A CATACLYSMIC EVENT IN SUND’LIND’S HISTORY!

 Posted’5:30pm 🔔s Friday 12th January 2024

GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!

Haven’t yoo heard?

sund’lind are changin the name of The Black Cat Club to The Black n White Cat Club!

TELLY TIMES TRAVISTY!

 Posted ‘2:33pm 🔔s Friday 12th January 2024

☠️16 oot of the 17 away NUFC leegue and cup games below have been moved for live telly!  Anly Lootin (arrowed) haz stayed at the traditional 3:00 bells' Saturday kick off!

☠️Wor game at Fulim in the FA Cup haz unexpectidly been moved to a '7:00 pm bells' kick off and az the last train back to Tyneside on that day iz 9:00pm bells’ it meeenz that we are forced to have yet another owerneet stay in London!

Oot of aall the away games we have been tee this season includin The Champions Leegue where 2 neet stays were required for the 3 games, we have(so far)stopped in a hotel a staggering 16 times!

Fulhim, Villa and The Arse will take this total to 19 and of course there are boond to be more az the telly schedules are released for the final few games of the season!

At an average of £50 per neet per person, that meeenz so far we have spent £800 each on hotel accommodation!(At least!)

PS: We are NOT multi millionaires eethaa!

WOT NEXT? BRAILE STRIPS TO HELP THE BLIND???

 Posted '1:00pm bells' Wedinzday 10th January 2024

THE ADMIRAL OF THE FLEET LORD BERESFORD KICKS OFF THE 1904 DERBY 120 YEARS AGO AT SJP

NOTE THAT BOTH TEAMS ARE PLAYIN' IN THEIR TRADITIONAL STRIPES!

NUFC and safc have been playin in their own colours in derby games for one hundred and thorty years----Sometimes the away team have played in their change strip, but 9 times oot of 10 'we' play in black n white strips and 'they' play in red n white stripes!

ALAN SHEARER CELEBRATES HIZ PENALTY GOAL IN WOR 4-1 WIN AT THE SOS IN 2005 WEARIN BLACK N WHITE STRIPES!

But now---aall of a sudden colour blindnes campaigners are outraged that they could tell the difference in the derby thrashin on Saturday and bemoan the FA's response!----Even though NUFC played in white shorts and socks and sund'lind played in black shorts and red socks!----Can they not tell the difference between black and white?

It's gettin crazy with these woke campainers demandin' more and more change in society!

Wot next we ask---demand that we both play in braile strips to help the blind????

PS: And Michael Oliver the referee iz an NUFC fan who cannit referee ANY NUFC or safc games!---So just WHY carnt he support us at a derby game????

“COME IN NUMBER 15!”

 Posted '7:00pm bells 🔔 Munday 9th January 2024

Oot of the 39 clubs still left in the FA Cup 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have been to 36 of those groonds to watch wor forst team or resorves. 

The3 missin groonds are non leegue Maidstone United, Bristol Rovers and Newport Coonty!

The anly one that NUFC have played on which we havvint been tee iz Newport, in the Leegue Cup!

We wirnt allowed to gan coz the game woz played behind closed doors 🚪 durin the Covid crisis!

A home tie against anybody would be preferable, but if it’s away "Can we have Newport pleeeze to complete to set!"—-We have been to every other groond including Europe for a competitive game in the last 42 years!

NUFC are baall number 15, while Newport are baall number 31 and the draw iz between ‘7:45 bells 🔔 and 8:15 bells 🔔 before the Wigan v Moan U game on ITV 1

ITS FULIM AWAY—YET ANOTHAA GAME IN LONDON!🥶

THE SMBs 0 THE TOON 3 ! **** FA CUP 3rd ROOND

Posted from 'high noon bells', onwards, Sunday 7th January 2024

Isak's penalty to seal the 3-0 victory!

"THE STADIUM OF DELIGHT!"

An emphatic victory ower a piss poor mackem side made the hassle of 'bubble bus travel' worth it!

From the word go we were on the front foot az we attacked the south stand end where a pathetic red and gold er! sorry silver tin foil display woz unvieled by the home fans!

Spot the difference?

NUFC battered them and had many chances to score before the inevitable happened! An own goal from Ballard in the 35th minute!

Joelinton and Bruno had combined and the cross for Isak woz intecepted by Ballard who put the baall into hiz own net, to the delight of the 6,000 Toon fans in the opposite North Stand!

It woz still 1-0 to us at half time---when it could easily have been 2 or 3!---The SMBs hardly venturin' into wor half!

It took just 30 seconds of the restart to double wor lead when Ekwah woz dispossessed by Miggy Almiron and he past the baall to an unmarked Alexander Isak, who had the simple task of slammin the baall into the net in front of the black n white faithful!

Many more chances went a beggin' until the final minute of the 90 when Anthony Gordon raced into the box and woz man handled by Ballard!----The ref pointed straight to the penalty spot!

Alexander the Great (Isak) took it and sent the mackem goalie the wrang way to plant the baall into the corner of the net to send the Toon fans meNtal and the SMBs off to the exits!

The celebrations continued at the final whistle with the Toon team gettin a photo in front of the fans wavin their black n white scarfs!

The jorney back woz crap (just like the mackems team) and we didnt get back to The Toon til '5 bells'! (The match had finished at '2:35 bells') An 11 mile jorney! 

(For the jorney doon to 'the dark place' see article below)

Attendance: Just 44,814 (It holds 48,500)  6,000 very happy Toon fans indeed!

Geordie Times fact file:

This woz mee 53rd competitive Tyne/wear derby in a row home and away from 1967 to date (This includes the 2-1 NUFC win in 1996-1997 when away fans were barred from Joker Park and SJP!)

*Bow doon to your superiors!

Naa your place! 🙇🙇🙇

     SMB season ticket holders pink seats! 🤪👍🏁

A lad in front of me had a card full of NUFC stickers and stuck them to the seats!

The black n white waall! (Are yoo watchin Dortmund?)

“GEORDIE BOYS TAKIN THE PISS!”

 

BUBBLE BUS BLUES!

 Posted from ’6:30am bells’ onwards, Saturday 6th January 2024 

*IT'S '6 30 am bells' and av just dragged mee lifeless body oot of bed to get ready for the torturous bubble bus jorney to mackemland!

*8 bells 🔔 Ootside The Strawberry

*8 20  queue under Milburn Stand tunnel

queue past statues

On the buses 8 40 bells!

*Takin the piss   9 15 on Scotswood Road   40 bus convoy  30 minute wait for escort 

Convoy 9 45 bells on Washington highway

10 24am (ower 2 hours to kick off)

“Sing in the pink seats!”

that’s aall for now folks! match report tomorrow!

SMBs V THE TOON *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND ON SATURDAY (OR! SHUD THAT READ 'SKY BET LEAGUE ONE'?)

 Posted '1:37pm bells' Friday 5th January 2024

"IT'S ANLY REET THAT THEY SHUD BOW DOON TO THEIR SUPERIORS!" 🙇 🙇‍♀️ 🙇‍♂️ 

GEORDIE SPELLING: HOWAY THE LADS  mackem SPELLING: HA'WAY THE LADS

QUEENZ ENGLISH: COME ON THE BOYS

The trip to the dark place iz aalmost upon us where 6,000 Toon fans have been forced to travel on 120 'bubble' buses to the Stadium of Sshhh!!! (Yee Naa Wot!)

It iz sure to be an agonisin' day az we must meet at SJP at 8:30 am bells' for this '12:45 pm bells' kick off!----An 11 mile jorney between groonds!

Honestly!---It would be quicker to catch a train to London and then a tube ride to any London club (300 miles), than it will be for this normally 20 minute road trip to wearyside!

Thiz meeenz 'yours truely' must get up at '7:00am bells' and catch a bus to the Toon (10 mins), while many Toon fans who live farthaa afield MUST travel to SJP to get their match tickets on the buses!---Or else they cannit gan! (One of wor mates lives in Houghton-Le-Spring (not far from mackemland)

Meeenwhile! In The black cat bar underneath the north stand at the sos, where NUFC corporates will be housed---the mackems are fuuuumin that THEIR bar haz had aall its safc memrobila taken doon and replaced by a shrine to NUFC!   They are NOT happy 🐈‍⬛s

CHEER UP PETER REID! (FORMER safc MANAGER!)

Followin' a massive backlash from the mackem fans, aall wor memorabilia signs have since been taken doon!----Their owner KLD said he didn't naa anything aboot it and apologised to the fans!---In another twist NUFC say that he DID naa, az the signs were approved by the safc hierarchy before Xmas! 

MEENWHILE!---THEY CAN'T EVEN GET THE COMPETITION  REET!   ON THE safc CREST IT SAYS THAT THE GAME IZ A:

 'SKY BET LEAGUE ONE' FIXTURE!!!!????

PS: The Geordie Times will give an hour by hour accoont on wor torturous bubble bus trip experience to the Stadium of Sshhh!---(Yee naa wot!) tomorrow mornin'

Match report on Sunday!

PPS: Divvint naa if this iz a ‘wind up’ BUT!

THE LIVERBIRDS 4 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted '5:02pm bells' Tuezday 2nd January 2024

"WOR WORST FEARS CAME TRUE!"

On a miserable New Years Day when the rain 'chucked it doon', before, durin and after the game, NUFC once again lost at Anfeeeld to make it a miserable Xmas and New Year for aall Toon fans!

From the word 'go' Livaapoool went on the attack and if it wasnt for the heroics of Martin Dubravka in The Toon goal, where he made several ootstandin saves, az he defended at The Kop End, it could easily have been 4-0 at half time!---But somehow we kept them at bay, includin a great penalty save from Salah and somehow went in aall square! HT 0-0

However!---within 4 minutes of the restart the Mickey Mousers took the lead when Salah had a simple tap in in front of an unguarded goal from a Nunez cross!

Then, unexpectedly, we equalised at The Kop End 5 minutes later when Isak raced towards the goal and a pin point pass from Anthony Gordon foond hiz feet and 'he wellied the baall home' to the delight of the 2,400 Toon fans in The Anfeeeld Road End opposite! (Normally we would have been allocated 3,000 tickets, but because of buildin work at that end of the groond, wor allocation woz reduced!)

TOON FANS CELEBRATE ISAK'S EQUALISER!

However!---wor joy didn't last lang when in the 74th minute Jota passed to Jones and in a replica of their forst goal he had the simple task of tappin the baall into the net to restore The Liverbirds lead!

Just 4 minutes later they increased their lead with another simple tap in goal by Gakpo!

Again NUFC hit back just one minute later, though Botman this time, when he heeded the baall into the far corner of the goal from a Longstaff corner!

There had been several ridiculous refereein' decisions, in Livaapool's favour, but this one beat the lot when Dubravka made slight contact in the box with Jota and he hoyed himself to the groond in a delayed reaction to try and con Taylor the ref!---

He 'took it in' and incredibly pointed to the spot--and after a lang VAR check the penalty woz awarded! (Are they blindfolded at the VAR office?)----Taken by Salah again, but this time he sent wor goalie the wrang way to seal a 4-2 victory!---Wor worst fears of another defeat here, had sadly come true!

It could have been a much heavier defeat if it wasnt for Dubravka, but the ref aalso DIDNT award us a penalty when Longstaff woz fouled in the box and he booked 17 year old Lewis Miley for a perfectly good tackle in the forst half!

This woz wor 7th defeat in wor last 8 games!---We must stop the rot at The Stadium of Shhh!!! (yee naa wot!) in the FA Cup next Saturday!----PLEEEEZE!

Attendance: 57,471 (2,400 very wet Toon fans!)

*The pre and post match 'garglin took place here!

Just 2 drinkin dens this time!

Campanile hotel bar, Livaapoool docks

The Barlow Arms, Livaapoool (20 minutes walk from Anfeeeld in torrential rain!)

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON *** NEW YEARS DAY 2024

Posted 'high noon bells' New Years Eve 2023

 

ISAK WOZ RULED OFFSIDE LAST SEASON WHEN WE LOST 2-1 IN VERY CONTROVERTIAL CURCUMSTANCES!

We heed to Anfeeeld tomorrow neet where we face the dauntin' task of gettin sommik oot of the game!  NUFC havvint won here this century and yoo have to gan way back to 1995 for the last time we won here!  

That woz in the Leegue Cup when Steve Watson scored in a 1-0 win!

The last and anly Premyaa Leegue success came 30 years ago in the 1993-94 season when we won 2-0 with goals from Robert Lee and Andy Cole!

The Liverbirds are unbeaten in their last 21 Premyaa Leegue games at Anfeeeld----so it IZ INDEED a dauntin' task for wor oot of form and injury depleted team!

With nee trains on New Years Day we are travellin' across the Pennines in mee 9 seater 'canny tranny'

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Tuezday----az per usual "Watch this space!" and a (hopefully!) happy new year to aall wor loyal subjects!

THE TOON 1 THE FRIAR TUCK MOB OF NOTTINGHAM 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted '1:57pm bells' Wedinzday 27th Decembaa 2023

"ARE YOU CHRIS WOOD IN DISGUISE?"

"THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST!"

Last Christmas on Boxin' Day Chris Wood scored a penalty for NUFC in wor 3-0 win at Lestaa City!

We then sold him to Forest in the January transfor window coz he wasnt deemed good enough!

Fast forward exactly one year and he scores a hat-trick against us at SJP to stun the crowd (even the Forest fans!) in a revenge 'attack'! (excuse the pun!)

Yih just couldnt make this up--could yih?

It started off so well az well!---A convorted penalty from Isak at The Gallowgate End after he woz hacked doon in the box by Aina in the 20th minute gave us the lead!

And then just before the half time interval Miggy Almiron woz clean through and looked certain to score, BUT inexplicably tried to pass the baall into the middle BUT it woz intercepted by a Forest player and the baall woz hoofed forward and with Chris Wood unmarked in the box he had a simple tap in to level the scores and stun the 52,000 plus crowd!

It certainly knocked the Christmas stuffing (sic!) oot of NUFC az the 2nd half woz a disaster waitin' to unfold!---And it DID!

Wood scorin twice more az he rampaged through wor defence to claim the most unlikely hat-trick EVER!

He'd come back to haunt us for certain, az the empty seats near the end told its own story!

Miggy Almiron had a nightmare and inexplicably he tried to put the baall into hiz OWN net at The Gallowgate End, but a Forest attacker got in the way of hiz shot and luckily for him it deflected to safety!--

(Did he still 'Fink' that we were kickin that way in the 2nd half az well???)

Attendance: 52,207 (Oh no there wernt!----4 empty seats next to me by 'NO SHOW' season ticket holders!) (3,100 Friar Tucks!)

*Fans cannit get tickets, yet those season ticket holders who divvint turn up, cannit be bothered to pass them on to those desperate to get in!