"RUSHAN VISA CREDIT CARD SQUEEEZER!"

Posted '8:45pm bells' Friday 1st March 2013

SOMEWHERE ON PORCY STREET!
"HELP THE TOON FANS!"

'Big Al'<(no!---not! the sheet metal workers son!) phoned me this afternoon to say that wor visas and passports had been retorned from the Rushan embassy in London and that the five of us who had sent them off together had aall got them and we will definateleee be gannin to Moscow next week to watch The Toon! <("horray!")

On the doonside, he aalso said that they had charged an extra fifty quid 'credit card fee' <(on top of aall the otha 'fees'?) to bring the total cost of the five visas to!------wait for it!---ONE THOOSAND  and NINETY NINE QUID!<(it's 'heart attack time' folks!)<(quick!---pass the 'beggin bowl', scruffy dog and dorty blanket!)<("help the homeless!")

SWANZEE v THE TOON ****** WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS SYNDROME!

Posted '9:30pm bells' Thorsday 28th February 2013


"SHUD I STAY OR SHUD I GO?"

A'v been tellin everybody aall week that aa WOULDN'T be gannin to Swanzee at the weekend coz of the shear cost of next weeks trip to Rushaa and the previous trip to the Ukraine, just last week, which have cost me a total of  a 'fower figure' 'heart attack' sum, which haz nearly emptied mee piggy bank! 

Swanzee waz a 'bill tooo far' and on Monday when we booked up for Rushaa (scroll doon page to view!) aa even did the 'unfinkable' and sold mee prized Swanzee match ticket az well, to 'Dave from York' to try and save some money!
However!--- by Wednesday dinnertime aa waz havin 'severe withdrawal symptoms' and after a few pints of 'John Smiths' in 'The Hotspur' and 'The Newcastle Arms' a'd completeleee changed mee mind!---"AA WAS GANNIN!"

Aa went yem and telt wor lass, who had said 'aall alang' that aa 'shud gan', az she'd NEVA known me miss a match, in aall the years a'v been with hor!

Aa then set aboot the task this mornin' of gettin' meesel anotha ticket, which wasn't easy az we've anly been allocated a measly 1,000 tickets in the away section, which not suprizingly were totally 'selt oot' ower a week ago!

'Dave from York' who a'd selt mee origional ticket te on Monday, said he would try and get me anotha one!---and 'hey presto', just one hour later at dinnertime today, he text me to tell iz he'd foond me one!----A'v got to pick it up at the groond before the game, but at least a'm gannin' and mee record of not missin a competitive game anywhere, this century, will (hopefully!?) continue!---for the time being at least!<(or until mee piggy bank iz totally empty!)  'Mental' isn't the word!

NUFC iz a 'drug' which yoo carnt give up az av foond oot to mee cost this week!
"HOWAY THE £ADS!"

Cheers!
Fink (the mad-sad & mental groundhopper!)

"OH NO!---ANYONE! BUT LAZIO!"

Updated '4:30pm bells' Thorsday 28th February 2013


"IT'S A LOCKOOT!"

HORRIRFYIN' news haz reached 'The Geordie Times' that Lazio of Rome have been ordered to play their next TWO Europaa Leegue games behind closed doors because of crowd trouble, startin' with their home game against Stuttgart on March 14th.

Shud 'THEY' get through and 'WE' get through to the next roond, then there iz the distinct possibility that 'THEY' could get drawn against 'US', which would meen that 'NO' Toon fans would be allowed to gan to The Olympic Stadium in Rome!<(lets hope and pray that the Jawmans progress!)

Just where 'The Geordie Times' would LIKE and NOT LIKE to gan to next IF we reach the last 8!

Gold=Yes we'd like to gan here-pleeeze!
Pink=No Thanx!--visas required!
Yellow=Better than some!
Purple=Tooo dangerous!
Blue='Behind closed doors' so we DEFINATLEEE divvint want this one!
Green=Been here before and got the 'tee shirt' so we divvint want to gan again!

Pizen of Poland v Fenebache of Torkey
Stuttgart of Jawmany v Lazio of Italy
Steaua of Romania v Chelski of England
Benfica of Portugal v Bordeaux of France
Sporz of England v Inter Milan of Italy
Levante of Spain v Rubin of Rushaa
Basel 'Fawlty' of Switzerland v Zenit of Rushaa

That's just THREE oot of FOURTEEN that we'd like to gan te!  

ANZI RIPOFF!---"TWENTY SIX QUID! ***YIH HAVIN @ A LAFF!"

Posted '9:00am bells' Thorsday 28th February 2013

Tickets for wor away game against 'The Anzi Machachems' next Thorsday in Moscow are now on sale to season ticket holders by the usual dedicated European travel forms from the NUFC ticket office!
Anzi fans are bein' charged from £4 per ticket, while we must pay more than SIX TIMES! that amoont @ £26 per ticket!<(Who said beware of muggers in Moscow!?)

FIXTURE CHANGE!*** 'THE PULIS P*SS POTTS'*** NOW A SUNDAY!

Updated '9:30pm bells' Tuesday 26th February 2013

ACTION FROM THE TOON v THE P*SS POTTS
FROM LAST SEASON  

Wor home game against 'The Pulis P*ss Potts of Stoke' will now take place on Sunday 10th March with a '3 bells' kick off, az we play Anzi of Russia @ St James' in the Europaa Leegue on the Thorsday neet before!

For aall NUFC fixtures/results see top tool bar---aalso see latest Premyaa Leegue attendances which have just been updated

"HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A GEORDIE IN MOSCOW!?"

Updated '2:25pm bells' Tuesday 26th February 2013

Forst of aall, apologeez for not updatin' this website yesterday, but I waz awoken from my slumbers @ '10:30am bells' (after workin' a nightshift) by 'The Caped Crusader', tellin' me some devistatin' news that rocked me to the core!

NOT that anybody had 'snuffed it' or owt like that, but that wor planned trip to Moscow in just ower a weeks time with 'Thomas Cook Travel', which we had booked on Friday had been-----CANCELLED!!!--- due to lack of bookings, and according to today's 'Ronny-Gill' (below) anly 22 had actually booked up!

This waz mainly due to fans facin' the 'minefield' of fillin' in a Rushan visa form online <(which we were told cud take up to TWO HOURS!) and then havin' the hassle of travellin' to London or Edinburgh with a copy to obtain a visa!
Plus!-- the dedicated 'Thomas Cook' on-line number to book places couldn't be phoned ower the weekend coz nebody waz there to answer them!???

With anly a week to de the visas and the shear cost of re-booking, it haz proved an impossible task for many fans who have abandoned plans to gan!

Five of us went to anotha travel agents yesterday, where we spent ower two hours plannin' anotha trip at an 'eye waaterin' price, plus a canny bit extra for gettin' wor visas 'fast-tracked', due to lack of time!

Honestly!---it haz been an absolute nightmare to organise and if there are 40 Toon fans in Moscow next week I will be very suprized!

Footnote:
Of course, az WE havvent had WOR visas processed yet, WE might not be gannin eetha, if they divvint come back in time OR they reject wor applications for some reason!<(they are due back on Friday!)<(fingers and toes crossed!)

THE TOON 4 SOOOTHAMPTON 2

Posted '5:10pm bells' Sunday 24th February 2013


YOHAN CABAYE PENALTY

A six goal thriller on wot waz dubbed 'French Day' in honour of aall wor new French players, went in The Toon's favour!
But it didn't start off well when Schenderlin put the visitors in front in the 2nd minute, but 'The Sissoko Kid' levelled things in the 33rd minute when Gouffran supplied him with a pinpoint cross and wor number 7 supplied the vital touch!

IT'S 'FRENCH DAY' @ ST JAMES'!

Then just before the break Toon keeper Rob Elliot makin' hiz Premyaa Leegue debut cleared up field and the baall boonced nicely for Cisse and he rifled an unstoppable volley into the roof of the net @ 'The Leazes End' to put us aheed at the break!

Sooothampton levelled things though through Ricky Lambert in the 50th minute and it waz 'game on' again!

We retook the lead at the mid point of the half when Danny Fox handled in the box and Cabaye dispatched the penalty past Boruc in the visitors goal @ 'The Gallowgate End'!

Then! 11 minutes from the end we scored again when a clearence richoshaded of Hooiveld to seal the crucial victory and three valuable points to move us up to 14th place above Sooothampton and the SMBs!

Toon team: Elliot, Debuchy, Coloccini (Yanga 45), Steve Taylor, Santon, Tiote, Cabaye (Perch 77), Sissoko, Guierrez, Gouffran (Anita 87), Cisse

Attendance:52,259 (1,500 Sooothampton fans)  

THE TOON v SOOOTHAMPTON ***THIS AFTERNOOON!

Updated '10:45am bells' Sunday 24th February 2013

Today we must torn wor attention away from wor Europaa Leegue exploits and concentrate on the Premyaa Leegue where we will play a crucial game against Sooothampton @ St James' in a '1:30 bells' kick off.

Results yesterday were mixed and we now find worsels just THREE points above 'the abyss'!
We are level on points with wor opponents and a win would give us some breathin' space in the fight at the bottom of the table.

The bad news for us iz that wor forst choice goalie Tim Krul who sustaned an ankle injury in the Ukraine on Thorsday neet, iz likely to be oot for aroond aboot five weeks.
Second choice keeper Steve Harper iz aalso reported to be carryin' an injury which lets in Rob Elliot for hiz Premyaa Leegue debut.

Today haz been declared 'French Day' by NUFC in acknowledgement of the number of 'Frenchies' who will be in wor side today and face painters will be on hand to paint your face red, white and blue!
The visitors have sold their allocation of tickets and a near capacity crowd iz expected!

Match report to follow much later!   

"HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MAKHACHEM IN MOSCOW!?"

Posted '2:15pm bells' Saturday 23rd February 2013

LUHZNIKI STADIUM, MOSCOW

UEFA have just conformed that wor Europaa Leegue games against Anzi Makhachkala<(aka 'The Mak-hach-ems'!) of Russia will take place on Thorsday 7th March @ '5:00 bells' GMT<(Geordie Match Time!) (9:00 bells' OTT)<(Ower There Time!) in the 78,000 capacity Luzhniki Stadium, Moscow, with the retorn leg @ St James' Park a week later @ '8:05 bells' GMT! 

VISA TEASER!

Posted '11:30am bells' Saturday 23rd February 2013

Anyone plannin' to gan to Rushaa<(Russia!) for wor game against Anzi in just twelve days time will forst have to get a visa from the Rushin embassy in eetha London or Edinburgh and then conform travel arrangements! <(flights/hotels etc.)

The online form to get one we understand, iz 'mind-bogglin' to fill in and will cost between £77 and £107 for a 'fast track' one!

'The Geordie Times' will keep yoo informed ower the next few days az to any progress made by us!<(watch this space!)