BERWICK STRANGERS 1 THE TOON RESORVES 2 "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

Posted '9:30 pm bells' Saturday 16th July 2011

The Toon won their second game in less than 24 hours when a
'resorve-junior' side beat Berwick Strangers   2-1 at a rain sodden Shielfield Park this afternoon.

After a few 'liquid refreshments' in 'The Brown Bear' and 'The Harrow' (amongst otha boozers!) we made for the groond as the rain lashed doon relenltlessleee!

Yven Moyo opened wor accoont in the 39th minute with a reet foot shot past the despairin' home keeper.
Brandon Mielie then doubled wor lead 29 mins from time with a deflected shot which wrang footed the Berwick keeper.

The home side replied 5 mins later from the penalty spot but that was the end of the scorin' and wor 'second string/juniors' ran oot 2-1 winners in wot was a truly aaful game to watch! "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

Thankfully there was ne pitch invasion this time!

Anly 493 very wet fans bothered to torn up, of which approximately half where from Tyneside.

Quiz question: wot iz unique aboot the Berwick club badge?   The clue is in the two lions on their crest (above)
The answer will be revealed in 'The Geordie Times' on Tuesday!

DARLO 0 THE TOON 2

Posted '9:10 am bells' Saturday 16th July 2011

An unfortun-ate pitch invasion by some Toon
'brain-deed' idiots marred this friendly fixture with many of them hardly able to stand! ("Er!---aa was a little bit better than that!")

With the backin' of six thoosand plus fans and wearin' wor new bright orange change kit, we took the lead with just three minutes on the clock with a fine Joey Barton effort.

It stayed that way til the hour mark when sub Sammy Ameobi came on to chants of: "If Sammy scores we're on the pitch!"  
He did! and this resulted in the 'said invasion' from aroond 500 or so of the 'braindeed' variety, most of them not much older than 'school age'
Ten minutes  passed before the pitch was cleared by 'The Dibble' and match stewards and the game thankfully resumed after quite a few were carted off to the local nick!

In total 22 players were used, includin' the French duo of Yohan Cabaye and Mehdi Abeid, who of course were mekin' their dubuts 

Attendance: 9,721 (6,000 Toon fans)(500 'braindeed' idiots!) 


Today the Toon resorves play Berwick in Tweedmooth and lets hope the same thing doesn't happen up there this afternoon! (Er!---see Berwick report from 1978 below!)

I'm back on the train again at 'eleven bells' (after gettin' off the Darlo train at eleven thorty last neet!) and this time we heed north instead of south!

Again!---match report to follow much later!

DARLO v THE TOON TOONEET!

Posted '10:50 am bells' Friday 15th July 2011

Just fifty fower days after hoyin' away a three goal lead against West Brom on the last day of the
2010-11 season on May 22nd, we are ready to embark on this seasons games aalready, with a friendly against  Darlo @ 'The Northern Echo Areeena' toneet @ '7:45 bells'.
The Toon will have a very healthy followin' of nearly SIX thoosand and will probably ootnumber the home fans by three to one!

A'm on the 'three bells'  train from 'The Central' and shud 'hit' the forst 'liquid lubrication location' in Darlo toon centre by 'three forty five bells'! (hopefully!) 

Match report to follow much later! (when I sober up!)

LEGS ELEVEN!
 Az aa was writin' the above 'piece', 'The Geordie Times' had it's 11,111th hit! 
We now have been viewed in 104 countries! 
"Hello! Belarus!" ----"Hello! Taiwan!"---"Hello!  Aruba!" (wherever you are?)

HIGH NOON BELLS @ THE SOS

Updated '7:35 pm bells' Tuesday 12th July 2011

On the advice ("Er!"-"insistance!") of 'Dibble', wor forthcomin' game against the SMB @ the SOS will now kick off @ high noon bells on Saturday 20th August (suprize!---suprize!) 
"Do not forsake me oh! my darling!"

This game for some unbeknown reason to man nor beast is NOT live on telly? ("Er!"---"unless yee naa different"???)

Az usual 'The Geordie Times' haz brung you this news--second hand--first!
("Aa meen!---wih anly a day late--like!")


"Er!"---Wor game against 'The Liver Birds' @ Anfield on New Years Eve haz aalso been changed to a '12:45 bells' kick off on the 'advice' of 'The Morseyside Dibble' (again---ne live telly) (so far!)

The full fixture list for the resorves have aalso been released and I will endevaa to update them later

The Fiorentina tickets are now on sale for wor one and anly home pre season friendly on Saturday August 6th ('3 bells') and are 'owerpriced' @ twenty quid for big kids, a tenner for zimmerframeites and a fiver for sprogs!

TOON LIVE TV GAMES ANNOONCED! (AT LAST!)

Posted '8:00 pm bells' Monday 11th July 2011

Followin' 'massive pressure' from 'The Geordie Times', both 'Sky' and 'ESPN' have (finalleee!) released 'The Toons' live games for the start of the season.

LIVE TOON GAMES (so far!)

Sat 13th August*****'The Arse'   home '5:30 bells'
ESPN

Mon 12th September*****QPR   away '8:00 bells'
SKY

Sun 16th October*****Spors   home '4:00 bells'
SKY

Mon 31st October*****Stoke   away '8:00 bells'
SKY

Sat 5th November*****Everton  home '12:45 bells'
SKY

Ne doubt there'll be many more to follow!

TOON FANS @ LEEDS---TICKETS ON SALE!

Posted '25 to nine (pm) bells' Thorsday 7th July 2011

Tickets are now on sale for wor end of the month friendly game against Leeds @ Elland Road on Sunday 31st (kick off '2:00 bells')
Priced at fifteen quid for gadgies & gorls and eight quid for bairns & Zimmerites, they can be bought from the box office above the club shop at St James'
We have been allocated the whole of the Sooth Stand (plus the corner bit!)
Tickets are aalso on sale for wor friendly @ Darlo on Friday 15th (£10 and £5)

PS: Mee computaa will be oot of action for a few days due to old age!, but shud be up and runnin' agen by Monday neet!

£35 MILLION!!!---WOT £35 MI££ION???

Posted '1:00 pm bells' Wednesday 6th Ju£y 2011

'THE FAT CONTROLLERS' PIGGY BANK----
"£35 MILLION!!!???"------"HAVE A DRINK ON ME INSTEAD!!!"

The latest news from the club is that SOME!? of the £35 Million quid from the transfer of 'ye naa who', will NOT! be spent until the JANUARY! transfer window opens, with claims that if we spend it aall now, we'll have nowt left for 'the window' in six months time!!! (ne mention at aall? of aall the season ticket money/'Sky' money/sponsors money/etc. received???)

"I   F*****'  KNEW  IT!!!"

TOON FANS @ DARLO---TICKETS ON SALE!

Updated 'high noon bells' Wednesday 6th July 2011

'The Toon' have been allocated the whole of Darlo's North Stand for wor openin' friendly a week on Friday. The stand holds 5,378 so there shud be plenty of room for 'The Toon Travellers' @ 'The Northern Echo Arena' (kick off 7:45 pm bells')

Tickets are now on sale from the box office which is situated in the club shop at The Gallowgate End (up the escalator) Prices: Ten quid for grown ups & a fiver for bairns & those of you of 'zimmerframe age'!
 Tickets for wor friendly @ Leeds at the end of the month will gan on sale shortly (we'll let yi naa straight away when we find oot!)

Followin' 'pressure'? from 'The Geordie Times', (see  article (somewhere?) below!) 'Sky' are expected to annoonce their live Premya Leeeg fixtures for the start of the new season 'very soon'
(Agen---watch this space!)

THE SKY'S THE LIMIT!

Posted 'ten to one pm bells' Sunday 3rd July 2011

Here we are, with under six weeks to gan before the start of the new season and 'Sky' and 'ESPN' still havvent said which games they are gannin to televise, despite the fact that the fixtures were released in the middle of Joon.

Surely they must naa by now which games are gannin oot live??? so that WE, the fans, who are actually gannin to the matches can book wor cheap train tickets in advance.

Wor forst London game for example is at QPR and is unlikely to be changed.  BUT! that does'nt mean to say that it WONT BE for some reason and therefore we will have to eetha 'tek a chance' and book the '7 bells' train doon on the Saturday mornin' or wait and pay more when they eventually decide to pick the games for that weekend.

YET! AGEN! the loyal 'Toonhoppers' (and fans of otha Premya Leeeg clubs!) are treated with uttaa contempt!

"ARE YOO LISTENIN' 'SKY' & 'ESPN'!!!???"
(AALMOST CERTAINLEEE NOT!!!)

THE FRENCH CONNECTION---ANOTHA SIGNIN'

Posted '11:20 am bells' Friday 1st July 2011

Yet anotha Frenchman has signed for 'The Toon' on a free transfor, this time from Racing Club Lens.
Mehdi Abeid is an 18 year old midfielder and has signed a five year deal and brings wor French connection to FOWER so far this summer! (three of them for free!)

This still leaves the £35 million we got from 'The Liver Birds' for 'yee naa who' in the kitty, with just six weeks to gan before the start of the new season, as Nolan's received transfor fee from West Ham cancels oot Yohan Cabaye's ootgannin transfor fee to Lille.
("divvint haad yer breath!")