BENFICA AWAY TICKETS***LATEST! ***DEADLINE ON MONDAY!

Updated '11:15am bells' Friday 29th March 2013

"THE ONE (AND ANLY!) STADIUM OF LIGHT!"

We understand that so far 3,000 of the 5,000 tickets we have been allocated for wor Europaa Leegue game in Lisbon next Thorsday @ 'The PSOL' ('Propaa' Stadium Of Light'!) have now been snapped up with the rest now on sale to the general public and Joe Bloggs!
The deadline for ticket sales iz next MONDAY @ '5 bells'!---so be quick if yi havvent aalready got one! 

We aalso understand that wor derby game against the SMBs  @ St James' next month iz (hardly suprizingleee!) a complete selloot!---az iz wor crucial away game on Saturday against 'The Blue Moonies of Mancland'

"ITS DEFINATLEEE 'APRIL FOOLS DAY' NEXT MONDAY FOLKS!"

Updated '7:05pm bells' Thorsday 28th March 2013

Clayton Wood trainin' groond, Stoke
"TO BE OR NOT TO BE!---THAT IZ THE QUESTION!?"

'The Geordie Times' NUFC club sauce haz just informed us that next Monday's resorve game @ Nantwich against Stoke's second string MIGHT? now be played @ Stoke's trainin' groond instead az Nantwich have a home game against Witton just ONE HOUR after wor game there waz supposed to start @ '2 bells'!<(it had been aalready been moved from '7 bells' in the evenin'!)

We understand that IF it takes place @ their trainin' groond then the kick off time will remain @ '2 bells'!--
However!---we divvint naa if it will be played 'behind closed doors' and are movin' heaven and orth to find oot!?

We will of course inform yoo, wor loyal reeeders of any more changes!?
It IZ 'APRIL FOOLS DAY' on Easter Monday by the way!

(see related articles below!)

"APRIL FOOL!" ***THE RESORVE GAME @ NANTWICH IZ NOW A '2 BELLS' KICK OFF!

Posted '10:15am bells' Wednesday 27th March 2013


'THE P*SS POTTS RESORVES' v 'THE TOON RESORVES'

We've just had word from wor 'secret' NUFC club insider that wor resorve game against 'The Pulis P*ss Potts resorves of Stoke' on April Fools Day will now DEFINATLEEE kick off @ 'TWO BELLS' in the afternoon @ The Weaver Stadium, Nantwich and NOT 'seven bells' that neet, az haz been stated!<(wethaa permittin' of course!)

We have ne idea wetha Nantwich will play Witton on the same day az advertised on their website!

REMEMBER!---yoo read this 'excluuusive' news forst, in 'The Geordie Times' and ne where else!

PS: We NEVA got a reply to wor 'e-mail' we sent to Nantwich!

(see related story below!) 

"NANTWICH!---NANTWICH!---HERE WE COME!" ***OR NOT! AZ THE CASE MAY BE?

Posted '2:45pm bells' Monday 25th March 2013

"TO BE OR NOT TO BE!---THAT IZ THE QUESTION!?"

The resorve U21s are due to play Stoke's equivalent on 'April Fools Day' next week @ The Weaver Stadium, Nantwich, where Stoke are playin' their resorve games. 
But lookin' @ Nantwich's website, they appear to have anotha game arranged on the same day against Witton Albion in a local derby match (Witton come from nearby Northwich)

We can anly assume one of two things!
Eethaa Nantwich are playin' Witton @ dinnertime (az it's Easter Monday), with wor game kickin' off @ '7:00 bells' in the evenin'?

However we carnt imagine eethaa Stoke or 'The Toon' agreein' to this arrangement, az shud the forst game be played, say, in heavy rain, then the pitch for the second game will be more like a quagmire!

Aa've sent a frantic 'e-mail' to Nantwich to see if the above iz true----but divvint haad yi breath!

If the game IZ played on April Fools Day then 'yours trueleee' will be there and clock up groond number 299, with the Benfica away game the followin' Thorsday neet @ the "PROPAA" Stadium of Light in Lisbon, seein' me reach 'the holy grail' of 300 groonds followin' 'The Toon'---which would be a brilliant place to de it!

However!--shud the Stoke game be moved to the followin' day for example, then aa would be unable to gan because of an appointment that carnt be changed!

'The mad-sad groundhopper' awaits 'norvouslee' and with 'trepidation' for Nantwich Toon to reply to my 'e-mail'!

Watch this space!

GEORDIE TIMES WORLD EXCLUUUSIVE! ***CANARY CUSTARD CRUMBLES CANCELLED!

Posted '12:20pm bells' Sunday 24th March 2013

The Geordie Times haz just lorned from wor secret undercover club 'sauce' >>> 
that wor U21s and U18s games due to be played @ Norwich's trainin' groond tomorrow afternoon have been POSTPONED due to the bad wethaa sweepin' that part of East Anglia!

So if yoo were thinkin' of gannin'?---DIVVINT!

REMEMBER!---yoo read this 'excluuusive' news forst in 'The Geordie Times'---'the unofficial' 'official' NUFC club website'!<(or shud that be the 'official' 'unofficial' website?) 

MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS!

Posted '11:30am beels' Sunday 24th March 2013

Great news for aall 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' that 'The Jellied Eeels Mob' from "eeest Landan" have been granted a 99 year lease to move into the Olympic Stadium have been annoonced---subject to a judicial review which Leyton Orient owner and 'snooker loopy' ontranipur<(Geordie Times spellin'!) Barry Hearn haz lodged to try and stop them movin' to 'their patch'!
However!--Hearn's protests look in vain and 'The Mob' look certain to move in by 2016!

Sporz new groond next to White Hart lane iz comin' on nicely and shud be completed by 2015, wheraz anotha London club, Crystal Palace are 'toyin' with the idea of movin' back to their origional home at 'Crystal Palace' athletics stadium where The Toon forst played in the 1905 FA Cup final!

Anotha new groond could be on the cards tomorrow afternoon, when The Toon resorves play 'The Canary Custards' resorves @ their Norwich trainin' groond @ '1:00 bells', but the bad wethaa could scupper theeze plans, plus! av got to work neetshift toneet and might not be able to make it anyway!<(there's aalways next season!)

And then on April Fools Day we are due to travel to Nantwich Toon where 'The P*ss Potts' of Stoke' play their resorve games and then of course later on that week we're off to Portugal to see The Toon play Benfica @ the 'PROPAA' and ANLY Stadium of Light!<(translated to 'Stadio da Luz' in their lingo!)

A 'good news week' for aall 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers'!

THOZE WEARIN' TOON COLOURS IN WIGAN COSMOS SHAME!

Posted '3:00pm bells' Saturday 23rd March 2013


"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"

So caalled 'fans'? wearin' NUFC colours have made the heedlines in todays Daily Mail for aall the wrang reasons!

Last Sunday before wor game against 'The Blue Wigs', 250 to 300 of theeze dickheeds forced the abandonment of a Lancashire Sunday Leegue game between Wigan Cosmos and Leigh Centurions when they got off the coaches near to the stadium and desended onto the nearby futbaall pitch, where the game waz bein' played!
They procceded to invade the pitch, tried to break the crossbars doon, ripped the nets oot and stole the corner flags and match baall and because of this the game had to be abandoned!

NUFC have been in touch with them and magnanimously offered to let them play their abandoned game @ St James' Park @ the end of the season and to reimburse them for the damage done! (NUFC now have every excuse under the sun to say why they take the MINIMUM number of tickets for away games!)
This behaviour iz not wot we want to hear aboot but sadly hooliganism of this type haz NEVER gone away!
I for one will gladly gan to this game if it IZ replayed @ St James', in a show of solidarity for 'propaa futbaall fans'  

Grass roots futbaall iz sommik 'The Geordie Times' supports anyway---and indeed!--av' just foond oot that Dunston's game against Marske United in the Northern Leegue iz unexpectedly ON today and aa will be heedin' there for mee 'weekend futbaall fix' in a few minutes time!
(Aa'v missed the '3 bells' kick off ---but will still make the clubhoose for half time!)

Wigan Cosmos v Leigh Centurions!
---"Comin' soon to 'The Toon'!"

BENFICA HOME AND AWAY TICKET SALES!

Posted '6:00pm bells' Friday 22nd March 2013

Tickets for both wor home game @ St James' and away game @ the REAL Stadium of Light against Benfica in the qwaata finals of the Europaa Leegue are now on sale to season ticket holders.

The away tickets are priced @ £26 through a dedicated online form and we understand that we have been allocated 5,000 tickets!
Zero loyalty points required! (Anly ONE ticket per season ticket application!)

Home tickets are priced from £5 for sprogs and zimmerframeites to £15 for ordinary 'plebs' seats and £20 for Platinum Club seats!

BLANKETY BLANK AGAIN!

Updated '11:30am bells' Friday 22nd March 2013

With yet anotha blank weekend in the Premyaa League due to those players on international duties (Rio Ferdinand exepted!) we find worsels with ne games to gan te once again!
Because of the freezin' conditions, plus rain and snow and god naaz wot else forecast ower the weekend?, it looks az though the local non leegue scene will be virtually wiped oot az well!

There IZ a game this mornin' @ Villa's Bodymoor Heath Trainin' Groond where wor U18s are in action against Villa's equivalent @ '11 bells'!
However!---heavy snow iz forecast and the game could be postponed at any moment!

'The mad-sad groundhoppers' were to be represented at this game (*but NOT me az av got ti gan to graft!), in the shape of 'The Caped Crusader' and 'Liam from the Lamp'<(that's the 'Big Lamp' on Westgate Road!) and they were due to set off @ '7 bells' for the Midlands!
HOWEVER!---'Liam from the Lamp' haz just contacted 'The Geordie Times' and haz told us that they HAVVENT travelled az the wetha forcast iz bad!<(bloody part timers!)

IF the game DOES gan aheed, we will of course bring yoo the result later today!

Then on Monday @'1:00 bells' the resorve U21s travel to Norwich's Trainin' groond to play their resorves and aa hope? to make this one instead az it ISN'T behind closed doors!<(wetha dependin'!)

*Mee policy on groondhoppin to trainin' groonds iz that aa can de them anytime in the future, for example, and they arnt a priority!<(unless the home team are to move somewhere else, forcin' me to 'de it' before it's too late!)

Updated '5:30pm bells'

The resorve Under 21s DID play after aall and beat 'The Hazbeens and Villians resorves 2-1 with wor goals comin' from Callum Roberts and Greg Olley! 

"THERE'S ANLY ONE STEVIE HARPER!"

Posted '3:25pm bells' Thorsday 21st March 2013

News that Stevie Harper iz to quit NUFC after a magnificent 20 years goalkeepin' stint iz indeed sad news for aall Toon fans.

Stevie iz a loyal servant to the club and haz never complained aboot bein' 2nd choice to Shay Given and then Tim Krul. Indeed Rob Elliot haz now owertaken him to become wor 2nd choice keeper and at 38 we believe that he still haz a few years left in him!

He iz the anly Toon player to feature in aall wor Premyaa Leegue seasons since 1993 az an 18 year old rookie!

In total he haz played in 155 Leegue games, plus 22 appearences in the FA and Leegue Cups and 20 in Europe, givin' him a grand total of 197 games under hiz belt!  
We @ 'The Geordie Times' wish him well for the future!

"THERE'S ANLY ONE STEVIE HARPER!"