THE BRENTFAAD BEES KNEEZ 4. THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ Sunday 8th Decembaa 2024

TOON IN WOR MAROON AND BLUE STRIP

“UTTER DISPAIR!”

Followin wor horror 1-1 performance at Palliss last Saturday, followed by a brilliant performance against Livaapoool on Wedinzday when we drew 3-3, we were hopin that we had torned the corner!—-But this IZ NUFC and we put in a horror defensive performance at Brentfaad losin 4-2 to bring us crashin back doon to 🌍 Earth!

Storm Darragh just missed west London, but there woz still heavy rain and wind before and durin’ the match!

The main events were az follows:

2nd minute: Longstaff hits the bar at the far end from the away fans corner!

8th minute: Mburmo scores for The Beez Kneez with a shot which deflected in off Schar

11th minute: Isak equalises 3 mins later from a Murphy centre with wot looked like a low diving heeder!?

28th minute: Brentfaad retake the lead through Wissa after Barnes loses possession!

32nd minute: Barnes makes up for his misstayk and fires home from a Murphy pass! HT 2-2 

(Isak aalso missed a great chance in the forst half when he woz clean through!)

56th minute: Again the home side retake the lead after awful defendin!

91st minute: It’s aall ower when Schade hits home from an easy chance!

The Pope’s blushes are then saved when he inexplicably rushes oot of his box to leave the goal open and a shot from avBrentfaad player iz cleared off the line by Burn to keep the score at 4-2 to them!

It could easily have been 7-4 az defensive errors dominated this game, with the most from us!

A terrible day for The Toon Army az we slipped to 12th in the table!- The Livaapoool display now seems years ago and not 3 days!

Attendance:17,078 (1,706 fed up Toon fans)

The jorney back to Tyneside woz a disaster az well!  The ‘8:00 🔔s’ train back didn’t leave til half an hour later coz the train driver woz late!

We were due to arrive back at 11:10 🛎️s but didn’t get back til midneet, meenin that I had to queue for half an hour in the heavy storm Darragh rain and wind in the open, for a taxi and woz half drowned by the time I got to the front of the queue, just to make a miserable day, even more miserable!

Pub crawl report---Just 3 this time!

FOOTNOTE: Watched MOTD on Munday and this woz the intro by the programme announcer:“Newcastle United, Manchester City and ‘United’ are in action!”🥶

 

THE BEEZ KNEEZ OF BRENTFAAD V THE TOON *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘10:00am 🔔 bells’ on the train to King’s Cross Saturday 7th Decembaa 2024

We retorn to London once again a week after the Cristil Palliss disaster show and 3 days after wor epic 3-3 draw with title chasin Livaapoool!

The question on every Toon fans lips iz—- which of these 2 performances will we repreduce today?

Its the 64 thoosand dollar question that we cannit answer!

We can anly hope that it’s the Livaapoool performance and not the Palliss one!

NUFC have been ‘hit and miss’ aall season, where we perform well against the ‘big boys’ and perform miserably against the smaall fry!

We beat Brentfaad away on the last day of last season 4-2, but they are undefeated at home so far this season, so it won’t be an eazy game for certain!

Aall 1,730 away tickets were snapped up ages ago! 

A Geordie Times match and booze report will appear here sometime on Sunday!

APU “Watch this space!”

372 jakemans stadium, boston

 Ground number 372

Date of First Visit: 3rd December 2024

Jakemans Community Stadium, Boston

Boston United  3

Newcastle United U 21s  2 (Parkinson (2)

National League Cup group ‘C’

Attendance: 368   ( Looked at least twice az many?) (Gate fiddle?)

At least 30 NUFC fans (4 'ramblers' who had travelled from Tyneside—‘Us’!)

“THE BOSTON RAMBLER(S)!”

It woz certainly no ‘tea party’ in Boston az wor U21s went doon 3-2 to Boston United, who sit 2nd bottom of The National Leegue!

A convoy of cars set off from Tyneside at 1:00pm bells' for the 400 mile roond trip to deepest Lincolnshire! (Whey!--One car load actually! with 4 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' on board!) (For the record the ‘Fab 4’ (sic!) were az follows: Biffa the Beer, Glennn from Ashington, Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer and (not so) little old me, Fink the mad-sad groundhopper’!)

On arrival at '5:00 bells' we heeded for the nearest 'liquid lubrication location' aboot half a mile away, caalled, 'The Spirit of Endeavour', az the game didnt kick off til '7:30 bells'

THE SPIRIT OF ENDEVOUR

After a 'nose-bag' (food) and some "er!"  'liquid lubrications', it woz time to heed for the Boston clubhoose underneath the main stand caalled ‘Ellenders’

ELLENDERS

where more 'liquid loobs' were consumed! (It should be noted that 2 of wor company drank cups of tea instead of booze!----So there woz a tea party in Boston after aall!---who would ever have believed that!?

The match kicked off bang on time and we foond some empty padded seats in the back row of the stand, which were resorved for the private box  behind (which woz empty az well!) 

Unusually, two players with regular 1st team appearances were in the startin line up: Lewis Miley who woz given some game time after his back injury —-and Isaac Hayden, who iz oot of favour at the moment!

It didnt start off well az ‘The Boston Tea Party Men' (it had to be!) took the lead in the 6th minute when Osborne hit a loopin shot into the far corner of the net, which Toon goalie Aiden Harris thought woz gannin wide!?

EVEN THE FLOODLIGHTS BOW DOON TO BE CLOSER TO THE ACTION BELOW! 👀 

Against the run of play in the 14th minute, Alfie Harrison hit a sweet shot which deflected off Ben Parkinson to leave their goalie wrong footed, to level the score!

Just before the half time break we took the lead when Palmer foond Parkinson —and he made ‘nee misstayk’ by plantin the baall into the roof of the net! HT 2-1 to 'us'!

In the 2nd half Parkinson missed a great chance to complete hiz hat-trick when he fired high ower the bar!

The fight back by the home side started in the 77th minute when Aderoju scrambled the baall into the net and the comeback woz complete 5 minutes later when McGuire forced the baall ower the line to put 'The Tea Party men' back in front!

Thats the way it stayed and the result meeez that wor U21s drop to 3rd place in the Group 'C' table behind Leedz U21s and Boston!

Automatic qualification to the knockoot stage iz now oot of wor hands---Wor last group game v Gatesheed in January could well be a ‘dead rubber’ ✏️ by then!  

The 4 'ramblers' got back well after midneet, with yet anothaa groond chalked off the never endin list!---"Ramble on!"

“WE WOZ THERE!”

A FRAMED NEWSPAPER CUTTING FROM WHEN WE PLAYED A FRIENDLY AT THEIR OLD YORK STREET GROOND IN 1989. BRAZILIAN 🇧🇷 MIRANDINHA PLAYED IN THAT GAME!  (“WE  WOZ THERE!”)

BOSTON STRANGLER *** BOSTON RAMBLER(S)

GET IT!? 🤔

THE TOON 3 THE LIVERBIRDS 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 5th Decembaa 2024

"DR JEKYLL OR MR HYDE!"

After wor crap showin' at Palliss on Saturday, a 'different' Toon team torned in a superb performance last neet, which woz more or less with the same players? (Jacob Murphy for Willock the anly change)---Thats reet!---in the space of 4 days we have went from one extreme to the other!---The mad inconsistent world of NUFC, folks!--From a Dr Jekyll performance to a Mr Hyde performance (Or iz it the other way roond?)🤔

From the word 'go' we matched them in every department az we attacked the Leazes End!  The sequence of goals woz az follows!

35th minute: Alexander the Great (Isak) runs doon the pitch and hits an unstopable shot past Kelleher in the Livaapoool goal to put us 1-0 up and lift the roof off the stadium!   HT 1-0

50th minute: A Salah pass finds Jones and he knocks the baall into the net for the equaliser! 1-1 

62nd minute: NUFC regain the lead when Anthony Gordon latches onto a Isak pass and fires home across the goal at The Gallowgate End! 2-1 to us!

68th minute: The Mickey Mousers pull level again when Salah toe pokes the baall into the net! 2-2

83rd minute: They take the lead when Salah hits the baall past The Pope in The Toon goal! 3-2 to them!

90th minute: Just when yoo Fink its aall over, it never iz til the final whistle!---A free kick 20 yards oot iz looped ower their goalie who Finks the baall iz gannin oot, but Fab Schar sneaks in at the far post and hiz slidin shot hits the far post and into the net! 3-3

5 minutes of stoppage time iz added and in the 95th minute The Pope hoys the baall upfield to Isak to catch the Liverbirds defence nappin' and with 3 onto one, he races across the halfway line and inexplicably the ref blows for full time when we had a great chance to win the game! (Would he have done the same if Salah woz clean through at the other end?---No way!)

DIABOLICAL DECISION!  

FT 3-3

Summary: Yoo just divvint naa wot yoo are gannin to get with wor lot!???----Brentfaad away on Saturday! ---Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde???

Attendance: 52,237 (3,200 Liverbirds)

*

THE TOON V THE LIVERBIRDS *** TOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 4th Decembaa 2024

"I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT!"

NUFC take on high flyin Livaapoool at SJP toneet at '7:30 bells' and if there's any team yi divvint want to play when your in bad form---then its THEM!

Havin played very badly in wor last 2 games its imperative that we put in a good show, or else we'll get slaughtered!

They havvint lost an away game so far this season and the last time we beat them at SJP woz NINE years ago in Decembaa 2015!---And its now TWENTY NINE years since we last won at Anfield!----If ever there woz an NUFC bogey team, then The Liverbirds are certainly that! 

Not sure if Isak iz fit to play after bein' substituted at Palliss on Saturday, but we desperately need him az Callum Wilson iznt fit enough to complete 90 minutes!

Lets hope we put in a good performance and bring off a very unlikely victory!???

Az per usual a match report on the game will appear here tomorrow and the match report from wor U21s 3-2 defeat at Boston United yesterday, will appear here on Friday!

"Watch this space!" 

JAKEMANS STADIUM! NEW GROOND! NEW GROOND!

 Posted ‘high noon 🛎️bells’ Tuezday 3rd Decembaa 2024

‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers’ are off on wor travels again, this time to Boston in deepest Lincolnshire, when NUFC U21s take on Boston United at their new abode in The National Leegue Cup (group stage) ⬇️ (Top 2 qualify for knock oot stage) ⬇️

We have been to their old York Street groond in the 1980s for an NUFC 1st team friendly match! (ground 88)

A ‘Toonhoppers’ match report will appear here later on this week!

Az per usual, Watch this space!”

FA CUP 3rd ROOND DRAW TOONEET!

 Posted ‘5:00pm 🛎️ bells’ Munday 2nd Decembaa 2024

NUFC ARE BAALL NUMBER 26

The FA Cup 3rd roond draw iz live on BBC 2 from ‘7:00 🔔s’onwards tooneet!

Salford, Bromley and Bristol Rovers are the anly groonds ‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers’ have never seen us play on, who are left in the FA Cup after the 2nd roond results!

(Although we have been to 2 former home groonds for Bristol Rovers)

Oot of the other 63 teams left in the competition, we have been to 60 of those groonds!

Wot we want iz a home draw pleeze! OR one of the above 3, away!

Wot we divvint want iz an away draw at The Stadium of “Sshhh!”-yee naa wot, or a lang distance away game at the likes of Exeter City!

The Geordie Times will bring yoo news of wor fate, az soon az we find oot!⬇️

Updated ‘7:25pm 🔔s

*IT’S LEEGUE 2 BROMLEY AT SJP

THE PALLISS 1. THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ Sunday 1st Decembaa 2024

“A (VERY)BAD DAY AT THE OFFICE!”

“A ROOM WITHOOT A VIEW!” *** THE MAIN STAND OPPOSITE WOZ BUILT IN 1924 AND IZ OWER 100 YEARS OLD!” (WOT A 💩 GROOND!)

The day started off at ‘5:30 🛎️s when aa dragged mee lifeless body oot of bed to catch the bus to The Central for the ‘7:30 bells’ train to ST NEOTS!   King’s Cross woz closed in London, so we had to get the train to there, a bus to Beford and then anothaa train to south London!

A reet carry on and we didn’t get there til ‘1:00 bells’ in the afternoon, exhausted and nackered! (And the same jorney back after the game!)

This woz one of the worst Toon performances in a very lang time!

The first half woz abysmal from both sides az we both kept losin possession time and time again!

ABYSMAL VIEW SEAT *** ROW 26, SEAT 63!        AND I’ M 6 FEET TAALL! ( I WISH JOELINTON WOULD GET OOT OF THE WAY!🥶)

(The Toon played in aall white)

In total we had ZERO shots on goal but scored one, through an own goal by Toon target Guehi in the  53rd minute, when he put the baall into his own net after a scramble on the goal line!

Palliss pounded wor goal after this and had several chances to equalise but couldn’t find the finish az we desperately tried to keep them oot!

Deep into stoppage time though, Guehi made up for hiz own goal by supplying the cross, which  Munoz heeded home unmarked in the 95th minute!

It woz a desorved equaliser, which completely deflated the Toon fans, who were singin’ the ‘Jingle bells’ song, even though it woz still Novembaa! (“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way—-oh what fun it iz to see Newcasil win away!”) You shud NEVER ‘jump the gun’ until the final whistle!

Attendance: 25,101(3,000 very p*ssed off Toon fans!)

The jorney back woz miserable az well and I finally got yem at ‘12:30am 🔔s’! Definitely one to forget to add to the other 100s ower the years!

BOOZE REPORT!

We drank 4 cans on the train to St. Neots—- then caught the bus to Bedford— wor train to Palace from there woz cancelled!🥶

This gave us time for a quick gargel in a nearby boozer before catching the next train ⬇️

We then went aall the way to Palace and had time for just one gargel here az well, before heedin for the match!

⬇️

At full time we heeded back to the train station and caught the forst train back to Bedford!

Again we had time for a swift gargel in the same boozer ⬇️

before catching the bus back to St Neots!  4 more cans were consumed on the way back to Tyneside!

So we actually had more gargels on the trains (8) than we did in the 2 boozers we visited!(3)

THE PALLISS PIF HATERS V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘high 🔔 bells’ Friday 29th Novembaa 2024

IN 1970 SELHURST PARK STILL HAD A GRASS BANK BEHIND ONE GOAL!

The name Crystal Palace soonds az though it’s a magical mystery location, BUT! the reality iz anything but!  A 💩 groond with a 💩 fanbase who make anti PIF Saudi banners to try and annoy us! (It doesn’t work and shud we score first we’ll sing: “One-nil to the Saudi boys!”

The groond iz a tip and iz the worst in the top flight —-and when as forst visited Selhurst Park 54 years ago, it had a grass bank on the terraces at The Holmesdale Road End, it woz that primitive! (See top photo if yi divvint beleeeve iz!)

The main wooden stand iz exactly 100 years old az well! (and looks it!)

(For a match report on that game in 1970 see ground 014 Selhurst Park)

Anyway!— enough of that! The question on everybodys lips iz ‘which Toon team will torn oot tomorrow?  The one that beat The Arse 1-0 OR the one that lost 2-0 to West Ham?

Typical NUFC.  Beat the top teams but lose to the mediocre teams!

The jorney to this 💩 hole iz a nightmare az well az King’s Cross train station in London iz SHUT! That’s reet! A mainline train station shut aall weekend!?🥶

So we have to get a train to St Neots and then a bus to Bedford and then anothaa train to Selhurst!—And dee the same on the way back!—sommik iz boond to gan wrang for certain!

Not sure just how many tickets we have been allocated, but between 2,700 to 3,000 Toon fans will be there in the sold oot away end with 💩 sightlines! (I am 6foot taall but I couldn’t see the far corner flag last season!)

More on the team news when we find oot tomorrow!

APU “Watch this space!”

RIP McNAMEE! 🪦

 Posted ‘2:55pm 🔔 bells’ Thorzday 28th November 2024

Very sad news reached us that former centre half and Fairs Cup winner John McNamee haz passed away!

He woz a giant of a man and az hard az nails!

I woz at a Fairs Cup reunion in Waallsend a few years ago and at the interval he woz in front of me in the ‘beer queue’ and I got talkin to him and told him that az a school kid I saw him at SJP in the Fairs Cup!

He told me that when we played eethaa Sporting Lisbon or Vitoria Setubal (can’t remember which?) one of their players spat in his face!

He said: “I ran after him but he woz too fast—so I bided my time and when he went up to heed the ball I jumped up az well, with NO intention of getting the ball —and I stuck the nut on him and he collapsed poleaxed and spreadeagled on the pitch!”

A true story!

RIP BIG MAN 🪦 (Lost, but not forgotten!)