THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOON *** SATURDAY NEET!

 Posted ''4:00pm bells' Friday 18th August 2023

LAST SEASON WE LOST 2-0---VIEW FROM THE MIDDLE TIER!---THIS TIME WE ARE IN THE TOP TIER----MUST REMBER TO BRING MEE BINOCULARS!

"WHO ARE YOU!?" 🤔

Wor forst away game of the season at the toughest place we could gan and NUFC have said that Toon fans will have to prove that the match ticket they have iz theirs and might ask for photo ID off an NUFC official in a spot check!  (A copy of the photo page of your passport iz suffice!) (ie: Nee photo--nee entry!)

This iz to stop fans who buy away tickets just to get the loyalty points and then sell them on to those who don't have enough/any points!---sometimes at a profit! 

The 'punishment' for sellin a ticket 'on' iz the loss of aall your loyalty points--and for a 2nd offence, yoo will lose your season ticket!!!

Last season for this fixture, tickets sold oot at 70 loyalty points!---This season it went doon to 10 (The number of away games attended!) which proves that argument!

'Colonel Gadaffi' (the one from Bracknell in Berkshire--NOT Tripoli in Libya!) used to get hiz away tickets off a friend caalled Mal (at cost price), but now Mal can't pass them on! 

He anly haz 3 loyalty points and woz unsuccessful in the ballot (for those who have 10 points or less!) and haz been forced to buy a ticket in the Man City end at a bumped up price of £80 (plus bookin fee!) from a ticket agency!---Apparently there are loads of tickets available in the home sections, which iz amazin, considerin that Man City are probably the best team in the world at the moment with 4 trophies in the cabinet, after their Super Cup win ower Seville in midweek !

And taakin aboot the best team in the world, their talisman Kevin De Bruyne iz oot for 4 months with a hamstring injury---and he's the one who supplied  Haarland with the baall to score many of hiz goals last season!---This iz really good news for Toon fans and for once we can gan to 'their place' and not be frightened of a six goal hammerin like we did in the past!----We can actually get a result if we play like we did in the 5-1 win ower Villa last weekend!---Nuw that's wot yi caall 'progress'! (This will be wor 20th visit to The Etihad Staduim and it doesn't make good readin: 16 losses, 2 draws and just one solitary win in The Leegue Cup 9 years ago!)

We are on the train at 8:40am bells tomorrow for the ridiculous '8:00pm bells' kick off for live telly!----Meeeenin that we cannit get back yem by public transport and have had to book a hotel for Saturday neet in Manchester! (Thanx a lot TNT Sport!)

A full Geordie Times match (and booze!) report will appear here sometime on Sunday when we are travellin back!

Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

More telly fix announcers for Octobaa

 Posted '6:00pm bells' Thorzday 17th August 2023

Two more of wor away games in Octobaa have been selected for live telly!----(Hotels in London and the Wolverhampton area will be needed for owerneet GB V V V V V 

*Wor home game v Palace on Saturday Octobaa 21st stays the same with a '3:00 bells' kick off! (For now!?)

Sandwiched in between the above fixtures are 2 Champions Leegue games----dates, venues and times to be conformed at a later date! 

Correction! West Ham game NOT on telly! Special thanx to Russ for spotting mee dilibrit mistayk!

STRAWBERRY PLACE DEVELOPMENT PLANS UNVIELED

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuezday 15th August 2023

Aa woz waaking alang Strawberry Place next to The Gallowgate End when a noticed this planning notice sign hangin from a lamppost about the new ‘fanzone’ on the old car park site behind the St. James’ Metro station! So aa ripped it off (az yi dee!) to have a look!

Have a read!

THE PROPOSED NEW FANZONE---COMPLETION BY LATE NOVEMBER WE HEAR!

Meenwhile 12 miles doon the road in mackemland, where they hate NUFC more than they love their own team—and ootside their fans club shop!

Yih couldnt possibly make it up, but the camera doesn’t lie!🤪👍

Updated ‘high noon bells’ Wedinzday 

Spot the difference!

They're so sad it's unbeleeevable!!!

THE TOON 5 THE HAZBEEENZ AND VILLIANS 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'from 'high noon bells' onwards Sunday 13th August 2023

Wot can we say?---A better start and performance on the opennin day of the season could not be imagined with 2 debutants gettin on the scoresheet az well---Tonali with the forst goal and Barnes with the last! 

Aa went orly az the new digital system woz in force and worries aboot not gettin in on time woz mee big fear!---Thankfully aa had nee problems gettin into The Milburn Stand, but we hord later that many on The East Stand side didn't get in for the kick off!

LANG QUEUES OOTSIDE THE EAST STAND JUST BEFORE KICK OFF!

(Arsenal's orly kick off game woz delayed 30 minutes because of digital ticket problems)

The goal sequences were az follows: 

6th minute: After sustained pressure we took an orly lead when debutant Sandro Tonali got onto the end of a Anthony Gordon cross to fire in at The Leazes End to send the capacity crowd wild!

10th minute: The lead didnt last long az Villa equalized through Diabi who woz unmarked in the Gallowgate box! 

16th minute: 6 minutes later and it woz 2-1 to 'us' when a Botman pass foond 'Alexander (Isak) the Great' who made nee misstayk from a few yards oot!

Controversy followed when Miggy Almiron woz brought doon on The East Stand touchline, near the half time break, when their goalie Martinez raced oot of hiz box!---A RED card for certain?---But NO!---the ref pulled oot a yellow instead to very loud booin' from the crowd!   10 minutes stoppage time woz then added for a bad knee injury to Villa's Mings who woz stretchered off!

58th minute: Isak disposed Konsa on the edge of the box and hiz chip flew into the far corner of The Gallowgate net! 3-1 to 'us'

77th minute: Super sub Callum Wilson who had been on the pitch for less than 10 minutes hit a sweet shot from a Harvey Barnes cross (who had aalso come on) 4-1

91st minute: The icing on the cake when debutant 2 Harvey Barnes ran onto a Jacob Murphy through baall to hit a peach of a shot past Martinez to complete the opennin' day rout! 5-1

The result sent us to the top of the Premyaa Leegue tree---a better strart we couldnt have imagined!

Attendance: 52,207 includin 3,000 Villians, many of who had departed lang before the end!

*

“It’s wor cup!

Updated ‘6:20pm bells’ Sunday 

The commentator on the Chelseee v Liverpoool game haz just said: “The big 6 are not necessarily the top 6!”

Wot the hells aall that about —-like????

Wot does he meen ????

Updated midneet bells Munday

Roond 1 of fixtures have now been played with NUFC in top spot!🤪👍

THE TOON v THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS *** SATURDAY TEATIME! *** PLUS A CHAMPAGNE PARTY FOR NEARLY £800!

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Thorzday 10th August 2023

"A NEW BREED OF FANS!---COMING SOON TO ST. JAMES' PARK!"

"THE ROOFTOP TOFFS!"

The forst Premya Leegue game of the season v Villa iz aalmost upon us, which of course iz a complete selloot ----UNLESS! yoo have a spare £800 to sit in the brand new 'Rooftops Executive Restaurant'!---where yoo can sip Champagne til your hearts content! 

Aye that's reet! (nearly) £800 to watch ONE game, which iz more than most fans have paid for their season tickets! 

Gone are the days in the 1960s when a skinny gadgie in a forn coloured coat would hoy peanuts to fans in the crowd in return for a tanner (6 pence) in old money (two and a half pence in todays money!)

And for BOVRIL substitute CHAMPAGNE! 

The times they certainly are a changin at St. James' Park!

"OH I SAY!--- THIS NEW COCKTAIL BAR IS SPIFFING OLD CHAP!"

"WHERE'S THE PEANUTS AND BOVRIL--LIKE!?"

VAT IZ  ANLY AN EXTRA 20% !

The Rooftops entrance!

"SORRY SIR!---NO 'RIFF-RAFF' ALLOWED IN HERE!"

Updated Friday

We here that Joe Willock haz a hamstring injury and will be ruled oot for a month 

Match report will appear here on Sunday

Ax per usual “Watch this space!

"SO THIS IZ LIVINGSTONE ER!" LIVRAMENTO I PRESUME!?"

 Posted '1:14pm bells' Tuezday 8th August 2023

ST. JAMES' PARK THIS MORNIN'

Defender Valentino Livramento haz finally signed for The Toon from Sooothampton after attendin wor 2 games in The Sela Cup ower the weekend!  It iz reported that the fee iz excess of £30million for the Ing'lind U21 International who despite hiz Italian soundin name, woz born in Croydon in sooth London!

"Welcome to The Toon Tino!"

THE TOON 4 THE YELLOW SUMARINES 0 ***SELA CUP *** NUFC WIN IT!

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Munday 7th August 2023

"4 'TORPEDOES' SINK THE YELLOW SUBMARINES!" 

NUFC finished off wor pre season with another victory and some silverware az well, in the shape of The Sela Cup with a 4-0 win ower Villarreal of Spain (aka 'The Yellow Submarines' coz they play in aall yellow!)

NUFC wore wor aall dark blue away strip and the team woz completely different to the team on Saturday!

The goal sequences were az follows:

6th minute   Jacob Murphy: A Matt Richie cross iz half cleared and Murphy pounces on the baall and after a couple of touches he fire home into The Leazes goal HT: 1-0 with NUFC well on top

62nd minute Harvey Barnes: Makin hiz home debut recieved a pass from Joelinto and he lashed the baall into the net before celebratin in front of The Strawberry Corner!

76th minute Joelinton: Joe runs through the Villarreal defence and hits a sweet shot from the edge of the penalty area to make it 3-0 and affectively win the Sela Cup az there woz nee way back for the Spaniards! 

79th minute Harvey Barnes: Barnzee puts the icin' on the cake when Callum Wilson made a precision pass to Barnzee and he drilled the baall into The Gallowgate goal for hiz 2nd of the game!

Villarreals submarine had been well and truly ''TORPEDOED!"

  

"IT'S WOR CUP!!!"

And now for something completely different! (From yesterday's startin' line up!)

FOOTNOTE: We are very sad to hear of the passin' of Toon fan and Northern Alliance referee Barry Sweeney. Barry woz the dad of Liam Sweeney, who alang with John Alder were killed on their way to New Zealand in 2014 for NUFC friendlies when their plane woz shot doon ower Ukraine!

RIP Barry

THE TOON 2 FIORENTINAA 0 *** SELA CUP

Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Sunday 6th August 2023

A 2-0 win ower Italian opposition Fiorentinaa with goals from Miggy Almiron at The Leazes End in the forst half and from Alexander(Isak) the Great at The Gallowgate End in the 2nd half, sealed this vicory in front of wot looked like a sub 30,000 crowd in sub summer temperatures! (ie: Not much global warmin' roond these parts!) 

Sandro Tonali made hiz debut and he created a few good chances, while 17 year old Lewis Miley woz the man of the match with a great display! Elliot Anderson aalso had a great game!

The breakthrough came in the 38th minute when Isak sent a precision pass to Almiron and he colly placed the baall into the Leazes net!

Isak's goal in the 2nd period came in the 82nd minute, when he heeded in a Trippier corner and into the Gallowgate net to collect the 3 points plus 2 bonus points for the 2 goals scored! 

The win meeenz that we are unbeaten so far in 6 pre season games!(Won 4, drawn 2)

Earlier Villarreal of Spain and Nice of France drew 1-1 meeenin that NUFC top the group after one game each!

PS: After wor game The Toon lasses beat West Brom lasses 3-0 to complete a Toon 'double'!

Wor 2nd game iz today at '4:00 bells' v Villarreal and victory (with an entirely different team to yesterday’s) will secure the Sela Cup, provided neethaa Nice or Fiorentina dont score a boatload of goals!--Their game kicks off at '2:00 bells'

A match report on wor game will appear here sometime on Munday!

THE MATCH PROGRAMME WHICH COVERS AALL THE GAMES OWER 2 DAYS

Am not sayin that The Leazes End (companions) woz empty after the game—-but!     PS: a few came in after as took this photo!

"HAY HO LETS GO!---HAY HO TINO!"

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Friday 4th August 2023

Wor 3rd major signin in the transfor window haz joined NUFC!

Valen(Tino) Livramento haz signed from relegated Sooothampton for a fee reported to be aroond aboot the £40 milion mark and will swap those horrible red n white Sooothampton stripes for the MAGnificent black n white stripes of NUFC!

He's a right back and iz 20 years old and iz an Ing-er-land U21 international!

Meeenwhile! we play the forst of 2 home games in 2 days v Fiorentina of Italy on Saturday ('3:30 bells') and Villarreal of Spain on Sunday ('4:00 bells') in The Sela Cup! 

Nice of France play Villarreal before wor game on Saturday '12:30 bells')---and after wor game the NUFC lasses team takes the field against WBA Women ('6:00 bells')

Before wor game on Sunday Fiorentina play Nice ('1;00 bells')

Tournament format: 3 points for a win, 1 point for a draw and an additional 1 point for every goal scored!

We fully expect that 2 completleee different NUFC teams will appear on Saturday and Sunday!

We understand that the top tiers of The Milburn and Leazes Stand will be empty, meeenin a crowd of under 40,000 iz expected! (Mainly due to the high ticket prices of £55 for the 2 days!)

"WHERE WERE YOO WHEN WE WERE SH*TE!"?

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 3rd August 2023

(FROM TWITTER)

For fans cryin that they cannit get away tickets, my question iz this:  "Where were yoo when 'The Fat Controller' woz in charge and Alan Pardew, Steve McClaren and  'Broken Nose Bruce' were wor managers"??? 

Loyalty points often went doon to zero and they even went on general sale to anybody who wanted one!!! (So fans had plenty of time to build up their points!)

ie: "Where were yoo when we were 💩"?????