AMANDA *** THE REAL ANGEL OF THE NORTH!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 11th July 2024

The sad news that Amanda Staveley and hor husband Mehrdad are to leave the board of NUFC reaches us!

Amanda woz the main instigator in the PIF buyin' wor great club from 'The Fat Controller' in October 2021 and will aalways be remembered for deein' this by the Toon faithful!

She iz the REAL 'Angel of the North' and not that rustin' monstrosity that sits high on a hill in southern Gatesheed next to the A1!

Here's wishin' you and Mehrdad the best of luck in your next venture!---You are legends!

Amanda!--you are Tyneside's 'First Lady' and you will NEVER be forgotten for savin' wor club from the mire!

IT'S SQUEEEEKY BUM TIME FOR ING-ER-LAND!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 10th July 2024

The 3 Lions play Holland tooneet for a place in the Euro final v Spain next Sunday!

I will be drivin back from Redditch at that time in mee truck and will listen intentleee on mee radio!----(The roads WILL be quiet for a change!)

And 'The Geordie Times' forecast iz that it cud gan eeethaa way!

Watch this space for wor reaction to the result!

Updated at Woodall services on the M1 10:33pm bells

“BRING ON THE SPANYAADZ!

🤪👍🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

"AND SO IT BEGINS!"------NUFC TELLY GAMES FOR AUGUST AND SEPTEMBAAA!

 Posted '4:00pm bells' Saturday 6th July 2024

The forst live telly fixtures have been released and of course wor forst away game on wor langest trip of the season to Bournemoooth, a 750 miles roond trip, haz been moved to a kick off time that will make it very difficult to dee it on pubic transport, with just one owerneet stay!

It kicks off at '2:00pm bells on SUNDAY 26th August, which meeenz its impossible to get there on the day of the match and most probably impossible to get back yem after the match!

So a 2 NEETS expensive hotel stay looks like the unpreferred option!

And just to hoy a spanner into the works, there iz 'line work' between London and Bournemoooth on the day of the match, meeenin that a 'dreaded' 'replacement bus sorvice' will be in operation!

Last season wor game there kicked off at '5:30pm bells', which again made it impossible to dee it in one day!----So much for considerin' the travellin' fans!----One year on and---"Nowt haz changed!"----HAZ IT?

Wor Premyaa Leegue fixture changes for August and September are listed below!

AUGUST 2024

Saturday 17th @ '3:00 bells': The Simon Templar Mob of Sooothampton @ SJP (nee telly)

Sunday 25th @ '2:00 bells': Bournemoooth @ The Vitality Stadium (SKY)

SEPTEMBAA 2024

Sunday 1st @ ???: Sporz @ SJP (SKY) (Kick off time not given yet?)

Sunday 15th @ '4:30 bells': Wolverhampton Wanabeez, @ Molineux (SKY)

Saturday 21st @ '3:00 bells': Fulim @ SJP (nee telly)

Saturday 28th @ '12:30 bells': The Blue Moonies of Manchester @ SJP (TNT)

Fixture changes for Octobaa onwards, to be contoured

Posted just before the Ingland v Switzerland game from The Leazes End Companions boozer in the shadows of SJP

PREDICTION

I WANT INGLAND TO WIN BUT DIVVINT ‘FINK’ THEY WILL!

HONESTLY I HOPE I HAVE 🍳 EGG ON MY FACE AT FULL TIME! 🕰️ 🙏🏻

FULL TIME!

  

ASHes TO ASHes!

 Posted '2:45pm bells' Friday 5th July 2024

Paul Mitchell iz wor new Sportin' Director and Dan ASHworth iz nee more!

The PIF own NUFC and Mike ASHley iz nee more!

The original 'NEWCASTLE UNITED' sign on The East Stand roof haz replaced the horrible and crappy italic Sports Misdirect sign, which iz nee more!

It's a weird coincidence that the two men who aall Toon fans despise the most, have ASH az the forst part of their surname!---They are both DUST! az iz the sign, which iz now in the DUSTbin!

"ASHES TO ASHES!--D*** ** ****!" <(Fill in the missin' letters'!)

NEW PM IN OFFICE AALREADY!

 Posted 6:45pm 🔔 bells’ Thorzday 4th July 2024

A new sporting director haz been appointed by NUFC to replace Ashworth the snake 🐍 

by the name of Paul Mitchell

WOR NEW PM!

Welcome to The Toon Paul

NUFC PRE SEASON FIXTURES UPDATE

 Posted '3:33pm bells' Friday 28th Joon 2024

News that wor 1st team are due to play a Friendly away to Hull City on Saturday July 27th at '2:00pm bells' have been reveeeld! 

Then its off to Japan for 2 friendlies on Wedinzday 31st July v Urawa Red Diamonds at Saitama Stadium and then on Saturday 3rd August we play Yokohama F Marios at the National Stadium in Tokyo!

Then a day later, back on home soil, on Sunday 4th August wor U21s are off to Soooth Shields for wor forst ever visit to the 1st Cloud Arena in a '1;00 pm bells' kick off friendly!

NUFC have said that corporate hospitality packages are available for the Sela Cup on Friday 9th and Saturday 10th August at SJP---although there are nee details yet, of just who? we are playin on those dates??

Then a week later the Premyaa Leegue starts with a home game v newly promoted Sooothampton on Saturday 17th August at '3:00pm bells'

PS: There iz nee news aboot a possible friendly in Jawmany where NUFC are in a pre season trainin camp!

The Geordie Times will of course keep yoo, wor loyal subjects, posted on any developments on this!

Az per usual—“Watch this space!”

EFL TROPHY DRAW TODAY

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Thorzday 27th Joon 2024

*The draw for the EFL Trophy aka (Bristol Street Motors Trophy) takes place this afternoon live on SKY SPORTS NEWS

16 Premyaa Leegue U21 teams will play teams from Leegue One and Two

NUFC U21s are in the Northern Section draw and could get any group above

NUFC are number 6 , which tex place at ‘2:30 bells 🔔’

‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers’ have been to aall but 2 of the above home grounds watchin The Toon— They are Salford City (Group ‘B’) and Fleetwood Town (Group ‘D’)

It would be great to get one of them in the draw!🙏🏻

We will update this az soon az we find oot wot group we are in!

Az per usual ‘Watch this space!’

*UPDATED ‘3:00 pm 🔔 bells’

NUFC have been drawn in Group ‘F’ v Mansfeeeld, Rothaaham and Braadfaad City!   Been to them aall before!—-NOT wot 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' wanted!😢

*

INGLAND 0 SLOVEEENYAAA 0 "ZZZZzzzz!!!"

 Posted 12:56pm bells' Wedinzday 26th Joon 2024

"ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!"

I'm one of the very lucky ones!----Because of work commitments aa had to listen to the Ingland game on mee trucks radio at Redditch and on the M42 near Bormingham!---Those of yoo who watched must have been pullin yih hair oot!

The fact that Anthony Gordon woz anly given 4 minutes to prove himself at the end of the game iz criminal!----And then to send him for the interview afterwards to face the music and explain the shockin performance, iz even more criminal!

Soothgate woz pelted with plastic cups and bottles at the end of the game az he came ower to applaud the fans who hadnt pissed off by this time!

Onto the next stage on Sunday, where aa will be unlucky enough to watch on from a boozer somewhere in The Toon, az a'm off work that day!  ("Dear gaffa---iz there any chance of a trip to Redditch on Sunday---like!")

INGLAND 1 THE DANISH BACON BRIGADE 1

 Posted ‘1:11pm 🔔 bells’ Friday 21st Joon 2024

KANE’S GOAL AT WOOLLY EDGE SERVICES

“HEADS IN A SPIN! (DRYER!”)

England expected but the team didn’t deliver!

By amazin’ coincidence aa saw Harry Kane’s goal ⚽️ at Woolly Edge services on the M1, az aa woz walking 🚶 past the telly to Greggs for a cup of coffee! ☕️ 

By the time a got back to mee truck in the truck park and switched on the radio, Denmark 🇩🇰 had equalised!

The co woman commentator then said the immortal words! “ENGLAND HEADS ARE IN A SPIN!’—“ITS LIKE THEYVE BEEN INSIDE A TUMBLE DRYER!”  Now wot the hells a ‘tumble dryer’, like?

Aa wonder if wor lass naaz????

A poor 2nd half and we were lucky to get away with a draw in an aaful performance!

Thank God aa couldn’t watch THAT!

(And why oh why didn’t Southgate bring Anthony Gordon on to run doon the wing and supply the crosses???)🤔

TOON FIXTURES RELEASED FOR NEW SEASON!

 Posted '1:00pm bells' 🔔 Tuesday 18th Joon 2024

The Premyaa Leegue fixtures have just been published and they have been sort of kind to us travellin Toon fans!

We start off with a home game v newly promoted Sooothampton and then the longest away trip of the season to Bournemoooth!(Get it oot the way!)

Xmas and New Year doesn’t look bad eethaa with a home game v Villa on Boxin Day and an away game v Man U just before new year’s day! (wor 2nd nearest away game after Man City!)

We have 3 midweek home games and just one midweek away game! (The Liverbirds in February)

Amazingly we will play Evaatin away on a weekend day (unless they move it to a Friday or Munday neet)( We normally play them midweek away)

Wor last home game iz against Ipswich Toon, who will probably have been relegated by then!

Of course the vast majority of them will be moved for live telly, so divvint book owt yet, like!

IN COMPLETE CONTRAST! ⬇️