THE TOFFEE NOSES 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted from '10:44am bells' onwards, Friday 18th March 2022 on the train back from Livaapoool

"IZ THAT HARRY POTTER!?"
 

"POST' TRAUMATIC STRESS!"

Wor thord away game in little more than a week ended in major disappointment at Goodison Park against 10 men Evaatin!

A 1-0 defeat with the anly goal of the game comin in the 99th minute through Iwobi !

The reason the game went on so long iz because a Harry Potter impersonator tied himself to a goalpost at The *Gladiss Street End of the groond! *(Can't remember how to spell it?)

He had a thin plastic tie roond hiz neck and post and it took qwaata of an hour to free him!

He then got frogmarched aroond the pitch az angry Evaatin and Toon fans hoyed bottles of drinks and coins at him az he passed by!

We simply didn't torn up, az a week on the road finally took its toll on us! We were dreadful and when Allan got hiz marchin orders in the 83rd minite for a bad 2 footed tackle on St Max, it made nee difference and the home side went aall oot to win it---and did!

The defeat meeenz that we are still lookin ower wor shoulders towards those below us in the table!---NUFC are still 9 points clear of the last relegation place!

A one to forget for certain az the 3,000 Toon fans suffered 'post' traumatic stress--in more ways than one!🥶

*THE PRE AND 'POST' MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE!

*THE PRE TRAIN BACK 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE!

*A TOON FAN IN HIZ 'JORDAN PICKFORD COSTUME!

UNFORTUNATLEEE PICKFORD WASN'T 'PICKED'!

AND NEWS OF A NEW HARRY POTTER FILM!

THE TOFFEE NOSES v THE TOON *** TOOONEEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 17th March 2022

ANOTHAA 'SIGN' THAT WE HAVE GOT WOR CLUB BACK!

For the thord time in liitle more than a week we are off on wor away travels again---this time to Liverpoool, where we take on Evaatin in a '7:45 bells' kick off!

The blue half of Morzeyside are not deein well and are sittin just above the drop zone with 22 points!   NUFC meeenwhile sit in 14th place with 31 points and so if we can win we will gan 12 points clear of them----BUT!---if we lose, they will anly be 6 points behind us with games in hand!

So this iz definitely a '6 pointer' for certain!----A draw iz much better for us than them, az we will maintain the 9 points difference! *Evaatin's cause isn't helped by the fact that their city rivals Livaapoool have won 9 games in a row and are just 1 point behind Man City at the top of the tree!--ie the pressure iz on them, not us!

3 away games in a week and then we have a 2 and a half week break before we play again!---anothaa away game v Sporz in 'norf Landan'! IT'S MAD!

In othaa news 'NINE bar' (underneath The Gallowgate End) haz been changed back to 'SHEARER'S and not before time! (Wor previous owner 'The Fat Controller' changed the name to 'NINE' oot of spite, az he didnt like the critisism that wor record goal scorer hoyed at him!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Friday (or Saturday---az the case may be!?)

Geordie Times quiz:

Wot is unique aboot today's game?

Answer will be given in match report if yih divvint naa!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"  (And find the answer oot!)

TELLY TIMES FOR APRIL

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Tuesday 15th March 2022

The telly times for late April have just been annoonced!

NUFC will play Lestaa at SJP on Sun 17th with a '2:15 🔔 ko Live on SKY

Wed 20th April Palliss at SJP '7:45 🔔 ko   nee live telly (Unless yoo have a dodgy box!)

Sat 23rd April Nohrich away at 3:00 🔔 ko   nee live telly

Sat 30th April The Liverbirds at SJP at '12:30 🔔 ko  live on BT

Telly games aalready arranged for March and orly April are listed below:

Thu 17th March Evaatin away at '7:45 bells ko  live on Amazon Prime 

Sun 3rd April Sporz away at '4:30 bells' ko live on Sky

Fri 8th April  Wolves at SJP '8:00 bells' ko  live on Sky

* 3 May games still to be annoonced

Sat 7th May? Man City away

Sun 15th May? The Arse at SJP

Sun 22nd May Bornley away at '4:00 bells' ko (Date and ko time cast in stone!

HORRAY!----ANOTHER 'AMANDA' ACTUALLY LIKES US AZ WELL!

 Posted 1:00pm bells' Tuesday 15th March 2022

AMANDA MILLING MP

*MP WELCOMES THE TAKEOWER OF NUFC

CHELSKI (for now!) 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted from '5:47 pm bells' on the train back from London, Sunday 13th March 2022---Updated 'high noon bells' Munday

"WE WOZ ROBBED!"

A Chelski goal in the 89th minute broke wor hearts az their goalscorer Havertz shud have been sent off just  in the forst half after a blatant elbow on Dan Burn!

Another blatant decision not to give a penalty to NUFC when Jacob Murphy had hiz shirt pulled and woz then tripped in the box in the 2nd period az we attacked The Mathew Harding Stand, opposite where the 3,000 Toon fans were housed in The Shed End (see top photo!)

Just why both decisions didn't gan to VAR iz a complete mystery to everybody in the groond???

Woz Stevie Wonder dein the VAR in Blechley Park, perhaps???

(More to follow on aall this when we eventually get back on the 'snail train' from King's Cross!)

Updated Munday

NUFC started the game off well in an even forst half when the elbow incident happened 40 minutes into the game!---Referee Cootes produced a yellow card and VAR ref Brookes incredibly agreed that it woz 'reckless' and not 'violent'!----??????

Then in the 2nd half the penalty incident in the 58th minute, that even blind pop star Stevie Wonder would have seen woz NOT seen by eethaa Cootes or Brooks!??? (spec savers dee a canny deal lads!)

We held wor own after this with a fantastic rear guard defence but Havertz woz quicker than Dan Burn to the baall and fired the baall ower the goal line!

*We really thought that we had held Chelski for the forst time in 10 previous Premyaa Leegue and cup visits--but the late goal shattered that!

Throughoot the game The Toon fans taunted the home fans aboot their plight with chants of: "Chelsea's skint and The  Mags are rich!"---"The Geordie Boys are on a bender!--Chelsea are a war offender!"--- and more ominously!--- "MIKE ASHLEY!--HE'S COMING FOR YOU!"  

A TOON FAN WAVES A BLUE N YELLOW UKRAINE FLAG TO TAUNT THE CHELSKI FANS AT THE SEGREGATION FENCE!

This woz wor forst Leegue defeat since before Xmas, but NUFC can take great credit for this battlin performance!

We eventually got back to The Toon at '10:00pm bells' after 4 days travellin to London and Sooothampton and back on 6 trains in total and some 1,300 miles and 20 hours travellin time, to boot!

Attendance: 40,026 (3,000 Toon fans) (After us, aall away fans are barred because of the sanctions!) 

*It's another train jorney, to Liverpoool, to face Evaatin this time on Thorzday, where we play wor 3rd away game in a row in little more than a week!----A 'mini break' then takes place next weekend, where I promise yoo, I won't be travellin anywhere to watch a game---I need a rest from trains! (and away games!)

*The pre match gargels on the neet before and on the day of the Chelski game took place in various locations in London!

BELIEVE IT OR NOT THE ABOVE PICS ARE FROM A BOOZER CAALLED 'THE BOOT'!

 

*The post match gargels took place at King's Cross, before catchin' the train yem!

And from social media!---Even the official Chelski website agrees with us!

CHELSKI (for now) v THE TOON **** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 12th March 2022

THE LAST TIME TOON FANS WERE HERE IN OCTOBER 2019

*NUFC LOST 1-0  

(LAST SEASON IT WOZ A 2-0 LOSS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS BECAUSE OF THE COVID LOCK OOTS!)

The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers are off on wor travels again today----just a day after gettin' back from Sooothampton, az we are heedin south again for wor game v Chelski at Stamford Bridge! (The kick off time of '2:00 bells' makes it impossible to get to west London by train from The Toon, for the start!)

Of course we naa what haz happened in the last couple of day with their Russian owner sanctioned because of hiz friendship with Putin!

After tomorrow NEE away fans will be allowed into Stamford Bridge, which meeenz that we are the lucky ones who bought match tickets before the sanctions began! (The Toon will have 3,000 fans in the away corner)

Brentfaad, (who play 'just alang the road' from Chelsea) are sweatin' az to wethaa any of their fans can get in, az they play there after us!---A few tickets have been sold, but Brentfaad divvint naa for certain wethaa they will be allowed to attend?---whereaz Toon fans 'CAN'!

Anly the 28,000 Chelski season ticket holders will be allowed to attend future home games with NEE tickets for casual fans, or away tickets for their fans! (Thought they would have had more season ticket holders than that!)

It's a crazy situation, and it will be interestin to say the least how Toon fans react to their predicament!  "WHERE'S YOUR RUSSIAN GONE!?"---iz a predicted chant for example!

Can we get at least a draw to keep wor unbeaten run gannin?, which now stretches to NINE games! (Wor last away loss woz before Xmas at Liverpoool---a 3-1 loss)

Anyway!----A Geordie Times match report will be attempted on mee mobile 'telling bone' on the train yem! (like on the way back from Sooothampton!)----So expect plenty of errrors and misstayks az the train rocks alang the tracks!

Failing that, the match report will appear sometime on Munday mornin'?

Az per usual  "Watch this space!"

THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB OF SOOOTHAMPTON 1 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted from 5:55am bells' onwards, on the trains back, Friday 11th March 2022

BRUNO'S SPECTACULAR BACK HEEL VOLLEY WINNIN GOAL!

THE TOON ARE IN THE AALL LIGHT BLUE STRIP

*"THE INJUSTICE OF IT ALL!"🤣👍

Before the game Sooothamton manager Ralf Hasslewhinger(or whatever he's caalled?) said that NUFC shouldn't be allowed to play any players signed in the transfor window az the original game woz caalled off on January 2nd coz some Toon players had Covid19!

And guess wot happened?

After the home side had opened the scorin through Stuart Armstrong in the 25th minute, up popped January signing Chris Wood to climb above the Sooothampton defence 5 mins later, to equalise with a powerful heeder from a Shelvey cross at the far end from the 3,300 travellin faithful!

*

*A few more chances for both sides followed, and we went in aall square at the break!

*The 2nd half started az NUFC kicked towards wor own fans and then the big moment of the game happened when Bruno back heeled an exquisite (we naa aall the big words!) baall into the net in the 52nd minute from a Dan Burn heeer, to send The Toon fans crazy with delight behind that goal!

And guess what??? Brazilian Bruno woz a January singing az well!

Ralf Hasslewhinger woz NOT a happy bunny!🐇

After intense pressure from 'The Simon Templar Mob', we somehow survived the onslaught and took aall 3 valuable points to move us to 31 points and 10 above 3rd bottom Bornley!

The Toon players celebrate with the fans and in the dressing room after rhe game!

Leeedz, Nohrich and Wotfaad aall lost to make it  porfect day on the soooth Coast!

That's 9 Premyaa Leegue games unbeaten now under Eddie Howe, who must take great credit for wor uptorn in form!

Happy days indeed!🤪👍

*Explanation: 'The Saint' woz a cult TV series in the 1960s, starrin Roger Moore az Simon Templar---Sooothampton's nickname iz of course 'The Saints'----Hence 'The Simon Templar Mob'!

The pre match 'gargels' took place here!

The Whiskey Blue Bar woz great, apart from the red n white striped drinkin straws!

The post match celebrations took place here!

*Just been annoonced at 'high noon bells'

Just got yem after a 6 hour jorney back from Sooothampton: Eddie Howe haz deservedly won the manager of the month award for February!🤪👍👏