(GROUND NUMBER 215)
Date of First Visit: 10th AUGUST 2002
KILLINGWORTH YOUNG PERSONS CENTRE, KILLINGWORTH, NEWCASTLE
NEWCASTLE UNITED U17's 3 (Howe, Smillie, Stoker)
WALKER CENTRAL U18's 2
FRIENDLY FIXTURE
ATTENDANCE: 55 (Estimated)(Includin' 2 'Dyno-Rod' gadgies cleanin' the drains!)
Game One:
"YOU MAKE MORE NOISE THAN US!---DYNO-ROD!---DYNO-ROD!"
"Lets make some NOISE!"
The usual 'saddos' who gan to these games were here---'Biffa' from the pirate website, Dave from York, 'The Mad Professor , Mark from Morpeth, 'Byzy' from 'Pit Yakka Land (Ashington!) and of course 'The Caped Crusader' in his new suit.
(The aad one got ruined in the rain in a pre season friendly in Holland!---but that's another story!)
( groond 213!) But stangely there was nee sign of Glennn from Ashington, the epic 'feet on the groond' Toon Traveller!?.(ie: flyin' iz NOT his fave pastime!)
(Perhaps he'd aalready set off on his bus trip tih Bosnia on the followin' Wednesday??) (where the forst team were playin' next!)
The game kicked off at 11:58 bells (two minutes orly!) and the Toon kicked towards the reet hand goal for the forst 'half', or so wih thought! (read on!)
The forst qwaata of an hour was'nt much cop and the most interestin' part of this period was the sight of two gadgies from 'Dyno-Rod' cleanin' oot a blocked drain next tih the changin' rooms!.
However!---ten minutes later the game livened up when Walker scored the openin' goal with a well drilled shot, and a CRASHENDO OF NOISE enveloped the groond---(ER!---NOT! from the Walker diehards in the 53 strong crowd I may add, but from the drain cleanin' machine! which was mekin' a strange loud 'gurglin' soond in the backgroond!
Three minutes after this the ref inexplicably blew up for half time, but az there'd anly been half an hours play up till then wih thought that his Timex must have been gannin' fast!---OR!--(more than likely!) he wanted a quick finish so that he could have a few gargels doon his local booza!?
The surprize orly whistle seemed tih wake the Toons kids up and three minutes after the restart they levelled the score when Howe sloted the baall yem with a fine effort tih light applause from the 'crowd' (The Dyno-Rod gadgies had f***** off by this time!)
This provoked a furious response from the Walker Central coach who struck a canny likeness to that 'Mag' fanzine hero, 'Walker Dan', ie: he was fat and ugly and had more chins than a Chinese telephone directory!. (If it's any consolation mate--so do I!---so do I!)
Sometime later Smillie put the smile on wor faces when he put the Toon 2-1 up after 57 minutes and
it should be noted that 'Walker Dan' had an 'upside doon' smile on HIS moniker by this time!
There was ne programme or team sheets for this game, but wi'd got most of the outfield players names but NOT the goalie's and when one of the subs waalked past us to start his 'warm up','The Mad Professor' asked him what the keeper was caalled.
"DIVVINT NAA!", came the reply from 'super-sub' az he limbered up on the touchline!.(aa meeen!—if one of the keeper's team mates didn't naa what he was caalled then what F***** chance did we have of findin' oot!?) (By the way!---we didn't naa what 'super-sub's name was eetha and forgot to ask him!?!?) (but!---(we assumed) that HE probably knew his OWN name though?) <hopefully!
Three minutes after this the ref blew for full time and we prepered tih gan yem---but NO!---the teams torned aroond again and we kicked off for a THIRD period of the game?.
'The Mad Professor' commented, "IT'S THE FORST HALF OF THE THIRD THIRD!". (What he meant was- that he thought it was fifteen minutes each way for the third period!?)
'The Caped Crusader'' then butted in, "THE THIRD HALF SHOULD BE TWO QWAATAS!"
By this time ah was f***** totally and utterly confused!, but sure enough the ref blew after fifteen minutes and they changed roond again!!---(HELP!)
A Walker equaliser in the 4th half after 83 mins put the smile back the reet way on 'Dans' face, but this was premature az Stoker heeded the Toon back in front a minute later!.
Six minutes later the ref blew for the end of the match (and YES! it was full time THIS time!) and we aall went away happy (apart from yee naa who!)-----and just for the record---
the forst half score was 1-0 tih Walker---
the second third was 1-0 tih the Toon---
the third qwaata was goaless
and the forth third was 1-1
and Newcastle won 3-2!.
(MEE FINKS!?)
The crowd totals were az follows:
Far-side 6,
Wor-side 44,
reet hand goal 3,
left hand goal 0,
PLUS! the 2 Dyno-Rod gadgies! (WHO! could forget THEM!?)
-----givin' a grand total attendance of 55! totally confused spectators!.
Game Two:
"AH NEED SOME LIQUID REFRESHMENT!---QUICK!"
And so!, afta droppin' Dave from York off at the 'Central' tih catch his train yem, (to 'YORK' would you believe?) it was a mad dash tih park mee van up before ah heeded to another match and gan on the drink !
Ah decided tih tek in Dunston Fed's friendly aginst Workington Reds at Federation Park and arrived in the clubhoose at 2:20 bells!.
"THREE HALF'S JOHN!---IN THE SAME GLASS!"
Ah said tih the bemused committee man behind the bar!
"AH THINK YEEV HAD TOO MUCH BROON ALE BONNY LAD!", came the reply az he stared intih mee 'mincers'!.
Ah thought aboot explainin' to him aboot the game at 'Killy'---BUT!---ah had second thoughts! when ah thought aboot it?
"ER!"---JUST GIZ A BOTTLE OF 'HIGH LEVEL BITTER' INSTEAD, JOHN!"
"DIH YIH WANT A PINT GLASS OR A HALF GLASS WITH THAT!?"
"AARRRR!" "RIP!-RIP!" (the soond of me tearin' mee hair oot!)
For the record, Dunston won 4-1 and they anly played TWO HALF'S!?
(VERY STRANGE!?)
©Fink™(the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)
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