THE TOON RESORVES 0 BLACKBORN TANDOORI CHICKEN ROVERS RESORVES 0 @ WHITLEY PARK---THIS AFTERNOON!

Updated 'Midneet bells' Thorsday 15th March 2012

BORE SNORE DRAW! 

This afternoon the resorves played Blackborn resorves @ Blue Flames, Benton (aka Whitley Park) in a 'one bells' dinnertime kick off.
Originally the game was to be played behind closed doors next door at Darsley Park but was switched last week for whatever reason?

It ended goal-less on a waam spring day and the closest we came to scorin' waz when Greg McDermott heeded against the bar orly in the second half!---apart from that the match wasn't much cop "ZZZzzzzzzz!!!"
Attendance: 309


Swanzee away tickets for Good Friday are on sale to season ticket holders (25 loyalty points at the moment) and WBA away tickets are still on sale for wor game there a week on Sunday (zero loyalty points)

PS: Az Moneybags City were knocked oot of the Europa Cup toneet, it meens that wor game against them will definately? be played on Sunday May 6th @ '2 bells' to avoid clashin' with the FA Cup final---unless! 'SKY' have otha ideas--like!

25,000 REASONS TO BELIEVE!----IZ THERE LIFE ON MARS!?

Posted '9:00pm bells' Wednesday 14th March 2012

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

This iz anotha 'historic'? day for 'The Geordie Times' az we have just received wor twenty fifth thoosandth hit @ preciseleee '8:37pm bells' and we thank each and every one of yoo for your loyal support in the last eighteen months (since we started dein' it seriousleee!

121 countries and territories aroond the planet, plus Mars! have now visited this site, with the latest countries bein' Ethiopia, Honduras, Sri Lanka, Bermuda and Armenia!---welcome to 'the nonsense-no nonsense' website for the *connoisseur! ("Er!"---or shud that be---'the no nonsense-nonsense website'???) 

*"Er!"--divvint naa wot connoisseur meenz---but!--it soonds good!)

"25,000 THANK YOOOZ!---
EARTH AND MARS!"

PREMYA LEEGUE LATEST TABLES/ATTENDANCE FIGURES

Updated '7:25pm bells Wednesday 14th March 2012

THE LEAZES END from LEAZES PARK

The latest leegue tables and average attendance figures for the premya leegue games are below with just ten games to gan.

1 Man U Played 28 Points 67
2 Man C 28/66
3 Spors 28/53
4 The Arse 28/52
5 Chelski 28/49
6 The Toon 28/44
7 Lpool 28/42
8 SMBs 28/37
9 Everton 28/37
10 Fulham 28/36
11 Swanzee 28/36
12 Norwich 28/36
13 Stoke 28/36
14 WBA 28/35
15 Villa 28/33
16 Blackborn 28/25
17 Bolton 28/23
18 QPR 28/22
19 Wolves 28/22
20 Wigan 28/21

Average attendances
1 Man U 75,366
2 The Arse 59,967
3 The Toon 49,411
4 Man C 47,037
5 Lpool 44,826
6 Chelski 41,545
7 SMBs 38,689
8 Spors 36,070
9 Villa 34,137
10 Everton 33,235
11 Stoke 27,211
12 Norwich 26,554
13 Wolves 25,671
14 Fulham 25,151
15 WBA 24,631
16 Bolton 23,391
17 Blackborn 22,068
18 Swanzee 19,971
19 Wigan 17,898
20 QPR 17,117

The average, average attendances are!: 34,497 

THE ARSE 2 THE TOON 1

Posted '2:50pm bells' Tuesday 13th March 2012

A last gasp goal deep into injury time spoiled the party for the 1,500 Toon faithful who were present @ 'The Em', to send us yem with ne points!

It had started off oh so well, when Hatem Ben Arfa put us in the lead in the 14th minute with a great run doon the right and he finished it off with a glorious shot to put us 1-0 up at the far end from us!

This produced wild celebration from the away section, but just az we were in the middle of that, up stepped Van Persie to wipe the smiles off wor faces with an equaliser straight from the restart!

Fellow Dutchmen Van Persie and Tim Krul in the Toon goal then had a runnin' argument for the rest of the game az Van Persie accused Krul of time wastin'!

In the second half 'The Arse' laid siege to Tim Krul's goal and we had survived this 'til the fifth minute of stoppage time. 
Just when it looked that we had secured a vital point against aall the odds, the home side, through Vermalaen, stabbed the baall into the net for the winner, to send us into deep dispair!

Van Persie then goaded Krul with a 'two-one' hand gesture and aall hell broke loose on the final whistle as both players were booked az both teams pushed and shoved each other az they made towards the tunnel!

There waz anly one thing for it!----and we heeded for Wetherspoons next to Highbury and Islington tube station for a few gargels of absolutleee cr*p beer! to drown wor sorrows!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon (Perch 46), Obertan (Shola Ameobi 61), Cabaye, Tiote (Guthrie 81), Gutierrez, Ben Arfa, Ba

Attendance:60,095 (1,500 Toon fans)

THE ARSE v THE TOON----TOONEET IN "LANDAN!"

Posted '9:00am bells' Monday 12th March 2012

"LETS HOPE WE DIVVINT MAKE 'AN ARSE' OF IT!" 

"Wor bags are packed and we're ready to gan", (as the old song gans!) 'packed' with cans of 'liquid lubricant'!---that iz!---on wot will be wor 7th visit to 'The Arses' new abode in Islington.

The train az usual will take the strain on
Monday dinnertime for wor 'sorte to the smoke' @ 'The Em' at "em?" '8 bells' for live telly once again!

This will be wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew's' 50th premya leegue game in charge of The Toon in which we have won 18 drawn 17 and lost 14 times.

Because we cannit get a train back because of the kick off time (once again!) we are stayin' in  the salubrious surroundins of 'The Hotel Dosshouse' @ Kings Cross, before catchin' the train yem orly Tuesday mornin' (this meens that there will be ne 'Geordie Times' match report 'til Tuesday neet, sometime!)

We won @ 'The Emirates' last season for the forst  time ever, when Chris Hughton was still in charge, thanx to a goal from wor 'then' number 9 'Andy Pandy'. who of course iz now resided on Morseyside 'L4', FIVE POINTS below us in the leegue table! (who wud ever of thought that at the start of the season?)

YET ANOTHER BLANK WEEKEND!-------NEWTON AYCLIFFE---PERHAPS?

Posted '8:45pm bells' Friday 9th March 2012

"STAND AND DELIVER!"
Newton Aycliffe FC have (literally) just taken delivery of a 
 new 'flat pack' 'Ikea stand', which 'fell off the back of a lorry'!
(The question iz?---will they take it to away games???)

Yet anotha weekend when we'll be 'kickin wor heels' az we divvint play 'The Arse' @ 'The Em' 'til Monday neet, which meeez anotha owerneet stay in 'the smoke'!
'Work' were on the fone orlier this week:  "Can you work the Sunday and Monday neetshifts to Glasgow"?---they asked!
"Well actually!"-------"AAahhhh!"---------------It's tear yi hear oot time! folks!

Will try and de some local groundhoppin' tomorrow instead---'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston are away to Newton Aycliffe in 'The Northern League' and az this iz a local groond that we have still to visit, this iz where we will probably end up, especially az we've been telt that they have a 'canny clubhoose'!---like!

PS: This groond will NOT be included in wor 'mad-sad groundhoppin' list' az the game doesn't involve The Toon!


Updated '8:25pm bells' Saturday 10th March 2012

'The Geordie Times' did indeed gan to the above game and Dunston (in white) won 1-0 in front of a 'bumper' crowd of 222!

DESTRUCTION DERBY!---THE TOON RESORVES 3 THE SMB RESORVES 3

Posted '10:45am bells' Friday 9th March 2012

"BACK TO SKOOL ON MONDAY!"

Anotha draw to add to the big weekend derby shootout was the order of the day although some 'Teenage Mutant Numskull Magpies' were hell bent on rippin' doon some 'certain' sport related advorts from the back of 'The East Stand' and hoyin' them on the pitch near the end of the match!

Rather than tellin' a naughty child to 'stop it', they were left to 'run wild' and the above consequences were somehow predictable az the stewards conveniently torned a 'blind eye' to their childish antics!

This iz NOT! wot we want and if the club needed any more reason/excuse to play AALL wor resorve home games behind closed doors, then now they have it, due to some sheep-brained bairns!<(for 'sheep-brained' and 'bairns' iz wot they are!)

Now to the match!
The scorin' sequence went az follows!

23rd minute: Gabrial Obertan runs through to fire home a shot @ The Leazes End---1-0 to us! 

32nd minute: The SMBs equalise az Baird in the Toon goal haz an 'air shot' and misses the baall completely for a simple tap in---1-1!

45th minute: mackems score again to gan 2-1 up at the break!

58th minute: An Abeid corner finds Dan Goslings heed and he levels things---2-2!

66th minute: The SMBs regain the lead with a heeded goal---3-2 to them!

85th minute: Dan Gosling iz send off for a 2nd bookable offence and we gan doon to ten men!

86th minute: Just when it looks az though we've 'lost it', Ryan Donaldson comes to the rescue with a fine divin' heeder followin an excellent cross from Yven Moyo---3-3!---the 'destruction derby' starts!

Attendance: The Geordie Times predicted a 2,000 plus crowd and we were (just!) reet as 2,996 torned up! (not many SMBs this time!) 
This 'Geordie Times' match report waz supplied by wor ravin' reporters, 'Dave from York' and 'Mal the Ingish Skoool Teecha'!

THE TOON RESORVES v THE SMB RESORVES---TOONEET! @ ST JAMES' PARK!<(and aalways will be!)

Posted '9:00am bells' Thorsday 8th March 2012

The Geordie Times entourage HQ!

For the second time in fower days and the fourth time within the last three weeks, we take on a SMB team tooneet in a Tyne/wear derby!

The forst two meetins were both at the mackems 'Acad-emy of---"Sshh!---yee naa wot!" trainin groond' where the 'Under 16s' won 3-0 and the 'Under 18s' drew 2-2---and of course the last encoonta was the forst team's 'high noon shootout' @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) where we drew 'ones each' last Sunday. 

This time it's the torn of the resorve teams of both clubs to 'fight to the death'!---but rather than the 52,000 plus crowd we got on Sunday, it will probably be nearer the 2,000 plus mark toneet @ '7 bells' @ St James'<(aawb!)

Season ticket holders and members will be admitted free and for aall othas it's £3 and £1 @ 'The East Stand' tornstiles

Az per usual at theeze games 'The Geordie Times entourage'<(havvent got a clue wot it meeenz?--but! it soonds good!) will meet in 'The Newcastle Arms' between 'five' and 'six bells'! (forst to the bar gets the drinks in!--- so aa'll be there LAST!)(work permittin'!)

MORE! FARCE!!!---MORE! POSSIBLE FIXTURE CHANGES!???

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 7th March 2012

Chelski's 2-0 win at Borming-ham in the FA Cup last neet meens that if they beat Leicester in the next roond, then wor game @ Stamford Bridge, scheduled for Saturday 14th April will have to be re-arranged, az the semi finals are that weekend (so divvint book your trains/flights yet!)

Wor final home game against Moneybags City haz been provisionaly moved from Saturday 5th to Sunday 6th May to avoid clashin' with the FA Cup final--BUT!---because of City's potential involvement in The Europa Cup final, it COULD be moved back to the Saturday!---Its a FARCE! 

BLACK & WHITE DAFT----ISSUE 8 OOT NOW!

Posted '9:30am bells' Wednesday 7th March 2012

ADVORTIZMENT!

The latest addition of 'Mad Mick's' 'Black and White Daft' fanzine iz nuw on the bookshelves of your local paper shop and 'The Back Page' in St Andrews Street, opposite 'The Newcastle Arms', which iz within easy 'hocklin distance' of St James' Park<(and aalways will be!)!
It's a canny read and one of the feature articles iz aboot wor 1974 FA Cup semi final against Bornley @ Hillsborough where 'The Geordie Times' haz 'penned' a story (gan to ground 030 in sidebar of this blog)
Priced at the price of a pint of John Smiths in 'The Arms' it aalso slags off the SMBs amongst othaz!