SOOOTHAMPTON U23s v THE TOON U23s **** TOONEET

Posted '4:25pm bells' Friday 9th November 2018

"STAPLE DIET!"

Tooneet @ Sooothampton's Staplewood trainin' groond, wor U23s take on theirs in a FA Premyaa Resorve Leegue cup game @ '7 bells'
'The Geordie Times' wont be there, but yoo can bet your bottom dollar that a handful of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be there! (If it woz on a 'proper groond' and not a trainin complex, then we would definitely have travelled doon to deepest Hampshire!)

We will of course let yoo know how we 'got on' ASAP

Meeenwhile wor U18s have been drawn away to Bolton U18s in the thord roond of the FA Youth Cup---to be played on or before 15th December! (We've been here before of course!)

Updated '9:48pm bells' in Eccles, Manchester (on truck run!)---(stationary!)

FT 1-1    Elias Sorensen saved the day when he scored with a well taken shot just 2mins from time after Marcus Barnes had given Sooothampton the lead after 18mins 
Attendance not known yet, but there woz at least one 'NUFC mad-sad groundhopper' present!

The game woz played in heavy rain (just like it iz in Eccles az I write this!)

"IT WOZ 50 YEARS AGO TODAY!" (Part 2)

Posted '11:20 am bells' Friday 9th November 2018

The Geordie Times 'Golden Jubilee' celebrations continue, when, on this day half a century ago aa paid mee forst ever visit to London to watch The Toon play The Arse at Highbury!
(Archive match report below this one)

(Ground 004, Arsenal Stadium, Highbury, London, Ing-er-land, Europe, The World!)

THE TOON v BOURNEMOOOTH *** PREMYAA LEEGUE THIS SATURDAY

Posted '4:32pm bells' Thorsday 8th November 2018

"CHILD'S PLAY!"

Rafa haz said that NUFC fans consider the players az their 'children' and that offerin them encouragement, even when they make misstakz, iz the best way to achieve success this season!

Benitez insists that the majority of fans realise that unity woz crucial in helpin NUFC win promotion in the 2016-2017 campaign az well az bein an important factor in NUFCs 10th place finish last season!

He expects a similar positive atmosphere v Bournemoooth this Saturday az we had last weekend v Wotfaad, when we won for the forst time this season in 12 attempts!

Muto meenwhile iz unlikely to play, while Shelvey iz a doubt!  Lascelles however IZ available for selection in yet anothaa must win game!

Bournemoooth have sold 1,722 tickets for the game, which iz ower a thoosand more than both Brightin and Wotfaad sold in wor last 2 home games!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday!

PS: A'm havin problems with mee laptop and aa have to de everything on mee mobile!---which isnt easy on a smaall screen!

Updated Friday---SORTED!

THE THORD OF A MILLION CLUB!

Posted '3:17pm bells' Tuesday 6th November 2018

"GEORDIE TIMES RULES OK!"

SOMEWHERE IN NEW YORK CITY!

Anothaa Geordie Times landmark woz passed today when we receeeved wor 333,334th pageview, meenin' that we have now passed the the thord of a million total!

The top 10 pageviews from countries aroond the world are az follows:

UK 159,989
USA 43,832
Ukraine 23,034
Jawmany 17,645
Israel 15,060
Rushaa 10,584
(Lost in) France 8,199
(Mee old) China 4,452
The Guinness Republic 3,802
Spain 2,382
The rest of the world totals from 149 countries and territories (plus Mars and beyond!) are az follows, 44,355

We thank each and everyone off yoo for loggin into this site

"Howay the lads!"

"Take me to your leader!

Whey aye maan!"

THE TOON 1 WOTFAAD 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '10:30am bells' Sunday 4th November 2018

'GEORDIE TIMES 'EXCLUUUSIVE!'
SOMEWHERE NEAR THE MOUTH OF THE TYNE YESTERDAY

THE SS NEWCASTLE!--- (Honest!)

"WHEN THE BOAT COMES IN!"

Before the match in 'The Bodega' on Westgate Road, most Toon fans didn't 'fink' we would get much oot of this game---includin' little ol' ME!

And so it came to pass that in the forst half Wotfaad had a 'boat load' of chances to take the lead, but their finishin' woz (thankfully!) terrible! (at least 7 easy chances!)

ACTION AT THE LEAZES END (1st half)

We were indeed on the 'back foot' and were pleased to hear the refs whistle for half time with the score still 0-0!

We attacked The Gallowgate End in the 2nd half and played much better, with the tornin point comin' when an injured Jonjo Shelvey had to gan of to be replaced by South Korean international Ki Sung Yueng. (Just before this Wotfaad had rattled the Leazes End crossbar!)

Aaal of a sudden the lang balls from Shelvey were replaced by 10 yard passes from Ki and this worked a treat in the 65th minute when Perez got hiz heed to a Ki free kick from the edge of the box and the baall flew into the top of the net to lift the roof off St. James'z!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL (2nd half)

After a couple of daft free kicks given away near the end, plus great saves from Dubravka--the crowd nervously whistled loudly for the final whistle---and finally---eventually!--- the ref blew for full time after 5 mins stoppage time and wor winless, horrible run of home defeats had finally come to an end!----After six months 'aall at sea'---THE BOAT HAD FINALLY CAME IN!

Rafa came onto the pitch at the end to applaud the crowd for their undying support of him and the team and yoo would have thought we had won the leegue, such woz the reaction!

HAPPY TOON FANS LEAVE THE GROOND!

Amazingly, the win lifts us oot of the relegation zone into 17th place, az we doubled wor points tally in one blow---although the teams below us, 'uddersfield and Fulham must play each othaa on Munday neet! (A 0-0 draw pleeze!)

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles (Schar 46 ), Fernandez, Dummett, Ritchie, Shelvey (Ki 50), Diame, Kenedy, Muto (Perez 45), Rondon

Attendance: 49,157 (1,600 Wotfaad fans) 
That meenz that 47,557 Toon fans were there---the lowest total this season---not bad, considerin' we hadn't won at home or away for SIX months!

Had Wotfaad sold their full allocation of 3,200 tickets the crowd would have been 50,757!

*PS: The crowd were asked to observe a minutes silence for the victims of the Lestaa helicopter crash--but instead some started clappin' and muted applause replaced the silence! 

THE TOON v WOTFAAD *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '3:11pm bells' Friday 2nd November 2018

THE MILBURN STAND FROM BARRACK ROAD

Tomorrow afternoon at '3 bells' we attempt to win wor forst game of the season when we take on 'The Elton John Mob' at HQ!

Salamon Rondon iz expected to start, givin the much needed forward line a boost before the game!

Yet again we MUST win this game---but I have said this so many times this season that I am 'finkin aboot gettin' a tape recordin made of it!

THE MEDIA 'STICK THE KNIFE IN!'

Wor lowest home crowd of 'just' 50,329 v Brightin haz been given az an indication of us voting with wor feet and stayin' away!.
HOWEVER!---In the previous 4 games before Brightin the away section woz sold oot with 3,200 fans from Sporz, Chelski, The Arse and Lestaa!
Brightin anly brought 1,600 fans

So the number of Toon fans in the groond this season iz az follows:

Sporz---Attendance: 51,749 - 3,200 away fans = 48,549 Toon fans

Chelski---51,791 - 3,200 away fans = 48,591 Toon fans

The Arse---52,165 - 3,200 away fans = 48,965 Toon fans

Lestaa---51,523 - 3,200 away fans = 48,323 Toon fans

Brightin---50,329 -1,600 away fans = 48,729 Toon fans 

So this actually meeenz that Toon fans attendin' the Brightin game waz the 2nd highest oot of 5! 

Az Wotfaad are bringin even fewer fans than Brightin (1,400 tickets sold) it will be very interestin' to see if the media slag us off shud the attendance be the lowest of the season because of this! 

NICE or NAUSEATING ?

Much haz been written this week aboot wor club captain Jamaal Lascelles sayin' that wor 'beloved owner' known affectionately az 'The Fat Controller' (he 'controls' wor miserable lives!) iz "A nice guy' after signin' a new 6 year contract with NUFC
He haz said that the protests are affectin the players on the pitch, which seems a very good excuse for NE wins in ELEVEN attempts this season! (The REEEL reason we cant win iz because we cant score enough goals (ne shots on target last week at Sooothampton, for example!)

He woz quizzed on Radio Newcasil last neet, sayin' to a fan who had phoned up, that he had been here for 4 years and that he had met wor owner just ONCE in aall that time, when they went for that infamous meal in Ponteland a few weeks back!

It haz been reported in 'The Sun' that this "Nice guy" threatened to "knock oot" a Toon fan, who confronted him in The Paradise Curry House in Hampstead, west London orlier this week for caallin him "A parasite!"

A "Nice guy!" OR a "Parasite!"---we leave yoo to draw your own conclusions!

PS: Its 'bonfire neet' on November 5th, when Geordies will be puttin' a certain 'guy' on top of their bonfires! (NOT an effigy of Guy Fawkes, by the way!)

SOMEWHERE NEAR ST. JAMES' PARK!

A full match report and pix will appear hear on Sunday---sometime!

HALLOWEEN 2014 REVISITED*** "WHO'S BEEN SLEEPIN' IN MY BED?"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 31st October 2108

Below iz the 'classic' archive report from wor home game against 'The Liverbirds' 4 years ago!

We make ne apologeez whatsoever for 'digging it up' again!

"GO HIGH OCTANE IN OCTOBER!"

Posted '2:20pm bells' Tuesday 2nd October 2018
Updated '2:15pm bells' Thorsday 25th October 2018
Updated '1:20pm bells' Munday 29th October 2018

'The Geordie Times' iz leadin' the fightback against the 'Go Sober in October' campaign that iz heavily advertised on the telly, radio, tabloids and mags, to stop people drinkin for the month of October!
These individuals wernt content with 'Dry January' where people didn't drink in that month and now they've started on October!---what next we ask?--- 'No bevvies in February's' or 'Lets go dry in July!'
So we've started a "GO HIGH OCTANE IN OCTOBER!" campaign to help stem the rapid decline of wor traditional pubs before its too late!

Did you naa that 18 pubs a week are shuttin' doon because of people not usin their local boozers, which works oot at staggerin' 936 a year!

And these 'Go sober' do gooders are tryin to make it worse!
Wor '100 away pub crawl challenge' where we are tryin to visit a 100 away pubs durin' this season, iz well under way and we have visited a total of 62 different pubs/clubs since wor forst game of the season at Barrow in Furness in July!

THE FIGHTBACK IZ ON! (see away pub crawl pix article below!)

THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB 0 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '11:11am bells' Sunday 28th October 2018 ("Aye, aa remembered to put mee clocks back!")
Updated Munday '12:56pm bells'

THE TOON ARE IN THE LIGHT BLUE STRIP

"LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE!"
(6 trains, 4 tubes and 2 taxis!)

This woz the jorney from hell if ever there woz one in this 700 miles roond trip to the south coast!
Forst of aall, aa dragged mee lifeless body oot of bed at '4am bells' and jumped into a taxi from wor hoose, to catch the '5:26 bells' train from 'The Central' to King's Cross in London 
Because of a train strike on the line between Waterloo in London and Sooothampton we decided cross London by 2 tube trains to catch a train from Paddington to Reading and then onward to wor final destination!

"WET! WET! WET!"

On wor jorney from Paddington to Reading, a lass waalked doon the train with a very hot cup of waataa---and az she waalked past one of the lads, who shall remain nameless, called 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer', she spilt it aall ower hiz legs and 'private parts'!
He jumped up in agony shoutin' "F***** HELL!"--F***** HELL!" several times in shock, az she apologised and apologised, az we rolled aboot with laughter, az he looked like he'd p*ssed himself! 😅

"TAKIN' THE P*SS!---GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUUSIVE!

The lass had wanted the hot waata to put on some porridge she'd bought and improvised by pourin a cup of coffee into the bowl to mix the porridge!!!! (Yi couldn't make it up!)

We were lucky (apart from Blondie!) and everything else went to plan az we arrived at Sooothampton Central some six hours after leavin' the Toon and heeded for the nearest waaterin hole (The Giddy Bridge) for some much needed 'liquid lubrications'!

THE GIDDY BRIDGE

Others wornt so lucky, az they tried to get there via Waterloo station and got stuck half way az the train woz overloaded to burstin point!
(They eventually arrived 1 hour after us!)

2 more waaterin holes later and it woz time too heed for 'wor punishment' at St Mary's Stadium!---and 'punishment' it woz az we failed to have even one shot on target in the entire game!
Soloman Rondon finally made an appearance after a lang injury, half way through the 2nd half, but even he couldn't hit the target in one of the most borin' games yoo could wish to watch, which not suprizingleee ended in a goalless draw (Sooothampton were shockin' az well!)

The one point gained actually lifted us off the bottom of the table and anly two points from safety, az aall the teams around us lost---some of them heavily!
By wor recognin' 5 teams are in 'the mix' for relegation----'uddersfield, Cardiff, Fulim, Sooothampton and 'US'!

We reversed the train, tube, train and taxi jorneys on the way back, eventually arrivin' yem at '12:30am bells'! 

Footnote: Simon Templar woz a character in a cult 1960s TV programme caalled 'The Saint'!, which of course iz Sooothampton's nickname---hence 'The Simon Templar Mob'----get it?

Team line ups and more pix to follow later, when aa get time---like! (Oot on 'the hoy' very soon!)

MUCH LATER!
Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Fernandez, Dummett, Richie, Shelvey, Diame (Ki76), Kenedy, Perez (Rondon 69), Muto (Atsu 80)

Attendance:30,736 (2,450 OR 2,500 very bored Toon fans!---not sure?)

*More pub crawl pix

Sooothampton

Sooothampton

London after game

London after game

*

"IT WOZ 50 YEARS AGO TODAY!---AA WENT AWAY TO SEE NEW-CAS-IL PLAY"

Posted '3:00pm bells' Friday 26th October 2018

Fifty years ago today at this time ('3pm bells'), az a wide eyed skoolkid, aa went to mee forst 'lang distance' away game, when we played Liverpool at Anfield at the height of Beatle mania!
A match report from that game half a century ago iz printed below ("Now where did aa put mee zimmer frame?")

Ground  number 3
"She loves you!,yeah!-yeah!-yeah!"