THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS v THE TOON ***TOMORROW NEET!

Posted '12:35pm bells' Monday 28th January 2013


"LETS HOPE IT'S A 'SIX'!"

Wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' will throw hiz last hand of the dice tomorrow neet @ Villa Park when hiz new team of FIVE Frenchys will be in the startin' line up---fower of them who will be makin' their debuts!
The latest rant from wor manager haz more than a sign of desperation in it:
"We've got fifteen games left and everyone of them is a cup final!--we have GOT to win half of those games!" <(that's 'seven and a half' by wor reckonin'!?)

We can anly hope that he throws a 'six' dice and that at last we can get wor forst away win of the season under wor belts in wot will be wor EIGHTEENTH attempt!

'The Hazbeens' of course have had a horrendous few weeks just like us, havin' been knocked oot of the Leegue Cup semis by fourth tier side Bradford last Tuesday and last Friday they lost to Championship side Millwaall in the FA Cup, to put them on a 'double downer' for their match against us!
Indeed, history could be made by us if current forst teamer Marveaux aalso plays az this will meen that more than HALF wor team will hail from France!
We can anly hope and pray that the 'French Connection' will pay off!?----We won't have lang to find oot!

AALL TIME AVERAGE LEEGUE GATES***1888-2013

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 27th January 2013

A grainy action shot from St James' Park
taken nearly 107 years ago on October 13th 1906
(the cameraz wornt very good in them days!)
Toon centre forward Appleyard heeds against 
the Man City crossbar @ The Gallowgate End
The Toon won this leegue encoonta 2-0
in front of a 20,000 crowd (Appleyard scored both!)
(The Popular side and Leazes Terrace
are in the backgroond)

Az ever! and nuw and again! 'The Geordie Times' brings yoo facts and figures from wor attendances ower the years

Below iz the list of the top ten supported clubs of aall time in the Futbaall Leegue from it's inception in 1888

We've aalso included aall nine of the north eest clubs who have ever played leegue futbaall and their position in the aall time list!
The Toon are currently in sixth place just behind Chelski, but az wor average gates are much higher than their's at the moment, we shud owertake them in the not too distant future!

1888 to 1st January 2013 

1 The Cockney Reds of Salford***38,401
2 The Liverbirds***34,167
3 Sporz***33,549
4 The Arse***33,308
5 Chelski OAPs***31,767
6 THE TOON***31,728
7 The Toffee Noses***31,200
8 The Blue Moonies***29,300
9 The Hazbeens & Villians***28,340
10 Leedz***25,580
North eest clubs ootside the 'top ten'
11 SMBs***25,396
16 The Smoggies***19,689
72 Gatesheed***6,381
103 The Monkey Hangers***4,225
105 Darlo***4,149
114 The Pit Yaakers of Ashington***3,524
126 Durhim City***2,541
136 (last place) Middlesbraa Ironopolis***1,450

"50,000 THANK YOOOZ!"

Posted '8:45pm bells' Saturday 26th January 2013

NEWS OF 'THE GEORDIE TIMES' 50,000th 'HIT' 
REACHES THE PLANET MARS!
"TAKE ME TO YOR LEADER---WHEY AYE MAAN!"

'History' haz been made on Tyneside today when 'The Geordie Times' received it's FIFTY THOOOOSANTH PAGEVIEW from aroond the world (and beyond!)

This momentous occassion haz been celebrated toneet with a few 'liquid lubrications' in the Toon!---and on MARS!---az yoo would expect! 

The Top Ten aall time list iz az follows!

Planet Earth Top Ten 'hits'
1 The United Kingdim***26,161
2 The U S of A***8,365
3 The Ukraine***1,358
4 Jawmany***992
5 The Guinness Republic***916
6 Greece***683
7 Rushaa***670
8 Spain***520
9 France***362
10 Holland***319

The rest of the Univorse!
1 Mars***"A canny few---like!"

"PARLEZ-VOUS GEORDIE BARDOT?"

Poste 'cloches a mid hig' Saturdy 26e Jauary 2013

SI VOUSD POUVEZ "BEAT THEM SE JOINDRE A EUX!

LA MARSEILLAISE

"Allons enfants de la patrie
le jour de gloire est arrive
contre nous de la tyrannie
l'etendard sanglant est leve
l'etendard sanglant est leve
etendez-vous dans les campagnes
mugir ces feroces soldats?
lls viennent jusque dans vos bras
egorger vos fils, vos compagnes!"

CHOEUR
"Aux armes, citoyens
formez vos bataillons
marccons, marchons!
qu'un sang impur
abreuve nos sillons!"

THE SISSOKO KID!***"AND THEN THERE WERE TWELVE!"

Posted '10:15pm bells' Friday 25th January 2013

"THE 'SISSOKO KID' WAVES GOODBYE
TO THE TOULOUSE FANS!"

Forst we had the 'Xsico Kid' on wor books and now we have The 'Siss'O'ko Kid'! in the shape of Frenchman<("WOT!"--anotha one!!!") Moussa Sissoko, a midfielder who haz played for hiz country on six occassions.
The 22/23 year old<(we're not sure?) signed for a reported fee of two million quid, and he haz signed a SIX and a half year contract---we believe!
He will wear the number 7 shirt!

TWELVE!---'Frenchys' are now on wor books! 

BLANKETY BLANK!***WEEKEND!

Posted '4:10pm bells' Friday 25th January 2013

We are left kickin' wor heels agen this weekend due to wor exit from the FA Cup at the 3rd roond stage!

At one time when The Toon got knocked oot of the cup they would arrange friendlies against Scottish opposition in 'the same boat', like Hibs, Hearts and Celtic.
These days however because of the very low crowds that would torn up, it wouldn't be lucrative enough to do so.
In the 1968 for example (after we got knocked oot at home by Carlisle!) aa remember that we played Hibs @ St James' on '4th roond day' and then Celtic on '5th roond day' when in total for the two games ower 53,000 torned up!

How many would torn up now?---NOT many me finx!

NO!---a'm afraid it's yet anotha 'blankety blank' weekend for us, az most of the local non leegue futbaall haz been wiped oot az well due to the bad wetha!!---we'll just have to gan 'on the hoy' instead!---won't we!

COLO TO STAY!***WE'VE GOT EGG ON WOR FACES!!!!

Posted '2:55pm bells' Friday 25th January 2013

News haz reached 'The Geordie Times' that wor club captain iz TO STAY after aall and will NOT jump ship az we originally reported before the Norwich game!
We have 'egg on wor faces' and we are eggstreemlee sorry for this misteak az we were telt by wor 'secret club insider' that Coloccini wanted to gan back yem to Argentina to be with 'hiz lass' az she had 'done a runner' and that he definately wouldn't be stayin' here because of that!

However! the fact that hiz intended club San Lorenzo could'nt afford hiz transfor fee and wages, plus the threat of legal proccedins against him for breakin' hiz contract and the fact that hiz £60,000 a week wages would cease forthwith, have undoubtedly persuaded him to have a 'financial-'re-think'!---Add on the fact that a £7 million quid 'buy oot' clause waz mentioned az well and yoo can see just why he's stayin'!
(It's not wor 'club insiders' fault that 'money talked' in the end!---iz it?)<(he/she iz blameless for the misstayk!)   

This iz NOT the ideal situation to be in and hiz 'enforced stay' on Tyneside iz (in wor humble opinion!) NOT good for the club az he iz obviously unhappy to be here!

"NANCY BOY SIGNS FOR THE TOON!"***** (GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!)

Posted '8:30pm bells' Thorsday 24th January 2013

"N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-NER!---NINETEEEEN!"

Yet anotha player haz been signed by us today from the otha side of the English Channel, by the name of Massadio Haidara and he becomes wor 'THORD Frenchy' to join us this week!

He's came from AS Nancy and iz a 20 year aad  U21 International left back and the fee we believe iz close to three million quid!
He will wear the "nnnnumber 19 shirt" and haz signed a five and a half year deal!

The total number of 'Frenchys' on wor books now numbers ELEVEN!

NUFC*****LATEST TICKET NEWS!

Posted '3:55pm bells' Wednesday ("sorry!") THORSDAY! 24th January 2013

There are quite a few tickets on sale for home and away games at the mo and include:

29th January
'The Hazbeens & Villians' away next Tuesday neet in 'The Battle to Avoid the Abyss!' @ Villa Park (zero points)

2nd February (Sat)
'Chelski OAPs' @ St James', which iz wor next home game and this iz now virtually a selloot, despite 'The Pensioners' not sellin' their full allocation of tickets! (so!---if yi want to gan---get a ticket now!---before it's tooo late!)

9th February (Sat)
Sporz away @ White Hart Lane (zero points required)

14th February (Thu)
'The Metal Gurus' 'of the Ukraine' in the Europa Leegue @ St James' ('level 7' not open for this game!) (public sale now!)

21st February (Thu)
'The Metal Gurus' IN the Ukraine (25 points--fill usual application forms in!)

24th February (Sun)
Sooothampton @ St James' (members sale now!)

"AND THEN THERE WERE TEN!"

Posted '11:20pm bells' Wednesday 23rd January 2013

The much needed striker Yoan Gouffran toneet put pen to paper and signed a fower and a half year deal, when he agreed to come to 'The Toon' from Bordeaux to become the TENTH French player to join us, thanx to the efforts of heed scout Graham Carr, who seems to be pormentlee based in France!
He cost a reported £2.1 million but carnt play in the Europa Leegue az he haz aalready done so against US @ St James' Park in Bordeaux's 3-0 defeat last year!

He will wear the number 11 shirt (and not the number 38 he iz pictured in!)

More to follow on this tomorrow plus otha transfor news!