WIGAN RESORVES 0 v THE TOON RESORVES 2 (Vuckic,Abeid)---FULL TIME SCORE---

Posted '8:10 pm bells' Tuesday 1st November 2011

ROBIN PARK---WIGAN

THE GOALS!
We took the lead  on the half hour mark when Haris Vuckic hit a powerful shot from 20 yards oot against the run of play
Mehdi Abeid made the points safe with qwaata of an hour to gan, when he hit a belter from the edge of the box, which hit the post before reboondin' into the Wigan net.
Just like the forst team the second string remain unbeaten so far this season after six games played and are 'top 'o' the league'!
Info supplied by text from wor rovin' 'mad-sad groundhoppin' reporters, 'Dave from York and 'Alex of St George'.

Attendance: 150(ish!) (8 Toon fans!---we naa at least 3 of them!)

HAT-TRICK OR TREAT!---THE PULLIS PLASTIC P*SS POTS 1 THE TOON 3

Posted '1:15 pm bells' Tuesday 1st November 2011

THE COLONEL ISN'T DEED!

The unbeaten league run just gans on and on and aa have to tell you that we would have been VERY HAPPY to have come away from the Britannia Stadium with a point from this hallo'ween fixture, so to come yem with aall THREE points iz a 'TREAT'!---

the story unfolds below!

Three of us travelled doon in 'The Batmobile' namly, me, The Bear' and 'The Caped Crusader' who was the chauffeur and we arrived in good time for a few 'gargels' in The Plough Motel which is one of the very few bars within strikin' distance of the groond.
The 'liquid lubrications' were canny cheeep but the doonside was that they were in F*****' PLASTIC POTS! which iz very appropriate az Stoke are naan az 'The Potters' ('The Plastic Potters' perhaps?)

"NE PROPA GLASSES IN HERE!" ^

Then a miracle happened!---NO!---they didn't start sorvin' the beer oot of 'propa glasses'!---the miracle was that 'The Colonel' then waalked through the door!
'The Colonel', you see, is 'the spit' of 'Gadaffi' and he hails from Bracknall in Berkshire and NOT! Tripoli!
"They killed one of my 'doubles'!" he said az he sat doon to disbelivin' stares from the Stoke fans present!---addin' that he'd managed to escape on one of his camels through the Sahara Desert!

Anyway!---after a canny few 'plastic pintas' it was time for the 'route march' to the groond which iz a good twenty five minutes away at fast waalkin pace!
And did you naa that there isn't ONE other boozer on the entire route!, (aall uphill!) via the flyover ower the 'A500' duel carraigeway, through some derelict buildin's, alang a weed strewn path, and then up a flight of stairs, ower a canal and then ower another flyover, before eventually reachin' the away tornstiles!---"pant! pant! pant!" (meks you glad we are blessed with a groond in the city centre--doesn't it?)

Wearin' wor 'Aall Blacks' change strip, we took the lead in the 12th minute when Gabriel Obertan crossed for Demba Ba to heed home at the Boothen End (the far end from us)
We doubled wor lead some 5mins before the interval when Ba then got his 2nd with a shot from close in, to send the 1,500 or so Toon fans wild!


"A TASTE OF THEIR OWN MEDICINE!"

As we had a two goal cushion we played Stoke at their own 'lang throw in game' when Ryan Taylor asked the baall boys for a towel before launchin  'Delap' type throw ins, much to the annoyance of Pullis's Potters! and delight of The Toon management!---BRILLIANT TACTICS!

Stoke pulled one back with a dodgy lookin' penalty after 'Beanpole Crouch' went doon like 'a sack of taaties' in the box after an innocuous challenge from Ba.
The points were sealed however within a few minutes when a similar situation happened in wor box and Demba Ba comleted his 'Hat-Trick and Treat' by hammerin' the baall home in front of the delerious Toon fans, includin' 'The Colonel'

SOMEWHERE AT THE BACK OF THE AWAY END!
---"TOON ARMY!"

Steven Taylor, incidentleee wore a protective PLASTIC mask---very appropriate for this 'hallo'ween' encoonter!

This win teks us up to the 'dizzy heights' of THORD PLACE! above Chelsea and just ONE POINT behind 2nd placed Man U.
Shud we beat Everton in the orly '12:45 bells' Saturday kick off ,we will actually gan up to SECOND PLACE for two hours at least! (Man U play the SMB's at '3 bells'!)

Attendance: 26,564 (1,500 Toon fans)

PS  In less than one hours time, The Toons 2nd string are playin' @ Robin Park, Wigan against Wigan resorves---a groond we've been te before!
However!--At least THREE 'mad-sad groundhoppers' will be there to represent us!----Dave from York, Alex of St George and Glennn from Ashington!--------match report to follow

HALF A YEAR! (183rd DAY) SINCE THE TOON LAST LOST A PREMIER LEAGUE GAME!

THE PLASTIC POTS v THE TOON

Posted '11:00 am bells' Monday 31st October 2011

We have now past the 'half year mark' since we were last beaten in the Premya Leegue, but aall this could change tooneet of course when we take on 'The Plastic Pots' of Stoke @ The Britannia Stadium @ '8 bells' (live on Sky)

Aa say 'Plastic Pots' coz the bar we were in last season before the match anly had the dreaded plastic glasses and as there were ne otha boozers anywhere near, we had ne choice but to 'slum it' and drink there! 

Followin' the results ower the weekend we are still in a 'Champions League' position, but anly just! az Spors moved level on points with us with an inferior goal difference.

The scenarios are this toneet!
IF! we win or draw we owertake the pensioners of Chelsea and move into thord place!
IF! we lose by one goal we stay in fourth place!
IF! we lose by two goals or more, Spors will owertake us on goals scored and we will drop doon to a Europa League place in fifth position!

On this day last year we beat 'Broken Nose Bruce's SMB's 5-1 in 'The Hallo'ween Derby Massacre' @ St James'!----Lets hope this iz a good omen for tooneet!

Match (and plastic pot!) report to follow sometime tomorrow

WHY? WHY? WHY? DELILAH!?

Posted '10:15 am bells' Sunday 30th October 2011

Tomorrow neet @ 8' bells' we take on 'The Lang Throw In Specialist Boys' of Stoke @ The Britannia Stadium in wot iz sure to be a very tough game and wor unbeaten league record will be under severe danger.
Wor last visit here orly on this year was a horror show which we lost 4-0, so lets hope (and pray!) we divvint have a repeat of that performance tomorrow neet!

Now here's one thing that's aalways puzzled me?---just WHY? do Stoke fans have 'Delilah' by Tom Jones az their 'anthem', WHEN! Tom Jones iz from Wales, WHICH! iz ne where near Stoke, WHICH! iz in ENGLAND! (believe it or not!?) 

Answers on a postcard pleeeze to: 'The Geordie Times', Wor Hoose, Wor Street, Geordieland  on Tyne

NUFC TRAININ' SESSION---JAMIE @ ST JAMES'

Posted '4:00 pm bells' Friday October 28th 2011

"A FULL GALLOWGATE END!"

The open trainin' session @ St James' was a great success with an estimated 6 to 7,000 tornin' up to see the Toon in action! ('Geordie Times' estimate!)

"ELEVEN BELLS!"

Most were bairns who had been brought by their mammys and daddys az a treat and they thoroughly enjoyed themsels!

"THE 'FIVE A SIDE' GAME IN PROGRESS!"

"ELEVEN FIFTEEN BELLS!"

However!---az young bairns invariableee do, they get bored very quickly and after aboot half an hour watchin' a five a side game, shootin' practice and seein' the players run roond plastic traffic cones!, it's time to start faallin' asleep in their muthas arms!-----"Aaaaarrrr!"---"Bless 'em!"

"ELEVEN THORTY BELLS!"

TRAININ' SESSION @ ST JAMES'---FRIDAY MORN'

Updated '9:45m bells' Friday 28th October 2011

2010 TRAININ' SESSION @ ST JAMES'---
AN ESTIMATED 4,000 ATTENDED!

An open trainin' session will take place this mornin' between '10:30 and 12:30 bells' on the St James' Park pitch!

Admission iz FREE! @ 'The Gallowgate End' which will be open from '9:30 bells' 
A good torn oot iz anticipated coz of the skool hols!---SO!--- Bring the bairns for a look at 'The Cathedral'! 
We're a bit late, but 'The Geordie Times' iz on it's way now!
Photos of trainin' session to follow! 

180 DAYS SINCE THE TOON LAST LOST A PREMIER LEAGUE GAME!

Updated '4:30 am bells' Friday 28th October 2011

WE ARE DEFIANT!---------OK!---we lost wor unbeaten record in AALL competitions on Wednesday,(see below) but we STILL! remain unbeaten since May Day in the Premya Leegue! 

"Er!"--there's a little matter of those lang throw in specialists, 'The Pullis Potters' of Stoke away next Monday and visits to the two Manc clubs, plus! the pensioners of Chelsea comin' up!----we may az well enjoy it while we can!---"EH!?"

TOP 'O' THE WORLD!---17,000 TIMES!

Posted '2:45 pm bells' Thorsday 27th October 2011

'The Geordie Times' haz just past the seventeen thoosand 'hit' mark today and we thank aall wor loyal reeders for loggin' in yet again!

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!---
WHEY AYE MAAAN!"

We've now been viewed in 113 countries aroond the globe (and beyond!) >


"Hello! Mauritius!---Hello! Cyprus!---Hello! Jamaica!----Hello! Sierra Leone!"

TANDOORI CHICKEN ROVERS 4 THE TOON 3 (aet)

Posted '2:15 am bells' Thorsday 27th October 2011

"IT'S OVER!"

                         PETER LOVENKRANDS PENALTY------3-3
           ( PS: "IF YI WONDERIN' WHY THE PHOTO'S A BIT BLURRED
               ---IT'S COZ AA WAZ 'HALF CUT' WHEN AA TOOK IT!")

Wor run of 178 days withoot defeat iz over az we succumbed to Blackburn in the 4th roond of the League Cup, a little over 3 and a half hours ago @ Ewood Park. (The Batmobile's rocket boosters were on 'full blast' on the way back!) 

It aall started off badly when Rovers took the lead in the 5th minute through Rochina in front of the Toon fans, housed in The Darwen End.  
The ref then denied us THREE! clearcut penalties before givin' one to the home side half way through the 2nd half, which was converted by Yakubu and it looked game ower, especially when the game entered stoppage time!
Amazingly---however, we got one back in the 93rd minute when Guthrie rifled home for *The Orangemen (wor forst shot on target in the entire game!) and then Cabaye hit a fantastic free kick on the edge of the box into the roof of the net to level the scores in the 96th minute, to send the 4,000 plusToon fans wild with delight and in turn, send the game into extra time.
(*We played in wor orange away strip)

Rovers again retook the lead in the 99th minute through Pederson, anly for Peter Lovencrands to level things again for 'The Orangemen', from a forst period stoppage time spot kick in the 108th minute, when a penalty was given by the linesman for some shirt pullin',which the ref---'one' Robert MADley, yet again! had missed! 
(This 'mad'dened the Toon manager, players and fans alike, aa can tell you, until, the linesman put his flag across his chest to indicate a penalty!)


Just az it looked as though a penalty shootout was imminent, Blackburn's Givet heeded past Tim Krul in the dyin' seconds of extra time, which looked a canny bit offside!, but the linesman didn't see it? and the ref waved Toon protests away and blew for full time barely one minute later to send us from ecstasy to agony! 

Wor manager, 'I Beg Your Pardew' said  less than a week ago,  that he "wanted a major trophy within two years"?-- which haz (predictiblee!) proved to be 'the kiss of death'! 
Attendance: 10,682 (4,000 (plus) Toon fans in 'The Darwen End')

Neva mind!----there's aalways the FA Cup in January!---isn't there?