MARITIMO 0 THE TOON 0

Posted '2:30pm bells' Saturday 22nd September 2012

(Ground number 291)
Estadio Dos Barreiros, Funchal, Madeira

Europa League group stage  

(brief travel/match report!--much more to follow in the next few day---when aa get time!)

"WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF 'FUN'CHAL!"

"SPOT THE YELLOW CRANE!?"

Havin' arrived back late last neet from wor sortie to Madeira we must apologise for the match report bein' two days late!

SIX flights there and back have certaily taken it's toll az we have spent a total of 18 hours in various airports from Wednesday mornin' til last neet waitin' for flights!

Havin' left the hoose on Wednesday at '8:30am bells' we eventually arrived at wor hotel in Funchal (the capital city of Madeira) at '1:40am bells' orly the next mornin'---to find it locked up and ne sign of life!
After brayin' on the door and ringin' the hotel intercom bell for ten minutes we eventually got a reply from the manager and finally got to sleep half an hour later! "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

Next day it (or shud that be a few hours later!?) we got up and after a quick shower and scran it was off to explore the delights of Madeira. (the boozers!)
With the kick off at six bells in the evenin' and with the groond high in the hills of Madeira we started off in the harbour area before startin' the steep climb towards a huge yellow tower crane which waz next to the groond.
After several 'ports o call' we made for the groond which waz on a very steep incline and eventually arrived at the ticket office with aboot an hour to spare before kick off to hand wor vouchers in for wor match tickets.

The NUFC official dishin' the tickets oot telt us that we had selt a grand total of 83 tickets for the game, but on enterin' the 'buildin' site groond' (with it's yellow crane!) we cud see that there were quite a few holiday makers who were there az well (this boosted the attendance to aroond 150 in wor section!)
Three sides of the groond were under construction and the anly section open waz on the main stand side and there looked to be aroond aboot 4,000 inside az the game kicked off!

A mainly resorve team, apart from the back fower who had played at Goodison on Monday neet, ran oot to applause from the travellin' faithful---and holiday makers! (aye!---we made 7 changes in aall!)

It waz a terrible game really, aalthough we did hit the woodwork three times durin' the match (Shola twice and Dan Gosling!)
The home side aalso hit the woodwork once but it waz anotha shambolic European away performance to forget!

Toon team: Elliot, Perch, Williamson, Steven Taylor, Santon, Bigirimana, Gosling, Obertan (Marveaux 80), Amalfitano (Ferguson 76), Vuckic (Sammy Ameobi 53), Shola Ameobi 

Attendance 4,000 estimated (150 Toon fans/holiday makers!)

After the match we heeded back doon the hillside to the various boozers we had drank in on the way up.
We stayed up aall neet and heeded back to the airport at '4am bells' to catch the forst of three flights back to the Toon, arrivin' yem at 9:35pm bells' preciseleee!---totally 'cream crackered!

Like aa say!----much! much! more to follow later az a'v got to gan to the Dunston v Darlo, Northern League game in a few minutes and then later on toneet, drive mee truck to Glasgow @ 10 bells!---arrive back at 8 in the mornin'---have a bit "ZZZzzz!"---and gan to wor game against 'The Canary Custards' tomorrow afternoon @ St James'! (there's ne rest for the wicked!---iz there!?)

MARITIMO v THE TOON***TOMORROW NEET!

Posted '6:55am bells' Wednesday 19th September 2012

Later on today we set off on another epic jorney, this time to a sun kissed island off the north African coast caalled Madeira, for wor game against Maritimo in the Europa League on Thorsday neet @ '6 bells'

Aaltogether we have got to catch SIX flights there and back, via Toon airport, Brussels, Lisbon and Madeira in the next three days!
We been telt through the grapevine that we have sold a total of 79 tickets for this game!

The computaa meeenwhile iz gannin into hibernation once again and will wake up sometime on Saturday!---- "ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz!!!!"

THE TOON U21 RESORVES 2 SMB U21 RESORVES 2

Posted '6:40am bells' Wednesday 19th September 2012

The resorve derby ended in stalemate @ St James' last neet.
The SMBs took the lead in the 8th minute through Connor Whickham who easily beat Jak Alnwick in the Toon goal.
We levelled things in the 16th minute when mackem goalie Pickford 'dropped a bollock' by mishandlin' and Brad Inman waz there to slot the baall into the empty net!

Adam Campbell then put us in front when hiz deflected shot beat the keeper again.

Then the visitors drew level through Whickam again just before the interval.
There waz ne more scorin' in the 2nd period and the game ended two's each!

Attendance: anly 1,776 includin' less than 200 SMBs

THE TOFFEE NOSES 2 THE TOON 2

Posted '10:35am bells' Tuesday 18th September
2012

"SMOKIN' BAN!?---WOT SMOKIN' BAN!???"

Before the match we heeded for poshly named 'Fountains Abbey' boozer which iz aboot a ten minute waalk from the groond.

However!---the clientele were far from posh and smoke enveloped the bar az we waalked through the door.
Unbelievibly aboot TEN or so punters were puffin' away on their tabs INSIDE the bar and this iz the forst time since the 'smokin ban' that a'v actually seen people smokin' in a bar!
The place waz packed with dishevelled locals on their 'happy hour' binge (less than two quid a pint!) and a 'full blast' karaoke started next to us, with a drunken gadgy tryin' to sing a ballad, but failin' miserableeee!

After just one pint, listenin' to this crap, it waz time to make A SHARP exit! az the smoke waz chokin' us to death by this time! (we're non smokers!) and we heeded for 'The Clock' just doon the road, which waz thankfully 'smoke (and karaoke) free'!, and stopped there til it waz 'match time'! 

In an incident packed game which included THREE! disallowed goals for the home side, (TWO of them 'legitimate'!) it was The Toon who got oot of jail @ Goodison Park last neet!

A minutes applause for the Hillsborough victims before the match waz a reminder to just how far futbaall grooonds have come on, since the 'cages' of the 70s and 80s (aalthough Goodison haz hardly changed since then!)

We started off badly and 'The Toffee Noses' went aheed in the 15th minute when Leighton Baines struck home @ The Park End in wot waz a very bad half for us, az we were dreadful!
A goal for the home side waz ruled offside by the linesman orly on and we were lucky to gan in just one goal behind at the interval.

Demba Ba came on at the start of the 2nd period to replace 'Marveaux the Magician' (who waz anything but!) and it took him just fower minutes to put us back on level torms and score The Toon's 1,000th Premya League goal with a great left foot shot past Tim Howard in the home goal, after bein' given a great through baall from Cabaye! 

Another offside goal waz flagged by the linesman to deny the home side, and this caused great anger amongst the Evertonians in the crowd! ("Calm doon---calm doon!")

Not lang after, another controversial decision, this time by the ref denied 'The Tooffee Noses' once again, when Stevie Harper in The Toon goal saved from point blank range to tip Anechibe's shot onto the bar and ower the goal line, but the ref missed it and waved 'play on'!
The Toon then broke through the middle of the home sides defence when Ben Arfa ran clear, but the ref inexplicably blew for a foul instead of playin' advantage, thus denyin' us a goal scorin' opportunity!
Then!---with just three minutes left on the clock Anechibe scored wot looked like 'The Toffee Noses' winner @ The Gladys Street End 

BUT!---we were not to be denied and super sub Demba Ba saved the day in the very last minute when Shola Ameobi (anotha super sub) superbly chested the  baall doon to wor number 19 and he gleefully excepted the chance and fired past Howard to send the smaall band of away follower wild with delight!

Toon team: Harper, Perch, Williamson,  Steve Taylor, Santon ,Cabaye (Bigirimana 90), Anita, Gutierrez, Marveaux (Ba 46), Ben Arfa, Cisse (Shola Ameobi 80)

Attendance: 32,510 (less than 2,000 Toon fans--aall in The Bullens Road lower tier---the lowest number aa can remember here!) 


Tooneet we play the SMBs in a resorve match @ St James' @ '7 bells'
Season ticket holders and member get in free---£3 for others and £1 for sprogs etc.

Match report to follow!  

THE TOFFEE NOSES v THE TOON***TOOONEET!

Posted '9:45am bells' Monday 17th September 2012

With several forst team squad players oot injured (Krul, Ryan Taylor, Simpson, Tiote and possibly Coloccini etc.) we gan to Goodison tooneet @ '8 bells', in hope more than expectation and to be honest we will be happy with a point from this one az 'The Toffee Noses' are on a 'high' after beatin' 'The Cockney Reds of Salford' on home soil a few weeks back.

We leave at '1:30 bells' this afternoon for the short trip to Morseyside ('short' compared with wor trip to Madeira near Africa, for wor Europa League game on Thorsday!) where ne doubt we will end up in 'Wetherspoons' or 'The Clock' not tooo far from the groond!
(That's in 'Mickeymouseland' and NOT Madeira, by the way!) (aalthough they've probably got a 'Wetherspoons' there, by now!)


Full 'Geordie Times' match report to follow tomorrow mornin'!---sometime?

THE TOFFEE NOSES v THE TOON***TOMORROW NEET!***THEN!!!!

Posted 8:25pm bells' Sunday 16th September 2012


FORST UP!^

The start of a hectic couple of weeks for the 'Mad-sad Toonhoppers' starts tomorrow neet @ '8 bells' when we take on 'the blue half' of Morseyside @ Goodison Park!

Then! on Tuesday the resorves take on the SMBs 2nd string @ St James' Park in the Tyne/wear resorve derby @ 7' bells'!

Then! on Wednesday we set off for three flights to Madeira (Toon to Brussels to Lisbon to Madeira!)for wor Europa League tie against Maritimo on Thorsday neet!

Then! we fly back on another three flights in revorse order! arrivin' back on Tyneside on Friday neet!

Then! we will take in a non league game on Saturday afternoon (Dunston v Darlo)

Then! next Sunday 'The Toon' take on 'The Canary Custard Crumbles' in a '3 bells' start @ St James'!

Then! (it just gans on and on!) we heed for 'The Theatre of Muppets' in Salford for wor League Cup tie the followin' Wednesday!

Then! Finalleee! on the Saturday after that it's off to see us play 'The Biscuit Men' in deepest Berkshire!
That's! FIVE forst team games in Twelve days, plus the SMB resorve derby and a non league game to boot!---plus a canny bit of travellin' in between!---aall in the life of a 'mad-sad groundhopper'!

More to follow tomorrow mornin' on wor match against 'The Toffee Noses'!(When aa get mee breath back! ("hur! hur! hur!") 

THE TOON U21 RESORVES 0 SOOOTHAMPTON U21 RESORVES 1

Posted '1:35pm bells' Saturday 15th September 2012

Last neet @ Whitley park, Benton, the resorves lost 1-0 to Sooothampton in front of a paltry 324 diehards. (didn't see ANY Sooothampton fans at aall?)<(bloody part timers!)
Thankfully the wind had died doon a bit from orlier on in the day, but the anly action to taalk aboot from wor point of view in the forst half waz when JJ Hooper had a fine effort which clipped the post in the 20th minute.
The visitors aalso had chances though, and Jak Alnwick in the Toon goal waz caalled into action a canny few times and kept the scoreline blank at the interval.  

The one and anly goal of the game came after five minutes of the 2nd half when a certain S. McQueen finally beat Alnwick from aboot 10 yards oot!>>>>>

The main taalkin' point of the half from then on, waz how we were gettin' to Madeira next Thorsday for wor Europa league tie, az the action on the pitch waz aall Sooothampton!

Another taalkin' point waz the absence of 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer', who, we were telt waz at hiz mates Chateau near Bordeaux for some wine tastin'! ("WOT!")
Er!---it waz aalso revealed by a 'Geordie Times undercover reporter' that 'Blondie' waz a f***** choir boy in hiz distant past!)< there's NE hidin' place from 'The Geordie Times'!
('Blondie' haz threatened to sue 'The Geordie Times' for defamation of character, but we will NOT be bullied by anyone!---we anly print the TRUTH!---and in any case, wor piggy bank iz empty now, with havin' to pay for the three forthcomin' European away ties!)

Later on this mornin' wor U18s take on the SMB U18s @ The Academy of SHhhh! 'Yee Naa Wot'
The postcode iz: SR6 7UN  (Kick off iz @ '11:00 bells')(so yi'd better hurry if yih gannin!)

ER!---just foond oot!--- we lost 4-2 with wor goals comin' from Alex Gilliead and Macauley Gilhespy

THE TOON U21 RESORVES v SOOOTHAMPTON U21 RESORVES***TONEET!

Posted '3:10pm bells' Friday 14th September 2012

Toneet @ Whitley Park, Benton, the resorves are in action against their coonterparts from Sooothampton in a '7 bells' start.

Season ticket holders and members of course get in for nowt on production of their 'cards', while aall others must pay £3 (big kids) and £1 (sprogs etc.)
Bitingleee caad gale force winds are forecast, so, divvint forget to 'wrap up waam' in your thick 'tee shirtless' top, if yih plannin' on gannin!

MATCH REPORT TO FOLLOW LATER!

MARITIMO AWAY TICKET NEWS

Updated '8:40am bells' Friday 14th September 2012

"WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF 'FUN'CHAL!"
'ESTADIO DOS BARREIROS' (PORTUGUESE)---OR!---
'THE 'DOSS HOOSE' STADIUM' (GEORDIE TRANSLATION!)

Maritimo away tickets for next Thorsday neet in Madeira gan on sale today to season ticket holders @ £18 from the NUFC ticket office. (ne reductions for bairns or zimmerframeites!)
'Tickets' will be in the form of a voocher which haz to be exchanged for a 'propa' ticket @ the Maritimo ticket office in Funchal, when yi (eventually!) get there!
(Tickets will be issued between '5 and 7 bells' before the match)

MORE FIXTURE CHANGES!

Posted '4:45am bells' Wednesday 12th September 2012

Two more fixtures have been moved back a day because of wor European commitments.
We now play @ Sooothampton on Sunday 25th November (3 bells) and @ 'The Pullis P*ss Potts' on Wednesday 28th November (7:45 bells)az we play Maritimo @ St James' the previous Thorsday neet! (see fixture list below)