THE TOON v THE ARSE *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 7th May 2023

"WE ARE NEWCASTLE!"

"WE ARE UNITED!"

NUFC gan into this game needin a win, az the games run oot, but we are still in the drivin seat in 3rd place!---It WONT be eezy!

The Arse are now 4 points behind Man City who beat Leeedz yesterday and hopefully will be on a downer this afternooon, az they look like they have blown the title!

The quest for The Champions Leegue looks like gannin doon to the wire, az The Liverbirds have played and won 3 home games since we last played, narrowin the gap to 3 points!  BUT we dee have 2 games in hand on them, plus a better goal difference!

Moan U lost on Thorzday to Brightin and remain 2 points adrift of us---while Villa's loss at Wolves meenz that they cannit catch us!  Sporz won and still have a very slim chance!  Brightin have games in hand of us, but they are 10 points behind us, so this looks unlikly az well!

It shud be a noizy afternooon, especially with a '4:30 bells' kick off (ie: Fans will have loads of time for a canny few 'gargels' before the game!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Munday!---Az per usual "Watch this space!"

ground number 362 powerday stadium (v brentford 'B')

 Ground number 362                 

Date of First Visit: 5th May 2023

Powerday Stadium, London

Brentford 'B'  0

Newcastle United U21s 1 (Diallo)

Friendly fixture 

Attendance: 800 (estimated) includin 6 who had travelled doon from Tyneside! (Official attendance later given az 687)

"WE'RE ANLY HERE FOR THE CORONATION!" ("NOT!")

This game woz arranged at Hanwell Town FC in West London az they were formed by exiled Geordies 103 years ago, who were working doon there, AND! they play in black n white stripes and are nicknamed The Geordies!

We travelled doon on the packed train at '11:00am bells' with a few royalists dressed for the occassion in Union Jack's for the King Charles coronation the next day! (£92 retorn tickets!)

After a few gargels near Marble Arch after leavin the train at KING'S Cross (Tbe nearest we would get to a 'KING' on this trip!) we heeded for Hanwell on The Central Line tube (nearest station to the groond woz Perivale) A 10 minute walk and we were in the groond and were welcomed in the GEORDIE clubhoose with open arms by the chairman of Hanwell who bought the 6 of us who had travelled doon from Tyneside a large jug of beer!--Nice jesture from him!-Cheers!🤪👍🍺

"GEORDIES HERE---GEORDIES THERE!"

The game kicked off and there were actually more Toon fans there than Brentfaad--which iz just a few miles away!

The game wasnt much kop but we took the lead in the 28th minute when wor number 11 Dallio sent a pressision shot into the corner of the net!

Not much else happened and that woz the anly goal of the game!--However! Brentfaad gott a penalty not lang after the goal, but it woz expertly saved it by Thompson in The Toon goal, gannin the reet way to deny The Bees 'B's!

 The 2nd time we had beaten a Brentfaad team in west London this season!

After a couple more gargels post match in a boozer near the groond, we heeded back to KING'S Cross to catch the last (near deserted!) train to Tynside at '10:00bells'   arrivin back at 'The Central' at '2am bells'!---yet another one ticked off the list!

On 2nd thoughts--wish we'd stayed in London for the King's Coronation!🥶

HANWELL TOON---A HISTORY LESSON!

THE PUB CRAWL TOOK PLACE HERE IN MARBLE ARCH AND HANWELL!

lord wargrave

SIX AWAY BOOZERS VISITED THIS TIME, BRINGIN' THE GRAND TOTAL TO 141 DIFFERENT AWAY BOOZERS THIS SEASON---SO FAR!

(We aalso visited The Betjamen Arms near King's Cross, but cannit include it coz we have been here a few times this season!) 

"GEORDIES HERE!---GEORDIES THERE!"

 

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 5th May 2023

"THE GEORDIES v THE GEORDIES!"

*At the time of typin this on mee mobile 'telling bone', we (me and Big Al (NOT the sheet metal workers son!) are on the train to King's Cross (London)  to watch wor U21s play Brentfaad 'B' in a friendly at the home of Hanwell Toon FC, who play in west London!

SO! why are we gannin there and why haz the game been arranged??

Whey! Hanwell were formed by a load of Geordies who were workin' in London ower 100 years ago and indeed they play in Black n White stripes and are nicknamed 'THE GEORDIES'! (AND its a new groond for The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!)

So any exiled groundhoppin' Toon fans who are based in the London area, get yourselz to the match which kicks off at '6:00 bells' tooneet!

Its £6 for big kids and £3 for zimmerframites and a 50% reduction for season ticket holders of ANY club----£2 for sprogs!

The nearest tube station iz Perivale on The Central Line

A Full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime later-----might even be on the '10:00pm bells' train we are on tooneet, on the retorn jorney!  Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

HANWELL TOON---A HISTORY LESSON!

"CATCH US IF YOU CAN!"

 Posted '12:39pm bells' Wedinzday 3rd May 2023 and will be updated az the games are played!

Updated 'high noon bells' Thorzday 4th May 2023

Updated '3:15am bells' Friday 5th May 2023

Its gettin very near the end of the season and NUFC are still in 3rd place!----The question iz how many teams below us can catch us?

In the worst case scenario and we lose aall 5 games left, there are 5 teams below us who could overtake us IF they won every game!----Az some still have to play each other (Brighton beat Moan U 1-0 last neet for example) its not possible for every team below us to win aall their remainin games!

However, these are the 5 teams who can overtake us IF we take 'a wobbler'

Moan U: max points possible 78 

Brightin: max points possible 73

The Liverbirds: max points possible 71

Sporz: max points possible 66 

Villa: max points possible 66 

Az NUFC have 65 points, it iz highly improbable that Sporz or Villa could catch us! (2 more points for us will put them oot of reach!)

Another 9 points for NUFC from wor 5 remainin games will defiantly see us in the top 4 and a Champions Leegue place! 

The Liverbirds have got 3 homes games in a row before we play again---and have won 2 of them so far (controversially!) and are now 6 points behind us!----3 if they beat Brentfaad on Saturday, but havin played 2 games more! (NUFC dont play til Sunday v The Arse)  

THE TOON 3 THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB OF SOOOTHAMPTON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' onwards, Munday 1st May 2023

"SUPER SUB CALLUM, SAVES THE DAY!"

The old cliché of a game of 2 halves couldn't be more appropriate in this case!

Put simply we were terrible in the forst half and class in the second!

In the forst half NUFC could hardly put 2 passes together, while Sooothampton fired an orly warnin' with a shot in the forst minute which 'The Pope' in The Toon goal gathered comfortably!

Yoo would have thought the bottom club would easily succumb to the team in 3rd place in the table, but az we aall naa anything can happen with NUFC!

And so it did in the 41st minute when wor visitors took the lead through Stuart Armstrong, who fired home a shot at The Gallowgate End to stun the near 51,000 home fans and to the delight of the 1,500 travellin' faithful from the sooth coast! 

Anthony Gordon had had 2 great chances to give us the lead but fluffed hiz lines badly and he woz replaced by Callum Wilson for the 2nd period! (We honestly believe that he will come good, just like Joelinton, he needs time!)

This had an instant impact az we finally got wor act together to lay seige on the 'Simon Templar Mob', who hardly crossed the halfway line in this half!

Wilson toe poked the baall into the net 9 minutes after the restart to the relief of the home faithful to level the scores!

A 2nd goal for Wilson followed soon after but after a very lengthy VAR check, it woz ruled oot for a fractional offside!

However, this didn't deter us and just a few minutes later it WOZ 2-1 to NUFC when Walcott deflected the baall into hiz own net from a corner kick to loud cheers aall aroond!

The final nail in Sooothampton's coffin came in the 81st minute when Wilson roonded their goalie to score an excellent goal! 3-1!

That woz the end of the scorin, but right at the death Wilson double struck the bar az the baall hit the woodwork and boonced doon on the crossbar again and oot of play!----Final score 3-1 to NUFC

Attendance: 52,252 (1,500 away diehards)--still 1,000 left at the final whistle---great loyalty for a team who will certainly gan doon!👏👏👏👏👏

DIEHARDS TILL THE END GAME!

*

Explanation (again!) We say 'The Simon Templar Mob' after the 1960s character in 'The Saint' cult TV detective series played by Roger Moore: Sooothampton's nickname iz 'The Saints' of course (Get it???🤔)

NUFC ARE NOW CERTAIN OF A EUROPEAN PLACE NEXT SEASON AZ WE CAN FINISH NO LOWER THAN 6th AZ SOME TEAMS BELOW US MUST PLAY EACH OTHER!

Footnote: This woz the 4th time this season that NUFC have beaten Sooothampton in the Premyaa Leegue and the 2 legs of the Leegue Cup semi finals!--It's the forst time in wor lang history that we have beaten the same team 4 times in the same season!!

THE TOON v THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB OF SOOOTHAMPTON *** TODAY AT '2:00 BELLS'

 Posted just before 'high noon bells' Sunday 30th April 2023

*NUFC play anothaa vital game this afternooon against relegation favorites Sooothampton!

We have aalready beaten them 3 times this season in The Leegue away and League Cup semis home and away!

IF we win then this will be the forst time in wor lang history that we will have beaten the same team 4 times in the same season!

We imagine that the same startin line will appear again after wor 4-1 win at Evaatin on Thorzday neet!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Munday

Az per usual "Watch this space!"

THE HEEDBANGERS v MAIDENHEED *** NATIONAL LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted '4:30pm bells' Saturday 29th April 2023

*Off to see The Heedbangers v Maidenheed at Gatesheed Stadium this afternooon! (Mee forst visit this season for their last Leegue game!)

Kick off iz at '5:30 bells'

Match and booze report to follow!

Az per usual, "Watch this space!"

UPDATED SUNDAY

GATESHEED 4  MAIDENHEED 0

A resoundin victory for The Heedbangers ower the Berkshire outfit!

Before the match we drank in The TilleyStone and The Met(ropolitan)

and grabbed a quick can of John Smith's in the Gatesheed bar inside the groond caalled 'The Old Goat's Bar' (A ripoff 3 quid a can in a thin plastic cup!)

Goals (aall good ones!) were scored by Pye,Asaye, Campbell and Ward!    

The attendance of 1,300 plus included 40 diehards from Maidenheed who had made the fruitless 650 miles roond trip! HOWEVER! They celebrated at the end az they foond oot that Torquay had been relegated instead of them, az they failed to beat Wrexham!

THE TOFFEE NOSES OF EVAATIN 1 THE TOON 4 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted from 'high noon bells'onwards, Friday 28th April 2023 on train back from Liverpoool

THE END GAME! TOON PLAYERS CELEBRATE WITH FANS AT FULL TIME! (The forst time we have won wearin the Saudi away strip at the 6th attempt!)

*"JUST CHAMPION!"

The forst half wasnt ower clever but we managed to take a 1-0 lead into the half time break when Wilson fired home at The Glydiss Street End after Joelinton's shot woz parried to him by Little Arms Pickford!

HT 1-0 to us!

We were on the front foot in 2nd half az we attacked The Park End and doubled wor lead in the 72nd minute when a pinpoint cross from Willock foond Joelinton who heeded home from very close range!

It woz soon 3-0 when Wilson hit a glorious right footed shot from ootside the box past 'Little arms' from a Bruno pass!

At this point the Evaatin fans left in their droves az the Toon fans celebrated! 

They pulled one back in the 80th through McNeil but from the kick off super sub Alexander the Great (Isak) jinked past 3 defenders on the byline to cross for Murphy, who had the easiest of chances to hit home past the disparin mackem goalie to put the icing on the cake! (Er! We originally said Willock had scored, not Murphy!-- Special thanx to Marzzy for  spottin anothaa Geordie Times dilibrit misstayk!)

A brilliant goal by Schar woz then ruled oot az Dan Burn woz offside!

THE SCOREBOARD SHOWS THE SCORE AZ 1-5 BUT SCHAR'S GOAL WOZ CHALKED OFF AFTER A VAR CHECK!😬

(Can you spot the empty seats in The Park End!?)

Anthony Gordon had came on az sub late on to muted boos from wot woz left of the home fans and loud cheers from the Toon faithful!

Great news then came through that Moan U had let a 2 goal advantage slip az they drew 2-2 at Sporz!

This moves us 2 points clear of them and 8 points clear of Villa in 5th place!

The Champions Leegue iz within wor grasp!

Attendance not given but groond woz full at the start and 3qwaataz empty at the finish! (3,000 delirious Toon fans!)

Pub crawl report!

In total we visited 5 boozers--3 of which we visited when we played Livaapoool. Therefore any 2 new drinkin dens can be added to the list!

Runnin total now 135 away bars

🤪👍🍺

THE TOFFEE NOSES OF EVAATIN v THE TOON *** TOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 27th April 2023 on the train to Livaapoool

"EVERY PART OF THE GROOND!?  

DOES THIS INCLUDE THE AWAY SECTION!?"

The games are comin up thick and fast az we approach the last month of the season---and tooneet we are at Goodison Park where the local Evaatonians are plannin a welcomin' committee for wor team bus, with blue smoke bombs bein handed oot at 'The Brick' boozer doon one of the narrow terraced streets leadin to the groond!  It's actually caalled 'The RED Brick' by the way, az we have been there before!

(Divvint 'fink' we will bothaa gannin there this time though!) 

We are sure that 'Steady Eddie' and former Evaatonian Anthony Gordon will naa aboot this, az they try to intimidate us az the team bus passes by, az they hoy bricks at the windows! 

(They've done this before against the Manc teams and othaaz, which haz backfired spectacularly!)

There iz sure to be a hostile atmosphere inside the groond az well, especially if Gordon gets some game time!? The fellow Scouser they 'love to hate', az he jumped ship at the last moment, which iz hardly surprising when yoo see the video of their fans blockin a street near the groond with traffic bollards and stoppin hiz car when he played for them, to shout, "Your not fit to wear the shirt!" and "Get out of our club!"---which of course he haz done! (They DID ask him to leave--so why are they SO upset that he HAZ?)

Anyway!---Evaatin are in the 3rd relegation place and NUFC are of course in 3rd place, so it shud be a very 'tasty' game indeed!

Wor original Trans Peninne train woz cancelled, so we are on anothaa packed train az we speak!

Az per usual "Watch this space!" for a match report tomorrow on the train back! (IF it tornz up, that iz???)