Posted ‘2:22pm bells’ Munday May 2025
“THERE’S ANLY ONE THOMAS BRAMALL!”
A game we thought we’d have to win to qualify for The Champions Leegue, we lost, but still qualified coz of a ref’s blunder at 'The Theatre of Muppets'!
We started off cautiously, with wor opponents the complete opposite az they had nowt to play for—-And so it panned oot that they had several shots at The Leazes End in the forst half, while NUFC had 3 or 4 at The Gallowgate End, but both goalies were in top form, with 'The Pope' making some excellent saves while the mackem 'Piggy in the middle' in the Evaatin goal, aalso had a predictable blinder to try and deny us a place in the top European competition! (Hiz name woz changed by deed poll from Pigford by hiz dad, coz he woz bullied at school and nicknamed 'Piggy')
We were norvous throughout and Evaatin were the better side in the forst half!
To cut a lang story short, the results elsewhere at half time meant that we were still in 4th place in The Premyaa Leegue table!—And Villa’s goalie had been sent off!—So far so good!
Disaster then struck in the 65th minute when Alcaraz heeded past The Pope from a Mykolenko cross, meaning that we dropped to 6th in the table in real time! 1-0 to them!
We then hord that Chelseee were winnin at Forest and that Man C were aalso winnin!
Then we hord some joyous news that Villa were losin 1-0 at Man U, so we were back to 5th!
The mobile phones were oot in force az we waited and watched norvously for more good news!—It came in the 88th minute, when we hord Villa were 2-0 doon to huge cheers from the crowd! (Never ever thought I would hear us cheerin a Moan U goal!)
2-0 against 10 men, surely even Moan U couldn’t fcuk this up!?
The final whistle went at SJP and the 1-0 defeat woz conformed! All the players looked on, not knowing if we had qualified—-and then the news we aall wanted came through that the final whistle had went at OT and we indeed had qualified for the 'top table'!
'Pigford' looked az sick az a pig 🐷 (sic!) az he trundled dejectedly off the pitch, even though hiz team had won!
The celebrations started on the pitch and in the stands az The Champions Leegue song blasted from the loudspeakers 📢! (Never seen celebrations like this when we have lost a game!--Fcukin crazy maan!)
We lost but we won! (If yoo see where I’m comin from!?)
Attendance: 52,221 (3,000 Toffee Noses)
It wasn’t until later on, az we watched MOTD, to see that Villa had had a perfectly good goal ruled oot, when the Moan U goalie fumbled and lost the baall and the Villa player fired into the net!
Unfortunately for them, the ref, one Thomas Bramall had blown hiz whistle, az he wrongly thought that the goalie had the baall in both hands!
The disallowed goal couldn’t gan to VAR az the ref had blew hiz whistle before the baall entered the net!
Emery the Villa manager had a mental breakdown on the touchline, az Moan U raced up the field just after this and scored the opener!
In other words, if Villa’s goal, 17 minutes from time had stood, then it would be highly unlikely that they would lose and so leapfrog 🐸 above us to 5th and drop us into The Europa Leegue!
Altogether now!
“THERE’S ANLY ONE THOMAS BRAMALL!” The man who put NUFC into The Champions Leegue!
THE BANNER SAYS: YOU ENTERED THE PITCH AS PLAYERS, YOU LEFT AS LEGENDSWONDER WHICH TEAM HE SUPPORTS?
NOW HERE'S SOMETHING THAT YOO DIVVINT SEE EVERY DAY!
AN EVAATIN FAN SMOKIN A PIPE OOTSIDE THE BODEGA ON WESTGATE ROAD!
"THOMAS BRAMALL---GEORDIE HERO!"
“INSTANT KARMAS GONNA GET YOU!”
