THE TRACTOR 🚜 BOYS 0. THE TOON 4 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted ‘4:00pm 🛎️ bells’ Sunday 22nd Decembaa 2024

TOON IN WHITE AND GREEN STRIP

“ALEXANDER THE GREAT!”

A very orly start for this one, az aa had to drag mee lifeless body oot of mee ‘scatcher’ 🛌 at ‘5:00am bells’ for to 2 legged 🚂 train jorney to Ipswich via London!

We arrived at wor destination at ‘11:40am bells’ and heeded to the nearest boozer, az yoo would expect!

And then onwards to anothaa boozer nearer the groond before heedin for the tornstiles! (See boozer pix below)

It didn’t tek lang for the openin’ goal!—-25 seconds in fact!

The Tractor Boys kicked off but inexplicably put the baall straight oot of play!?

From the throw in Schar foond Murphy who sent a cross in and it boonced of a Ipswich defenders heel, straight into the path of Alexander the Great (Alexander Isak) who hit a sweet shot into the roof of the net!

1-0 to us after less than 30 seconds! BUT! it took VAR 5 minutes to decide if Murphy woz offside or not!

He wasn’t!

Anthony Gordon then had a great chance to double wor lead but heeded the baall into the groond in the penalty area and the baall boonced ower the bar with the goal gapin’!

It woz soon 2-0 however, when a Gordon pass foond Murphy who hit a sweet shot into the net off the bar in the 35th minute!

And then disaster for Ipswich in added 1st half time!

Their goalie passed to Cajuste inside the box and woz tackled by Bruno, the baall fell to Isak’s feet and he said “thank you for my orly Xmas present!” az he had the simple task of placing the baall to the right of their keeper! 3-0 HT

It shud be noted that we had many chances to score more by various players and shud have been at least 6 up by the break!

The 2nd period woz just the same but we could anly add one more goal in this half, when Murphy made a great back heel to Isak and the great man (Alexander the Great!) toe poked the baall into the corner of the goal in the 53th minute to complete his hat-trick!

THE TEAM CELEBRATE ISAK’S GOAL IN FRONT OF THE AWAY SECTION, TO COMPLETE HIZ HAT-TRICK!

Again, we had many chances against a team who now hadn’t won a solitary game at home in 9 attempts!

NUFC didn’t play particularly well, and it shud have been at least 8-0!

The Tractor Boys look doomed on this performance!

It haz to be said that their fans stuck behind them until the 85th minute when the exodus began!

The one good thing aboot Ipswich IZ the train station iz just up the road from the groond!

Attendance: 29,744 (3,000 festive Toon fans singin’ the Jingle bells song!) (Oh wot fun it iz to see Newcasil win away!)

We move up the table to 7th place, just 1 point behind Man City and 2 behind Villa in 5th place, who we just happen to play on Boxin’ Day at SJP!

(Correction! we are 8th az Bournemoooth had a shock 3-0 win at Moan U today, who we play after Villa!—but will their manager still be there?)

IPSWICH PUB CRAWL! (2 boozers plus one more at St. Pancras back in London!— The Betjamen’s Arms where we have been many times before! (see previous London match reports for a pic of that boozer)

👆ISAACS, IPSWICH👇

THE BRIARBANK, IPSWICH

THE TRACTOR 🚜 BOYS 0 THE TOON 4 *** MATCH REPORT DELAYED!

 Posted ‘12:38pm 🛎️ bells’ Sunday 22nd Decembaa 2024

Forst of aall grovelling apologies for not havin the Ipswich report online yet!

This iz because we didn’t get back til very late this mornin (1:00am bells in the hoose!)

So we needed a bit more ‘shut eye 👁️’ than usual and didn’t get up til ‘high noon 🔔 bells’

The match report will be published later today!

Az per usual: “Watch this space much later than usual!”

THE TRACTOR BOYS V THE TOON *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘10:30am bells’ Saturday 21st Decembaa 2024 (on the train to Ipswich)

 On the road, wor away form iz shockin’ az we heed for Premyaa Leegue new boys Ipswich, who sit in the relegation zone az we speak and who we havvint played since 2017

On paper it shud be an eazy 3 points for us, BUT it isn’t on paper so anything can happen!?

Oot of 8 away games, we have won 2, drawn 3 and lost 3, while The Tractor 🚜 Boys still havvint won at home YET with a record of won 0, drawn 4 and lost 4!

Let’s hope we can keep the momentum gannin’ after 2 excellent home performances in the last week!?

Longstaff iz available to play while Joelinton iz suspended and iz servin’  a one match ban!

Apart from that it shud be the same line up az last Saturday and Wedinzday!

Aall 3,000 away tickets were sold oot ages ago!  (See one of them in the top pic!—minus the barcode to stop yoo copyin’ it—of course!🤪)

Wor jorney doon today iz far from simple! We caught the 6:55bells train to King’s Cross (London) and are currently on a train from Liverpool Street (London) to Ipswich— and the same return jorney, arriving’ back in The Toon at midneet 🛎️s—

Az we will have missed the last bus yem AND with the Metro suspended between Monument and Gatesheed, the taxi queues will be massive, especially at this time of the year, so it could well be quicker to take a lang walk yem!?(Unless it’s rainin, like!)

A full Geordie Times match and boozer report will be posted sometime on Sunday! 

APU “Watch this space!”

THE TOON 3. THE BRENTFAAD BEEZ KNEEZ 1 *** LEEGUE CUP QWAATAA FINAL

 Posted ‘high noon bells’ 🔔 Thorzday 19th Decembaa 2024

“THE ITALIAN JOB!”

A fabulous performance from Sandro Tonali sealed this victory and sent us into the semi finals for the 2nd time in 3 years!

The sequence of events were az follows!

Just like the Lestaa game last Saturday NUFC started off like a hoose on fire 🔥 with Tonali being in the action from the start az we attacked The Leazes goal with an unchanged side from the weekend!

‘TOON’ALI GOAL CELEBRATIONS!

9th minute: After relentless pressure we made the breakthrough when a Livramento cross iz diverted into the path of Tonali and he fires a rocket shot past Flekken in the visitors goal to put us one up!

43rd minute: The Toon and Tonali double wor tally, when an Anthony Gordon corner finds the Italian who volleys the baall into the net just before the break! HT 2-0 to us!

Again we came oot with aall guns blazin and we eventually increased wor lead in the 69th minute, when a lewis Hall shot iz deflected to Bruno near the byline and he sidefoots it across the box for ‘Fab’ Schar to tap the baall across the goal line at The Gallowgate End!—A goal your great granny 👵 could have scored!

It could have been many more az both Murphy and Barnes rattled the goal frame and it shud be mentioned that Dubravka in The Toon goal, made some fine saves az well, az Brentfaad finally came oot of their slumbers near the end!

They were rewarded with a consolation goal through Wissa in stoppage time to slightly blot wor copybook!

Attendance: 51,795  The reason the attendance woz under 52,000 woz because Brentfaad sold less than 1,000 of their 1,200 ticket allocation—very bad tornoot from them for their forst ever appearance in the qwaataa finals of the Leegue Cup! (they could have had 5,000 if they’d asked for them!)

2 great performances in a row to hopefully get rid of wor Jekyll and Hyde form this this season!

The draw for the semis iz after the Sporz v Moan U game tooneet!

The Arse, The Liverbirds and 1 of the above 2 will be wor opponents!

NUFC are number 3 in the draw

Az per usual we will bring yoo the draw after ‘10 🛎️s’ tooneet 👇

Updated ‘10:44bells’

The Arse v NUFC  1st leg away!

week commencin’ January 6th

The other semi

Sporz v The Liverbirds

THE TOON V THE BRENTFAAD BEEZ KNEEZ *** LEEGUE CUP QWAATAA FINAL

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 18th Decembaa 2024

SINCE THE BARKER & STONEHOUSE FURNITURE STORE WOZ DEMOLISHED, (WHERE THE WHITE FENCE IZ) YOU CAN NOW SEE BOTH THE GALLOWGATE END AND THE LEAZES END ROOF JUST ABOVE THE HOOSES!

NUFC play the biggest game of the season so far tooneet when we take on Brentfaad at SJP in a '7:45 bells' start

A win will take us into the semi finals where  a 2 legged tie awaits!

If we play like we did in the Premyaa Leegue at Brentfaad the other week, then we are in big trouble az we conceded 4 bad goals doon in west London when we lost 4-2!

Play like we did against Lestaa on Saturday in wor 4-0 win, then we will surely get the victory!---But who knows with this Jekyll and Hyde side!?

The plus side iz that Brentfaad's away record iz shockin' with just 1 point of the last 24 available in the Premyaa Leegue!

We understand that they have anly sold 1,200 tickets, while Leegue 2 Bromley, wor south London opponents in the FA Cup, have asked for a 4,900 allocation!

Not sure wot wor startin line up will be, but to change the team from Saturday would not be a wise move!

If the scores are level after 90 minutes then a penalty shootoot will take place!

The draw for the 2 legged semi final will take place after the Sporz v Moan U tie on Thorzday neet!

Hopefully ‘The Geordie Times’ match report tomorrow will be a good one and that we are still ‘in it’!?

BOTMAN IZ BACK!

 Posted ‘2:38pm 🔔 bells’ Tuezday 17th Decembaa 2024

Sven Botman made a successful return in wor U21s game against Chelseee last neet at Whitley Park, Benton, in a 3-2 win for The Toon in front of a much larger crowd than normal for theze games, numberin 596 including’Steady Eddie’ and Jason Tindall

Botman haz been oot for 9 months after suffering an ACL injury last March v Man City and played for a full hour before being substituted

Lewis Miley played for the forst 45 minutes but woz taken off at the break—-presumably to play some part in Wedinzday’s Leegue Cup game v Brentfaad?

Ben Parkinson (2) and Charlie McArthur scored wor goals to gan 3-0 up, but there woz a scare near the very end when wor visitors pulled 2 back. FT 3-2 to us!

THE TOON 4. THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted just after ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ Sunday 15th Decembaa 2024

“HIT AND MISS!”

After last weeks defensive shambles at Brentfaad we were back on home soil hopin that we could put in a good performance —-and we did just that!

It’s certainly been a hit and miss season with great performances v Man City, The Arse and Livaapoool, but some of wor away performances, especially in London have been shocking’ (Fulim, Palliss and Brentfaad of course, for example!)

The the kick off NUFC got straight into Lestaa az we attacked The Gallowgate End!

The sequence of events were az follows!

30th minute: We were well on top, with Jacob Murphy missing at least 2 great chances to open the scorin’

He finally made amends with his 3rd effort az he hit a sweet shot into the bottom corner of the net from a Tonali, Gordon corner combination to put The Toon 1-0 up!

Correct me if I’m wrang, but this woz wor first goal from a corner at SJP this season!?

Isak then missed a great chance when he woz clean through, but his shot hit their goalie’s leg and it deflected wide!  HT 1-0 to us!

Ward replaced Hermansen in the Lestaa goal in the 2nd half

47th minute: Within 2 minutes of the restart we had doubled wor lead when a Gordon free kick finds Lewis Hall’s heed and he heeds it onto Bruno to heed home at The Leazes End withoot Ward touchin the baall!

50th minute: The Basil Brush Brigade were aall at sea when Alexander the Great (Isak) heeded home from a Hall centre!-Again Ward still hadn’t touched the baall az far az I can remember!?—-If so this must be some kind of record!?—2 goals withoot the goalie touchin the baall? (Again!—-Pleeeze correct me if I’m wrang!?)

60th minute: Murphy seals 🦭 the victory with a great effort after missin an easier chance just before!

The score could easily been 6 or 7 nil, but we are back on track for wor Leegue Cup qwaataa final tie v Brentfaad this comin’ Wedinzday!

Let’s hope it’s a ‘HIT’ performance to put us in the semis!🙏🏻

Attendance: 52,235 (3,000 Basil Bush Fox fans in level 7 of The Leazes End!) (Noisy at the start, but very quiet at the end!)

*Accordin to the score board ‘Sam Fender’ scored wor 4th goal and not Jacob Murphy!?🤔 (Fink I’ll give confused.com a ring!???)

Updated Munday neet!

*FOOTNOTE:                              The Geordie Times woz reet! 

Ward’s first 2 touches of the ball came when he had to pick the ball out of his own net twice after just 5 minutes of the second half!         (Sky Sports)

THE TOON v THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE OF LESTAA *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'just after midneet bells' Saturday 14th Decembaa 2024

“NEE GOOD!”

We take on The Basil Brush Br↑gade later today in a game we must win to put us back on track after bein' derailed at Brentfaad last Saturday!

Lets hope we can wipe that smile off Basil's face come '5:00 bells' this afternooon!?

However news reaches The Geordie Times that wor 1st choice keeper ‘The Pope’ sustained a knee injury at Brentfaad which iz ‘nee good’ (sic!) and of course Callum Wilson haz done his hamstring (yet again!) and both will be oot of action for a while!

Krafth and Lascelles are still nackered az well, while Botman iz back in trainin after his very lang lay off, but will play nee part in the proceedings later today!

Joe Willock could play some part though!?

NUFC need a win badly after 4 winless games, so lets hope we put in a much better defensive display in west London last week!

A full ‘Geordie Times’ match report will appear here az usual sometime on Sunday!  “Watch this space!”

'YELLOW WALL' CONCEPT FOR THE GALLOWGATE END!?

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 13th Decembaa 2024

    HOW THE GALLOWGATE END WOULD LOOK WITH A TUNNEL FOR TRAFFIC 

News reaches us (3 days late!) that NUFC are lookin to expand 'The Gallowgate End' to rival 'The Yellow Wall' at Dortmund in Jawmany and not move to a new stadium! (Allegedly!?)

The new massive stand would stretch ower Strawberry Place, where a tunnel for traffic would be constructed underneath!

It would increase the groond capacity to 65,000 with The East Stand also to be redeveloped on a much lesser scale----or so we are told!?

We can see loads of objections if we tried to move to Leazes Park and plannin permission would take many years!

There would be nee objections if we expanded to where 'The Stack' iz situated!---Aalso bars, restaurants and even a 5 star hotel could be built into the back of the stand like Bolton Wanderers main stand, which haz a 4 star hotel built into it! (Ingenious!)

    THE BOLTON STADIUM 4 STAR HOTEL **** SPOT THE FLOODLIGHTS!?

ROOM WITH A VIEW!**** YOU CAN EVEN WATCH THE MATCH FROM THE COMFORT YOUR DOUBLE BED!🛏️ (UNREAL!)

This would increase revenue considerably and comply with PRS rules laid doon by The Premyaa Leegue!

The bettin odds on a move away from SJP are gettin langer by the day---but divvint rule it oot!

The reconstruction would look sommik like this below!

   STAGE ONE---TAKE THE ROOF OFF THE EXISTIN STAND AND START       🠝  CONSTRUCTION WHERE THE STACK IZ SITUATED ON THE LAND BEHIND 🠋

🠉🠋    THE COMPLETED STAND     🠉🠋

WILSON’S WOES!

 Posted ‘6:00pm 🛎️ bells’ Thorzday 12th Decembaa 2024

News that striker Callum Wilson iz injured yet again comes az nee suprize to Toon fans!

He haz been here for 9 seasons and haz missed an incredible 1,137 days because of various injuries ower that period! 

That includes (deep breath!) a back injury, 9 hamstring injuries, illness, 2 calf injuries, Corona virus and a chest injury!  

That’s! (wait for it!) THREE YEARS AND 42 DAYS (and coontin’) in 9 seasons!

This season he haz made just 4 substitute appearances totallin 57 minutes!

Of course he doesn’t want to be injured or ill, and he haz released a statement aboot his latest setback—another hamstring injury! 

The anly other Toon player we can Fink of in recent times that comes anywhere near to this iz Andy Carroll!

We wish him well of course, but he iz 33 in February and nearin the end of his career!  His NUFC contract runs oot at the end of this season and this could well be his final season in futbaall!