THE ARSE V THE TOON*** LEEGUE CUP SEMI FINAL 1st LEG *** TOMORROW NEET!

 Posted ‘10:42pm bells’ Munday 6th January 2025

THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE LAST FEBRUARY---A 4-1 DEFEAT!

"NORF LANDAN’ AGAIN!"

In complete contrast to Sporz where we have won 3 times, drawn 1 and lost 2, in 6 visits, since we forst played here in 2019-2020, it iz completly different 4 miles doon the road. 

At The Arse, however, we have witnessed just ONE solitary win since the Emerites Stadium woz built in 2005!      Won 1 drawn 2  and lost 16 times! oot of 19 visits---So it iz indeed one of wor bogey groonds!

So a great result for us doon there, would be a draw for certain!---And then beat them at SJP like we did last Novembaa!

6,000 Toon fans will be in attendance and for the forst time ever an audio of the decisions on the pitch will be relayed ower the loudspeakers by the ref, to explain anything contrivertial! (Should be interestin' to say the least!)

It's wor biggest game of the season, wheraz The Leegue Cup iz secondary to the Premyaa Leegue for The Arse, who are 6 points behind leaders Livaapoool---and hopefully they will take their eye off the baall for this compitition and field a weakened team! (ie: It's a Mickey Mouse competition to them---and everything to 'us'!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here later this week az per usual!---"Watch this space!" 

SPORZ 1. THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ Sunday 5th January 2025

“THE WHINGER OF OZ!”

This, we were told by the stadium announcer, woz the anly Premyaa Leegue fixture which haz never had a goalless draw!

And so it proved after just 4 minutes when Tottenham’s Porro crossed for Solanki to heed home with long time injury returnee Sven Botman unable to stop him and he heeded past Dubravka in The Toon goal!

1-0 to them!

Just 2 minutes later and we were back on level terms in controversial circumstances! The baall hit Joelinton’s hand and the baall fell to Bruno who squared to Anthony Gordon on the left from us—and he let fly with a left footer into the far corner of the net!

After a lengthy VAR check we aall thought the goal would have been chalked off, but it woz given!

The scoreboard confirmed that Joelinton’s arm woz in a natural position when the baaall struck him, much to the annoyance of Sporz Australian manager Ange Pistecoglu <hope av sppelt that reet?) who shook his heed in disbelief on the touchline!

Gordon then missed a great chance from an Isak piss, but it woz well saved by Austin in the home goal—Then Isak himself fired agognisingly wide just after this!

We then doubled wor lead in the 38th minute when a Jacob Murphy low cross foond Alexander the Great (Isak) who had the simple task of toe-poking the baall ower the goal line for hiz SEVENTH Premyaa Leegue goal in a row! 2-1 to us at half time!

The ‘norf Landaners’ came oot in the 2nd half and tried in vain to find an equaliser az Dubravka made some great saves from Sporz chances!

NUFC IN WOR MAROON AND BLUE HOOPED CHANGE STRIP!

Anthony Gordon woz then poleaxed in the box by Kulusevski and he lay on the groond with heavy bleeding from hiz nose, but the ref said ‘play on’ when a penalty should have been awarded! (He had to gan off and change hiz shirt and shorts, which were covered in ‘the red stuff’)

Harvey Barnes then missed a great chance at the end to seal the victory, but hiz shot woz saved by Austin!

After a ridiculous 13 minutes of added time the ref finally blew for full time after more Sporz pressure!

After the game their Aussie manager whinged on, sayin that ‘if all things were equal, we would have won the game!’—Completly ignoring/forgetting Gordon’s foul in the box!  The ‘Whinger of Oz’ perhaps!?🤔 (sic!)

This woz wor SIXTH win in a row in aall competitions and the Magpies are certainly flyin’ high in 5th position in the table and just 5 points behind The Arse in 2nd place, 2 points behind Forest 🌳 in 3rd place and 1 point behind Chelseee in 4th place!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!🥳 

Attendance: 61,293 (3,000 very happy Toon fans!)

Pub crawl pix—Just 3 this time in London

Past this misspellt rode sine on the way to the stadium!

SPORZ V THE TOON *** SATURDAY DINNAATIME!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 3rd January 2024

“IZ THAT A GIANT BISCUIT TIN IN THE DISTANCE?”

Wor first 2 games of 2025 are both in ‘norf’ Landan’ —at Sporz in the Premyaa Leegue tomorrow—az iz wor 2nd game 3 days later at The Arse in the forst leg of the Leegue Cup semis!

It iz certainly a hectic January/February with11games in that period at least! Hoy in a lang trip to Sooothampton and it’s a very expensive January alone!

Wor game at Sporz ‘Giant Biscuit Tin Stadium’ aka Tottenham Hotspur Stadium (see top photo and judge for yourself!) takes place at the 💩 time of ‘12:30 🛎️ bells’ on Saturday, az we gan for SIX wins in a row this season, against an iffy home side!

NUFC currently sit in 5th place, with the possibility of a top 4 place, shud othaa results gan wor way!

Of course this iz ‘The Toon’ and we never build wor hopes up too much, coz if yoo dee, it will come and bite  yoo in the leg! 🦵 

Aall 3,000 away tickets were snapped up yonks ago, despite the 💩 kick off time for live telly!(TNT)

A full Geordie Times match and booze report will appear here sometime on Sunday!

Az per usual—-“Watch this space!”

THE MOAN U MUPPETEERS 0. THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted ‘2:53pm 🔔 bells’ New Year’s Eve 2024

 THIS PHOTO WOZ TAKEN JUST ONE SECOND BEFORE ISAK’S GOAL! 

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” 🥳 

PLAYERS AND FANS CELEBRATIONS AT THE END OF THE GAME!

This time it took 4 minutes to open the scorin’, compared to 25 seconds at Ipswich and 2 minutes v Villa in wor last 2 games!

NUFC attacked the Stretford End goal and Alexander the Great (Isak) heeds home from very close range from a Lewis Hall cross! 1-0 to us after just 4 minutes! (VAR intervened but after an anxious wait the goal woz given!)

Then just after this, Isak woz clean through but failed to beat Onana in the Moan U goal when he should have scored hiz second!

The second goal did come in the 19th minute when Joelinton heeded in from 1 yard oot, from an Anthony Gordon cross! 2-0 to us! ( Again it went to VAR, but again the goal woz given!)

Tonali then hit the post, but agonisingly it boonced to safety, rather than into the net!

We were crusin az Moan Us defence fell apart az we pressed them back into their own half!

They did have a couple of chances to reduce the arrears after defence errors, but (thankfully!) fluffed their lines with poor finishin!

We had numerous chances to increase wor lead, including a 3rd goal from Isak, which woz quickly ruled oot for offside, but lady luck woz against us this time and we went in 2-0 up, when it should have been double that!

The Toon were more defensive in the 2nd period az Moan U tried in vain to break doon wor defence!

We came through it and the game ended with huge celebrations from the 3,000 Toon fans in the corner section, who were lucky enough to get digital phone📱 tickets for the game!

Other results went wor way az well, with Chelseee unexpectedly losin at Ipswich and Villa and Brightin playin oot a 2-2 draw to drop 2 points each!

NUFC are back to 5th in the table just 2 points behind 4th placed Chelseee, while Moan U finish the year in 14th place, just 7 above the drop zone! 

This woz wor 5th win in a row scorin 16 goals in the process and concedin just one with Martin Dubravka in goal!—Lang may it continue!🤪👍🏁

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” 🎉 

Attendance: 73,809 (Includin the 3,000 delirious Toon fans!)

PUB CRAWL PIX (5)

AALL IN MANCHESTAA

Without doubt, Manchestaa iz one of the best places to visit for away games, az there are loads of quirky boozers with crazy names like ‘Peveril of the Peak’ & ‘The Britons Protection’!

MOAN U V THE TOON *** TOONEET!

 Posted ‘10:00am 🛎️ bells’ Munday 30th Decembaa 2024

WELCOME TO OLD TRAFFORD—BEWARE OF THE LEAKIN’ ROOF AND RODENT 🐀 🐭 INFESTATION!

Surely there’s no better time to play Moan U at The Theatre of Muppets’, az the club iz in turmoil on and off the pitch!

4 losses in the last 5–(including 0-3 at home to Bournemoooth!) doon to 14th in the table and Jim the 🐀 Rat’s cost cuttin and ticket price hike haz not gone doon well in Salford!

Wot makes this all the more galling for them, iz the fact that the team they love to hate—Livaapoool, look odds on to win the Premyaa Leegue after their 5-0 demolition of West Ham yesterday, equalin Moan U’s record of 20 top flight titles! (IF they dee it!?)

In total contrast NUFC have won 4 games in a row, scorin 14 in the process and concedin just one goal!—and are now up to 5th in the table!

(Correction!—-Errrr!—-We’re now 7th after yesterdays results!)

Livramento iz expected to retorn after missing the Villa game through illness 🤧 

An ‘8:00 bells’ 🔔 kick off iz not wot we want, az it’s impossible to get a train 🚂 back after the game, so we are drivin doon in mee canny tranny 9 seater van👇at ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’

THE GEORDIE TIMES ‘CANNY TRANNY’*** COMPLETE WITH THE TYNE BRIDGES AND A BLUE STAR!

Az per usual “watch this space” on New Year’s eve for a match and booze report!

THE TOON 3. THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ Friday 27th Decembaa 2024

“ASTON VILLA!—ITS HAPPENED AGAIN!”

A game that had everything— 3 goals allowed—3 goals disallowed—and a sendin off!—

It didn’t tek lang to get oot of the blocks az straight from the kick off we attacked the Gallowgate goal and for the 2nd time in a few days we scored within 80 seconds, when Anthony Gordon hit a MAGnificent shot into the top corner of the goal from a Joelinton through baall! 1-0 to us!

The main taakin point of the game came in the 20th minute when Villa’s Duran needlessly stamped on Schar’s back and the ref (after consulting VAR) produced the red card and Duran’s reaction woz to kick a waataa bottle onto the pitch, which Joelinton picked up and returned it to the Villa bench! (minus the waataa!)

That’s the way it stayed to the break with a goal ruled offside by Bruno, after the sendin off! 

On the hour mark we doubled wor lead when Bruno foond Murphy who sent in a low cross across the box and Alexander the Great (Isak) woz on hand to fire 🔥 in from close range at The Leazes End! 2-0 to us!

2 more goals were disallowed from Isak (offside) and Bruno (hand baall) before Joelinton put the game to bed 🛌 with a curling shot after he woz ‘gifted’ the baall from a Villa player’s misstayk in stoppage time! (*Origionally aa said that it woz Joelinton who's goal woz disallowed for hand baall--when in fact it woz Bruno---Special thanx to 'Grumpyoldmag' for pointin oot mee dillibrit misstayk!)

Toon fans sang “Aston Villa it’s happening again!” (in reference to wor 5-1 win against them last season!)

FT 3-0  The win propelled us up to 5th place in the Premyaa Leegue!(5th could actually be Champions Leegue place IF the Inglish teams in it, dee well this season!)

Attendance: 52,168 (3,000 Villians at the start with 2,000 deserting the sinkin ship 🚢 by the end!

“I’m Villa til I die!” they sang—but by the end it looked az though at least 2,000 actually had!, judging by the empty spaces in the away section!

*ROOM WITH A VIEW!

The sky woz so clear yoo could even see a white windmill in the far distance in the North Sea at Blyth, from The Milburn Stand upper tier!🤪👍🏁

FOOTNOTE: ITS 14 MILES BETWEEN  SJP AND BLYTH AZ THE DRUNKEN MAGPIE FLIES!

THE TOON V THE VILLIANS *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ Boxin’ Day 2024 

We gan into todays festive fixture lookin’ for wor 4th win in a row against a Villa side 1 point above us in 6th place in the table!

A win would propel us above them in wor quest for European futbaall next season!

Indeed, 5 places could be given to Inglish clubs in The Champions Leegue next season because of the good results from those who have qualified this time!—So it’s aall to play for! (IF we do win and Bournemoooth divvint, we could well be in that 5th place come tomorrow mornin’!)

Joelinton iz available again after sorvin a one match suspension at Ipswich last Saturday!

Of course it won’t be eazy, but we are in good form at the minute (az are Villa) and anything could happen!? (Although Villa havvint won on Tyneside for ower 20 years!)

A Geordie Times match report will appear here on Friday!

DOON MEMORY LANE *** QPR 1968

Posted '00:40am bells' Xmas Eve Decembaa 2024

This week just before Xmas 56 years ago, we travelled to west London where we took on QPR at Loftus Road in an old Division 1 game!

A Geordie Times archive match report from that game is printed below (Ground number 006) 

006 rangers stadium (loftus road) qpr

(GROUND NUMBER 6)

Date of First Visit: 21st DECEMBER 1968
RANGERS STADIUM, LOFTUS ROAD, LONDON


QUEENS PARK RANGERS 1
NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 (Alan Foggon)


(OLD) DIVISION ONE

ATTENDANCE 16,444 (1,000 Toon fans----aall in 'The Loft'!)


 

  

"SERVIN' WOR APPRENTICESHIPS!"




"MERRY XMAS FROM SHEPHERDS BUSH!"



 
This was Q.P.R.'s inaugrial season in the 'top flight', and we arrived in good time, (six am again!) for this Christmas fixture at Shepherd's Bush. (where Q.P.R. play)

('We' bein', Me, Billy, Dylan, Collie and Dekka)

Shepherd's Bush waz aalso the 'home' of two of mee telly cult hero's of the time, namely, Harold and Albert Steptoe, who were 'rag 'n' bone' men in the classic 'Steptoe and Son'. Alang with their trusted horse 'Hurcules' they used tih trawl the streets of London collectin' anythin' from scrap metal tih peoples cast off clayz.


 


And low and behold!, az we were mekin' wor way tih the groond, a horse 'n' cart appeared around the corner with a gadgie shoutin' sommik unprenooncable at the top of hiz voice! (az they did!)



                                                                

And I 'kid you not', he waz the 'spit' of Harold with hiz cloth cap, lang sideborns, scruffy coat and rolled doon wellies! He waz deein' a roarin' trade az he strolled alang with half an aad car exhaust pipe as an impromptu waalkin' stick!


 
(Aa naa that it's a rare sight theeze days, but!, back in the 60's, rag 'n' bone men were a common sight on the streets of Britain) (az were milkmen!---remember them???)


 
Hiz cart was full tih the brim, with an aad tin bath tekin' 'pride of place' on the top of the pile of junk, as his horse (Hercules II?) 'clip clopped' it's way doon the street!

The anly problem of course, was---it WAS'NT Harold!---but! (az yh dee!) ah felt ah had tih have a bit 'crack' with him anyway!


 
For a laugh ah asked where hiz faatha Albert waz, but aall ah got waz one of those: "YEE'D BETTA F*** OFF!, OR ALL BRAY YIH WI' MEE 'WAALKIN' STICK'", looks! (needless tih say---ah did'nt press him for an answer and 'hurried' towards the floodlights!)


 
ANYWAY!---(and getting' back tih futbaall matters!) 'The Leazes End Boot Boys' had came doon in force, and their aim that day was tih 'take' 'The Loft', which was the Rangers 'End'.

Wih entered the groond and before lang aall hell broke loose!

"YOUR GONNA GET YOUR F*****' HEADS KICKED IN!", the 'Boot Boys' sang az they charged towards the terrified Q.P.R. fans, boots and fists flyin'!


They found little resistance, and the Toon fans showed their Rangers counterparts plenty of 'Christmas spirit', by chasin' them to the other end of the groond!.


Because there was nee segregation, and very few aall ticket games in them days, it became the 'done thing' tih try and tek the 'Home Ends', and tih do so was a 'feather in the cap' for the 'Boot Boys'.


As far as they were concerned, another 'End' had been taken tih add tih the 'HIT' 'LIST'!, although, tih be fair tih Q.P.R., they neva had a reputation for bein' 'hard cases' and they were considered 'easy meat' for 'The Leazes Enders'!


(There's one thing for certain, we DEFENATELY would'nt be on the Q.P.R. fans, 'Christmas card' 'LIST'!) (For THAT YEAR at least!)


"THE LEAZES END IS HERE!---THE LEAZES END IS HERE!", the Toon fans sang triumphantly, as though wi'd won the war or sommik!?.


It's amazin' tih think nuw, that back in the 'sixties', there was nee attempt at aall tih try and segregate rival fans, and yih could just gan anywhere yih wanted tee in the groonds, by payin' at the turnstiles. (Try deein' that nuw!)


 
'The Loft' was behind one of the goals and had a low pitched roof which covered aboot half the spectators. To wor reet was the main stand, again this had a low roof and was aall seated with the touchline so close to the fence that fans could actually grab the players as they took a throw in!


 
Opposite this was the brand new South Africa Road Stand (nee where near---by the way!) that had been opened at the start of the season to 'commemorate' Rangers forst ever visit to the top flight, with seats at the back and a lower stand underneath, which had a small standin' terrace to the front (now private boxes!)


 
Behind the other goal was an open terrace with maisonettes 'pearin' ower the back. This was aalso the 'end' of the groond that aa 'spotted' Harold Steptoe and his 'orse (now 'remamed' 'The Rag 'n' Bone End'!)


The game at Loftus Road was an uninspirin' affair as Rangers huffed and puffed and ran aroond a lot, but 'The Toon' seemed to contain them fairly comfortably for most of the match. The Magpies relied on the occasional coonter-attack and the best that can be said aboot the game was that it was 'hard and rugged'.

 

The Toon were mid-table and Q.P.R. were 'rock bottom', so predictableee!, we were expected to win easily, aalthough, it was Rangers who had more of the possession in the orly stages. But!---on the other hand, it was Newcastle who created the more scorin' chances owerraall.

 

In fact, we would have won quite easily if it had not been for Ron Springett in the Rangers' goal as he produced some spectacular saves. He anly made one mistake – but it was a costly one!. He should have held on to a Pop Robson corner in the 16^th minute but he dropped the baall and eighteen year old Alan Foggon, who played on the
wing that day, reacted quickest, pooncin' to open the scorin' at 'The Rag 'n' Bone End'.

 

'The Cragheed Flier' (where Foggon came from) frequently had the Rangers' defence in trouble with his pace and exuberance although his positionin' left sommik to be desired. Nevertheless, he forced Springett into a top class save late in the forst half as the 'keeper went full length to hold a shot by the Beatles-mopped winger.

 

The heavy pitch was strength sappin' as it was covered in thick sticky clarts and both teams were leg weary as the game approached its closing stages. Unpredictableee!---just when it seemed like we were gannih collect both points, (2 points for a win, then) a fatal lapse in concentration by the defence five minutes from time allowed Rangers to equalise. It seemed more by luck than intention that a clearance upfield by Bobby Keetch landed just in the right place for Barry Bridges to score with the Tyneside defence at sixes and sevens.

 

It seemed as if the final whistle came two or three minutes orly which upset Les Allen, the QPR manager. He felt that they might have got the winner, a view not shared by Jawnil reporter Bob Cass, "I didn't fancy their chances of scoring before Shepherd's Bush became a dense forest", he wrote.

Certainly The Toon were well worth their point – a point that kept them in 12^th place in the league.

(Unfortunatly for QPR, they stayed rooted tih the bottom, and come May, they were relegated back tih the old Second Division)


After the match wih headed for the centre of London, where the older Toon fans had gone for a 'gargel'. Not bein' or lookin' old enough tih get in the Bars, wih had tih stay ootside and 'cadge' a 'swig' off them, every nuw and again, when they sneaked the beer oot tih us!.


(Yih could say we were bein' 'weened' and were 'servin' wor apprenticeships'!)


At 'chuckin' oot time', wih headed for Kings Cross tih catch the bus yem, but not before nearly 'keelin ower' with the half dozen or so 'liquids' that wi'd each consumed!.

(Divvint forget!---ah was still a 'spring chicken' aged 14 (and a half!) and the 'apprenticeship weenin process' was still in it's orly stages back then!)



Aa got yem at 'seven a.m. bells' and crashed oot in mee 'pit' for the whole of Sunday with a rather large hangower! And it was just az well that a'd broke up for the school Christmas holidays, az the next day was a 'non starter' iz well!

(It's not easy bein' an 'apprentice'!) ("OH!"------"MEE ACHIN' HEED!")


 
©Fink™ (the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)

 

NUFC TELLY FIXTURES UPDATE!

 

Posted 3:33pm bells 🔔 Munday 23rd Decembaa 2024

The dates for wor Leegue Cup semi final ties v The Arse have been conformed and are listed below!

The latest games for the telly are listed below! (Premyaa Leegue unless stated)

DECEMBAA 2024 🎄

Thorzday 26th The Hazbeenz and Villians '3:00 bells' at SJP (PRIME)

Munday 30th  Moan U '8:00 bells' at The Theatre of Muppets (SKY)

JANUARY 2025

Saturday 4th  Sporz '12:30 bells' at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium (TNT)

Tuezday 7th The Arsenal at The Emerites Stadium ‘8:00 bells’ Leegue Cup semi final 1st leg (SKY & ITV 1)

Sunday 12th  Bromley '3:00 bells' at SJP (FA Cup 3rd roond)     (I PLAYER)

Wedinzday 15th  Wolverhampton Wanabeez '7:30 bells' at SJP  (TNT)

Saturday 18th  Bournemoooth '12:30 bells' at SJP (TNT)

Saturday 25th  The Simon Templar Mob of Sooothampton '3:00 bells' at St. Mary's Stadium (Nee telly unless yoo have a 'Fire-stick'!)

FEBRUARY

Saturday 1st  The Cottage Pie Brigade of Fulim '3:00 bells' at SJP (Nee live telly unless yoo have a 'Fire-stick!)

Wedinzday 5th  The Arse ‘8:00 bells’ at SJP Leegue Cup semi final 2nd leg  (SKY)

Saturday 8th-Munday 11th FA Cup 4th roond (IF we beat Bromley in the 3rd roond!?)

Saturday 15th  The Blue Moonies of Manchester '3:00 bells' at The Etihad Stadium (Nee live telly unless yoo have a 'Fire-stick!)

Sunday 23rd  The Friar Tuck Mob of Nottingham at SJP  Kick off time to be confirmed (SKY)  (Could possibly be changed back to Saturday az well!?)

Aall games after this, date and kick off time to be confirmed apart from last game at SJP v The Toffee Noses of Evaatin which will kick off at '4:00 bells' on Sunday 25th May