MOAN U MUPPETEERS 0 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted  from 'high noon bells' onwards, Munday 17th Octobaa 2022

THE TOON ARE IN WOR WHITE AND GREEN CHANGE STRIP

"A GAME THAT WE SHUD HAVE WON, WHICH WE NEARLY LOST!"

*For the forst time in many a long year we had faith that we could grap aall 3 points at 'The Theatre of Muppets'!

Indeed we started off on the front foot az we attacked the East Stand (formerly The Scoreboard End) where the 3,000 Toon fans were housed.

VIEW FROM EAST STAND TIER 1 UPPER, ROW 3

The best chance came in the 25th minute when a free kick from Trippier near the edge of the box rebounded to him and he sent a lob into the box and Joelinton heeded it onto the bar!---It rebounded to him and hiz second heeder smashed off the post and into touch! 

Callum Wilson woz then squashed by 2 of their defenders in the box for a clear penalty, but the ref waved 'play on' and it didn't even gan to VAR (an absolute disgrace!) Hiz shirt woz aalso tugged on anothaa occasion in the box, but again nowt woz given???

HT 0-0

The second half woz more Moan U az they attacked 'wor end' and at the death they had 2 chances to score when Fred missed an open goal and an unmarked Rashford somehow missed the goal with a heeder from close in! (thank the Lord!)

Before that, Ronaldo woz booked for moanin' after he took the baall off Nick Pope before a free kick to us woz taken!---Schar had rolled the baall back to Pope to take the kick---Ronaldo claimed that because Schar had rolled the baall back to Pope that the kick had actually been taken, when it woz not!  He waved hiz arms aboot like a 5 year old and woz rightly shown the yellow card by the ref for protestin'! (He's 37!)

He aalso moaned and shook hiz heed in disbelief when he woz substituted by Rashford late on! (Moanaldo perhaps?) 

Fernandes aalso constantly moaned at the ref for the full 90 minutes!

That iz the reason we caall them Moan United!

FT 0-0

Attendance: 73,726 (3,000 Toon fans--70,736 muppets!)

For the forst time ever the Moan U fans never sang the, "Cheer up Alan Shearer, sad Geordie b*****d", song!

It woz aalso the quietest av ever known since mee forst Toon game here in the orly 1970s! 

The Toon fans az per usual were in 'full voice'! 

THE VIEW OF A VETERAN MOAN U FAN ON THE BBC MESSAGE BOARD!

The pre match gargels took place here in Salford Quays near both the BBC and ITV studios! (Moan U aalso play in Salford which iz a 20 minute walk from there)

And an hour before kick off, some Toon fan are aalready in their seats! (Or shud we say 'standin' places'?)

THE THEATRE OF MUPPETEERS V THE TOON *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 16th Octobaa 2022

                     "WELCOME TO OLD TRAFFORD!"

At the time of writin this in the back of Sarnie Steve's 'jam jar  we have arrived in Manchester for wor game against Moan U at The Theatre of Muppets!

The Bad news iz that Saint Max iz injured again and will miss the game az will record signin Alexander the Great who iz still recoverin' from a bad knock!

The good news iz the rest of the team are fit and rearing to gan!  For once we can gan here and expect a good result (hopefully!)

A full Geordie Times match (and booze!) report will appear here sometime tomorrow! Az per usual, "Watch this space!"

358 bodymoor heath (v villa u21s)

Ground number 358

Date of First Visit: 14th October 2022

Bodymoor Heath, near Tamworth

Aston Villa U21s  1

Newcastle United U21s  2 (Joe White, Josh Scott)

Premier League 2 Division 2

Attendance: (Estimated) 300 'bodies' at Bodymoor! (sic!) (3 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers) *(Us 2 plus Niall from nufc.com)

*

 "E' TICKET ECSTACY!"

*The trouble aa had to get an 'E' ticket for this game woz unbelievable!

It woz an aall ticket game and the anly way to get any woz to phone up or gan on line!  On-line woz a nightmare and aa tried unsuccessfully for half an hour to purchase one! (I won't gan into details az yoo might faall asleep---"ZZZZzzzz!!!!")

SO!--a phone caall to the Aston Villa ticket office woz the anly othaa way!  Aa phoned up and a voice message told me the ticket office woz closed and to phone back between '10am bells' and '1:30pm bells'

Aa'd made the phone caall at '11:15am bells'!  Az far az I'm aware 11:15am iz between 10am and 1:30pm?   After several more attempts with the same outcome aa phoned 'Glennn from Ashington' up and he told me to phone the main switch board, which aa did!

After a 5 minute wait a lassie finally answered and aa told hor mee problems tryin' to get through to the ticket office. She put me through and guess wot???-----A voice message told me to phone between 10am and 1:30pm!   "AAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHH!" 

Anothaa 'desperate' phone caall to Glennn then followed and he tried for ages to get me a ticket on line---and BINGO!----after half an hour he eventually succeeded and got me one! "HHORRRAYYY!" (Hope yoo havvint faallen asleep yet?)

Honestly yoo wud have thought aa woz tryin to buy an FA Cup final ticket and not a ticket for a daft resorve game! 

ANYWAY!---- It woz match day and off we set from Tyneside in mee 'Canny Tranny' and arrived at Bodymoor Heath trainin' groond some 3 and a half hours later! (That's me and Glennn)

We parked up and went into the groond which had a smaall main stand and a snack bar beside it!  

*A cup of tea at £2.80, hot dogs at £6.50 and pie and chips at £8.30 made this extortionately priced snack bar 'a no go area' for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers'! (Aall 2 of us!)

The game kicked off in torrential rain and Villa went on the attack straight away!----However we eventually got into wor stride and Jay Turner Cooke rattled the Villa bar to send the home side a warnin sign in the 18th minute! 

 And so it 'came to pass' when NUFC who took the lead 5 minutes later, when a pinpoint cross from Matty Bondswell foond Joe White and he fired the baall into the net from 20 yards oot for a glorious effort, to muted applause from us! (We couldnt see any othaa Toon fans, which iz hardly suprizin' considerin the hassle it woz to get tickets--but we knew that Naill from NUFC.com woz there az well, even though we couldnt see him anywhere?) 

Villa equalised deep into forst half stoppage time through Shakpoke with a scrambled effort---and so it woz aall square at the break!

We retook the lead on the hour mark through Josh Scott who hit a shot from close in----Despite massive Villa pressure and time wastin from us (2 Toon players booked for this) we held on for the 3 points and a 2-1 victory!   

After a fower hour drive back, via the M42, M1, A1 and the Tyne Tunnel, aa dropped Glennn from Ashington off in Ashington (where else?) before heedin back to mee Tyneside abode at 1:00am bells' and 410 miles on the trip meter!

The diesel 'used' came to an eye waaterin £100, which meant that it cost us fifty quid each to gan to this game! (Plus the £5 E tickets!)

Woz it worth it?   AYE!--an away win and anothaa new groond to add to the list!

"WE WOZ THERE!" (The proof!)

*

A 'PRIZED' 'E' TICKET!

*

*FINK (The mad-sad groundhopper!--358 and coontin'!)

THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS ARE ON THE ROAD AGAIN

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 12th Octobaa 2022

THE MAIN STAND AT BODYMOOR HEATH

Friday sees 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' off on wor travels again, az we heed for Bodymoor Heath near Tamworth, where wor U21s are playin Villa U21s in a Premyaa Leegue 2 fixture at '6:00 bells'!

Its an aall ticket game and aa had to apply on Villa's website az it woz impossible to get through to their ticket office on the phone!

The voice message said "The ticket office is open between 10 am and 1pm!" It woz '11:15 am bells' when aa phoned up and they told me that and cut me off!!!

After several attempts, aa gave up and phoned the main number, which rang for 5 minutes before a lass eventually answered and said she wud put me through to the ticket office, which told me (aye!--yiv guessed it!) to phone between 10am and 1pm! (Az far az I'm aware 11:15am iz between these 2 times???)

After many (many!) more attempts online aa woz finally successful ("HORRAY!") and got a 'prized'? 'E ticket' for the princely sum of £5 

Honest!-- yi wud have thought aa woz after an FA Cup final ticket and not a ticket for a daft resorve game!

For that reason alone, anly a handful of Toon fans will be there, az they probably 'gave up' in frustration! (Like aa nearly did!)

It shud be noted that nee tickets will be available on the day and that neebody will be admitted withoot an 'E ticket'! 

A match report on that game will appear here sometime ower the weekend!  Az per usual "Watch this space!"

BIG NEIL SUPER FAN RIP

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 10th Octobaa 2022

ONE OF BIG NEIL'S BRAND NEW TRUCKS WITH A STUNNIN' TRIBUTE TO NUFC!  

IT COST HIM THOOSANDS TO GET THE AIR BRUSH ARTWORK ON THE CAB!

We are sad to announce that an old mate of wors and massive Toon fan caalled Big Neil haz passed away! Neil owned a vendin' business on the Team Valley in Gatesheed and a fleet of trucks and vans!

I worked for him when The Toon were in Europe a few years ago!

I drove one of hiz trucks with the NUFC crest on both sides, but needed 3 days off at a time to gan to the away games in many obscure places abroad!

One day Big Neil said to me: "Fink, I cannit run the job aroond NUFC games! It's the job or NUFC!"

I chose NUFC!

RIP BIG LAD!

 

THE TOON 5 BRENTFAAD 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 9th Octobaa 2022

⅚

The flags celebratin' the 1st annivorsary of the takeover-' slaaggin off The Fat Controller and Talk Sport who said the takeover woz :"Dead in the water!"

"ONE NIL DOON----TWO NIL UP!"

A virtuoso  (we naa aall the big words!) performance from NUFC saw a 5 goal thrashin to sting The Bees from Brentfaad (sic!) at SJP yesterday afternooon!

It started off badly az we went behind in the 10th minute (or so we thought) until a VAR decision ruled Mbeumo's goal oot for offside to loud cheers from the Toon fans and dispair for the travellin Brentfaad fans!

The 'real' goal sequences were az follows:

21st minute: Bruno sends a bullet heeder off the far post at The Leazes End from a Trippier cross to open the scorin'!

28th minute: Callum Wilson intercepts a mistayk by a Brentford defender to cross the baall to Jacob Murphy for an easy sidefoot shot into the back of the net! 2-0 

This promted some fans behind me to sing: "One nil doon, two nil up!" (if that makes sense?)

2-0 HT UP!

53rd minute: A hand baall by Dan Burn in the box gives Brentfaad a penalty which woz taken by ex Toon player Ivan Toney, who sent Nick Pope in the Toon goal the wrang way to pull a goal back! 2-1

56th minute: Bruno runs through the Brentfaad defence to fire home a glorious right foot shot to restore wor 2 goal margin to deafenin cheers from the home faithful!

82nd minute: An attempted back pass to the Brenfaad keeper by Pinnock iz intercepted by Miggy Almiron who roonded the keeper to put us 4-1 up!

90th minute: Pinnock's nightmare continues az he slices a cross into hiz own goal to complete the rout to loud cheers from the 50,000 Toon fans!

FT 5-1

After the match we heeded for The Bodega where a Brentfaad fan with a large bee on the front of hiz t shirt caalled Leon, foond oot that I did this website: "I hope you put in wot a dead atmosphere it woz from you lot!"  "Where woz your famous atmosphere?", he added!

Me 'finks' Leon needs to buy a hearin aid sharpish!

Attendance: 52,067 (2,000 Bees who were well and truely 'STUNG'!)

*Footnote: At the time of writin' we have moved up to 5th in the table!

It's 88 years since Brentfaad last won at SJP

And on this showin' it will be anothaa 88 years before they get the chance to win here again!

THE TOON V BRENTFAAD *** TODAY

 Posted 'high noon 🔔 bells' Saturday 8th Octobaa 2022

VIEW FROM THE TYNE BRIDGE OF THE 'NEW'CASTLE AND 2 CATHEDRALS (ST. NIX AND ST. JAMES' PARK!)

Today we face Brentfaad at SJP in a '3:00 🔔s' kick off!

3 points are vital to help us climb up the table to hopefully 6th top? (A big win and othaa results gannin wor way this weekend, cud actually propel us up to 4th place!)

Isak iz still injured but Saint Max and Joelinton shud start which iz good news!

The game iz a complete selloot but with anothaa train strike today, it will be interestin to see just how many Brentfaad fans have travelled up from London?

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Sunday!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"

And some news from the west Midlands!

HAPPY ANNIVORSAREEEE!

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Friday 7th Octobaa 2022

Today iz a very special day for aall NUFC fans---for this iz the day one year ago that we finally got rid of 'The Fat Controller', to be replaced by the PIF!

And wot a difference a year makes!--- at this time last year we were winless and rock bottom under 'Broken Nose Bruce' and heedin for the abysss----and then oot of the blue the takeower happened sparkin' joyous scenes at SJP!

Now, under 'Steady Eddie' we are 7th in the Premyaa Leegue table and on a yearly form guide actually 6th best with Eddie in charge!

'The Geordie Times' will be oot later on for some celebratory drinks in various boozers aroond the groond!

THE SEVENTH OF OCTOBAA 2021---A GREAT DAY IN WOR LANG HISTORY!

A message from wor chairman

A message from Wor Flags

PS: In complete contrast, 'Steady Eddie' haz taken NUFC from a relegation place to a European place on the form guide, while 'Broken Nose Bruce' haz taken WBA from a play off place to a relegation place on the form guide!

"I'm not everybodys cup of tea!", 'Old Broken Nose' said after angry fans remonstrated with him (and hiz son!) at Preston, after WBA had lost 1-0 through the week! (1 win in 12 games!)

Now where have we hord that sayin' before?---before?---before?

FULIM 1 THE TOON 4 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Sunday 2nd Octobaa 2022

" A 4MIDABLE PERFORMANCE!"

For the 2nd time this season a train strike 'derailed' (sic) wor plans to gan to an away game by train!  It meant we had to travel by 'jam jar'  doon the M1 to stop in Wotfaad for the Friday neet and catch a Metropolitan line tube (they were runnin) to west London on Saturday for wor match at Fulim!

After several 'booze stops' on Friday neet (when it p*ssed doon!) and Saturday dinnaatime (when the sun came oot!) we arrived at Craven Cottage for the game!

We started off well az we attacked the far Hammersmith End and within 5 minutes Callum Wilson had hit the post!---Then 3 minutes later and after a VAR check Fulim's Chalobah woz sent off for a nasty challenge on Sean Longstaff!

The breakthrough came not lang after this when a Trippier cross foond Wilson in the penalty area and he hit a sweet shot to open the scorin' in the 11th minute!

It woz aall NUFC az we went for the 2nd goal---and we didnt have to wait lang when Miggy Almiron hit a glorious left footed volley from the edge of the box from a Botman or Bruno cross (not sure who crossed it?) to double wor lead!

THE NEW RIVERSIDE STAND WHICH IZ STILL UNDER COSTRUCTION

A Botman heeder then hit the post and the baall fell nicely to Longstaff who hit home unmarked to treble wor lead!

3-0 at half time!

Again, at the start of the 2nd period we laid seige to their goal az we attacked the Putney End where we were housed!

Not lang after the restart a Joe Willock cross foond Almiron who hit a left footed shot into the corner of the net to quadruple wor lead and send the 2,300 faithful who had made the difficult journey doon into delerium!

SPOT THE 'CRAVEN' COTTAGE?

We aalso had 2 goals disallowed from Almiron (to deny him hiz hat-trick) and Fraser, both for very marginal offside decisions!

Fulim did pull one back in the last throws of the game to deny us a clean sheet, but a 4-1 win woz still impressive against the 10 men, az we moved up to 7th pace in the leegue table! (much better than last season when we were winless and rock bottom at this stage of the campaign!)

HAPPY FANS AND PLAYERS AT FULL TIME!

It woz then 2 tube rides back to Wotfaad to pick up wor car, which had been blocked in by a pick up truck in the hotel's car park!

After 15 minutes a foreign gadgy came to shift it, az we glared menacingly at him for hiz crazy parkin'!

5 hours later and we were back on Tyneside, exhausted by wor ordeal, but very happy with wor performance indeed! 

Attendance: 22,913 (2,300 very happy Toon fans!)

PUB CRAWL PHOTOS IN WOTFAAD AND WEST LONDON!

WOTFAAD

HAMMERSMITH, WEST LONDON  

FULIM V THE TOON

 Posted from '8:30 am bells' onwards, Saturday 1st Octobaa 2022

Due to the train strike today, we were forced to drive to a hotel in Wotfaad on the Friday for an owerneet stay!

After spending the neet in Wotfaad toon centre in torrential rain on a pub crawl (pix later) the plan woz to heed off to West London on the Metropolitan tube line on Saturday mornin for wor game v Fulim at Craven Cottage!---But not before stoppin off at a few drinkin dens on the way!

A match and booze report will appear here sometime later

Az per usual "Watch this space!"

TEAM LINR UP!