THE ARSE 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted '8:17pm bells 🕭' Munday 19th May 2025

“LAST CHANCE SALOON!—COMIN’ SOON!”

With the race for Champions Leegue places hottin' up, it woz vital that we put up a good show at The Emirates---and we did, in the forst half at least!

The sequence of events were az follows:

 NUFC attacked the north end of the groond in the forst half, which iz opposite were the Toon fans were housed!

6th minute: Bruno haz a shot, which iz saves by Raya in The Arses goal!

11th minute: Tino Livramento haz a right footed shot from inside the box from an Anthony Gordon pass, but hiz shot iz saved by Raya! 

11th minute: Just seconds after this, Tonali haz a shot from ootside the box, but its blocked by a defender!

16th minute: Harvey Barnes shoots from ootside the box after a Godon through baall, but again the shot iz blocked!

17th minute: Dan Burn gets in on the act and hiz heeder iz saved!

18th minute: The Toon are on fire, but we just cant get the baall into the back of the net, az Sven Botman haz a shot which yet again iz blocked!

38th minute: Another shot iz blocked when Harvey Barnes shoots towards goal!---Their goalie iz havin a blinder!---Will we ever score in this game?

Second half, 52nd minute: The Arse start to wake up and against the run of play they score after a bad misstayk by Gordon. He loses possesion to Saka who threads a baall to Odergaard--he find Declan Rice and he hits a sweet shot from ootside the box with ‘The Pope’ in The Toon goal unable to stop the baall enterin' the net in the bottom far corner! 1-0 to them!

We simply went off the boil after this, and struggled to contain them, although we did have chances near the end to level things!

Az the game entered stoppage time, the home fans whistled frantically for the full time whistle!

Just before the final throws of the game, 'The Pope' came up for a corner, in a desperate bid for the equaliser!  A meleee ensued from the corner kick az the players went for the baall and Raya landed poleaxed on the groond!  

The ref then blew for full time, meanin that we simply MUST win wor final game of the season at SJP against Evaatin next Sunday to claim a Champions Leegue spot, with 5 teams in the race for the 3 remainin places! 

IF we win then we will DEFINATLY finish in 3rd or 4th position, az we have a superior goal difference to Villa, Forest and Chelsee -(Forest play Chelsee on the final day, so one of them (or both, if its a draw), will drop points!)---  See how tight the table iz below!----The last chance saloon---comin soon! 

⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

Attendance: 60,160 (3,000 Toon fans!) 

*100 NOT OOT!

The final away game of the season--and we clocked up wor 100th different booze bar in ‘norf Landan’

We visited 5 drinkin dens in total, 4 of which we haddint been tee this season! 

The 100th and last one woz an Arseholes bar caalled The Blackstock on Seven Sisters Road in Islington, London

This iz the 3rd season in a row that we have ‘dun the ton’, havin visited 96 different ones before Sunday’s game!

97 The Eaglet

98 Bedford Tavern

99 The Twelve Pins

100 The Blackstock

Aalso visited previously this season, so we cannit coont it: The Grafton Arms, ran by a Toon fan!

"Named and shamed", coz they wouldnt let us in!-- Mannions Prince Arthur!😠

Footnote: Like on many, many occasions the train jorney doon didnt end well!  With King's Cross (London) closed yet again ower the weekend--- the train anly went a far az Peterborough! 

From there, there woz a replacement bus to London, but we had foond anothaa way by train via Ely and Cambridge to Tottenham Hale in London, so we opted for that, rather than the dreaded bus ride!

We crossed the bridge ower the platform to catch the train to Ely, anly to find oot that it had been CANCELLED! 🙈The next train woz an hour and a half wait!---With nee guarantee that THAT would torn up eethaa!

So we ended up gettin a taxi for £138 between 6 of us, aall the way to Tottenham Hale, where wor hotel woz!---Honest!---The trains this season have been absolute crap!----Glad the away trips are aall ower now!----We need a fcukin' rest! 😴

THE ARSE V THE TOON*** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Saturday 17th May 2025

Updated Munday

BLACK SMOKE OWER THE EMIRATES STADIUM, INDICATIN’ A TROPHY FREE SEASON FOR THE ARSE!

 “JUST ONE MORE WIN!”🙏🏻

Predictable results last neet that both Villa and Chelseee would win, came true and they are both on 66points alang with NUFC, but crucially we have the better goal difference and an extra game!

In effect we can afford to lose one game, but must win the other!

If we dee that then we will qualify for The Champuons Leegue next season!

We could aalso qualify if the others aroond us fail to win or lose!

IF we can beat The Arse tomorrow, for the 4th time this season, we would move to 2nd in the table above them!

Let’s hope we can get at least a draw and beat Evaatin on the last day of the season at SJP!?

Az per usual, “Watch this space!” for a match and boozer report some time on Munday!”

Updated Munday on train back!

Lost 1-0! Match and booze report to follow on Munday neet!

NUFC THE INVISIBLE TOP SIX CLUB!

 Posted '8:16pm bells'🕭Wedinzday 14th May 2025

AZ IT STANDZ AFTER 36 GAMES 

OOT OF 38

1 Livaapool 83 pts Goal difference +46

2 The Arse 68 pts  Goal difference +33

3 The Invisible! 66 pts  Goal difference +23

4 Man City 65 pts  Goal difference +24  

5 Chelseee 63 pts  Goal difference +19

6 Villa 63 pts  Goal difference +7

7 Forest 62 pts  Goal difference +12

"Arsenal are set to finish in second place in the Premier League!"--So say Sky Sports News, completleee forgettin' that if The Toon beat them on Sunday, then WE will be in second place!

And then the Arseholes manager Nikel Arteta says that hiz team hazzint been beaten off a 'top six' side for two years!---Despite thord placed NUFC beatin' them THREE times alone this season!

When Arteta and Sky look at the Premyaa Leegue table then the team currently in thord place are erased from the table!---The INVISIBLE!

Its a busy weekend with Villa forced to change their home game v Sporz to Friday neet by The Premyaa Leegue hieracy and aalso Chelseee are playin' Moan U az well! (Man City are in the FA Cup final v Palliss on Saturday)

The scenario iz this:

If both Villa and Chelseee win then they will be on equal points with us!----Draws will mean that they will be two points behind us!----Defeats meenz that NUFC will qualify for The Champions Leegue, az both the above will have just one game left with inferior goal differences and goals scored, compared to us and of course Forest, with a slight chance of qualifyin in 7th place, play Chelseee on the last day of the season!---so one of them or both will drop points!---meeenin that we can finish nee lower than sixth place, which would guarentee a place in The Europa Leegue----a competition that we could easily win!

Whereaz The Champions Leegue would be ten times harder to win! 

It will be a very interestin' three days indeed!

“Watch this space for Friday’s results!” -and hope Sporz and Moan U dee us a favour—doubt it, but yih never naa!?”

THE TOON 2. THE CHELSEEE OAPs 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Munday 12th May 2025

“ANLY ONE MORE WIN!”

Wot a weekend it’s been! NUFC were the anly team in the top 5 to win, with aall the rest dropping’ at least 2 points!

This meeenz, in effect, that we need just ONE win from wor last 2 games to gaaurentee a top 5 place and a Champions Leegue holy 😇 grail spot!

(Forest play Chelseee on the last day of the season, meenin that one of them (or both) will drop points, so we cant finish lower than 5th IF we win just one more game oot of the 2 left v The Arse and Evaatin)

It took The Toon a grand total of 112 seconds to open the scorin’ at The Leazes End, when Sandro Tonali hit a left foot shot into the roof of the net at very close range, from an excellent Jacob Murphy cross! The roar to celebrate the goal woz deafening! 1-0 to us!

There were forthaa chances to increase wor lead from Isak, Barnes and Murphy, but it remained 1-0!

And then the decisive monent of the game!---Chelseee'z Nicolas Jackson elbow Sven Botman in the face and wor number 4 gans straight to groond!

At forst the ref gives a yellow card but iz advised by the VAR officials to take anothaa look!

He gans to the monitor at The East Stand halfway line and after several looks resinds the yellow card and upgrades to red and wor visitors were doon to 10 men in the 36th minute!

There were several more misses from The Toon before the half time interval, includin 2 heeders by Dan Burn which went narrowly wide! HT 1-0

The Chelseee OAPs (so caalled az their original nickname woz 'The Pensioners'!) came oot with aall guns blazin in the 2nd half and yoo would have thought that we had 10 men and not them, az the went for the equaliser!

'The Pope' in wor goal made a couple of excellent saves to deny The OAPs az we watched the clock nervously ticked off the minutes!

The killer goal, however, woz scored by NUFC in the dyin embers of the game when, bang on 90 minutes a Dan Burn cross foond Bruno, who looped the baall ower in the Chelseee goal to clinch a 2-0 victory az the Gallowgate roof nearly lifted off the groond!---Bruno then ran to the nearest corner flag and uprooted it and waved it to the jubulant fans!

By this time most of the Chelseee 'faithful'? had departed and  heeded back to 'The Central' (station) to catch the train back to King's Cross (London!)

The Premyaa Leegue table now makes brilliant readin' az we are now just 2 points behind The Arseholes in 2nd place!----A win at The Emirates next Sunday would lift us into 2nd place above them----who would ever have believed that could happen!?

Attendance: 52,200 (3,000 Chelseee!---very quiet at the end!)

Footnote:

Mikel Arteta saaid after The Arseholes draw at Livaapoool yesterday, that they havvint lost to a 'top six' team for 2 years, despite the fact that we have beaten them THREE times aalready this season alone! (Are we not a 'big six' side sittin in 3rd position in the table?---obviously NOT accordin to The Arseholes ARSEHOLE manager!)----Hopefully 'Steady Eddie' will pin this comment on the away dressin' room waall, when we gan there next week, to give us even more insentive to win!

EVEN THE SHEARER STATUE IZ CELEBRATIN' THIZ FANTASTIC WIN!

THE TOON V THE CHELSEEE PENSIONERS*** TOMORROW DINNAATIME!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Saturday 10th May 2025

With just 3 games left the race for the top 5 Champions Leegue places iz on!

This iz without doubt wor biggest Premyaa Leegue game of the season—-a 6 pointer against Chelseee at SJP tomorrow, at the ridiculous ‘high noon 🔔s kick off time az well!

We are both level on points and goal difference, but crucially we have scored more goals than them!

The scenarios are this:

A win for NUFC takes us 3 points clear of them and the goals scored iz worth an extra point!

A draw meeenz we are still aheed of them!

A defeat meenz they will leapfrog us and gan 3 points clear with just 2 games to gan!

The 3rd scenario would meen that qualification would be oot of wor hands IF the othaa teams aroond us win!

Today Man Citih are away to aalready relegated Sooothampton and Villa are away to Bournemoooth!

Cannit see Sooothampton deein us any favours, but Bournemoooth could!

Trippier and Schar are both expected to play after they suffered niggling injuries at Brightin and Joelinton iz expected to play some part after missin the last 2 games through injury!

It’s win or bust time folks!

Match report on Munday!  

APU "Watch this space!"

PRE SEASON 2025-2026 TICKETS ON SALE AALREADY!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 🛎️ bells’ Thorzday 8th May 2025

The current season still has 3 games to gan, but aalready tickets are on sale for pre season friendlies in Scotland and Singapore!

Firstly there’s a friendly in Glasgow v Celtic on Saturday July 19th at ‘3 🔔s with 7,200 tickets on sale now at £25 for big kids, £17 for zimmerframeites and £12 for sprogs! (Online only!) Loyalty points 15 or more!

But beware, 1,200 of those tickets are at a reduced price, az there iz a massive green post obstructing the view of the far goal! (see top pic)

Then NUFC are off to Singapore when we play The Arse on Sunday 27th July and tickets are on sale at a mouth watering £116.50 plus extras, like bookin fees

Aye £116.50 for a daft friendly! ⬇️

Other games in the far east are planned and The Geordie Times will let yiz naa in due course the details of those games!

"WHITE SMOKE 💨 BREAKING NEWS!"

Talkin of Celtic, everybody naaz that they are a catholic club and coincidentally the new Pope haz just been unvieled at The Vatican in Rome! ⬇️⬇️⬇️

"NO POPE IN ROME!---HE'S AT WOR HOME!"

NEWCASIL BLUE STAR 1. BLYYYTH TOON 1 (BLYYYTH WON 4-2 ON PENALTIES) *** NORTHERN LEEGUE DIVISION ONE PLAY OFF FINAL

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 7th May 2025

Forst of aall, apologeez for the very late postin’ of this game, played last Friday neet, but this IZ 'The Geordie Times', wot did yoo expect!?

"JESUS THE 'SAVE'IER!" 

We met up at Rosie’s Bar near SJP (Me and Tex Taylor) and caught the 39 bus to Scotswood in the far west end of The Toon!---It took nearly half an hour in heavy traffic to get there!---A 3 mile jorney!

THE HUGE DENTON BOOZER 

We then met up with a lad caalled 'Gippa' in ‘The Denton’ boozer, az he had mee match ticket on hiz 'telling bone'➡️📱 

The huge estate bar woz rammed with locals and loads of Blue Star fans, gannin to the match!---

After a bit of ‘tonsil ticklin’➡️🍺🍺🍺 we heeded for Blue Star’s groond which iz a 10 minute walk away!

We heeded for ‘The Bobby Robson Lounge’ next to the groond, BUT!!! they’d stopped sorvin booze by the time we got there, for some unknown reason???, which woz ridiculous, az a record crowd woz expected!

😠"NEE BEER HERE!"⬆️⬇️😮

We had nee choice but to gan into the groond and queue for 15 minutes to get some 'liquid lubrications' in the beer tent!

Just before the game kicked off we had stood wor drinks on a smaall table with grass on it and a then a gadgie came and told us he needed the table to put the match baall on and so we had to take the booze off! (bizzare!)

The game kicked off and it woz obvious that there woz a record crowd of aroond aboot 2,000 crammed into the smaall groond and straight away Blue Star went on the attack!

They had several chances to take the lead az they attacked the right hand goal from where we were standin!

On the far side the young 'Blue Star Ultras' were havin a great time jumpin up n doon in the smaall stand (like they used to dee in the old Leazes End in the 1960s and 70s) They were bangin' a drum az well and there woz a Elswick/Benwell flag draped ower the fence! (Both Elswick and Benwell are districts in the west end of The Toon near Scotswood, where Blue Star are based)

Aa couldn't help 'finkin' that these fans would love to come to SJP, but are unlikely to do so, with the current lockoots at NUFC----The lost generation!

Of course this iz great news for the local non leegue clubs, to have their gates boosted because the youngins (and oldies alike!) are eethaa locked oot or priced oot of attendin Toon games!---So sad in that respect! 

Anyway!---the teams went in 0-0 at the half time interval!---Thoughts of gannin for a swift alcoholic beverage durin the break were scuppered az the queue woz massive and we would have missed part of the 2nd half if we had waited to get sorved!

The breakthrough finally came in the 55th minute when ex Toon youth player Michael Ndewini put Blue Star aheed with a fine strike from just ootside the box, to send the majority of the huge crowd into meltdoon!

Just when we thought that Blue Star would win it, and in the dyin' minutes, a Blyyyth Toon player woz fouled on the edge of the penalty area and the ref pointed to the spot----This woz in the 89th minute!

Up stepped Dan Wilson to take it and he put the baall past the 'Star keeper' to level the scores, to cheers from the 200 or so Blyyyth faithful who had travelled the 15 miles doon the A1!

We thought the game would gan to extra time, but when the players lined up on the halfway we realised that it woz gannin straight to a penalty shootout!

It didn't end well for 'Star' az Ndewini missed their 2nd penalty, which woz saved by Jesus, beleeeve it or not? in the Blyyyth goal (De Jesus actually!)  and Blyyyth went on to win the shootout 4-2 to win promotion to The Northern Premyaa Leegue East Division, where amazingly they will play their arch rivals and ‘big brother’, Blyyyth Spartans next season, who were relegated from The Northern Premyaa Leegue, Premyaa Division!

The attendance woz given az 2,151 and woz indeed the biggest in Newcasil Blue Star’s history!

THE 'END GAME' ---THE BLUE STAR ULTRAS SET OFF BLUE FLARES AFTER THE PENALTY SHOOT-OUT!

This woz NOT a good time for Tyneside based non Leegue clubs ower the weekend, az both Dunston (crowd 1,348--1,000 above their average!) and Gatesheed (crowd 4,108--3,000 above their average!), lost oot on promotion to their respective higher Leegues az well!

MATCH TICKET

And remember 'The Geordie Times' moto!

"We bring yoo aall the latest news 2nd hand, 1st and 1st hand, 2nd!---and we nevvaa make any spelllin' misstayks!"

😱😳🫣🙈

NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN 1. THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ on the train back, Munday 5th May 2025

SCHAR PREPARES TO TAKE THE FREE KICK THAT RESULTED IN A PENALTY FOR HAND BAALL! (TOON IN CLARET AND BLUE HOOPS)
 

“THE TALE OF THREE  PENALTIES!”

This weekend woz dominated by penalties for teams from Tyneside!

On Friday Newcasil Blue Star lost a play off penalty shootout to Blyth Toon, in The Northern Leegue, then on Saturday on the other side of the Tyne, Dunston lost a play off penalty shootout in the Nothern Premyaa Leegue against Stocksbridge and on Sunday The Toon had 3 penalties awarded by the ref, but 2 were ruled oot by VAR!

ANYWAY! to the match!

The game started well for The Toon az we attacked the far goal from the away end!

We were well on top and missed several chances, but a rare attack from Brightin foond ex Toon player Minteh on the edge of the box and he smashed a kick into the far corner of wor net, with a deflection of Dan Burn, wrang footin The Pope in the Toon goal to put them 1-0 up in the 28th minute!

He then antagonised the away end with finger and shirt kissin gestures, in hiz goal celebrations! Completely oot of order az the Toon fans boooed him wildly! HT 1-0 to them!

The 2nd half woz dominated by penalty incidents!

Firstly sub Anthony Gordon woz fouled near the edge of the box and the ref Pawson pointed straight to the spot! HOWEVER! VAR intervened and a free kick replaced the penalty award!—And nothing came of that!

Then Joe Willock fell dramatically in the box and again the ref pointed to the spot!—Again VAR intervened and told the ref to gan to the monitor! After lookin for 5 minutes he owertorns the decision again and booked Willock for divin’!

2 penalties doon, 1 to gan!

Az the clock ticked doon it looked az though we would lose the game!— But we got a free kick into the edge of the box in the 86th minute and ‘Fab’ Schar took it! He hit a sweet shot and a Brightin player moved hiz arm and connected with the baall inside the box!

Yet again the ref pointed to the spot, but ‘this time’ it woz a clear penalty!

Alexander the Great (Isak) took it and we had visions of their goalie saving’ it after wot happened to Blue Star and Dunston!

We shouldn’t have worried though az he sent their goalie the wrang way and planted it to the right az their goalie dived left!

ISAK PREPARES TO TAKE THE PENALTY!

1-1 in the 89th minute!

We still had time to win it az 9minutes stoppage time woz added for the 3 penalty decisions wait, but we just couldn’t find the winner, az sub Callum Wilson had a great shot tipped ower the bar by Verbruggen in the Brightin goal!—That precious point could make aall the difference!

Later on, Chelseee beat Livapoool 3-1 to move level with us in the table!

But vitally with both clubs on the same goal difference, NUFC have scored 4 more goals!

And guess wot???- We play them next Sunday at SJP—a game we MUST get a draw at least, az there will be just 2 games left in the Champions Leegue race!

 Attendance: 31,580 (3,000 Toon Travellers!)

Pub crawl pix!

ELEVEN drinkin dens on this trip to the south coast! East Croydon-London, Lewes, Haywards Heath (Runnin' total for this season: 96!)

01 East Croydon Travelodge, London

02 East Croydon, London

03 East Croydon, London

04 East Croydon, London

05 East Croydon, London

A warm welcome to Lewes!

06 Lewes

07 Lewes

08 Lewes

09 Haywards Heath

09 Haywards Heath

10 East Croydon, London

11 East Croydon, London

The Geordie Times Spot the difference quiz!

'The Fab 4' walkin' ower a zebra crossin' in London

'The Flab 4' walkin' ower a zebra crossin' in London!