"WE'RE NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET!"

Posted '9:40am bells' Monday 11th February 2013

Results ower the weekend, coupled with wor defeat at Sporz on Saturday, meen that we drop doon a place and are now once again just fower points above 'the abyss'!

We have ne leegue games now until we play Soothampton a week on Sunday @ St James'. Instead there's the little matter of two games against Metalist Karkiv in the Europa Leegue to play this Thorsday @ St James' and then in the Ukraine a week later.
Metalist anly drew 1-1 against Northern leegue side Whitley Bay! yesterday in a practice friendly @ Hillheads in front of a 722 crowd, but divvint take that az an omen for Thorsday, az a'm sure they'll put on a better show against us!

Gettin' back to the Premya Leegue, HALF the teams in it are fightin' to avoid 'the abyss' 

The latest Premya Leegue table (bottom)
Aall teams have played 26 games
(Teams are in 'Geordie Times cryptic code' to avoid copyright!) (see top tool bar for clues---and click onto 'CLUB NICKNAMES A to Z' 

11 The Jellied Eels Mob***30 points
12 The Wacko Jacko Jivers***29
13 SMBs***29
14 The Canary Custards***29
15 Sooothampton***27
16 THE TOON***27
17 The Hazbeenz and Villians***24
'THE ABYSS'!
18 The Biscuitmen***23
19 The Blue Wigs***21
20 'appy 'arrys Rag and Bone Men Rangers***17

SPORZ 2 THE TOON 1

Posted '10:00pm bells' Saturday 9th February 2013

THE TOON (IN MAROON!) ATTACK THE SPORZ
GOAL NEAR THE END OF THE 2nd HALF
(View from row 6 of the corner upper tier)

We've just this minute retorned from norf Landan after wor match @ White Hart Lane and I have ti tell yoo that we were unlucky to lose this game due to one Sporz players in particular who gans by the name of Bale!

The home side started off the brighter az they attacked 'The Park Lane End' and shud have took the lead az orly az the forst minute when a centre across the box thankfully failed to find a Sporz boot and we got away with it!
We wernt so lucky just fower mins later, however, when Bale struck a free kick which had been conceded by Coloccini on the edge of the box and hiz shot beat Tim Krul to give the home side the lead!

But we didn't wilt like we did last season (we lost 5-0!) and fought back this time and were rewarded some 20 minutes later with a goal from 'Frenchy' Yoan Gouffran who fired in a shot which seemed to take a deflection of a Sporz player and in the confusion their keeper waz wrang footed and the baall spun past him into the net to send the 1,750 Toon fans wild with delight at the other end of the pitch! 

We held wor own in the 2nd period but went behind again to anotha Gareth Bale goal.
He took advantage of mistakes by Coloccini and Steve Taylor to race clear and with anly Tim Krul to beat the 'on fire' Welshman placed hiz shot carefully to restore their advantage!

We tried in vain to come back and despite EIGHT minutes of stoppage time, due mainly to a bad injury on Gouffran (who had to be stretchered off!) we couldn't break doon their defence again and the game waz lost!

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Steven Taylor, Coloccini, Santon, Cabaye, Perch (Tiote 81), Gutierrez (Shola Ameobi 85), Sissoko, Gouffran (Marveaux 57), Cisse 

Attendance: 36,244 <(Sporz highest of the season!) (1,750 Toon fans)

SPORZ v THE TOON *****TOMORROW!

Posted '9:20pm bells' Friday 8th February 2013

"ONE OF THE 'GOLD DUST' TICKETS!"

We face Sporz @ White Hart Lane tomorrow @ anotha ridiculous 'SKY telly' kick off time of '12:45 bells' just to make sure that we've got to get oot of wor 'pits' @ an ungodly hour to get there! (In my case '2:30am bells' for a '4:00am bells' departure!)

Because we didn't naa exactleee when we'd be playin' them, aa waz reluctant to take the chance and book a train for orly Saturday in case they changed the game to a Sunday---so aa waited til the game waz conformed!
By this time the fares were 'eye waaterin' prices and so a'm 'slummin it' on the 'cheap bus'! (£40!)

Ironically, the trains back from King's Cross are NOT *DRY this time and alcopops, meths! etc. can be consumed on the retorn jorney!
This will be the forst time this season that the trains are not dry from London and the forst time that 'little old me' will NOT be able to enjoy a 'tipple or ten' afta several DRY runs!<(just my f*****' luck!)
(*Dry=no alcohol allowed!)

The game iz a selloot to Toon fans with a paltry 1,750 tickets taken for the away section. Wetha this iz NUFCs decision or that of Sporz iz not known, but iz a disgracefully inadequate amoont of tickets, especially az we have a large numbers of exiled Geordies who live in 'the smoke'!

Just like us, Sporz are on a 'high' and to be porfectlee honest with yoo, I will be very happy with a point from this game!<(we shall see!)

Az a'v got to get up orly in the mornin' a'm now retirin' to mee 'pit' for a few hours shuteye!
"Time for bed said Zebedee!" "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

Full match report to follow much later---probableee on Sunday sometime!



*For an archive groond report from mee forst ever visit to White Hart lane nearly 40 years ago---scroll doon this page! 

"IT'S A LOCKOOOT!***AGAIN!?"

Updated '3:33pm bells' Friday 8th February 2013

"NO ENTRY TO TOON FANS!"

For the second home game in a row The Toon U21 resorve side played a game behind closed doors @ Darsley Park, Benton this afternoon against 'The P*ss Potts of Stoke'
'The Geordie Times' haz said this before!---(and we'll say it again!)>Just wot benefit iz there in playin' in a field in front of ne spectators apart from a couple of dozen club officials, family and press, when theeze kids cud be hoyed in at 'the deep end' in front of 50,000 plus, shud they be needed in the future?

There's a gap of twelve days between the Chelski and Metalist home games, so why couldn't they have arranged it to be played @ St James' to give the players at least some much needed 'stadium expierience' and let the fans watch the kids?

Az it iz, we had to rely (once again!) on wor faithful carrier pigeon 'Porcy' to fly ower the action to bring yoo this excluusive match report, which haz just 'winged' it's way to us!

The Toon U21 resorves 3
'The P*ss Potts of Stoke U21 resorves 0

"Coo!-Coo!" "The Toon took the lead through new boy Massadio Haidra in the 14th minute with a low shot which beat their keeper!"
"The lead waz doubled qwaata of an hour later when Adam Campbell struck a shot which reboonded off one of their defenders and it went straight into the net!"

"With just ten mins gone in the 2nd half we were three up from an 18 yard effort by Jon Quinn and that's the way it stayed til the final whistle!"
"Cooooo!" 
 

'LLAMBS TO THE SLAUGHTER' SPEAKS! "ANOTHER 20 YEARS OF 'I BEG YOUR PARDEW'!!!"

Posted '5:10pm bells' Thorsday 7th February 2013

EIGHT PAGES! of toneets 'Ronny-Gill' are devoted to an interview with wor 'beloved' MD? known affectionateleee to Toon fans az 'Llambs to the Slaughter'!
We're NOT gannin to re-type aall of it<(it wud tek tooo lang anyway!) but have picked the main bits oot for the benefit of thoze of yoo 'exiles' who live ootside the area or are from owerseas and cannit access the local papers!

Llambs to the Slaughter: "If we are relegated we'll have put ourselves back three or four years!"
"That's not what the fans want!---DO they want to go to Barnsley again?" <(Not f*****' likely!)

ON THE FANS
"The intimidating fortress of St James' Park will be vital in the fight to ensure survival!---That's what happened against Chelsea when poor Petr Cech(their goalie) said afterwards!": "I have never heard noise like it in my life when Newcastle scored, this place is unbelievable!"

ON WOR MANAGER
 "Do we want to find  a situation when we have a manager for 15 or 20 years?- absolutely!"<(Wot!---anotha TWENTY YEARS of ''I Beg Your Pardew'!?)

ON THE FANS AGAIN!
"Not many clubs can boast a whopping 45,000 members during the global economic crisis and we want to fill the stadium for the final six league games with discounted ticket prices!"<(lettin' new fans buy discoonted tickets for az little az £110 for the last six games (£18.33 per game) iz hardly fair on current season ticket holders who fork oot £500 plus a season, Llambzy! (at least £26.31 per game!)

THE BAY WATCHERS v THE METAL GURUS!

Posted '3:00pm bells' Wednesday 6th February 2013

Northern Leegue side Whitley Bay have amazingleee arranged a prestigious friendly against METALIST KARKIV!---for next Sunday @ '7 bells' @ their tiny Hillheads groond!
Admission iz 'ten quid' for big kids and 'a fiver' for sprogs and zimmerframeites! 

Metalist are of course WOR opponents in the Europa Leegue a week tomorrow @ St James' Park!
Az it's anly 7 miles from The Toon there iz no doubt that wor manager will be alang to spy on them alang with hiz backroom staff! (alang with quite a few Toon fans az well!)

BAD BLUE BOYS 1 BILLY TOON 1

Posted '10:20am bells' Wednesday 6th February 2013


Dunston(in blue) attack the Billingham goal

With ne midweek matches to gan te for the Toon's forst team, resorve or junior sides, it waz decided by 'yours trueleee', to heed to a freezin' caad Dunston UTS Stadium last neet to 'test oot' mee thermals for the trip to Metalist Karkiv in a fortneets time where Ukrainian temperatures are expected to drop to az low az minus FIFTEEN degrees by the time the game kicks off!
Thermal socks, vest and lang johns! were the order of the day @ Dunston, alang with a thick jumper, coat, scarf and woolly hat!<(god!---I'm gettin' soft!)

It haz to be said that aalthough it had snowed through the day, it had stopped by the time the match kicked off and the temperature in the wind chill waz aboot minus two!

Aboot a 100 or so hardy souls torned oot for this Northern Leegue encoonta and the players, to their credit, were NOT wearin' gloves when the game kicked off and many were in short sleeved shirts!<(They're a hardy lot in this leegue!) 
If it waz a Premya Leegue game two miles away ower the waata @ St James', I wud guess that nearly AALL the pampered players wud be wearin' thick gloves and lang sleeves!

Anyway!---the game waz played on a very heavy clarty pitch and ended in a 'ones each' bore draw with Andy 'Bully' Bulford scorin' hiz 100th leegue goal for the 'Bad Blue Boys' from the penalty spot!
Mee thermals did their job, BUT az the temp wasn't THAT low, aa can anly hope that they 'de the trick' in Karkiv!?<(or else aall freeze to death!)

Footnote: (from the official Dunston site)
www.dutsfc.co.uk

NEW ARCHIVE GROOND REPORT FROM 1973

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 5th February 2013


'WHITE HART LANE' AZ IT LOOKED IN 1973

It's quite a while since aa did mee last groond archive report, so, az we are playin' away @ Sporz on Saturday aa thought a'd 'dig' this one up from mee forst visit to White Hart Lane from just under 40 years ago in 1973.

*For a list of aall the groond match reports that are online so far, click onto the 'ARCHIVE GROUNDS LIST' @ the top of this page (oot of 296 groonds visited, '50 odd' reports have been published so far!***so there are still a canny few to de!)

026 white hart lane tottenham

(GROUND NUMBER 26)

Date of First Visit: 28th APRIL 1973

WHITE HART LANE, LONDON

WHITE HART LANE MAIN ENTRANCE---
AZ IT LOOKED IN 1973

 

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR  3 

NEWCASTLE UNITED  2  (John Tudor, Terry McDermott)

 

(OLD) DIVISION ONE

ATTENDANCE 21,721 (2,000 Toon fans)

 

"THE PARK LANE GEEZERS!"

 

 

In 1973 White Hart Lane waz probably the best leegue groond in London with cover on aall fower sides, which waz a rarely in them days ! (Arsenal's Highbury groond for example, anly had cover on three sides at the time!)

Before the match we'd heeded up 'the High Road' which had many bars dotted alang it, but yi had to be wary of the local 'skinheeds' who were notorious at that time and who were on the lookoot for any strangers to give a good kickin' te!

But the NUFC 'Leazes End Boot Boys' were there in force az well!--- in their traditional 'butchers coats' and 'Doc Marten steel cappers' and we got to the match unscathed az the locals backed doon from any confrontations! (very wise!)

The Toon hoyed this one away as we were leadin' two-nowt at half time. Wor forst goal after 21 minutes was scored by John Tudor when Pat Jennings in the Spurs goal failed tih hold a shot from 'Supermac' and Tudor rushed in tih prod the baal home for his 23rd goal of the season. Terry McDermott added a second, when he hit a right footed volley past the hapless Jennings and an easy victory looked on the cards.

(WRANG!)  Spurs hit back in the second half with a couple of strikes from Martin Peters tih level the match at two's each. Two minutes from time Toon full-back Frank Clark gave away a dodgy penalty when he was alledged to have pushed Alan Gilzean and Martin Chivers converted from the spot tih send the Toon yem pointless! (Typical!)

 

The Spurs fans were (understandably!) ower the moon and we were (understandably!) totally pissed off! havin' hoyed the precious points away!.

In those days aall clubs of course had 'ends' where their nutters used tih congregate, and wor 'norf Landan friends' were nee exception, with 'The Shelf' 'Geezers' on the 'East Stand' side of 'The Lane' (nuw replaced by (surprize!-surprize!) executive boxes!---Aaarrr!!) and the  'Park Lane Geezers' tih the left of 'The 'Shelf'.

 

Nuw the reason that ah remember the latter name in particular is because the Spurs fans had painted 'PARK LANE GEEZERS' on the perimiter waall of the old Gallowgate End in the late '60's.

It was there for years, and aa could'nt help wonderin' just why their 'art-work' had never been cleaned off?.

(Mebees somebody from 'The Toon' was a 'closet' cockeral perhaps??)

Anyway!---after the match we (despondently!) made wor way up the Tottenham High Road in mee 'motaa' and on tih the 'North Circular' and heeded back yem with nowt tih show for wor efforts.

 

                                             

 

 

      

WOT THE PAPERS SAY!

Posted '3:25pm bells' Monday 4th February 2013

The back page of 'The Ronny-Gill' sez it aall aboot wor 'MAGnifique' performance on Saturday against the European champions from 'The Kings Road'
On the inside pages Yoan Gouffran admitted that he'd NEVER played in front of such passionate fans: Speakin' to 'The Ronny-Gill', he said:
"I'VE NOT SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS!--NEVER!---NOT AT ALL!"
"TO HAVE THOSE SUPPORTERS BEHIND US WAS UNBELIEVABLE!" 

Meeenwhile!--- in 'The Daily Mail' the above photo of Coloccini's 'spat' with old adversary Demba Ba clearly shows that Ba tried to bite Colo's right boot!---I think yooo'll agree that the evidence iz owerwhelmin'!!!
'The Geordie Times' will AALWAYS! give yoo 'wor loyal reeeders' an unashamedleee, unbiased opinion!!!!