GEORDIE TIMES BREAKIN NEWS!---BOURNMOOOTH GAME ON!

 Posted 6:10pm bells' Munday 12th  September 2022

"MUD!--MUD!---GLORIOUS MUD!"

 Posted '4:49pm 🔔 bells' Saturday 10th September 2022

This iz brilliant!

"MUD' YOO BELEEEVE IT!?"

A Toon fan woz mortal drunk and fell in the Tyne near the Swing Bridge after the Palace game last month!

He woz swept doon the river to by the tide to the Ouseburn mudflats, where he managed to clamber oot from the thick mud, to the astonishment of passers by!!!🤪👍💩

Just in case yi cannit make oot wot they are sayin' we have reproduced this below!

Geordie version with Inglish translation in brackets: 

Passers By (PB) "Wots happened to yee?" (What's happened to you?)

MR MUD MAN (MMM) "Aa fell in the rivaa!" (I fell in the river)

PB "Haa yi?" (Have you?)

MMM  "Av had too much tih drink!" (I've had too much to drink)

PB "No way ha ha!" --"yi aall reet?" (No way ha ha--are you all right?)

MMM "Drank a bottle of whisky!" 

PB "Drank a bootle of whisky?" -- "keep away from him, maa!" (Drank a bottle of whisky?--Keep away from him, mother)

PB "F**kin' hell mate!" (F**king hell friend)

MMM "Aa luk a bit soaked---divvint aa? (I look a bit soaked---don't I?)

PB "AYE!"---f**kin' soaked (YES!---f**king soaked)

PB "Where?, have yih just come from, there? *meaning the mud flats (Where?, have you just come from, there?)

PB "Have yih been in there aall neet? (Have you been in there all night?)

MMM "Aa don't know if av been in there aall neet!" (I don't know if I've been in there all night)

PB "HA! HA!"---Where have yi just climbed from there, like?" (HA! HA! ---Where have you just climbed from there, have you?)

MMM "THE NORTH SEA!"

PB " Aaarr yi off yih nut, yee!" (Aaarr you are out of your mind,  you!)

 

 

JELLIED EELS GAME OFF!

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Friday 9th September 2022

Az expected wor game on Sunday at The London Stadium v 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham haz been postponed following the death of the Queen!

We can get wor train money back and hopefully the £200 for the hotel near King's Cross! (Triple room = £66.66 each!)

Or at least be able to rebook it for a future London game!

Updated: '6:37 pm bells'

The hotel haz moved wor bookin to when we play Sporz  in "norf Landan" at nee extra cost!🤪👍

THE QUEEN RIP!

*The Queen presents the FA Cup to NUFC captain Jimmy Scoular at Wembley in 1955*

   *NUFC 3  MAN CITY 1*

ONE RULE FOR US!---AND ANOTHAA RULE FOR THEM!

 Posted '1:11pm bells' Thorzday 8th September 2022

News that 'The M23 Derby' between Brightin and Cristil Palliss haz been postponed coz of a rail strike on Saturday 17th September reaches us!

There woz a train strike when  NUFC played at Brightin, but the game went aheed!

This forced us to travel on the Friday and come back on the Sunday!

One rule for 'us' and one **** *** ****!

AND TOON FANS RESPONSE ON TWITTER!

A PALLISS FAN'S RESPONSE!

On the othaa hand, Bournemoooth, which iz the furthest distance from The Toon, WILL travel to Tyneside on September 17th, despite the rail strike???

It don't make sense to us-----A 92 mile roond trip jorney postponed, yet a 750 mile roond trip gans aheed on the same day!????

ANFIELD AGGRO-COACHES CHARGED BY FA!

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 7th September 2022

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' (one day late az usual!) that both coaches from LFC and NUFC have been charged with breaching rule E3 

ie: "The behaviour of Liverpool coach John Achterberg and Newcastle coach Dan Hodges in the 98th minute was improper and that the LFC coach also used abusive and insulting gestures" (see above!)

Both have until tomorrow to respond!

"THEY WOZ WRANG---WE WOZ REET!"

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 5th September 2022

In the aftermath of the VAR debacle on Saturday the referees association, The PGMOL haz EXCEPTED that the decision to disallow wor goal against Palliss woz WRANG!

However we WONT get the 2 points lost back and the result will stand!-----Even a blind man could 'see' that Joe Willock woz propelled in the back by a Palliss player into their goalie and the goal shud have stood!

Michael Salisbury the ref infact had GIVEN the goal, but VAR intervened and said there might be a foul by Willock on their goalie!---He went and stared at the monitor on The East Stand touchline and watched the incident ower and ower again for THREE MINUTES before changin' hiz mind and rulin the goal oot, much to the disgust of the Toon players and 50,000 Toon fans alike! 

Mee message to Michael Salisbury and the VAR team iz simple!

(Extra large writing) 🠟

"SPEC SAVERS ARE DEEIN SOME CANNY DEALS THIS WEEK!"       🠋🠋🠋🠟🠟🠟🠟🠟🠟🠟🠟🠟🠟⮟⮟⮟⮟⮟⮟⮟

 

THE TOON 0 THE PALLISS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 4th September 2022

The ref stares at the monitor and changes hiz mind!💩

"A TraVARsty of justice!"

Yet again a dodgy VAR decision haz gone against us---This time against Joe Willock who woz said to have fouled the Cristil Palliss goalie before the baall ended up in the back of the net at The Leazes End!

Joe woz pushed in the back by a Palliss defender and into the Palliss goalie, and so it woz a foul AGAINST HIM!

The ref had given the goal but VAR told him to review the incident on the pitch side monitor at the side of the pitch in front of The East Stand!  He looked at it for 2 minutes before owertornin hiz original decision and disallowed the goal---to disbelief from the Toon players and loud boos from the crowd!

We'd hit the post and bar durin the game and Isak had missed a good chance orly on, when he woz put straight through, but this woz the anly 'goal' and so it ended up nil-nil at the final whistle to uproar from the stands!

Livaapoool in midweek when Isak woz onside and scored, but the goal ruled oot because hiz shadow woz 'offside'----and then the 5 minutes stoppage time that torned into NINE to allow Livaapoool to score the winner!----Not to mention the blatent shirt pullin in the box at Wolves on Sean Longstaff last week and the disallowed goal from Callum Wilson at Brightin, when hiz high kick woz deemed to be dangerous, even though he woz nee where near a Brightin player when he 'scored'!---It just gans on!--and on!--and ON!

Conspiracy theories abound that neebody wants us to be successful, coz of the Saudi takeower!----- It f**kin' stinks to the high heavens!

Nowt much more to say really, but the next time we score and VAR gets involved, yoo can bet your bottom dollar that the decision will gan against us!

Attendance: 51,863 (Just 1,200 Palliss)

And this from a former referee!

THE TOON v THE PALLISS **** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 3rd September 2022

THE MILBURN STAND FROM BARRACK ROAD

NUFC play a home game at last today after bein on the road at Brightin,  Tranmere, Wolves and Livaapoool in the last few weeks!

A welcome break from train strikes (Brightin), line closures (We had to pay £100 for a taxi from Crewe to Wolves!), cancelled trains because of a shortage of train crews (Livaapool)--- and 3 motorway closures (Tranmere), that we have endured in August by rail and road and we can anly hope that September and October are better months for us?

Cristil Pallis are wor visitors and hopefully we can boonce back from wor forst defeat of the season at Anfield, when we were robbed on Wedinzday! (See match report below!)

Shelvey, Wilson and Krafth are aall still missin' but there iz hope that Saint-Max and Bruno will play some part in the match!?

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here az usual sometime on Sunday---SO!---"WATCH THIS SPACE!"

MARRINER'S LIVERBIRDS 2 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted while waitin for the train on the way back from Liverpoool, Thorzday 1st September 2022

"WE WOZ ROBBED!"

8 MINUTES of stoppage time woz added at the end of the game after 5 minutes were shown by the 4th official!

Yes, Pope went doon injured for 1 minute 30 secs in stoppage time, so where did ref Marriner get the extra 3 minutes from???

Of course The Liverbirds scored in the 98th minute to break wor hearts!

It had aall started off so well when new boy Alexander the Great struck a fabulous shot into the top corner of the net in the 38th minute in front of the 3,000 travellin supporters in The Anfield Road End!

And in we went 1-0 up at half time!

At the start of the 2nd half, Klopp woz waitin for the official near the players tunnel, wavin hiz arms on a tantrum and obviously demandin' that they clamp doon on time wastin from us!---And sure enough Marriner the ref woz wavin at Nick Pope to hurry up takin a goal kick just after the restart!----Who's in charge? Marriner or Klopp? (An absolute disgrace that a ref can be intimidated and manipulated by a manager!)💩

Alexander made it 2-0 when he ran through their defence to hit a fine shot at The Kop End!---or so we thought!  A VAR check ruled that hiz SHADOW woz fractionally offside and the goal woz disallowed because of that!!!!

"Offside or not offside?---that iz the 'shadowy' question! 

The lead lasted to the 61st minute when Firmino equalised

It woz then 'backs to the wall' az they went for the winner, but wor rearguard held firm!

Toon fans celebrate Alexander's 1st goal! (He scored 2 legitimate goals,don't forget!)

5 mins stoppage time woz added and heartbreak came in the 98th minute when Carvalho scored for the scousers with virtually the last kick of the game! (5 mins stoppage time remember!)

Attendance: 53,316 (3,000 p*ssed off Toon fans!)

PS: Deein this report in The North Western boozer in Lime Street station(Livaapoool) az wor train woz cancelled!

Will have to try and get the next train!--Success! 1 hour later!

4: North Western, Liverpool

Sportsmanship at its finest!

Last neets gargels took place here in Livaapoool!

1: Ship and Mitre, Liverpool

2: Barlow Arms, Liverpool

3: Westminster, Liverpool (Wont be back az a customer woz catchin bar flies at the counter!)

Running total after 4 away games= 18 drinkin dens----59 if yoo include the tour of Austia pre season!)