Wednesday, 18 April 2012


Posted '1:00pm bells' Wednesday 18th April 2012
MIDDLEWOOD TRAININ' GROOND---SHEFF WED
(Plus NUFC team bus!)

Az promised, below are 'the mad-sad grundhoppers' match report(s) from the juniors games at Sheff Wed on Saturday. 'Ground 285 at last', followin' 'The Fulham Fiasco' a fortneet ago! (see ground '285 NOT Motspur Park' in the 'Archive grounds list' at the top of the page!)

There iz actually a great topic of debate az to whether we could infact include the game at Fulhams trainin groond in wor 'groundhoppers list' az we actually saw the game, aalthough we wernt actually inside the groond to see it!!! (like aa say---see ground '285 NOT' and aa'll let yeez decide!)

285 middlewood sheffield


(Ground number 285A and 285B!)
Date of First Visit: 14th April 2012

Middlewood Training Ground, Sheffield


(Pitch ‘A’)

Sheffield Wednesday U18s 1
Newcastle United U18s 3 (Dan Taylor 2, Ryan McGorrigan)

(Pitch ‘B’)

Sheffield Wednesday U16s 4
Newcastle United U16s 4 (scorers unknown!?)

FA Academy League (North)
Combined attendance: 99 (estimated!) (9 Toon fans---a tenth of the 'crowd'!---nearly!)



“SHAKEY RATTLE AND ROLL!”



‘Blondie Alan’ waz wor driver for this one and the ‘intrepid trio’ set off @ 8:30 bells for the high noon kick off @ Sheff Weds trainin’ ground near Hillsborough. (Blondie—Liam and meesel!)

We arrived @ 10:45 bells’ after followin' the team bus---(which had to make a 'U' turn after missin' the turn off to the groond!) and started lookin’ for a boozer that waz open az there waz still an hour and a qwaata til kick off time!

Two lasses were standin’ ootside a bar a couple of hundred yards away and ‘Blondie’ asked them wot time it opened. “It doesn’t open til twelve”, they replied in thick Yorkshire accents, "but there’s a bar called ‘Shakeys’ which is an eight minute walk away!”, az they pointed us in the reet direction!

EIGHT MINUTES did seem a bit of an odd ‘time to give'? az someone would normally say TEN or FIFTEEN minutes for example, but ‘off we set’ anyway and after a TEN MINUTE waalk (they got it SO wrang!) we spotted it not far from a tram stop in Hillsborough (the name of the district az well az the football groond)

After a ‘shake’ or two of the old John Smiths in 'Shakeys' it waz off to the tram stop az we were too lazy to waalk back to the trainin’ groond and it took aboot three minutes to get there az it ‘rattled and rolled’ on the uneven road!
"WE'RE SO! SAD, WE SAVE ANYTHING!"


"THE WALLY WITH THE BROLLY!"

The trainin’ ground even had a mobile food van--- and so!---(az yi de!) a bacon sarnie nosebag waz scoffed by aall!

To the right of the pitches behind the goal at that end a huge indoor domed aall weather trainin’ facility dominated the area and aa commented that it looked a little bit like ‘The Millenium Dome’ in London!
"THE MILLENIUM DOME END!"
(UNDER 18s GAME)

To the left of the pitches behind the far goals stood four huge ‘smoke free’ chimneys and they dominated that end of the groond
"THE FOUR (SMOKE-FREE) CHIMNEYS END!"
(UNDER 16s GAME)

Not for the forst time we had TWO games to watch at the same time, az the Under 16s were playin’ on the ajoinin’ pitch to the Under 18s game!

The main game we were here for however was the Under 18s and we positioned worsels near their touchline, makin’ sure that we could glimpse the action from the Under 16s pitch az well, which waz ‘next door’


'Alex of St George' waz anotha member of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers club' to torn up and he went in search of some team sheets, but came back empty handed, moanin' that the anly 'sheets' he could find were the ones a gadgie waz puttin' in a washin' machine in the changin' rooms area! 

Both Toon teams wore their 'Orangebairns' change strips to avoid clashin' with Sheff Weds blue 'n' white stripes
The Under 16s game kicked off slightly orlier and after just ower half an hours play the home side were leadin’ 3-0 of which ‘yours truly’ witnessed two of them!

The Toon Under18s meanwhile took the lead in the 27th minute at ‘The Four ('Smoke Free') Chimneys End’ (wot else!?) with a fine shot from number nine, Dan Taylor.

At this juncture it started p*ssin' doon but we had come prepared with a huge black 'n' white brolly.
Aa tried to put it up, but az a'm not used to operatin' theeze contraptions, we got soakin' wet before we could open the bloody thing up!
Eventually---with some help, we got it opened--but guess wot!?---the rain soon stopped and then aa couldn't get it doon again! (it could anly happen to us!)

The Under 16s then pulled a goal back (which aa missed coz aa waz watchin’ an Under 18s attackin’ move!) and both sides went in at half time with that scoreline.

The Under 18s then went 2-0 up with a shot in the 50th minute from Ryan McGorrigan at ‘The Millenium Dome End’ (it had to be folks!)

Meanwhile!---The Under 16s pulled another goal back (missed that one az well az aa waz at ‘the tool shed’!) and then they levelled things on the hour mark. (a Toon U16s goal aa actually saw az there waz a lull in play on wor pitch!)

A minute later however Sheffields U16s regained the lead before we hit back yet again to make it 4-4 soon after with a shot that rattled off the bar (just!—seen it hit the net!)

On wor pitch Sheffields U18s pulled one back when Toon goalie Mitchell fumbled the baall from a powerful shot by their centre forward (me thinx?)

The Under 16s game finished soon after and so we could now fully focus on The Under 18s and a tap in from Dan Taylor for his 2nd goal in the 82nd minute made it 3-1 to us and that’s the way it ended!

To sum up: oot of the twelve goals that were scored in both games ‘The Geordie Times mad-sad groundhoppers’ saw SEVEN and missed FIVE! (Aalthough ‘Blondie Alan’ and Liam ‘claimed’ to have seen a couple more than this!)

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)


"THIS PLACE REEELY TAKES 'THE BISCUIT'!"

Posted '10:05am bells' Wednesday 18th April 2012
"TAXI!"---IF yi can afford it!?
News that 'The Biscuit Men of Reading' won promotion back to the premya leegue last neet haz just reached 'The Geordie Times' by carrier pigeon!
It's a f***** aaful place to get te by train az yi have to change at Kings Cross, then get the tube to Paddington, then get anotha train to Reading and THEN yi have a choice of jumpin' on one of the 'cattle truck' futbaall busses that tek you to the groond, which iz four miles from the toon centre. (if yi can get on one!) OR! gettin' your eyes ripped oot by one of the taxis that will charge you a ridiculous amoont to drop you off at the groond, which iz in the middle of 'ne where'!

*Footnote: Reading FC used to be knaan az 'The Biscuit Men', but have now went 'up market' and caall themsels 'The Royals'---az far az 'The Geordie Times' iz concorned, we will aalways gan by their original name!

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

"REEED ALL ABOUT IT!"

Posted '7:30pm bells' Tuesday 17th April 2012

Two brilliant stories in 'The Ronny-Gill' tooneet are worth a mention!

Forstly, and on the front page, Papiss Demba Cisse paid a visit to a young fan from Bedlington who sent him a hand made  'Welcome to Newcastle' card.
Four year old Sam sent the card to the trainin' groond in Benton and Papiss waz so taken aback by this kind gesture that he made a secret visit to hiz hoose to thank him personally with a bag full of 'Toon goodies'! "Good on you Papiss!"

The second story involves the Ordnance Survey people, who make the official government maps, that the name 'St James' Park' will still be used by them despite the 'unsuccessful attempted' name change by the club!
"Good on YOU Ordnance Survey!"

Divvint forget!---it's---ST JAMES' PARK<(AND AALWAYS WILL BE!)

GEORDIE TIMES NEWSFLASH!---THE TOON RESORVES v TEAM NORTHUMBRIA---RESCHEDULED!---PLUS TICKET NEWS!

Updated '11:20am bells' Tuesday 17th April 2012
THE TOON RESORVES
NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP WINNERS 2011

This years Northumberland Senior Cup final between The Toon's second string and Team Northumbria haz now been moved from this Thorsday neet to Monday April 30th @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!)

 Wor resorve away game against Blackborn haz been moved to May 3rd @ '2 bells' which meens we will be unable to gan az we are travellin' back from wor away game with Chelski on that day!
(There's aalways next season!---isn't there!)

TICKET NEWS
Tickets for wor forthcomin' and last game of the season against 'The Toffee Noses' of Everton  are now on sale to season ticket holders with 25 loyalty points or more.
We have an allocation of 3,000 and theeze are expected to be snapped up straight away, so!---rush to the ticket office ASAP to resorve your place!

Tickets for 'The Blue Wigs' of Wigan (4,500) and 'The OAPs of Chelski' (allocation not known yet?)have now SOLD OOT!  

EUROPEAN QUALIFICATION---AZ IT STANDS!

Updated '9:30am bells' Tuesday 17th April 2012
"Tell mee maa mee maa!, aa wont be home for tea!
a'm gannin to It-al-eee!---tell mee maa mee maa!"
("Er!---whey!-- aa might be---like!")

FA Cup semi final---last Saturday!
'The Liverbirds' 2  'The Toffee Noses' 1---a great result for aall Toon fans!

'Andy Pandys' 87th minute winnin' heeded goal from a free kick taken by 'Bellaz' 'The Poison Dwarf' ensures that we are virtually certain to qualify for at least the Europa League next season!

Who wud ever have believed that the player who we transfored for £35 million wud help us gain a European place?---Yi CUD'NT make it up!

'The Arse', who sensationally lost 2-1 to 'The Blue Wigs' @ home on Monday neet are five points clear in the thord Champions League position, but we now have a game in hand on them, so it looks az though the race for the Champions League 3rd and 4th places iz between US!, 'The Arse', Spors and the OAPs of Chelski. 

Happy days are here again! (hopefully!?)

The chase for Europe---az it stands @ '9:30am bells', Tuesday

1 The Cockney Glory Hunters of Salford
played 34---points 82---Champions League place guaranteed

2 Blue (it!?) Moonies 34/77---Champions League place guaranteed

3 The Arse 34/64---Champions League/Europa League?

4 Happy Harry's Hotspors 33/59---Champions League/Europa League?

5 THE TOON 33/59---Europa League/Champions League?

6 Kings Road OAP's 33/57---Europa League (guaranteed by reachin' the FA Cup final)/Champions League?

7 The Toffee Noses 33/47---MUST now finish at least SIXTH to claim a Europa League place az they lost the FA Cup semi final against 'yee naa who'!. 

8 The Liverbirds 33/46---Europa League qualifiers by virtue of winnin' the League Cup

PS: The Geordie Times went to see 'The Toons' junior teams @ Sheffield Wednesday's trainin' groond yesterday and the Under 16s drew 4-4 and the Under 18s won 3-1 on ajoinin' pitches----full 'mad-sad groundhoppers' match report to follow on theeeeze games later on in the week when we get time!---like! 

Monday, 16 April 2012

THE TOON RESORVES 3 THE COCKNEY REDS RESORVES 6---played TONEET!

Posted '10:20pm bells' Monday 16th April 2012


The forst of a resorve 'double heeder' took place toneet @ Blue Flames, Benton when wor second string lost to Salford's equivalent @ '7 bells' in a *live telly game!

 The visitors won 6-3  to win the leagues northern section

The Toons goals were scored by Brad Inman, Phil Airey (pen) and Dan Taylor and unbelievebly we were 3-0 up at this point!
But the Salford Boys came back with SIX goals to seal wor fate!

Attendance:597

*Aa say 'live telly', coz the match waz bein' shown on MUTV

Then on Thorsday neet, aalso @ 7 bells', we switch to St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) where Team Northumbria make their forst ever visit to 'The Cathedral on the Hill' in the Northumberland Senior Cup final.

Season ticket holder DE have to pay to get into this one and it's 'a fiver' and £3 for concessions

Match report as usual to follow

Saturday, 14 April 2012

SHEFF WED U18s v THE TOON U18s---TODAY @ 'HIGH NOON'!

Posted '7:30am bells' Saturday 14th April 2012
TODAYS DESTINATION!
MIDDLEWOOD---SHEFF WED'S
TRAININ' GROOND!

@ dinnertime today the most important game in The Toon's season so far, takes place!---NO! a'm not taalkin' aboot a Toon forst team game, az we divvint have one, coz wor intended opponents Chelski are playin' in the FA Cup semi finals tomorrow against Spors------A'm actually taalkin' aboot the Morseyside derby 'semi' @ Wembley, which kicks off @ '12:30 bells'!

This iz because we aall want The Liverbirds to win, az this would esure that the SIXTH placed team in the Premya Leegue would DEFINATELEE gan into the Europa Leegue next season. (currently US who are 10 points clear of 7th)

Shud The Toffee Noses win however!--then THEY will pinch the final place and anly FIFTH place will then be good enough! (The Liverbirds aalready have a Europa Leegue place by virtue of winnin' the Leegue Cup!)

Because 'The Geordie Times mad-sad groundhoppers' have ne forst team game to gan te, wor intention today, iz to travel to sooth Yorkshire instead for 'high noon bells' and watch the Under 18s (who are top of the table!) in action against Sheff Wed's equivelant (who are bottom!) and finally 'tick off' 'groond number 285', which wud have been Motspur Park in London, had we got in last week! (see 'ground 285 NOT', in ground archive list @ the top of the page!)  

WE'LL HAVE A BETTER PICTURE BY LATE THIS AFTERNOON AZ TO WOR EUROPEAN QUALIFICATION ASPIRATIONS!
(WE'LL BE GLUED TO THE CAR RADIO FOR LIVE COMMENTARY ON THE WAY BACK FROM SHEFFIELD!)

Friday, 13 April 2012

"A NIFTY FIFTY---THANK YOO VERY MUCH!"

Posted '10:20am bells' Friday the13th! of April 2012
^"ONE WE MADE ORLIER!"^
"THAT'LL BE AN *'ISAAC' PLEEZE
YOO STUPID GEORDIE TW*TS/MUGS!"

Tickets for wor forthcomin' game @ Stamford Bridge on Wednesday 2nd May against The Kings Road OAP's will cost a woppin' FIFTY QUID a ticket for the 'priviledge'? of sittin'/standin'! in the corner flag section of the groond!
Not suprizinglee they are still on sale to season ticket holders!

*'Issac' iz 'Cockney Rhymin' slang' for a fifty poond note, coz 'Isaac Newton' used to be on them! ("Er!"---since renamed a 'Marilyn' by The Geordie Times!)



Az mentioned yesterday, wor game @ The JJB Stadium<(we gan by it's origional name!) against 'The Blue Wigs' on Saturday 28th April iz a complete selloot to Toon fans, with 4,500 tickets bein' snapped up @ HALF THE PRICE! of a Chelski ticket!

We have been refused extra tickets for this game and be warned!---yoo will be unable to buy tickets for the home sections on the day of the game, unless yoo are aalready registered with them! (which yoo obviouslee WONT BE!) 

Taalk aboot cuttin' your nose off--to spite your face!!?

Thursday, 12 April 2012

ENGLAND U18's 2 SCOTLAND U18's 0---FULL TIME SCORE FROM ST JAMES' PARK!---GEORDIE BOYS WIN IT!

Updated 11:55pm bells' Thorsday 12th April 2012
ST JAMES' PARK---THE EAST STAND

"A 'SWEET' 'GEORDIE' VICTORY FOR ENGLAND!"

Toneet an England v Scotland schoolboy international took place @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) and it kicked off  @ '8:05 bells' for live coverage on SKY.

ENGLAND U18's WON 2-0 and their goals were scored by Tynesiders Michael SWEET (who plays for GATESHEED COLLEGE) in the 61st minute when he chipped the Jocks keeper and Peter GLEN-RAVENHILL (who plays for ST THOMAS MORE RC in NORTH SHIELDS) then added a 2nd in the 80th minute when he toe poked the baall home.
Both goals were scored @ The Gallowgate End.
Attendance: 2,535

Meeenwhile!--and on a completleee different subject!---wor trip to 'The Blue Wigs' @ The JJ Stadium <(we gan by it's origional name!) on Saturday 28th April iz a complete selloot for Toon fans with 4,500 tickets sold!

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