Friday 14 January 2011

276 champions hill stadium dulwich hamlet

Date of First Visit: 6th JANUARY 2011

(Maddison 4, McGorrigan, Spear)

ATTENDANCE: 439 <(looked like at least 700 to me like!?) (100 Toon fans)


"A 6-2 win!---where's mee Hamlet cigars!???"

Part One:

The original game at the beginnin' of December was caalled off with less than 24 hours notice because of aall the bad weather we were havin', meanin' that wor advance £27 train tickets we'd bought had to be 'binned'. And as the weather was still 'iffy' one month later we decided to drive doon to Peterborough and get a cheap day retorn ticket on the train/tube rather than pay in advance again and lose the money if the game was called off at the last minute.
What we wanted to naa of course was---"was the game to be played---or not to be played---that
was the question! (now!---where have aa hord that before???)

We got the 'thumbs up' that the game was on this time ("horray!") and set off doon the 'A1' at 'eleven bells' in 'The Caped Crusaders' 'bat-mobile' with 'The Mad Professor' in the back seat. Once in Peterborough we let the train (and tube) take the strain and arrived in East Dulwich some two hours before the 'seven bells' kick off. There was a 'liquid lubrication location' ower the road from the train station caalled 'The Vale' so we made that wor forst Dulwich 'port o call'.
The lassie behind the bar telt us that she was from Waallsend and that hor auntie lived in Lobley Hill in Gatesheed (a place aa naa very well) and aa couldn't help thinkin' ---"what a smaall world it is!"

Part Two:

'Bysy' from Ashington then waalked into the bar and said that he'd travelled doon on his aan by bus but strangely there was nee sign of 'Dave from York' or 'Alex' his side kick as they'd phoned us orlier to say that they were half an hour in front of us on the train (so WHERE THE F*** were they?)

Ten minutes later they waalked perplexed <(wotever that meeenz?) into the bar, explainin' that they'd ended up in East Croydon as they'd got completely lost on the train! ("Er!"---it should be explained that BOTH! of them are retired train company managers!) (ie: if THEY! can't find there way aboot then how the F*** can WE?) They said that the train timetable at East Croydon telt them that they were only 'twenty four minutes from 'Tulse Hill', a station not far from East Dulwich and so they hopped on the REET train this time and arrived half an hour behind us! (red faces aall roond!)


After a couple of 'gargels' there, it was time to move on to the groond which we were telt was next to a Sainsbury's Superstore and we knew that we were getting' warm as we past a tree with a Sainsbury's plastic bag stuck on one of it's branches blowin' in the breeze,
As the groond was on 'Dog Kennel Hill' (would you believe?) aa started listenin' for the soond of dogs barkin', but to no avail!—as there was anly the noise of traffic heedin' for the superstore's car park!

The Sainsbury's store then appeared in the distance alang with the floodlights of the groond and to get there we had to bizarrely walk through a CAR WASH to reach the tornstiles behind one of the goals! (It should be noted that the car wash was deserted and switched off at the time!)
Once inside after payin' wor fower quid admission fee we made for the clubhouse which was at the back of the main stand with an uninterrupted view of the pitch from it's windows.

Inside, the bar area was a fair size runnin' the length of the pitch and there were a few other London based fans there alang with another half dozen or so saddos who had travelled doon from the north east includin' Byzy's mate Glennn, 'The Bear' and 'Vince'. We were aalso 'honoured' to be in the presence of 'the one and only' 'Colonel Gaddafi' ----NOT! the one from Tripoli in Libya, but the one from Bracknell in Berkshire, who strikes a canny resemblance to the Libyan leader and is 'affectionately' knaan simply as 'The Colonel' to aall Toon fans who naa him.

However!---'The Colonel' decided that as it was tooo caad to gan ootside and that he was gannih watch the match from the warmth of the clubhouse instead, whilst partaking in a few 'liquid refreshments' (Soft B*****d!)
I pointed oot to him that under the terms of 'The Geordie Convention' that if he watched the whole match from INSIDE the bar area that he COULDN'T include it in his 'groundhoppin' records unless he actually went onto the terraces at some point durin' the match (Rule 37b!)

I have to tell you that he just shrugged his shoulders in a 'couldn't care- a-less' attitude and gulped his 'lubrication' doon his 'Gregory Peck'
(Now where did aa put mee 'little black book'?)

'Gaddafi of Bracknell'

Part Three:

Aa like these games for one simple reason---yi not crammed in like sardines with 50,000 others at a Premier League game and there were aroond aboot 700 or so present as the game kicked off, mostly in the main stand seats. (ne doubt that this was 'Hamlets' biggest crowd of the season by a lang way!)
The windows of the blocks of flats on 'Dog Kennel Hill' behind the right hand side goal lit up the night sky, but it's occupants would have been too far away to see any of the action (unless they had binoculars!)
To say that the Dulwich team were big lads would be the understatement of the year (six days in!) as it looked like they must have been drinkin' Irn Bru and eatin' spinach for their pre match meal!. They were much bigger than the Toons' youngins' and they started off strongly by makin' an orly breakthrough in the 9th minute when a defensive mix up left the goal empty and one of their forwards gleefully placed the baall into the unguarded net. Just 5 mins later though we were back on equal torms when Marcus Maddison fired home at 'The Car Wash End' and we went in 'aall square' at the break .

Aa heeded back to the bar where 'The Colonel' was sittin' at the coonter lookin' a bit 'comatosed' and with anly two 'flustered' barmaids to sorve us it took quite a while to get mee 'gargel'. They obviously weren't prepared for a crowd of this magnitude as the Geordie hordes demanded their 'half time fix'!

And now av got a confession to make!---as aa heeded back to the touchline for the start of the second half aa was asked by 'The Caped Crusader' if a'd seen wor 2nd goal?. I had to admit that I HADN'T as I was waalkin' doon the stairs at the time and he imformed me that Ryan McGorrigan had fired a shot in from close range at!---(wait for it!)—'The Dog Kennel End!' (it HAD to be!) ("woof!-woof!")

Further goals from Maddison in the 51st and 64th minute completed his hat trick as the part timers from 'Hamlet' tired as the game progressed, with lack of fitness a key factor in their collapse (they must'iv ran oot of spinach!?)
Maddison added a 4th for himself and 5th for The Toon late into the game with the home side replyin' through De Frietas with a fine lob ower Alnwick in the Newcastle goal. However Aaron Spear completed the rout for us when he fired in a low shot from the edge of the box for wor sixth and final goal at 'The Dog Kennel End'

Not bad!—a'd actually seen SEVEN of the eight goals scored and we hurried off as the final whistle blew to catch the train back to central London and as we made wor way back through the car wash the tannoy annooncer informed us that the crowd was 439!?—a much lower number than was actually there??? (gate f***le or wot???)
Anyway!---to cut a lang story 'lang', we eventually got back to Tyneside at 'two bells' in the mornin'---another groond ticked off the 'list'!

©Fink™(the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)

Geordie Glossary of Terms
(for the benefit of  'non-Geordie' readers)

seven bells=seven o clock (etc) 
liquid lubrication location=a pub!
wor=our      naa=know     aan=own     nee=no  
telt=told     gargels=beers     fower=four
caad=cold     gannih=going to    
liquid refreshment=beer     lubrication=beer
gregory peck=neck

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