THE TOON RESORVES v THE SPARTANS OF BLYTH **** NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP FINAL*** TOOONEET!

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Thorzday 5th May 2022

The final of The Northumberland Senior Cup takes place at SJP at '7:30 bells' tooneet between wor resorves and Blyth!

If yoo can get alang, heed for The East Stand where admission iz £7 for big kids and £3 for zimmerframeites!  Under 18s are admitted FREE! 

Not sure wot the crowd will be, but if youngins can get in for nowt we predict that at least 3,000 will be there!? (Includin quite a few from Blyth!)

In othaa news, wor final 3 games in The Premyaa Leegue are completely sold oot!   3,000 for wor away game on Sunday at The Etihad Stadium v Man C----52,300 for wor final home game v The Arse----and 2,350 for wor final away game of the season at Turf Moor v Bornley! 

Updated Friday:

Wor resorves lost 3-2 to Blyth and were 3-0 doon at HT

The Toon goals were scored by Turner-Cooke and Munoz in front of just 2,189 fans 

"BOURNEMOOOTH! BOURNEMOOOTH! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

 Posted '1:01 pm bells' Wedinzday 4th May 2022

THE LAST TIME WE WERE AT BOURNEMOOOTH---MARCH 2019 (2-2 TOON IN BLUE) (NUFC WON 4-1 IN 2020, BUT THAT WOZ BEHIND CLOSED DOORS COZ OF COVID)

Followin Fulim'z promotion the othaa day, we must now make the langest Premyaa Leegue trip to Bournemoooth next season, az they won 1-0 v The Friar Tuck Mob (Forest) last neet to clinch 2nd spot!

It's a toss up which iz the forthest that we have travelled to a Premyaa Leegue away game, between Bournemoooth and Swanzee (Both aroond aboot a 700 mile roond trip!)

Of course we wont be gannin to Swanzee next season az they are still in The Championship! (Unless we draw them in one of the cups!?)

And after the fixture list this season, which had us gannin to Sooothampton on New Years Day (played later because of Covid), which woz wor langest jorney this season, yoo can bet your bottom dollar that we will be paired with Bournemoooth on New Years Day 2023! (The Premyaa Leegue hierarchy are sure to hoy a spanner in wor works!) 

Sommik tells me that come Joon, when the fixtures for next season are released, we will be heedin to the far south ower the Xmas and New Year period! (Could just az well be Brightin or Sooothampton again!)

"HOWAY THE HEEDBANGERS!"

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 3rd May 2022

Congratulations from 'The Geordie Times' to 'The Heedbangers of Gatesheed' for winnin promotion to The National Leegue from National Leegue North, when they drew 2-2 away to Chorley yesterday!   They are crowned champions after they opened up a 5 point gap on 2nd placed Brackley, with just one game to gan!

Aalso, congratulations to 'The Spartans of Blyth' for avoidin relegation from the same leegue az Gatesheed!

THE TOON LASSES 4 ALNWICK TOON LASSES 0 *** LASSES LEEGUE DIVISION 4

 Posted 'just after 'high noon bells' Munday 2nd May 2022

A CATCH 22(,000) SITUATION!

Yesterday afternooon The Toon LASSES played their forst ever game at SJP and wor crowd prediction woz between 4 and 5,000- how wrang we were az an amazin 22,134 torned up, NOT includin The Geordie Times, az we anly saw the last 15 minutes! 

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Let me explain---aa woz in 'The Companions club' (aka Leazes End club) behind the East Stand at KO time and had a few gargels there!--It woz then onward to 'The Strawberry' 🍓 but az aa passed The East Stand aa cud see that the exit gates were open--and so!---az yi dee-- aa sneaked in and sat in the corner of The Gallowgate End to see that there were at least 20,000 in attendance, with The East Stand and Gallowgate End completly full!  There were aalso fans in The lower Leazes End and guests in the very full directors box! (We just couldnt resist gannin in to have a look at lasses futbaall and the size of the crowd!) (The anly time we'd seen lasses futbaall before, woz on the telly!)

A'd hord that The Toon Lasses were winnin 4-0, but for the forst time ever aa didnt have a clue who woz playin for 'us'!

There were loads of families and the young kids loved it, az they waved the 'Wor Flags' in the air! (mostly young lasses)   There were nee more goals, but at least aa cud say that we'd seen history made!(for a qwaata of a  hour at least!)

Nee doubt that more lasses games will be at HQ in the future!

The official crowd of 22,134 woz the highest in the UK for  a lasses game this season!---And this woz  4th Division game az well!

"HOWAY THE LASSES!"

PS: This woz the forst time that 'The Geordie Times' had ever sneaked into SJP!

Do we feel guilty aboot gettin a 15 minute 'freebee' and not payin? 

Aye a little bit!😨 (We're anly part time Lass supporters!)

THE TOON 0 THE LIVERBIRDS 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 1st May 2022

"GET THE FLAGS OOT FOR THE LADS!"

Wor fine run of unbeaten home Premyaa Leegue games finally came to an end  when title chasers Livaapoool came to Toon!

The main moment of the game came in the 19th minute when Fabian Schar clashed with former Toon player James Milner, with Schar lyin' injured on the pitch az the ref waved 'play on'?

"WE'VE GOT BIGGER FLAGS THAN YOO!---LIVAAPOOOL!----LIVAAPOOOL!"

This led to Jota crossin the baall at the Leazes End for Keita to slam home from 5 yards oot to give The Scousers the lead!

Many thought the game shud have been stopped, but the ref thought otherwise and this proved to be decisive az it woz the anly goal of the game!

NUFC had started off well and had chances az we attacked the Gallowgate goal in the forst half!  Gradually wor visitors took control and had several chances to double their lead, but we held oot and went in 1-0 doon at the break! (Almiron had the baall in the net in the 39th minute for NUFC, but it woz ruled offside!---And Saint Max fluffed a great chance az well!)

The 2nd half started off with 'The Liverbirds' controllin' things, az we foond it hard to even get oot of wor own half!

They tried in vain to score a 2nd goal, but again we held oot, but couldnt find the equaliser!----A 1-0 defeat against one of the best teams in Europe woz the out come, to lose for the forst time at home in 2022 (NOT includin the defeat by Cambridge in the FA Cup in January!)

NUFC dropped doon a place to 10th in the table, while Livaapoool went back to the top of the tree---for a few hours at least!

Attendance:52,281 (3,100 Liverbirds) (Highest attendance this season!)

Later on 'The Blue Moonies of Manchester' beat Leeedz 4-0 to reclaim top spot!----(Man City are The Toon's next opponents next Sunday, away!!!!!)

THE TOON v THE LIVERBIRDS **** TOMORROW DINNAATIME!

 Posted from '2:35pm bells' onwards,  Friday 29th April 2022

'Broken Nose Bruce' woz in charge for the forst 8 games, then Graeme Jones for 3 games!   'Steady Eddie' took the reins from game 12 v Brentfaad---(a game he couldn't attend coz he had Covid!)

And since then we have went from 19th and 6 points adrift with 6 points---to 9th with 43 points and 14 points clear of 3rd bottom place, in the space of 4 months!----REMARKABLE!

We gan into tomorrow's game 2nd anly to 'The Liverbird's in points earned in 2022 and with 4 wins in a row az well!

At SJP we have won 6 in a row and havvint been beaten at home in the Premyaa Leegue since before Xmas, and anly ONCE in 12 games, since Eddie took ower in November! (v Man City 0-4)---again, REMARKABLE!

It won't be eazy of course, az wor opponents are in brilliant form az well, az they attempt to overhaul 'The Blue Moonies of Manchester' to win the Premyaa Leegue!

Quite simply, Liverpoool and Man City are probably the best 2 teams in the world at the moment, so if NUFC can get even a draw tomorrow, it will be a great result!

We are now safe from the drop and can take the shackles off, while they MUST win to gan back to the top---for the moment at least!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here on Sunday---so az per usual "Watch this space!"

TOP O THE LEEGUE!

 Posted 'high noon 🔔 bells' Tuesday 26th April 2022

We don't like to brag!---BUT!--- this iz the form guide for the last 4 Premyaa Leegue games!

🤪👍

"WOW!"

And here iz somethin' that would be barely beleeevable just 3 months ago!

THE CANARY CUSTARD CRUMBLES 0 THE TOON 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted from 'high noon 🔔 bells' onwards on the train back from Nohrich, Sunday 24th April 2022

Wor 2 Brazilian goal scorers!

"IT'S JUST LIKE WATCHIN' BRAZIL!"

After winnin 3 games in a row and losin 3 games in a row, we have now won 4 games in a row in this roller coaster season!

We didn't start off well and stuttered for the forst 20 minutes!

The breakthrough came in the 35th minute when Brazilian Joelinton fired a curlin shot into the net at the far end from us! Joe doubled hiz tally 7mins later with a great redirected effort, from a Murphy wayward shot, which beat former Toon keeper Tim Krul and NUFC went in at the break 2-0 UP!

It woz soon 3-0 and 'curtains' for the home side, when  misstayk by Krul in the 49th minute, when he mishit a pass to a defender,  let in wor other Brazilian,  Bruno, who skillfully lobbed the baall ower Krul's heed and into the goal, to send the Toon faithful into meltdoon!

That finished off The Canary Custards az they crumbled like a Delia Smith (Nohrich's celebrity chef owner) custard crumble recipe! 

There woz neeway back now az we went for more goals, but in the end we had to settle for 3 goals! 

Full time: Nohrich 0  Brazil 3!

Attendance; 26,910 (2,650 Toon fans plus 6 watchin from a hotel window at the corner of the groond!

*THE PRE MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE!

ELY TRAIN STATION ON THE WAY TO NOHRICH

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THE GARDINERS ARMS IN NOHRICH AKA 'THE MURDERERS' WHERE FRAMED PICTURES OF NOTORIOUS MURDERERS FROM 100 YEARS AGO WERE HUNG ON THE WAALLS!

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*POST MATCH 'LIQUID LUBRICATIN LOCATION' PHOTOS FROM ELY, WHERE WE STOPPED FOR THE NEET TIME SESSION!

CANNIT WORK OOT WHY THIS BOOZER IZ CAALLED THE MINSTER TAVERN???

PS: After the last 'gargels' in Drayman's Son aa woz clammin' and needed some scran, so caalled in at a fish shop on the way back to the hotel and ordered fish n chips.  Aa gave the lassie a tenner and she gave me 20 pence change?    Aa looked at the price list and sure enough it woz £9:80 for fish n chips!

Aa slung the 20 pence back across the coonter and said "Yoo may az well have it az a tip!"----£7:40 for the fish and £2:40 for a bag of chips---to take away!!!!

WE HAD TO WAIT 45MINS FOR A CONNECTIN' TRAIN FROM PETERBORO TO THE TOON ON SUNDAY -'SO--"AZ YI DEE!"🍺🍺🍺

OOTSIDE PETERBORO STATION!

PS: NUFC NOW HAVE 43 points. The highest number of points where a team were relegated iz 42 points by West Ham in 2002-2003

TOON FANS HOLD UP A BANNER COMMEMERATIN'  JOELINTON'S 100TH GAME FOR NUFC---AND HE CELEBRATED BY SCORIN' 2 GOALS!!!

AND THE NUFC FORM GUIDE!

"UNTIL NOW!"

NOHRICH v THE TOON **** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '8:00pm bells' Friday 22nd April 2022

THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE IN 2019---A 3-1 DEFEAT!

We make wor last 'lang distance trip' of the season, this time to deepest Norfolk, when we take on 'Delia's Canary Custard Coloured Creams' at '3:00 bells' tomorrow!----Aall 2,650 away tickets were sold oot ages ago!

The home side are aalmost certainly relegated, unless they win AALL their remainin' games----very highly unlikely! 

NUFC on the other hand are 'on a roll' of 3 successive home wins, which haz propelled us up to the 'dizzy heights' of 11th in the Premyaa Leegue table!---A remarkable tornaroond in just 3 months by 'Steady Eddie'!

We are on the '6:30 bells' train to Peterboro in the mornin'---and then onward to Nohrich from there, on a torturous 2 carriage train, that tex ages to get there! (ie: A bus on rail tracks!)

We will then heed for 'The Murderers Arms' in the city centre---wor usual 'port o call' roond theeeze parts!

THE GARDENERS ARMS AKA THE MURDERERS ARMS!

NUFC are odds on favorites to win, but az we have seen in the past, 'anything can happen' when we come to toon! (The last time we were here---and in complete contrast to the mood now, woz 2019, when we lost 3-1 in a terrible game---'Broken Nose Bruce's 1st away game in charge!---(say no more!)

At least we have reached the magical 40 points mark---'magical' because that figure 'normally' guarantees safety!?

 A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday!   "Az per usual: "Watch this space!"

*Explanation: Celerity Chef Delia Smith iz co.owner of Nohrich, hence: 'Delia's Canary Custard Coloured Creams' (Nohrich of course play in Yellow shirts and are nicknamed 'The Canaries')  

THE TOON 1 THE PALLISS EAGLES 0 *** PREMYA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Thorzday 21st April 2022

"EDDIE THE EAGLE----SLAYER!"

From bein' 19th and 5 points adrift of safety when 'Steady Eddie' took ower last November, to 11th and 15 points above the drop zone now, iz a truely amazin' stat and NUFC will now become the ANLY team to be bottom of the Premyaa Leegue before Xmas to escape the drop!

"WOW!---WOT A TORNAROOND!"

Aalso this woz wor SIXTH Premyaa Leegue home win in a row, which iz anly matched by Bobby Robson in 2004!

We started the game off well against The Eagles of Palliss and had a few orly chances az we attacked The Leazes goal!

The breakthrough came after a magnificent volley from Bruno foond 'Miggy' Almiron runnin doon the East Stand wing and he cut inside to send a left foot shot into the far corner of the goal from a tight angle, to send 51,000 Toon fans wild with delight!

Miggy then ran ower to the East Stand with hiz shirt off and jumped ower the advertisin' hoardings to be greeted by the fans in the front row who hugged him az we aall celebrated!

The 2nd half woz a 'backs to the waall' affair az Palliss strode for the equaliser---and they came close several times az they battered wor defence---but couldnt find a way past!

The crowd whistled wildly az the 4 minutes of stoppage time seemed to take 4 hours!---But finally the ref blew for full time to to relief and delight of aall those of black n white persuasion!

Miggy woz the SEVENTEENTH different player to score for NUFC this season in The Premyaa Leegue!!!! (See stats at bottom!)

'Steady Eddie' for manager of the month?---More like manager of the YEAR! 

 *Attendance: 51,938 (Palliss anly sold 750 tickets, which iz 33,250 less than they took to Wembley last Sunday for the FA Cup semi final defeat v Chelski!---Loyal supporters my arse!---This woz aalso the worst away followin' at SJP this season!  ⬇️⬇️⬇️

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