THE JELLIED EELS MOB 1 THE TOON 5 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2033

 Posted from 10:30am bells o wards, on train back from London, Thorzday 6th April 2023

"TOON BURST WEST HAM BUBBLES!"

(Brief match and boozer report)

A MAGnificent 5-1 victory to keep us in 3rd place in wor quest for a Champions Leegue place next season!

The goal sequences were az follows!

6th minute: Saint Max jinks past the home defence to put Callum Wilson through to glacé hiz heeder into the net at the far end from the away section! 0-1 to NUFC!

13th minute: A through baall from Schar to Joelinton who roonded their keeper to put us 0-2 up! A VAR check ruled that Joe woz onside!

40th minute: Zouma pulls one back after The Pope misses the baall! HT 1-2

46th minute: After a terrible defensive mix up Jacob Murphy passes the baall to Wilson who slots the baall into an empty net! 1-3 to NUFC!

82nd minute; Isak intercepts a baall to lob the hapless West Ham keeper to send the Toon fans wild and the home fans to the exit gates!   The empty white seats looked like heavy snow had fallen! (See pic below!) 1-4 to NUFC 

90th minute: The annihilation woz compled by Joelinton who fired the baall into the far corner of the goal from Bruno through baall! FT 1-5 to NUFC!

Attendance: 62,470 (3,000 ecstatic Toon fans!) Aboot 40,000 home fans had left before final whistle!

Pub crawl report below!

We did 5 boozers in total, aall of them in eetha Hackney or Hackney Wick, which iz not too far from the London Stadium, bringin the grand total of different away boozers visited this season to 125!

THE JELLIED EELS MOB OF WEST 'AM v THE TOON **** TOONEET!

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, on the train to King's Cross (London) Wedinzday 5th April 2023

THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE *** A 1-1 DRAW IN FEB 2022 *** JOE WILLOCK GOT WOR GOAL!  VIEW FROM BACK SECTION OF THE AWAY END! *** DIVVINT FORGET YOUR BINOCULARS!

This iz a rearranged game from last September, postponed because of the Queen's death. Aall 3,000 away tickets were sold then and are still valid!

We expect that the same startin line up az on Sunday when we beat Moan U 2-0 to move to 50 points and 3rd place in the table!

The Jellied Eels Mob (so caalled az jellied eels iz a fave delicacy in London's east end!) sit precariously just above the relegation zone with 27 points!

Moan U are playin tooneet az well, so we reeely need to win to stay above them!

A full Geordie Times match and booze report will appear here az we travel back on the train on Thorzday mornin'!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"--and misstayks!" az av got to dee the report on mee mobile telling bone, az the train rocks alang the tracks!  

THE TOON 2 MOAN U 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 3rd April 2023

"REVENGE IZ SO VERY SWEEET!"

A fantastic day for aall NUFC fans az we totally demolished Moan U at SJP!----2-0 woz NOT a fair reflection of the game az we shud have been at least 5-0 up at half time, but near misses from Longstaff (3), Isak and Willock meant we went in aall square goalless in the forst half az we attacked the Leazes goal!

The 2nd half woz the same, but we did actually put the baall in the net twice to win the contest in front of an ecstatic crowd, who roared the team on from start to finish!

The forst goal came in the 65th minute when Bruno centered for Saint Max to heed on to Joe Willock who heeded in from close range!

There woz large moanin from Moan U's Fernandez and Antony in between the goals!----Now yoo know why we caall tham 'Moan U'!

FAB SCHAR TELLS FERNANDEZ TO STOP MOANIN' AND PLAY ACTIN'

We doubled wor advantage in the 88th minute, when a pinpoint cross from Trippier fooond super sub Callum  Wilson's heed and hiz effort rebounded off the far Gallowgate post and into the net, which brought ecstatic scenes on and off the pitch az the Moan U fans departed in their droves form their Leazes End level 7 seats!

IT'S THE 3rd MINUTE OF STOPPAGE TIME AZ THE MOAN U END EMPTIES!😂

Complete revenge for wor Leegue Cup final defeat to them 35 days orlier, when they took the p*ss!

The win meeenz that we 'leapfrog' them and Sporz into 3rd place in the table with 11 games to gan!----The Champions Leegue dream iz alive and kickin!

    GATESHEED SIDE OF THE TYNE                  TOON SIDE OF THE TYNE

"TYNESIDE UNITED!"

It haz certainly been a great weekend for the 2 teams who both play in black n white on opposite sides of the Tyne bridges, az Gatesheeed won on Saturday in the FA Trophy semi final on pens against Barnet, to set up a Wembley appearence in May v Halifax! 

Attendance: 52,268 (3,200 Moan U fans who had long departed before the final whistle back to London etc!)

*

JUBILANT TOON FANS DEPART THE GROOND!

Updated Tuezday

Sporz anly drew away to Evaatin last neet, so NUFC are still 3rd top with 50 points!---Both Sporz, who have played 2 games more and Moan U are on 50 points az well, but with vastly inferior goal differences than us!

THE TOON v MOAN U **** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 2nd April 2023

THE JACKIE MILBURN STATUE NEXT TO 'THE STRAWBERRY CORNER'

Its been a canny weekend so far on Tyneside az wor rivals for a Champions Leegue place aall lost or drew yesterday!  And then we foond oot Gatesheed had won on penalties in the FA Trophy semi final v Barnet to progress to thier 2nd ever Wembley final, where they will play Halifax.

The anly disappointment woz Dunston's game v Grimsby Boro woz postponed coz of a waaterlogged pitch!---The game we intended to gan tee!

Anyway! later today NUFC play wor most important Premyaa Leegue game of the season so far against Moan U!   A win for us would propel us to 3rd place above Moan U and Sporz (who divvint play til tomorrow), but a defeat would mean that they would move 6 points aheed of us and we would stay in 5th position!

Despite the April Fools jokes yesterday that Eddie Howe had rabies and that Bruno had suffered a serious injury in trainin' on Friday, we hear that both are OK!  

Joelinton retorns after sorvin a suspension, but Almiron and Gordon will miss oot az they are still carryin injuries!

Its certainly a busy week for us az we face 2 games in London in 4 days (West 'am on Wedinzday and Brentfaad on Saturday) so those 3 games in 6 days (includin today's) will define wor season!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime tommorow!

Az per usual "Watch this space!" 

"MAGIC WEEKEND!" *** HEED V BARNET! *** BAD BLUE BOYS v GRIMSBY BORO *** THE TOON v MOAN U = "MAGIC WEEKEND!"

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 31st March 2023

Tomorrow afternooon Gatesheeed play their biggest game for years when they entertain Barnet from "norf Landan" in the FA Trophy semi final, with a trip to Wembley in the final for the winners!

A big crowd of 4,000 (by Gatesheed standards) iz expected!

Best of luck 'Heedbangers!

Meeenwhile another big crowd (400) iz expected at another local club, Dunston ('Bad Blue Boys'), who will be hostin Grimsby Borough in The Northern Premyaa Leegue East Division.

 They are hopin to get into the play-offs to win promotion to The Northern Premyaa Leegue 1st Division! 

A win will 'cement them' in a top 6 'play off' place with 54 points, while Grimsby on 47 points in 7th place will be 7 points behind Dunston with just 4 games to play, shud they lose!--A 6 pointer for certain!

Thats where we will be on Saturday!

Then on Sunday of course NUFC take on Moan U at St. James' Park in the 3rd big game of the weekend (Just 52,200 expected!) and a win will propel us to 3rd place above Moan U on goal difference and Sporz by a point, who divvint play til Munday neet!  

Wor quest for a top 4 'Champions Leegue place' iz alive and kickin'!

THE FORST "MAGIC WEEKEND" OF THE YEAR IZ AALMOST UPON US!

NUFC---THE FORST 'TRUE' 'UNITED'!

 Posted not lang after 'high noon bells' Thorzday 30th March 2023

Sheffield United were the forst ever futbaall club to be caalled 'United' in 1889 when they were formed!----However!, there were 2 other clubs in the city of Sheffield at the time, namely 'The Wednesday' formed in 1867 (Later Sheffield Wednesday) and Sheffield FC formed in 1857, who are the oldest futbaall club in the world!

In other words Sheffield wasn't 'United'!

NUFC were the 2nd club to be caalled 'United' in 1892 followin the amalgamation of Newcastle East End and Newcastle West End!

This meeenz that NUFC were the forst truly 'United' futbaall club in the world!

Man United were originally caalled Newton Heath and didnt change their name to Man United til 1902---10 years after us! (see the above match 'card' from wor home game against them on New Years Day in 1897!)

Of course there woz another club in Manchester caalled Ardwick who later changed their name to Man City!

In other words Manchester wasn't 'United' eeethaaa!

Yet their fans and the media arrogantly caall them simply 'United', much to the annoyance of aall clubs with 'United' in their titles!

NEWCASTLE UNITED FC THE FORST 'TRUE' 'UNITED'   

THE LIST OF LEEGUE CLUBS WITH 'UNITED' IN THEIR NAME AND THE YEAR THEY WERE SO CAALLED!

GEORDIE TIMES QUIZ***SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 29th March 2023

"Usin' your skill, judgement and half a sheeps brain, see if yoo can spot the difference in these 2 newspaper heedlines from 2007 and 2023 ?🐑?

STRAWBERRY DELIGHT!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuezday 28th March 2023

"I WONDER WHY THE CAALL IT 'THE STRAWBERRY CORNER?"

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' (2 days late!) that a standin area in 'The Strawberry Corner' of 'The Gallowgate End' iz to be introduced next season with 1,800 standin places! (The same number will be installed in the away section in 'The Leazes End')

I am old enough to remember when there were nearly 56,000 standin places and just 4,600 seats at SJP!  This iz a smaall step in the right direction az far az we are concerned!

"One smaall step for man---One giant leap for Geordie-kind!"

360 Nigel Doherty Academy (v Forest U21s)

Ground Number 360 (361 if yoo included Motspur Park, Fulham from ootside coz they wouldnt let us in!)

Date of First Visit: 18th March 2023

Nigel Doherty Academy, West Bridgford, Nottingham

Nottingham Forest U21s 3

Newcastle United U21s 1 (Rodrigo Vilca)

FA Premier League 2 Division 2

Attendance: 84 (includin 3 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!)

"THIS TOON PERFORMANCE REEELY TAKES 'THE BISCUIT'!"

The mornin after the night before we made wor way to Forest's trainin' groond aboot a mile away from The City Groond where NUFC's forst team had won 2-1 against Forest!

Just before the game started it started 'chuckin it doon' and we were soaked to the skin even before the match had started az there woz nee cover at aall for spectators! 

3 of the 2,950 Toon fans who were at The City Groond the neet before were in attendance, namely 'Glennn from Ashington', 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' and 'little old me' ('Fink the mad-sad groundhopper'!)

Winless in wor previous 8 games we predictably started off badly and were 1-0 doon after just 6 minutes when Forest's Larsson fired home from a cross!

Forest doubled their lead in the 20th minute when McAdam tapped the baall into the net after a goalmooth scramble!

We pulled one back 5 minutes later when Rodrigo Vilca hit a low shot past the home keeper!

But thats az good az it got az the rain eased off!

In the 2nd period we had a free kick near the halfway line in the 60th minute, but instead of hittin the baall forward it went backwards instead, where we lost possession and Larsson said 'thank you very much' az he hit a sweet shot past Thompson in The Toon goal! 3-1 doon and there woz nee way back after that az the clouds torned grey and we got soaked again! (Talk aboot shootin yourself in the foot!)

On the far side of the uncovered groond there woz a banner which read: 'THE GARIBALDI THAT WE WEAR WITH PRIDE WAS MADE IN 1865' (The year Nottingham Forest were founded)

Curious to wot 'GARIBALDI' meant aa 'Googled it' on mee mobile 'telling bone' and it said that 'Garibaldi' woz a SQUASHED CURRANT BISCUIT!!!???

ie: THE 'SQUASHED CURRANT BISCUIT' THAT WE WEAR WITH PRIDE WAS MADE IN 1865! (Now that makes sense!---doesn't it???)

In other words we were 'cream crackered' (Knackered) by their U21s (sic!) Now that reeely does 'TAKE THE BISCUIT!' (double sic!)

PS: 'Glennn from Ashington' aalso 'Googled it' and the alternative answer woz: 'Garibaldi iz a shade of red' (Now that DOESN'T make any sense at aall!---does it???)

The pre match gargels took place here, bringin the away days total to 120 different drinkin dens for the season --so far!

"WE WOZ THERE!"---THE PROOF!

FOREST FANS IN THE FOREST!

"ARE YOO TAKIN THE P*SS NUMBER 17?"

THE FRIAR TUCK MOB OF NOTTINGHAM 1 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted from 4:50pm 'bells onwards, Saturday 18th March 2023, in the back seat of Blondie Alan's car on the way back from Nottingham

NUFC ARE IN WOR BLUE AND YELLOW AWAY KIT

" FROM X CERTIFICATE TO XTASY IN BLOCK X ROW X!"

Goals in Xtra time in the forst half from Isak and Xtra time In the 2nd half from Isak again won this game for NUFC to move us within a point of 4th placed Sporz with a game on hand and just 3 points behind Moan U who we play next!

We dominated from the start and were on the front foot from the word 'go' but an X certificate back pass from Botman to Pope failed to find wor keeper and the baall woz intercepted by Dennis in the 26th minute who lobbed the baall ower Pope and wor defenders to put 'The Friar Tuck Mob' 1-0 up! (Friar Tuck=Robin Hood=Nottingham outlaw---get it?)

"ALEXANDER THE GREAT!"

We'd hit the woodwork a couple of times before Alexander Isak somehow stretched to connect with hiz lower leg to hit the baall which went in off the post in Xtra 1st half added time! (45+2)

The 2nd half started off well for us again az we attacked the goal in front of the near 3,000 Toon fans!

And then the controversy when an Isak cross woz headed in at the post by sub Elliot Anderson to wild celebrations on the pitch and in the away end!

However! After a lang VAR check for offside against Longstaff the ref woz advised to check the monitor!   After lookin a the screen for more than 2 minutes, he whistled for the goal to be chalked off, much to the astonishment of the Toon players and fans and greeted by huge cheers from the Forest fans!--a grave injustice if yoo ask us!

Anyway! We had several great chances to find the winner and just az it looked az if the game would end aall square, Forest's Niakhate handled the baall in the box in the 93rd minute and held hiz heed in hiz hands, az he just knew that the ref would point to the spot-- which he DID!

Kieran Trippier grabbed the baall and put it on the spot az the Forest goalie Navas tried to put him off by refusing to stand on hiz goal line! The ref duly booked him for tryin to put Trippier off-- BUT! Trippier then suddenly gave Isak the baall to take the spot kick (A genius ploy to take the pressure off Isak!)

Isak duly stepped up to cooly put the baall to Navas's right to win the game in 2nd half Xtra time to send the Toon fans into meltdoon!

JUSTICE WOZ FINALLY DONE!

Attendance: 29,362 (2,950 very happy Toon fans!)

PS: chant if the day from Toon fans woz brill!

Forest fans: "Champions of Europe, you'll never do that!" (1978 and 1979)

Toon fans reply: "Champions of Europe!"

"YOU WERNT EVEN BORN!"

The pre match and post match gargels took place here,  bringin wor away pub crawl total to 119 different drinkin dens this season

A VIEW OF THE CITY GROOND FROM THE RIVER TRENT PRE MATCH 

Footnote: 3 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers went to watch wor U21s lose 3-1 v Forest U21s at their academy groond this afternooon!--(Me, Blondie Alan and Glennn from Ashington)  

A match report on that game will appear here eventually!?---at 'high noon bells' on Munday!

Az per usual!  "Watch this space!" ("🥱😴!")

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)