THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS 1 THE TOON 2

Updated '2:05pm bells' Wednesday 30th January 2013

THE TOON ATTACK 'THE HOLTE END'
DURIN' THE 1st HALF
(View from 'The Corner Flag End'!)

"THE BATTLE OF 'THE ABYSS'!"

AT LAST!---an away win under wor belts on wor EIGHTEENTH attempt this season!
Two of wor latest 'French Connection' signins started the game, namely Gouffran and Sissoko and they seemed to enspire the team az we laid seige to the Villa goal az we attacked The Holte End in the forst half.
It waz Sissoko, indeed! who supplied an inch porfect pass for Cisse, who fired home in the 19th minute to give us a precious lead!

THE TOON FANS CELEBRATE CISSE'S GOAL
BY LETTIN' OFF A GREEN SMOKE BOMB!

Then, just after the half hour mark wor lead waz doubled when Yohan Cabaye hit an unstoppable right foot screamer from the edge of the box past the dispairin' Guzan in 'The Hazbeenz' goal and we looked to be 'coastin it' at this point!

However the 2nd half waz a different story with the home side startin' off 'on fire' with us on the backfoot!
A dubious 'ootside the box' penalty waz then awarded to them which they convorted to half the defecit and set us bitin' wor finger nails!
We simply couldn't get up to the end of the field where the Toon fans were housed and not one corner waz recorded by us in the whole second period!
'The Hazbeenz' had several chances to level things but thankfully Tim Krul in the Toon goal waz on top form and kept them at bay!
Wor thord recent French signin' Mbiwa then came on for a 'knackered' Sissoko 'who had run hiz socks off', to make HIS debut late on!
The final whistle waz greeted by the Toon fans az though we'd won the cup and we move FIVE ("Er! sorry"!) FOWER points clear of 'the abyss', havin' put Villa firmleee in it!

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Steve Taylor, Coloccini, Santon, Perch (Shola Ameobi 69) , Cabaye, Gouffran (Anita 74), Sissoko (Yanga-Mbiwa 79) Gutierrez, Cisse   

Attendance:30,334 (2,000 happy Toon fans!)



PS a word of mention to wor Jawman friends who are regular visitors to this site az they've just clocked up their THOOSANDTH HIT!---thanx for your support!

LATEST PREMYA LEEGUE TABLE (BOTTOM!)

Posted '3:15pm bells' Wednesday 30th January 2013

11 SMBs played 24/ points 29
12 The Jellied Eels Mob 23/27
13 The Canary Custards 23/26
14 Wacko Jacko Jivers 23/25
15 THE TOON 24/24
16 Sooothampton 23/23
17 Blue Wigs 24/20
The 'Abyss'!
18 Hazbeenz & Villians 24/20
19 The Biscuitmen 23/19
20 'Appy 'Arrys Ragmen 24/16  

THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS v THE TOON

Updated '9:20am bells' Tuesday 29th January 2013

Toneet iz probably the most important day of the season so far for NUFC, az we face a *'shell-shocked' Villa side in this 'battle to avoid the abyss' in Bormingham! (*'shell-shocked' because of their cup defeats to Bradfad City and Millwaall last week!)

'The Geordie Times' haz lornt that defender Massadio Haidara, one of wor new five French Connection signins this month, will NOT make hiz debut az waz previously thought?

'The Sissoko Kid' (Moussa Sissoko) WILL however step oot onto the Villa Park pitch in the number 7 shirt @ '7:45 bells' for his debut, but there iz ne mention of the other two signins last week, namely striker Yoan Gouffran or defender Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa in the startin' line up!?---we shall see!

It certainly iz 'the day of reckonin' for wor manager, so lets hope we can finally get wor forst away win of the season toneet at the EIGHTEENTH attempt!

We're heedin' off doon the 'A1' @ '12:30 bells'!---forst stop 'The Barton Arms' (qwaata of an hours waalk from the groond!) >>>>

For aall the latest squad numbers of wor 'French Connections' and other players, pleeeze gan to 'NUFC Squad Numbers' in the top 'tool-bar'

Full match report to follow 'sometime' tomorrow!

OTHER MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

Posted '8:15pm bells' Monday 28th January 2013

Another excellent site which 'The Geordie Times' often visits iz a non leegue one by 'Steve B The Groundhopper' which gives info on hundreds of grounds he haz visited ower the years and can be foond @ www.stevebthegroundhopper.blogspot.co.uk     

THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS v THE TOON ***TOMORROW NEET!

Posted '12:35pm bells' Monday 28th January 2013


"LETS HOPE IT'S A 'SIX'!"

Wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' will throw hiz last hand of the dice tomorrow neet @ Villa Park when hiz new team of FIVE Frenchys will be in the startin' line up---fower of them who will be makin' their debuts!
The latest rant from wor manager haz more than a sign of desperation in it:
"We've got fifteen games left and everyone of them is a cup final!--we have GOT to win half of those games!" <(that's 'seven and a half' by wor reckonin'!?)

We can anly hope that he throws a 'six' dice and that at last we can get wor forst away win of the season under wor belts in wot will be wor EIGHTEENTH attempt!

'The Hazbeens' of course have had a horrendous few weeks just like us, havin' been knocked oot of the Leegue Cup semis by fourth tier side Bradford last Tuesday and last Friday they lost to Championship side Millwaall in the FA Cup, to put them on a 'double downer' for their match against us!
Indeed, history could be made by us if current forst teamer Marveaux aalso plays az this will meen that more than HALF wor team will hail from France!
We can anly hope and pray that the 'French Connection' will pay off!?----We won't have lang to find oot!

AALL TIME AVERAGE LEEGUE GATES***1888-2013

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 27th January 2013

A grainy action shot from St James' Park
taken nearly 107 years ago on October 13th 1906
(the cameraz wornt very good in them days!)
Toon centre forward Appleyard heeds against 
the Man City crossbar @ The Gallowgate End
The Toon won this leegue encoonta 2-0
in front of a 20,000 crowd (Appleyard scored both!)
(The Popular side and Leazes Terrace
are in the backgroond)

Az ever! and nuw and again! 'The Geordie Times' brings yoo facts and figures from wor attendances ower the years

Below iz the list of the top ten supported clubs of aall time in the Futbaall Leegue from it's inception in 1888

We've aalso included aall nine of the north eest clubs who have ever played leegue futbaall and their position in the aall time list!
The Toon are currently in sixth place just behind Chelski, but az wor average gates are much higher than their's at the moment, we shud owertake them in the not too distant future!

1888 to 1st January 2013 

1 The Cockney Reds of Salford***38,401
2 The Liverbirds***34,167
3 Sporz***33,549
4 The Arse***33,308
5 Chelski OAPs***31,767
6 THE TOON***31,728
7 The Toffee Noses***31,200
8 The Blue Moonies***29,300
9 The Hazbeens & Villians***28,340
10 Leedz***25,580
North eest clubs ootside the 'top ten'
11 SMBs***25,396
16 The Smoggies***19,689
72 Gatesheed***6,381
103 The Monkey Hangers***4,225
105 Darlo***4,149
114 The Pit Yaakers of Ashington***3,524
126 Durhim City***2,541
136 (last place) Middlesbraa Ironopolis***1,450

"50,000 THANK YOOOZ!"

Posted '8:45pm bells' Saturday 26th January 2013

NEWS OF 'THE GEORDIE TIMES' 50,000th 'HIT' 
REACHES THE PLANET MARS!
"TAKE ME TO YOR LEADER---WHEY AYE MAAN!"

'History' haz been made on Tyneside today when 'The Geordie Times' received it's FIFTY THOOOOSANTH PAGEVIEW from aroond the world (and beyond!)

This momentous occassion haz been celebrated toneet with a few 'liquid lubrications' in the Toon!---and on MARS!---az yoo would expect! 

The Top Ten aall time list iz az follows!

Planet Earth Top Ten 'hits'
1 The United Kingdim***26,161
2 The U S of A***8,365
3 The Ukraine***1,358
4 Jawmany***992
5 The Guinness Republic***916
6 Greece***683
7 Rushaa***670
8 Spain***520
9 France***362
10 Holland***319

The rest of the Univorse!
1 Mars***"A canny few---like!"

"PARLEZ-VOUS GEORDIE BARDOT?"

Poste 'cloches a mid hig' Saturdy 26e Jauary 2013

SI VOUSD POUVEZ "BEAT THEM SE JOINDRE A EUX!

LA MARSEILLAISE

"Allons enfants de la patrie
le jour de gloire est arrive
contre nous de la tyrannie
l'etendard sanglant est leve
l'etendard sanglant est leve
etendez-vous dans les campagnes
mugir ces feroces soldats?
lls viennent jusque dans vos bras
egorger vos fils, vos compagnes!"

CHOEUR
"Aux armes, citoyens
formez vos bataillons
marccons, marchons!
qu'un sang impur
abreuve nos sillons!"

THE SISSOKO KID!***"AND THEN THERE WERE TWELVE!"

Posted '10:15pm bells' Friday 25th January 2013

"THE 'SISSOKO KID' WAVES GOODBYE
TO THE TOULOUSE FANS!"

Forst we had the 'Xsico Kid' on wor books and now we have The 'Siss'O'ko Kid'! in the shape of Frenchman<("WOT!"--anotha one!!!") Moussa Sissoko, a midfielder who haz played for hiz country on six occassions.
The 22/23 year old<(we're not sure?) signed for a reported fee of two million quid, and he haz signed a SIX and a half year contract---we believe!
He will wear the number 7 shirt!

TWELVE!---'Frenchys' are now on wor books! 

BLANKETY BLANK!***WEEKEND!

Posted '4:10pm bells' Friday 25th January 2013

We are left kickin' wor heels agen this weekend due to wor exit from the FA Cup at the 3rd roond stage!

At one time when The Toon got knocked oot of the cup they would arrange friendlies against Scottish opposition in 'the same boat', like Hibs, Hearts and Celtic.
These days however because of the very low crowds that would torn up, it wouldn't be lucrative enough to do so.
In the 1968 for example (after we got knocked oot at home by Carlisle!) aa remember that we played Hibs @ St James' on '4th roond day' and then Celtic on '5th roond day' when in total for the two games ower 53,000 torned up!

How many would torn up now?---NOT many me finx!

NO!---a'm afraid it's yet anotha 'blankety blank' weekend for us, az most of the local non leegue futbaall haz been wiped oot az well due to the bad wetha!!---we'll just have to gan 'on the hoy' instead!---won't we!