IZ BRUCEY TRYIN' TO BEAT HIZ TOON RECORD?

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Thorzday 18th August 2022

"THE HONEYMOON PERIOD IZ OVER!"

West Brom's dire goalless draw v Cardiff last neet, meenz that they drop into the relegation zone in The Championship with nee wins in their forst 4 games!

The question IZ?   Iz 'Broken Nose Bruce' tryin' to beat hiz record at NUFC of nee wins in 8 leegue games from the start of a season? (He woz finally sacked after wor 3-2 defeat to Sporz last season!)

He iz halfway there aalready and the West Brom fans are not happy bunnies---ie: They thought he said that he'd get them oot of The Championship----He could well be reet on that score!!!

The commentator on mee truck radio said: "No game of football is boring----but this game has given me second thoughts!"

"USA AALL THE WAY!"

 Posted '1:50pm bells' Wedinzday 17th August 2022

MILE HIGH MAGS!

*In a survey, NUFC are the SIXTH best supported Premyaa Leegue club in the USA!  And 'The Geordie Times' can confirm that the USA are in 2nd place behind the UK for aall time pageviews, with a staggerin' 164 THOOOSAND 'hits' (164,000) and we thank each and everyone of yoo for loggin into this daft Toon website!

Below iz a list of the top countries to visit 'geordietimes.com'

*

SACRAMENTO MAGS!

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DALLAS MAGS!

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MIAMI MAGS!

*

NEW YORK CITY MAGS!

AND FROM THE TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING IN NEW YORK!

"TOON!--TOON!---BLACK N WHITE ARMY!"

CALENDER YEAR TABLE PUTS TOON IN A CHAMPIONS LEEGUE PLACE!

 Posted '1:39pm bells' Tuesday 16th August 2022

"THE TIMES THEY ARE AA CHANGIN'!"

In the 2021 calender year when 'Broken Nose Bruce' woz wor manager, NUFC finished 91st oot of the 92 Futbaall Leegue clubs, 

for results!

  

In the 2022 calender year (so far!) we are 4th in The Premyaa Leegue table for results, thanx to Steady Eddie's remarkable transformation of NUFC!

"THE TIMES CERTAINLY ARE AA CHANGIN'!"

NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN 0 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted from 'high noon 🔔 bells' onwards, Sunday 14th August 2022 on the way back!

Match report on mobile telling bone!

"EVER DECREASING CIRCLES!"

Coz of the train strike on Saturday we were forced to change wor plans and travel doon on the Friday and stop in Leatherhead, just off the M25 motorway!

We got there (by train) at '9:00pm bells' and spent the next hour, walking roond in circles tryin to find wor Travel Lodge Hotel!

We passed it 3 times withoot realising az there woz just a smaall sign on the side of the buildin'!(We must get wor 'mincers' tested!) (Mincers=mince pies= 👀 !)

Anyway!--we dumped wor bags and heeded for local boozers, which were 'dead', before retiring for and good nights 😴 sleep!

Next day 'Sarnie Steve' picked us up in hiz 'jam jar'  (he woz working in Reading) and took us to Lewes where we were spending wor 2nd night away!(A 10 mins train ride to The Amex Stadium)(South West Trains wornt on strike!)

A few liquid lubrications later and it woz time to heed for the match! 

The temperature woz in mid 30s az the game kicked off!

The Toon were in wor 'one off!' 4th light blue strip az wor othaa 3 strips 'clashed' with Brightin's blue n white stripes!

It woz obvious from the 'off' that Brightin wanted the 3 points and they missed several good chances to take lead, but were thwarted by 'The Pope' in The Toon goal and Kieran Trippier who cleared a shot of the goal line!

NUFC simply couldnt get oot of 'the blocks' and struggled in the searin heat, az we attacked the far goal from us in the forst half!

Callum Wilson DID score a legitimate goal, but it woz chalked off for high kickin, even though he wozint close to a Brightin defender!?

Again in the 2nd period we struggled and just couldn't get gannin az the home side again missed some good chances to open the scorin!

We DID have a few chances near the end , but couldnt find the back of the net, and the game ended goalless!(Wor 1st goalless draw for 50 Prem games!)

PS: Cannit fink of any previous game where the temperature woz so high!

Attendance: 31,552 (3,100 Toon fans)

After the match we stayed behind to have a few liquid lubrications in the 'away' and then 'home' bars in the concourses, to let the queues for the trains back to Lewes  die doon!

We heeded for the train an hour after the end of the game, BUT there were still big queues for the trains back to Brightin and Lewes!  We had to queue for half an hour before boarding the train back to Lewes!

It's a nice stadium in the middle of nee where ! Hence wor name for them  'Nee Where Near Brightin'!

BRIGHTIN PUB CRAWL REPORT

LEATHERHEAD (Night before game)

001: THE EDMUND FYTNEY

 

002: THE PENNY BLACK

LEWES (Before game)

003: THE BREWERS ARMS

AMEX STADIUM (After game)

004: AWAY END BAR

005: HOME END BAR!

LEWES (After game)

006:THE VOLUNTEER 

007 RIGHTS OF MAN

008: JOHN HARVEY TAVERN

FOOTNOTE:

The 350 mile jorney yem in Sarnie Steve's 'jam jam' woz NOT uneventful!

Forst of aall we had to torn aroond on the outskirts of London, az we didnt want to enter the London emission zone coz Steve's car has a diesel engine (£100 fine for high emission vehicles!)---and then got stuck in a massive traffic jam on the notorious M25!---Then, when we needed to gan to a motorway service station for some scran and a 'gypsy's kiss', we got caught in another traffic jam inside the services!

Then there were 2 accidents on the A1M in north Yorkshire, which shut the motorway, so we had to divert via York and the A19!

We'd left Lewes at '10:15am bells', but didnt get back to Tyneside til '6:45pm bells'---a torturous jorney of 8 and a half hours coz of the train strike! (Even though there were trains runnin on Sunday, we hord that it would be chaos to get back az the trains would be in the wrang place, coz of the strike on Saturday!)  So back by road we came! (The 350 mile jorney torned oot to be nearer 400 coz of the diversions!)

THE JOYS OF FOLLOWIN' THE TOON AWAY!

NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN v THE TOON **** SATURDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 12th August 2022

Updated '2:00pm bells' Saturday

We heed for the south coast for wor forst Premyaa Leegue away game tomorrow (or shud that be six miles from the coast in the middle of nee where?) at The Amex Stadium in Falmer, which iz "nee where near Brightin" (hence wor name for them!)

A complete contract to wor city centre groond in 'NE 1' where we played and beat 'The Friar Tuck Mob of Nottingham' last Saturday!

With a train strike due on Saturday, we have nee choice but to gan the day before and come back the day after the game!

WE are basin' worsels in Lewes on the train line to the stadium and IF? nee trains are runnin at aall, we will have to catch a bus there instead! (wot a carry on!)

A full 'Geordie Times' match and boozer report will appear here sometime on Sunday on mee mobile 'tellin bone' on the way back!

Expect plenty of misstayks az its not easy to dee reports on a little phone, on the move!

Az per usual: "Watch this sspace!"     *

Updated '2:00pm bells' Saturday when we find team line ups! *below!

LEEEGUE CUP 2nd ROOND DRAW TOOONEEET!

 Posted '12:22pm bells' Wedinzday 10th August 2022

WOR DREAM DRAW----FLEETWOOD TOON'S HIGHBURY GROOND!

"COME IN NUMBER 14!" (The Toon's baall number in the draw!)

The draw for the 2nd roond of the Leegue Cup Northern section takes place toooneeet and the anly team left in the Northern section draw that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have never been tee, iz Fleetwood Toon, who won 1-0 v Wigan last neet!

That's the tie we would love IF we are drawn away! (Fleetwood are baall number 8!)

A home draw would of course be preferable and the tie will be played in the last mid week of August!

The draw iz due to take place after the Sheff Wed v SMBs tie at Hillsborough aroond aboot the '10:00pm bells' mark!

The Geordie Times will of course bring you news az soon az we can

(Won't be til at least '2:00am bells' coz aa will be drivin back from Redditch in mee truck, when the draw iz made!)

Remember! The Geordie Times brings yoo the news forst hand , second (OR, iz that second hand, forst?)😕

Posted '2:31am 🔔 bells' Thorzday

It's TRANMERE ROVERS AWAY! (This groond woz mee 100th watchin The Toon in the old Division 2 in 1991)

A GOD A JESUS AND NOW A POPE!

 Posted '4:00pm🔔bells' Tuesday 9th August 2022

A  GOD!

JESUS!

THE POPE!

 

With the home debut of Nick Pope on Saturday, NUFC now have a unique treble in forms of religious figureheads who have played for us!

First we had a GOD when striker Paul Goddard played for NUFC between 1986 and 1988 and he did indeed have a GOD like status amongst Toon fans, az he scored a total of 23 goals for us in 70 appearances AND he saved us from relegation in 1987 with a flurry of strikes!

And then we had a 'Jesus' not so long ago by the name of Jesus Gamez who in total anly made 10 appearances between 2016-2018 (4 az sub) Hiz anly goal came in a pre season friendly away to Mainz 05 of Jawmany witnessed by The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers! 

And now of course we have 'The Pope' in goal!

Aall we need now iz an angel!---although there IZ ONE aboot 4 miles south of SJP in the shape of The Gatesheed Angel next to the A1!

NO GO FOR JONJO!

 Posted '2:00 pm bells' Tuesday 9th August 2022

"IS THAT BOXIN' DAY IN THE DISTANCE?"

News reaches The Geordie Times 2 days late (az per usual!) that Jonjo Shelvey will be sidelined for a t least 12 weeks with a bad hamstring injury he picked up in Portugal v Benfica!

This meeenz that he iz unlikely to feature until Boxin' Day, with The World Cup break startin in November!

CONSPIRACY THEORIES!

 Posted '1:13pm🔔 bells' Friday 5th August 2022

Updated 'high noon bells' Tuesday 9th August

For the 2nd time in a row, wor U21s away game v West Brom haz been moved at short notice from Keys Park, Hednesford, to WBAs trainin groond in Walsall, next Munday neet!

'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' were due to gan, but az we have been to their training groond twice, we will have to 'bin it' az its behind closed doors now, anyway!

This iz devastatin news of course, az we still havvint been to Hednesford to watch The Toon!

Conspiracy theories abound that WBA manager Steve 'Broken Nose' Bruce, got wind that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' had planned to gan, so he moved the game at short notice to get some revenge on us, for aall the abuse he received from Toon fans on social media, (which he doesn't read!) when aall games were played behind closed doors, when he woz wor failed manager, when the Covid pandemic struck!

To make sure that we couldn't gan to their trainin groond eethaa, he (allegedly!) ordered that the U21s game should be spectator free to stop us gannin!

That's anothaa days holiday booked from work for Munday, which aa divvint need anymore!

Cheers Steve! (Here's hopin' yoo fail miserably this season!)

Updated Tuesday:

The Toon U21s lost 2-1 at The Palm Trainin groond despite gannin aheed in the 68th minute through teen Michael Ndweni. WBA came back and scored 2 goals in the 87th and 89th minute through Reyes Clerary to win the tie for The Baggie Troosers!

Az mentioned above, nee fans were allowed in!

DOON MEMORY LANE!

 Posted '7:30pm bells' Munday 8th August 2022

DENS PARK DUNDEE, AZ IT LOOKED IN 1988 (DUNDEE UTD GROOND ON RIGHT)

On this day 34 years ago NUFC played a friendly at Dundee FC--- the same day that The Dutchess of Pork dropped a sprog!   Match report on this game below!