MUNICH---MAY 19th----DESTINY DAY!?

Posted '8:30am bells' Wednesday 25th April 2012

"DESTINY DAY!" @ 'THE SPARE TYRE'!???"

Followin' last neets shock result which saw the OAPs of Chelski progress to the Champions League final, we now have a clearer picture to just where we stand in torms of wor qualification for a Champions League place next season.

Quite simply, shud we finish in wor current position of FOURTH and Chelski finish below us but WIN the Champions League then it it will be THEM and not us get that coverted place.

However!---and under the same finishin' positions shud they LOSE in Munich on May 19th, where the final iz bein' played, then WE will get that coverted last Champions League place!

In other words MAY 19th 2012 could be wor day of destiny even though we divvint play!----watch this space!

PS: I listened to the entire match on mee truck radio on the  'M74' on mee way back from Glasgow last neet and waz 'devistated' at the result---az yi can imagine! 

"WOR JACKIE HAZ FINALLY COME YEM!"---AT LAST!"

Posted  '8:15am bells' Tuesday 24th April 2012

"WELCOME YEM JACKIE!"

Yesterday afternoon the Jackie Milburn statue, which haz stood on St James' Boulevard for a number of years haz been moved to a site on the corner of 'The Gallowgate End' and opposite 'The Strawberry' boozer.
It originally stood in Northumberland Street which for those of yoo who divvint naa iz the main shoppin' street in 'The Toon'.
(We could never understand why hiz statue waz put there az he never played on Northumberland Street?)

'The Gallowgate End' waz 'Wor Jackie's' favourite end of the groond, so it's very appropriate that he haz now 'come yem at last'!

"THE TIMES THEY ARE A' CHANGIN'!"

Posted '8:05pm bells' Monday 23rd April 2012

Az the whole world now naaz, 'The Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge' reached it's conclusion in 'The Star' on Saturday after the match and aa have to say that when we forst drank here in the 1970s, it waz a totally different boozer from wot it iz now!

Then---it waz COMPULSARY! to have tattoos on EVERY! part of your body and if you looked at somebody so much az in the wrang way, then you were likely to get a bar-stool smashed ower yi heed or a pool queue rammed doon yi throat!---pronto!

The clientele have changed somewhat since then and 'The Geordie Times' chief paparazzi photographer took this exclusive photo in 'The Star' at aroond '7 bells' on Saturday neet!    VVVVV???

THE LIVERBIRDS RESORVES 1 THE TOON RESORVES 2---RESULT!

Posted '8:00pm bells' Monday 23rd April 2012

"WE COULD AALWAYS TAKE A LADDER!---LIKE!"
(SOMEWHERE OOTSIDE MELWOOD TRAININ' GROOND!)

This afternoon @ '2 bells' wor resorves played 'The Liverbirds' resorves at their Melwood trainin' groond in Liverpool behind closed doors!
Az we didn't fancy anotha 'Fulham Fiasco' (see 'ground 285 NOT Motspur Park', in the 'archive grounds list!) we decided not to attempt to get in, just in case we didint!.
We hord 'through the grapevine' that they had a huge fence aroond their trainin' groond to stop any 'pryin' eyes', so unlike 'Motspur Park', we would be unable to get a view of the game from any gaps in the fence!

Az per usual in theeze circumstances, we  sent wor intrepid 'Stop the Pigeon' reporter, who flew  ower the action and flew us back this report!

"The Toon won 2-1 with wor goals comin' from Yven Moyo with a side footer in the 22nd minute.
Mehdi Abeid doubled wor advantage ten mins later from the penalty spot after Donaldson waz scythed doon in the box.
Ngoo redused the deficient orly in the 2nd period for the home side but we hung on to win wor forst game for 'donkeys'!"



FINK THE MAD SAD GROUNDHOPPERS STATEMENT (on wor non attendance!)

"However!--- We refuse to be beaten and shud we play their junior team at their trainin' groond next season (when access iz guaranteed!) (and if we have a 'free day'?) then 'The Geordie Times mad-sad groundhoppers will be there in force!" ("Er!"---probably 2 or 3 of us at the most!)

Footnote: 'Chancer' and 'Mad-sad groundhopper' 'Glennn from Ashington' went doon and DID get in by 'sneakin past' the security bloke on the gate!---"well done mate"! 

"EUROPE!--EUROPE!--HERE WE COME!"

Posted '8:10am bells' Monday 23rd April 2012

"I HAVE A DREAM!"

'The Toffee Noses of Everton's' 4-4 draw @ 'The Theatre of Muppets' yesterday afternoon means that they cannit catch us and we are now CERTAIN to qualify for at least the Europa League next season with FOWER games to spare!

This iz a fantastic acheeevement az a relegation battle waz forecast by aall at the start of the season!

The next challenge iz to get into the Champions League of course and az we are in FOURTH position we have a great chance of dein' so!

European qualification---az it stands @ '8:00am bells' Monday

1 The Cockney Reds of Salford---
played 35---points 83---Champions League place guaranteed 

2 The Blue Moonies 35/80---Champions League place guaranteed

3 The Arse 35/65---Champions League???
Europa League place guaranteed

4 THE TOON 34/62---Champions League??? Europa League place GUARANTEED!

5 Happy Harry's Hotspors 34/59---Europa League??? or Champions League ???

6 The OAPs of Chelski 34/58---Europa League place guaranteed by reachin' the FA Cup final.  Champions League ???

7 The Toffee Noses of Everton 34/48---CANNIT now qualify for any European competition

8 The Liverbirds 34/46---Europa League qualifiers by winnin' the League Cup---CANNIT qualify for Champions League

Aaltogether now!
"Howay, we're off to sunny Spain!"-
Aviva Espana!" 

THE TOON 3----------THE PULLIS P*SS POTTS OF STOKE 0

Updated 'high noon bells' Sunday 22nd April 2012

A fantastic 3-0 result @ St James' Park yesterday secured the three valuable points and with aall the other results gannin wor way az well, it proved to be a memorable day aall roond!

The forst goal came in the 14th minute when Ben Arfa who bamboozled the Stoke defence and ran rings roond them centred from the Milburn Stand side for Demba Ba to heed against 'the bar' and the reboond fell porfectlee for Yohan Cabaye who heeded the baall into the net @ 'The Leazes End'!

Wor lead waz doubled just 5 mins later when a pressision pass from goal scorer Cabaye foond Papiss Demba Cisse and he porfectly placed his shot past the advancin' Stoke keeper!

This waz Cisse's ELEVENTH GOAL in TEN GAMES and that equals 'Micky 'Fat Boy' Quinns' Premya Leegue goals record for Coventry in the orly '90s'!---brilliant stuff!

Then in the 2nd period Yohan Cabaye sealed the match for the 'black 'n' whites with a shot of pure quality which hit the back of the net @ 'The Gallowgate End'!

Results orlier in the day meant that we moved up to fourth place in the league and wor 100th pub, namely 'The Star', waz on wor 'radar' after the game. (see below)

Spors against QPR waz on the telly and the men from 'Steptoeland' (QPR) won the day 1-0 much to the delight of aall in 'The Star', az it meeenz we stay in a Champions League position and are anly three points behind 'The Arse' in thord place az we speak! (with a game in hand!)

Aalso if The Toffee Noses of Everton fail to beat The Cockney Reds of Salford on Sunday dinnertime @ 'The Theatre of Muppets', then we will DEFINATLEEE qualify for at least the Europa League next season!---"Happy days!"

PS: The rumour that we cancelled the Northumberland Senior Cup final on Thorsday to relay the lines and widen the pitch to stop Stokes lang 'throw-ins' proved to be competeleee untrue!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson (Gosling 82), Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Ben Arfa, Cabaye (Perch 60), Tiote, Gutierrez, Ba, Cisse (Shola Amiobi 69)  

Attendance: 52,162 (1,664 'P*ss Potts!)  

Wor quest to visit 100 pubs in one season waz ower and we completed this 'tonsil ticklin' task' @ '7 bells' last neet! (scroll doon!)

THE GEORDIE TIMES!---100 NOT OOT!---"LET THE CELEBRATIONS BEGIN!"

"THE GEORDIE TIMES 100 PUB CRAWL CHALLENGE HAZ BEEN COMPLETED!---THE WORLDWIDE CELEBRATIONS (AND BEYOND!) HAVE AALREADY BEGUN!---A HUNDRED PUBS IN TWENTY GAMES!"

"TOP 'O' THE WORLD!---JUST LIKE THE GEORDIE TIMES!"
 MOONT EVEREST---TIBET-NEPAL BORDER!



"HANDS UP!---FOR THE GEORDIE TIMES!"
EMPIRE STATE BUILDING--NEW YORK!

"SHOES OFF!---FOR THE GEORDIE TIMES!"
CAIRO--EGYPT!

SYDNEY HARBOUR--AUSTRALIA!
   ("NE EXPLANATION NEEDED!")







"IT'S A MESSAGE FROM PLANET EARTH!"
"THE GEORDIE TIMES HAZ JUST VISITED A NEW 'STAR'!"
"GET THE BROON ALE OOT!"

"FROM THE MONKEY BAR!" (BAR 001)

"TO THE STAR!" (BAR 100)

THE TOON v THE PULLIS P*SS POTTS OF STOKE---TODAY!

Posted '10:00am bells' Saturday 21st April 2012

THE 'LEAZES END' FROM LEAZES PARK LAKE

Tooday @ the unusual kick off time of '3 bells' we face a 'tuffee' against 'The P*ss Potts' @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!)

The permutations of European qualification have now reached ridiculous proportions with ne one knowin' exactly where they stand, and wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' summed it up yesterday when he said:
"What I do know is that European qualification is about as complicated as it gets. We need Carol Vorderman to work this one out!
Lets just say there's a bit of confusion over it in my mind.
You're talking about qualifying games for the two competitions, for example when we might come into the qualifiers?. There seems to be a little bit of confusion over which position gets you where!?"

ie: De the FA Cup winners automatically take a place in the group stage of the Europa League--or not?--or does the team finishin' highest in the Premier League and qualifyin' for that competition avoid the qualifyin' stages instead!???
NEBODY at the FA or UEFA seems to naa!?----

In anotha 'bizzare twist', shud we finish in FOURTH position and Chelski finish FIFTH, but then gan on to WIN the Champions League, then THEY and NOT US would qualify for the Champions League next season!
This was not lost on wor manager eetha, when he further added:
"If we finish fourth, I would gulp on my beer if Chelsea won the Champions League!---that's for sure!--I'm sure we all would!"

--there's anly one thing to say to that, Alan!-----
"COME ON 'BARCA'!"  

Anyway!---gettin' back to todays game!
It's a complete 52,000 plus selloot with the visitors anly takin' 1,664 tickets for 'level 7' of 'The Leazes' and three points for us are crucial in wor bid for Europe! (even though we divvint naa where we need to finish yet!?)
We are biddin' for wor SIXTH consecutive win in a row for anly the thord time since we joined the 'premya', but it wont be an easy game against the lang throw bores of the Potteries.

Rumour haz it that we cancelled the Northumberland Senior Cup Final on Thorsday so we could relay and remark some of the pitch to make it WIDER! to try and stop their lang throw ins!?---we'll find oot if that iz true @ '3 bells' this afternoon!?

Full match report to follow az per usual eetha later toneet or orly tomorrow mornin' (dependin' just how much we have to drink if the final day of wor 100 Pub Crawl Marathon!?) (SEE BELOW!)    

THE STAR'S THE BAR!

Updated '9:10am bells' Saturday 21st April 2012

"YOU'RE A STAR!---YOU'RE A STAR!"

The Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge big day iz upon us, az we will visit wor 100th 'liquid lubrication location' today after wor home game against 'The Pullis P*ss Pots of Stoke'

It's been a marathon effort, but we were NEVER in any danger of NOT completin' 100 az there are quite a few drinkin' dens that we havvent been te!

We've done 98 so far this season and will de wor 99th before the match (havvent decided where yet!) and wor 100th after the match, will be!-------
'THE STAR' on Westgate Road between '6:00 and 6:30 bells' which haz recently been refurbished and reopened!

This was wor main waaterin' hole in the 1970's, and after a Toon victory we would dance on the tables and bar coonta to celebrate, much to the annoyance of 'Robbie' the manager! 

History iz in the makin'!-----Be there for the celebrations toneet! 

NUFC TICKET NEWS FOR REMAININ' GAMES

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 19th April 2012

^"SOLD OOT!"^

Ticket info for wor five remainin' premya leegue games are az follows:

The Pullis P*ss Pots of Stoke @ St James' Park on Saturday ('3 bells')
Limited number of tickets available due to the fact that the visitors have anly taken an allocation of 1,664 oot of a possible 3,000
The extra 1,300 plus tickets are now on sale to Toon fans and are expected to sell oot fast!

The Blue Wigs of Wigan away on Saturday 28th April ('3 bells')
Toon allocation of 4,500 tickets sold oot!---ne more tickets available

The OAPs of Chelski away on Wednesday 2nd May ('7:45 bells')
Toon allocation which iz unknown at the moment iz sold oot!---ne more tickets available

The Blue (it!?) Moonies of Manchester @ St James' Park on Sunday 6th May ('1:30 bells')
Live on SKY
Tickets still on sale

And finalleee! 

The Toffee Noses of Everton away on Sunday 13th May ('3 bells')
Tickets still on sale---allocation 3,000