THE P*SS POTTS U21 RESORVES 1 THE TOON U21 RESORVES 2 ***WE DID IT!

Posted '9:45pm bells' April Fools Day 2013

Ground number 299
Date of First Visit: April Fools Day 2013
Clayton Wood Training Ground, Stoke-on Trent 

Stoke City U21 Reserves 1
Newcastle United U21 Reserves 2 (Richardson, Mayo)

Barclays U21 Premier League (group 2)
Attendance: 5 inside the groond! (includin' 3 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!) 22 ootside the groond (plus 3 doggies!)

"WE'VE GOT MORE FANS THAN YOO!"

"SPOT THE TREES!"***
THE TOON ATTACK 'THE 100 TREES END'!

We set off @ '8 bells' from 'The Central' in mee 'canny tranny' for this behind closed doors resorve game @ Stoke's trainin' groond in the hope of gettin' in by means we cannit disclose!<(or we'll blow wor cover!)

The three 'saddos' bein' 'The Bear from Whitley Bay', 'Glennn from Ashington' and meesel, who waz drivin'!

On arrival in Stoke @11:30 bells' and with more than two hours to kick off, we decided to heed for the nearest place we could get a drink, which waz!---McDONALDS! a few hundred yards up the main road from the trainin' groond, where three large 'coffees' were consumed by us! <(we're gettin' 'soft' in wor old age!)

We then norvouslee heeded for the trainin' groond @ '1:00 bells', an hour before the kick off and were telt by two stewards that Stoke's forst team were trainin' and therefore they WOULDN'T let us in until wor IDs had been thoroughly checked!  
And just like 'April Fools' we were then telt to park wor 'canny tranny' and wait in the car park to see if they would let us in!

An anxious forty minutes then followed before we plucked up the courage to gan to the gate and try and get in by huff or bluff!

The stewards were very friendly and one even offered us some 'Mentoes mints', which we took, and aa promptly spilt half of them on the tarmac az aa try to prize them from the packet!

After a bit 'chin wag' and a 'grovellin' apology' from 'yours truelee' for spillin' hiz 'Mentoes', the gadgie on the othaa end of the stewards 'walkie talkie' telt them to "LET US IN!", and we didn't need much persuasion to gan through the gate az they opened it for us!

We'd DONE IT!<(by fair means or foul!) and promptly took up wor places on the far side of the away dugoots and aa shook hands with Peter Beardsley az he waalked past!

It waz freeezin' cold and it had snowed a little bit orlier on, but the sky waz clear az the match kicked off!

Lookin' aroond--and apart from players and kit men in tracksuits, we could see anly two more 'fans' apart from us actually inside the groond, who were wearin' Stoke colours!

Anothaa 22, plus 3 doggies, were ootside the perimiter fence and therefore not technically a part of the 'crowd'<(The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers 'rule 27b' clearly states that yoo must be INSIDE the groond to include it in your groundhoppin' records!)
(This meant that WE actually had MORE fans INSIDE the groond than THEM!) three of 'US'
to the two of 'THEM'!)

A huge number of taall trees to the right of where we were standin', lined the grass bank behind that  goal and stretched az far az 'the eye could see' and to the left, buildin' work waz in progress behind the othaa goal 

'The Toon' started off the more brightly az we kicked towards!---wait for it!---'The 100 Trees End' and Amalfitano hit the woodwork within 5 minutes!
We then took the lead just fower minutes later when Alex Gilliead foond Micheal Richardson in the box and he struck a fine shot past Bachmann in 'The P*ss Potts' goal!

That's the way it stayed til half time and the steward who had gave us the 'Mentoe mints', came doon with a tray of hot coffees, which he gave to us on the touchline!--A very nice gesture, which we aall greatly appreciated in the inclemite conditions!<(thanx mate!)

We were by far the better team and doubled wor lead @ ---'The Buildin' Site End' when Yven Mayo<(spelt 'MOMO' on the teamsheet!) waz put through and hiz deflected shot from 12 yards oot went straight past their keeper and into the Stoke net!

2nd HALF ACTION***THE STOKE GOALIE TIPS
OWER A FINE EFFORT FROM MICHEAL RICHARDSON!"

The home side pulled one back with just fower minutes to gan when Jaden Hall stabbed the baall in from close range.
An anxious last few minutes then ensued with 'The P*ss Potts' gannin close just before 'the death', but we held on to take the 3 points and gan yem happy, arrivin' back @ 'The Central' @ '7:30 bells'!  

       
"Just ONE more groond to gan to reach 'the holy grail'!"

THE PULIS P*SS POTTS RESORVES v THE TOON RESORVES ***THIS AFTERNOON!

Updated '7:15am bells' April Fools Day 2013

STOKE'S TRAININ' GROOND
"BUT WILL WE GET IN?"

This afternoon @ Stoke's trainin' groond, wor U21 resorves take on theirs, in a BEHIND CLOSED DOORS Premyaa Leegue resorve game!

Aftaa wot happened to us @ Motspur Park, London, when we failed to gain admittance to a BCD game between Fulham resorves and the Toon resorves, aa said aa wouldn't try it again, az we were forced to watch the game through a fence and some trees ootside the groond! (see ground number 285 NOT!)  in 'The Archive Section' in the tool-bar @ the top of the page!)

However!---because this could be mee 299th groond watchin' the Toon, it would mean that wor game at the 'propaa' Stadium of Light in Lisbon this Thorsday against Benfica would bee mee 300th, if aa 'did' todays game!<(and wot a place to 'de it'!)

And so THREE of the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are gannin' doon in less than an hours time @ '8 bells' to 'attempt' to get in!---but will we succeed, when we failed last time?
Well!--we have 'continjunsee plans'<(Geordie Times spellin'!) in place and hopefully we will be successful this time!?

The game kicks off @ '2 bells' and we shud be back by late tooneet, which of course iz 'April Fools Day'! and if we divvint get in, then we will be 'the fools of the day'!

WATCH THIS SPACE TOONEET TO FIND OOT WOT HAPPENED!

WELCOME TO THE MANC 'NON PUB CRAWL'!***NAMED AND SHAMED!

Posted '12:35pm bells' Easter Sunday 31st March 2013

THE VICTORIA***NAMED AND SHAMED!***
NOT OPEN @ '11:05 BELLS'
"BOO!"

Before the match against 'The Blue Moonies' yesterday we 'attempted' to find a boozers that waz open beside the groond.
It waz 'five past eleven bells' when we made wor forst 'port o caall' @ 'The Victoria' which iz a ten minute waalk from the groond---but it waz SHUT!

The next 'attempt' waz a boozer we had been te before that waz on the main road to the groond---BUT!---it waz BOARDED UP!

It waz then onward past the groond heedin' towards the city centre where anothaa boozer WASN'T OPEN, namelee 'The Mitchell Arms '!

THE MITCHELL ARMS***NAMED AND SHAMED!***
NOT OPEN @ '11:20 BELLS'!
"BOO!"

Aftaa passin' TWO more boarded up boozers we made for the bars aroond the train station!
A bar caalled 'Monroes WAZ open---BUT!--the booncer on the door demanded that we show him wor MAN CITY season tickets or else we couldn't gan in!--Believe it or not?-- we DIDN'T HAVE ANY 'Blue Moonies' season tickets between us and he wouldn't let us in!


MONROES***NAMED AND SHAMED!***
'BLUE MOONIES' ANLY!
"BOO!"


WE EVENTUALLY got wor forst 'liquid refreshments' @ ONE MINUTE PAST 'HIGH NOON BELLS' in @ The Black Bull, but not before the booncer asked us where we were from!


THE BULLS HEED***SANCTUARY!***
BUT ANLY IF YI FROM NORTHAMPTON!
"HORRAY!"


One of wor party, namlee, 'Adam' (who waz asked the deadly question!) answered that he waz from Northampton and the booncer let us in! (he waz actually born there---so he waz tellin' the truth---even though he haz lived in the Toon most of his life!)<(so he wasn't lyin'!)

THE LASS OF GOWRIE***OPEN AALL HOURS!
NE BOONCERS!***
"HIP HIP HORRAY!"

It waz then onward to 'The Lass of Gowrie' and 'The Retro Bar' before hailin' a taxi to take us to the groond!<(ne booncers at theeze bars thankfully!)

RETRO BAR***OPEN AALL HOURS!
NE BOONCERS***CHEAPEST PINT SO FAR!
"HIP HIP HIP HORRAY!" 

A city the size of Manchester and NE boozers open @ '11 bells' anywhere between The City of Mancs Stadium and the city centre!---(a good half hours waalk away!) UNBELEEEVIBLE!

THE BLUE MOONIES 4 THE TOON 0 ***"TOTALLY UNDERWHELMING!"

Posted '10:30am bells' Easter Sunday 31st March 2013

"TIERS OR TEARS!?"

VIEW FROM ROW 'U' LOWER TIER!

Aall the hype in the 'Ronny-Gill' through the week from wor players, warnin' that: "City had better watch out!" and: "We'll finish off your title dreams!", etc! etc!, aall torned oot to be 'hot air' az we put in an absolutleee abysmal performance at 'The City of Mancs Stadium'

'City' were at wor throats from the word 'go' and attacked the end where we were housed in the forst half.
We on the othaa hand with wor 'patched up side' (coz of injuries) were totally inept and it waz anly a matter of time before the home team scored.

A'd mentioned this to the aad gadgie who waz standin' beside me and 'hey presto!' just two minutes later they were in the lead when Tevez poked in, in the 41st minute.
It waz soon 2-0 when on the stroke of half time Silva shot past Elliot in the Toon goal to put the game beyond us!<(aalready!)
The anly 'highlight'? of note from wor point of view in this half, waz when Cisse hit the post from an accute angle! 

The second half waz a 'damage limitation exersise' az to how many we would concede due to 'The Blue Moonies' domination!

WE came oot with 'aall guns firerin' at the start with Cabaye and Cisse gannin close, but that's 'az good az it got' and aa spent most of this half starin' at the seat in front of me, rathaa than 'the fare' we were puttin' on, on the pitch such waz wor performance!


It waz soon 3-0 when a Kompany deflection beat Elliot in the 56th minute and we wondered then, just how many more the home side would get!?
Thankfully it waz just 'one'! when in the 69th minute a shot deflected off James Perch and into the net at the far end from us.

We then watched the clock 'tick doon' hopin' that wor goal difference wouldn't be forthaa dented in wot torned oot to be wor biggest ever defeat at the COMS

The home fans had tried to 'take the p*ss by singin' "You only sold one tier!"<(of seats)
This of course iz because of NUFCs 'policy'? of anly takin' the MIMIMUM number of away tickets available!?<(it's embarassin'!)
(Lets hope it's not the othaa 'TEARS' at the end of the season!)

Othaa results that went against us, meeen that we are once again hoverin' above 'the abyss', just three points above the trap-door!

Toon team: Elliot, Simpson, Yanga, Steve Taylor, Gutierrez, Anita, Cabaye (Bigiramana 74), Gouffran (Gosling 63), Sissoko, Obertan (Perch 46), Cisse

Attendance: 47,201 (2,000 Toon fans<"we anly sold one tier!") 

The gadgie on 'Radio 5 Live' on the way back best summed wor performance up!
"Newcastle were TOTALLY underwhelming!", he said!

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOON ***THIS AFTERNOOON!

Updated 7:45am bells' Saturday 30th March 2013

ACTION FROM THE COMS LAST SEASON
(We lost 3-1!)

We must now torn wor attention away from wor European exploits in Lisbon next week and concentrate on the Leegue when we take on the current champions<(but not for much langer!) @ 'The City of Manchester Stadium' this afternoon @ '3 bells'

Oot of TWENTY THREE competitive away games in England, Wales and Europe we have won just az many in the Ukraine az we have in England (ONE a piece!)
So the omens arnt lookin' good today, especially az the home side have conceded just ELEVEN goals aall season @ the 'COMS'---the lowest tally in 'The Premyaa' and we have NEVER won at their place in EIGHT attempts since they moved from Maine Road!

We'll be leavin' in 'The Caped Crusader's' 'Batmobile' for the drive past the 'Little House on the Prairie', (which sits in the middle of the M62 motorway on the top of the Pennines) in less than an hours time!

In othaa news: John Carver haz received a thoosand poond fine for hiz protest @ the Wigan game the othaa week when Massadio Haidara waz horrifically tackled by Callum McManaman<(who haz received absolutleee ne punishment whatsoever!)

Despite McManaman's 'promise'? to apologise to Haidara for hiz horror knee tackle, he haz failed do so, so far!<(SHAME ON YOO!)
(We understand that Haidara iz makin' canny progress!)<(get well soon mate!)

Match report to follow eethaa late toneet or orly tomorrow mornin'!

"4,000 THANKYOOOZ TO AALL WOR REEEDERS FROM THE FOWER CORNERS OF THE GLOBE!" ("AND BEYOND!")

Posted '2:40pm bells' Friday 29th March 2013

'The Geordie Times' haz just reached new heights of excellence!

For just FOWER minutes ago we received wor FOWER THOOSANDTH PAGEVIEW this month so far, which iz a NEW world record for us!--and we thank each and everyone of yoo on the planet Orth (and beyond!) for supportin' this NUFC mad-sad groundhoppin' website!
The previous best waz in January this year with 3,884 hits.

The top ten countries are az follows:

UK 29,941 (England,Scotland,N. Ireland& Wales)
USA 9,471
Ukraine 2,185
Jawmany 1,188
The Guinness Republic 943
Rushaa 808
"mee old"-China 699
Greece 682
Spain 627
France 430

That meeenz that a staggerin' total of 27,631 pageviews are from owerseas!

A total of 134 countries and territories (plus Mars!) have now viewed this site with the latest bein' Afganistan and Sudan!

Of course! othaa NUFC websites are more popular like nufc.com and the club's official site who both get tens of thoosands of hits per DAY!

But remember wot they say aboot little acorns!---they're NOT very big ---are they!?

And remember wor motto az well!:
"We'll bring yoo, wor loyal reeeders the latest NUFC news, second hand, forst!"


"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"---
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"



BENFICA AWAY TICKETS***LATEST! ***DEADLINE ON MONDAY!

Updated '11:15am bells' Friday 29th March 2013

"THE ONE (AND ANLY!) STADIUM OF LIGHT!"

We understand that so far 3,000 of the 5,000 tickets we have been allocated for wor Europaa Leegue game in Lisbon next Thorsday @ 'The PSOL' ('Propaa' Stadium Of Light'!) have now been snapped up with the rest now on sale to the general public and Joe Bloggs!
The deadline for ticket sales iz next MONDAY @ '5 bells'!---so be quick if yi havvent aalready got one! 

We aalso understand that wor derby game against the SMBs  @ St James' next month iz (hardly suprizingleee!) a complete selloot!---az iz wor crucial away game on Saturday against 'The Blue Moonies of Mancland'

"ITS DEFINATLEEE 'APRIL FOOLS DAY' NEXT MONDAY FOLKS!"

Updated '7:05pm bells' Thorsday 28th March 2013

Clayton Wood trainin' groond, Stoke
"TO BE OR NOT TO BE!---THAT IZ THE QUESTION!?"

'The Geordie Times' NUFC club sauce haz just informed us that next Monday's resorve game @ Nantwich against Stoke's second string MIGHT? now be played @ Stoke's trainin' groond instead az Nantwich have a home game against Witton just ONE HOUR after wor game there waz supposed to start @ '2 bells'!<(it had been aalready been moved from '7 bells' in the evenin'!)

We understand that IF it takes place @ their trainin' groond then the kick off time will remain @ '2 bells'!--
However!---we divvint naa if it will be played 'behind closed doors' and are movin' heaven and orth to find oot!?

We will of course inform yoo, wor loyal reeeders of any more changes!?
It IZ 'APRIL FOOLS DAY' on Easter Monday by the way!

(see related articles below!)

"APRIL FOOL!" ***THE RESORVE GAME @ NANTWICH IZ NOW A '2 BELLS' KICK OFF!

Posted '10:15am bells' Wednesday 27th March 2013


'THE P*SS POTTS RESORVES' v 'THE TOON RESORVES'

We've just had word from wor 'secret' NUFC club insider that wor resorve game against 'The Pulis P*ss Potts resorves of Stoke' on April Fools Day will now DEFINATLEEE kick off @ 'TWO BELLS' in the afternoon @ The Weaver Stadium, Nantwich and NOT 'seven bells' that neet, az haz been stated!<(wethaa permittin' of course!)

We have ne idea wetha Nantwich will play Witton on the same day az advertised on their website!

REMEMBER!---yoo read this 'excluuusive' news forst, in 'The Geordie Times' and ne where else!

PS: We NEVA got a reply to wor 'e-mail' we sent to Nantwich!

(see related story below!) 

"NANTWICH!---NANTWICH!---HERE WE COME!" ***OR NOT! AZ THE CASE MAY BE?

Posted '2:45pm bells' Monday 25th March 2013

"TO BE OR NOT TO BE!---THAT IZ THE QUESTION!?"

The resorve U21s are due to play Stoke's equivalent on 'April Fools Day' next week @ The Weaver Stadium, Nantwich, where Stoke are playin' their resorve games. 
But lookin' @ Nantwich's website, they appear to have anotha game arranged on the same day against Witton Albion in a local derby match (Witton come from nearby Northwich)

We can anly assume one of two things!
Eethaa Nantwich are playin' Witton @ dinnertime (az it's Easter Monday), with wor game kickin' off @ '7:00 bells' in the evenin'?

However we carnt imagine eethaa Stoke or 'The Toon' agreein' to this arrangement, az shud the forst game be played, say, in heavy rain, then the pitch for the second game will be more like a quagmire!

Aa've sent a frantic 'e-mail' to Nantwich to see if the above iz true----but divvint haad yi breath!

If the game IZ played on April Fools Day then 'yours trueleee' will be there and clock up groond number 299, with the Benfica away game the followin' Thorsday neet @ the "PROPAA" Stadium of Light in Lisbon, seein' me reach 'the holy grail' of 300 groonds followin' 'The Toon'---which would be a brilliant place to de it!

However!--shud the Stoke game be moved to the followin' day for example, then aa would be unable to gan because of an appointment that carnt be changed!

'The mad-sad groundhopper' awaits 'norvouslee' and with 'trepidation' for Nantwich Toon to reply to my 'e-mail'!

Watch this space!