SWANZEE v THE TOON ****** WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS SYNDROME!

Posted '9:30pm bells' Thorsday 28th February 2013


"SHUD I STAY OR SHUD I GO?"

A'v been tellin everybody aall week that aa WOULDN'T be gannin to Swanzee at the weekend coz of the shear cost of next weeks trip to Rushaa and the previous trip to the Ukraine, just last week, which have cost me a total of  a 'fower figure' 'heart attack' sum, which haz nearly emptied mee piggy bank! 

Swanzee waz a 'bill tooo far' and on Monday when we booked up for Rushaa (scroll doon page to view!) aa even did the 'unfinkable' and sold mee prized Swanzee match ticket az well, to 'Dave from York' to try and save some money!
However!--- by Wednesday dinnertime aa waz havin 'severe withdrawal symptoms' and after a few pints of 'John Smiths' in 'The Hotspur' and 'The Newcastle Arms' a'd completeleee changed mee mind!---"AA WAS GANNIN!"

Aa went yem and telt wor lass, who had said 'aall alang' that aa 'shud gan', az she'd NEVA known me miss a match, in aall the years a'v been with hor!

Aa then set aboot the task this mornin' of gettin' meesel anotha ticket, which wasn't easy az we've anly been allocated a measly 1,000 tickets in the away section, which not suprizingly were totally 'selt oot' ower a week ago!

'Dave from York' who a'd selt mee origional ticket te on Monday, said he would try and get me anotha one!---and 'hey presto', just one hour later at dinnertime today, he text me to tell iz he'd foond me one!----A'v got to pick it up at the groond before the game, but at least a'm gannin' and mee record of not missin a competitive game anywhere, this century, will (hopefully!?) continue!---for the time being at least!<(or until mee piggy bank iz totally empty!)  'Mental' isn't the word!

NUFC iz a 'drug' which yoo carnt give up az av foond oot to mee cost this week!
"HOWAY THE £ADS!"

Cheers!
Fink (the mad-sad & mental groundhopper!)

"OH NO!---ANYONE! BUT LAZIO!"

Updated '4:30pm bells' Thorsday 28th February 2013


"IT'S A LOCKOOT!"

HORRIRFYIN' news haz reached 'The Geordie Times' that Lazio of Rome have been ordered to play their next TWO Europaa Leegue games behind closed doors because of crowd trouble, startin' with their home game against Stuttgart on March 14th.

Shud 'THEY' get through and 'WE' get through to the next roond, then there iz the distinct possibility that 'THEY' could get drawn against 'US', which would meen that 'NO' Toon fans would be allowed to gan to The Olympic Stadium in Rome!<(lets hope and pray that the Jawmans progress!)

Just where 'The Geordie Times' would LIKE and NOT LIKE to gan to next IF we reach the last 8!

Gold=Yes we'd like to gan here-pleeeze!
Pink=No Thanx!--visas required!
Yellow=Better than some!
Purple=Tooo dangerous!
Blue='Behind closed doors' so we DEFINATLEEE divvint want this one!
Green=Been here before and got the 'tee shirt' so we divvint want to gan again!

Pizen of Poland v Fenebache of Torkey
Stuttgart of Jawmany v Lazio of Italy
Steaua of Romania v Chelski of England
Benfica of Portugal v Bordeaux of France
Sporz of England v Inter Milan of Italy
Levante of Spain v Rubin of Rushaa
Basel 'Fawlty' of Switzerland v Zenit of Rushaa

That's just THREE oot of FOURTEEN that we'd like to gan te!  

ANZI RIPOFF!---"TWENTY SIX QUID! ***YIH HAVIN @ A LAFF!"

Posted '9:00am bells' Thorsday 28th February 2013

Tickets for wor away game against 'The Anzi Machachems' next Thorsday in Moscow are now on sale to season ticket holders by the usual dedicated European travel forms from the NUFC ticket office!
Anzi fans are bein' charged from £4 per ticket, while we must pay more than SIX TIMES! that amoont @ £26 per ticket!<(Who said beware of muggers in Moscow!?)

FIXTURE CHANGE!*** 'THE PULIS P*SS POTTS'*** NOW A SUNDAY!

Updated '9:30pm bells' Tuesday 26th February 2013

ACTION FROM THE TOON v THE P*SS POTTS
FROM LAST SEASON  

Wor home game against 'The Pulis P*ss Potts of Stoke' will now take place on Sunday 10th March with a '3 bells' kick off, az we play Anzi of Russia @ St James' in the Europaa Leegue on the Thorsday neet before!

For aall NUFC fixtures/results see top tool bar---aalso see latest Premyaa Leegue attendances which have just been updated

"HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A GEORDIE IN MOSCOW!?"

Updated '2:25pm bells' Tuesday 26th February 2013

Forst of aall, apologeez for not updatin' this website yesterday, but I waz awoken from my slumbers @ '10:30am bells' (after workin' a nightshift) by 'The Caped Crusader', tellin' me some devistatin' news that rocked me to the core!

NOT that anybody had 'snuffed it' or owt like that, but that wor planned trip to Moscow in just ower a weeks time with 'Thomas Cook Travel', which we had booked on Friday had been-----CANCELLED!!!--- due to lack of bookings, and according to today's 'Ronny-Gill' (below) anly 22 had actually booked up!

This waz mainly due to fans facin' the 'minefield' of fillin' in a Rushan visa form online <(which we were told cud take up to TWO HOURS!) and then havin' the hassle of travellin' to London or Edinburgh with a copy to obtain a visa!
Plus!-- the dedicated 'Thomas Cook' on-line number to book places couldn't be phoned ower the weekend coz nebody waz there to answer them!???

With anly a week to de the visas and the shear cost of re-booking, it haz proved an impossible task for many fans who have abandoned plans to gan!

Five of us went to anotha travel agents yesterday, where we spent ower two hours plannin' anotha trip at an 'eye waaterin' price, plus a canny bit extra for gettin' wor visas 'fast-tracked', due to lack of time!

Honestly!---it haz been an absolute nightmare to organise and if there are 40 Toon fans in Moscow next week I will be very suprized!

Footnote:
Of course, az WE havvent had WOR visas processed yet, WE might not be gannin eetha, if they divvint come back in time OR they reject wor applications for some reason!<(they are due back on Friday!)<(fingers and toes crossed!)

THE TOON 4 SOOOTHAMPTON 2

Posted '5:10pm bells' Sunday 24th February 2013


YOHAN CABAYE PENALTY

A six goal thriller on wot waz dubbed 'French Day' in honour of aall wor new French players, went in The Toon's favour!
But it didn't start off well when Schenderlin put the visitors in front in the 2nd minute, but 'The Sissoko Kid' levelled things in the 33rd minute when Gouffran supplied him with a pinpoint cross and wor number 7 supplied the vital touch!

IT'S 'FRENCH DAY' @ ST JAMES'!

Then just before the break Toon keeper Rob Elliot makin' hiz Premyaa Leegue debut cleared up field and the baall boonced nicely for Cisse and he rifled an unstoppable volley into the roof of the net @ 'The Leazes End' to put us aheed at the break!

Sooothampton levelled things though through Ricky Lambert in the 50th minute and it waz 'game on' again!

We retook the lead at the mid point of the half when Danny Fox handled in the box and Cabaye dispatched the penalty past Boruc in the visitors goal @ 'The Gallowgate End'!

Then! 11 minutes from the end we scored again when a clearence richoshaded of Hooiveld to seal the crucial victory and three valuable points to move us up to 14th place above Sooothampton and the SMBs!

Toon team: Elliot, Debuchy, Coloccini (Yanga 45), Steve Taylor, Santon, Tiote, Cabaye (Perch 77), Sissoko, Guierrez, Gouffran (Anita 87), Cisse

Attendance:52,259 (1,500 Sooothampton fans)  

THE TOON v SOOOTHAMPTON ***THIS AFTERNOOON!

Updated '10:45am bells' Sunday 24th February 2013

Today we must torn wor attention away from wor Europaa Leegue exploits and concentrate on the Premyaa Leegue where we will play a crucial game against Sooothampton @ St James' in a '1:30 bells' kick off.

Results yesterday were mixed and we now find worsels just THREE points above 'the abyss'!
We are level on points with wor opponents and a win would give us some breathin' space in the fight at the bottom of the table.

The bad news for us iz that wor forst choice goalie Tim Krul who sustaned an ankle injury in the Ukraine on Thorsday neet, iz likely to be oot for aroond aboot five weeks.
Second choice keeper Steve Harper iz aalso reported to be carryin' an injury which lets in Rob Elliot for hiz Premyaa Leegue debut.

Today haz been declared 'French Day' by NUFC in acknowledgement of the number of 'Frenchies' who will be in wor side today and face painters will be on hand to paint your face red, white and blue!
The visitors have sold their allocation of tickets and a near capacity crowd iz expected!

Match report to follow much later!   

"HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MAKHACHEM IN MOSCOW!?"

Posted '2:15pm bells' Saturday 23rd February 2013

LUHZNIKI STADIUM, MOSCOW

UEFA have just conformed that wor Europaa Leegue games against Anzi Makhachkala<(aka 'The Mak-hach-ems'!) of Russia will take place on Thorsday 7th March @ '5:00 bells' GMT<(Geordie Match Time!) (9:00 bells' OTT)<(Ower There Time!) in the 78,000 capacity Luzhniki Stadium, Moscow, with the retorn leg @ St James' Park a week later @ '8:05 bells' GMT! 

VISA TEASER!

Posted '11:30am bells' Saturday 23rd February 2013

Anyone plannin' to gan to Rushaa<(Russia!) for wor game against Anzi in just twelve days time will forst have to get a visa from the Rushin embassy in eetha London or Edinburgh and then conform travel arrangements! <(flights/hotels etc.)

The online form to get one we understand, iz 'mind-bogglin' to fill in and will cost between £77 and £107 for a 'fast track' one!

'The Geordie Times' will keep yoo informed ower the next few days az to any progress made by us!<(watch this space!) 

THE METAL GURUS 0 THE TOON 1 ( THE TOON WIN 1-0 ON AGGREGATE!)

Updated '1:25pm bells' Friday 22nd February 2013

Ground number 297---Metalist Stadium, Karkiv

SHOLA SCORES FROM THE PENALTY SPOT!

Mee computaa haz now come oot of it's three day hibernation followin' 'The Geordie Times'z retorn from the Ukraine orly this mornin' and the fower hour flight landed @ '2:30am bells' preciselee to even colder temeratures than in Karkiv!

A full mad-sad groundhoppers trip report will follow later and will be updated throughoot the day after aa wake up properly!---

Shola Ameobi'z penalty waz the difference between the two teams az The Toon progressed to the next stage against Anzi (deep breath!)> Makhachkala of Russia

The Toon were backed by a magnificent 500 followin' in the near 40,000 capacity crowd and they had travelled by various expensive and torturous routes across Europe to get here.

Non flyer 'Glennn from Ashington' for example, had set off on Sunday neet to get here via train, ferry and bus and hadn't arrived at hiz hotel til 8 on the mornin' of the game!

He had five hours kip and then waz off to the stadium for some souviners. Hiz bus back to Kiev waz due to leave less than an hour after the match finished and he faced an eight hour trip just to get back to the Ukranian capital!
He telt me that he iz due back on Tyneside with less than an hour to spare before wor game against Soothampton on Sunday @ '1:30 bells'!<(but will he make it!?)<(watch this space!)  

The city of Karkiv az we had foond to wor cost iz virtually 'pub free' and on the day of the match we wandered aboot aimlessly like lost sheep tryin' to work oot wot the signs said when a buildin' looked remotely like a drinkin den!


"HELP!"

After an hour we bumped into 'Bill Quay Kev' who telt us that he waz off to a pub just aroond the corner from where we'd just been!?

And there it waz!----'CINEMA' the sign screeemed, but it waz infact a pub/restaurant in 'diguise' which we unknowingly had waalked past just a couple of minutes orlier, thinkin' it waz a 'cinema'!<(believe it or not!)<(how stupid cud we be?) 

"HA!-HA!"-"WE FOOLED YOU!"

A few 'liquids' in here<(at rip off prices of £3 a pint!) and we were off to anotha unpronounceablee named boozer which we HAD FOOND the neet before, which waz just up the street from wor hotel and waz less than £1 a pint!

It waz then off to the match some three miles from the city centre where the 'secret police' were waitin' in their hundreds for us!<(there waz more of them than us!)

Wearin' wor traditional black n white stripes, we started off the brighter and attack the goal to the far end of us, but then the home side woke up and had a couple of chances near the end of the half. (half time 0-0)

THE TOON ATTACK THE METALIST GOAL
DURIN' THE 1st HALF

We'd sent a stronger team than aa thought would be there and at last we seem to be takin' this competition seriously!
Marveaux the Magician had a great chance to put us in the lead az we attacked the end where we were housed, huddled in the corner suroonded by the dibble and stewards!


HUNDREDS OF METALIST FANS 'IN THE PINK'
(middle of pic) STRIP OFF IN THE
SUB ZERO TEMPERATURES!


The deadlock waz finally broken halfway though the second period when a blunder by a Karkiv defender gave us a penalty 
His intended back pass to hiz goalie went astray and the goalie needlesly pulled Sissoko doon in the box near the touchline az the baall ended up near him.
The ref pointed straight to the spot and up stepped 'Penalty King Shola'<(I carnt remember him missin' one!) to place the baall to the left of their keeper to put us one-nil up to huge celebrations from the away contingent<(we naa aall the big words!)

This meant we had the vital away goal and that Metalist must now score twice to gan through!
A few scarey moments near the end didn't help wor 'tickers' but Tim Krul in The Toon goal pulled off some magnificent saves and we held oot til the final whistle!

THE TOON FANS CELEBRATE AFTER THE FINAL WHISTLE!

After the usual half hour 'lock-in' we were escorted back to the waitin' coaches which whisked us off to the airport for wor '11:30 bells' flight yem!
News filtered through on the plane that Anzi from Russia had drawn in Hannover in the later kick off and therefore we would be off to Moscow in just two weeks time to play them!<(visas @ the ready!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Yanga, Coloccini, Haidara, Sissoko, Anita (Perch 75), Cabaye (Bigiramana 87), Marveaux, Shola Ameobi, Cisse (Gutierrez 75)

Attendance: 39,973 (500 very happy Toon fans!)

Like aa say!---aa'll be dein' a full trip report which might take a few days to compile az quite a lot happened---(like 'Sarnie Steve' lockin' himsel in the hotel's bog!) 

More Karkiv pics below!

KARKIV'S ANSWER TO SAINSBURY'S--AN OLD WOMEN SELLS HOR WARES FROM A TABLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!



A CONCRETE PILLAR IZ STRAPPED TO A TELEGRAPH POLE
 TO STOP IT FROM FAALLIN OWER (ONE OF MANY LIKE THIS!)