylor and Cheik Tiote are available for selection but there are doubts aboot Haidara, Santon and 'The Sissoko Kid', while Shola Ameobi iz expected to miss oot aaltogether and we understand that he will not even be on the subs bench!

The final day will start off @ 'high noon bells' in 'The Duke of Welly' in High Bridge, before we move on to 'The Monkey Bar' and 'The Companions Club'! <(and then the match!)

A full report of the 'last day' of this torrrid season will be forthcomin' sometime later toneet or tomorrow mornin'! <(dependin' on the result and how much 'liquid lubrication' haz been consumed!)

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