THE TOON 0 THE P*SS POTTERS OF STOKE 1 *** FRIENDLY

 Posted '10:42am bells' Sunday 6th September 2020

TOON IN YELLOW!

(PICTURE 'NICKED' FROM ELSEWHERE!)

"YELLOW PERIL!"

For the 2nd time in a week NUFC lost to a Championship team who were fightin relegation to the 3rd tier last season, when we went doon 1-0 to Stoke at a deserted St. James' Park yesterday afternooon!

With "3 irons in the fire!", 'Broken Nose Bruce' needs to get hiz finger oot sharpish to sign them, or else wor fate will be yet anothaa relegation battle!

Of course we wornt there, and have to take reports from elsewhere to write this piece!---Othaa clubs provided 'live streams' to their fans while wors posted  a handful of video clips!!! ("Wow!")

By aall accounts we didnt play well (again!) and wor visitors took the lead in the 19th minute when Tommy Smith centred across the box for Clucas to heed home past Darlo in The Toon goal!

It woz a dreadful game and it petered oot with nee sign of us scorin' and The P*ss Potters held on to "take the p*ss!" and win the game!

After the game Bruce said: "The good part today is we picked up no injuries!"  (7 players are 'crocked' and couldnt play!)

Good old 'Broken Nose', aalways looks on the positive side!

Just SIX days to gan til the big opener away to 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham in east London, which of course iz behind closed doors, with NEE telly coverage to watch from wor homes, bars and clubs!

(Mebeez it's just az well!) 

Footnote: Wor U23s went doon 4-1 to non leegue York at Benton!

3 of Yorks 4 goals were scored by 'trialists'!!!!

PS: Because we couldnt watch The Toon at home we ended up at Heaton Stannington in the east end of the Toon to watch their game v Carlisle City in The Northern Leegue!

A match report on THAT game will appear here later today!

"COME IN NUMBER 16!"

The draw for the 2nd AND 3rd roond of The Leegue Cup takes place at 2:00 bells' this afternooon and iz live on Sky Sports!

Teams to avoid include Newport, Fleetwood and Northampton away, az we have never been to those groonds to watch The Toon and az the games are behind closed doors we wouldnt be able to gan (In my case the last time aa missed a competitive game on a new groond woz 41 years ago!)

"Watch this space" to see just who we get after '2:00 bells'

BAD BLUE BOYS 2 THE HIGHWAYMEN 1 *** FRIENDLY

 Posted '11:07am bells' Saturday 5th August 2020

Scott Hislop scores Dunston's winner!

"HIGHWAYMEN ROBBED!"

Last neet Dunston beat Morpeth 2-1 in a pre season friendly at UTS Stadium (aka Federation Park)

To be fair 'The Highwaymen' were robbed (sic!) and didnt deserve to lose, after missin TWO penalties in eethaa half, both saved by Liam Connell in 'The Bad Blue Boys' goal!

Dunston took the lead in the 32nd minute through Scott Heslop who hit a fine loopin' shot ower the keepers heed and into the net at 'The Dunston Rocketless End' (see explanation below!)

A penalty to Morpeth woz then saved by Liam Connell at 'The Tea Hut End' from a Liam Noble, when he dived to the reet! 

But The Highwaymen from Morpeth did hit back bang on the half time whistle when Johnson fired home!

And then the winnin' goal from Scott Heslop in the 72nd minute, caught on camera by 'little old me' (see top photo)

Scott hit a bullet heeder past their keeper and defenders to put 'The Bad Blue Boys' 2-1 up, to loud cheers from the Dunston faithful!

Anothaa penalty miss for Morpeth then followed near the end at 'The Dunston Rocketless End' (there used to be a tower block at this end that looked like a space rocket--now demolished!)

Connell again guessed  reet and again dived the reet way to save the day to deny Morpeth's Noble for a 2nd time!

A fine win in the end against a team who are in a higher division and who had won aall 6 of their previous friendlies!

Highway robbery?---YOO BET!

Attendance: 200 or so, includin a handful of Highwaymen!

PS: Today NUFC are takin' on Stoke at SJP at '1:00pm bells'---unfortunatteleee it's behind closed door again and so we need to find anothaa game for wor Saturday 'fix'

Newcasil Blue Star who play in the 'west end' Scotswood district woz wor forst choice, but amazingleee aall 300 tickets have been snapped up and it's a complete sell-oot!

SO!--plan 'B' iz to gan to the othaa side of The Toon and watch Heaton Stannington v Carlisle City instead in the 'east end'!

A match report of both the NUFC game and Heaton game will appear here eventually!

We will bring yoo the Toon score az it happens---so watch this space this afternooon!

Updates from '1:00 bells'

THE TOON 0 v 1 THE P*SS POTS OF STOKE 

Latest score 

"THEY'RE HERE, THEY'RE THERE, THEY'RE EVERY F****N' WHERE!, EMPTY SEATS, EMPTY SEATS!" (38,148 actually!)

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 4th December 2020

"IZ THERE ANYBODY THERE!?"

A Company caalled 'Liberty Games' haz worked oot how things would look with a one metre social distancing measure at aall Premyaa Leegue groonds for the comin' season!

In wor case St. James' Park would anly be able to hold 14,240--- a reduction of 38,148!

In the wake of the Premyaa Leegue cancellin' the £564 million contract to a Chinese TV firm, (coz they refused to pay the last instaalment of £160 million coz of the coronavirus epidemic), this would leave AALL top flight clubs with anothaa heedache to contend with!---And remember!-- az well az the Saudi NUFC takeower fiasco, Masters and hiz cronies TORNED DOON a mega offer from the Saudis for a TV deal!

Below iz a list of 'new' predicted capacities for Premyaa Leegue clubs (It's frightenin'!)   Nee away fans allowed in eethaa!

Moan U: From 75,653 to 20,519

Sporz: From 62,062 to 19,890

The Arse: From 60,260 to 16,400

The Jellied Eels Mob: From 60,000 to 16,330

The Blue Moonies: From 55,097 to 14,990

The Liverbirds: From 54,074 to 14,710

The Toon: From 52,388 to 14,240

The Hazbeenz & Villians: From 42,660 to 11,610

Chelski: From 41,798 to 11,370

The Toffee Noses: 39,571 to 10,770

Leedz: 39,460 to 10,740

The Blade Runners: 32,702 to 8,900

Sooothamptin: 32,505 to 8,840

The Basil Brush Brigade: 32,313 to 8,790

Wolverhamptin Wanabeez: 31,700 to 8,620

Nee Where Near Brightin: 30,750 to 8,360

The Baggie Trooosers: 26,287 to 7,150

Cristil Palliss: 26,074 to 7,090

The Cottage Pie Mob: 25,700 to 6,990

The Bornley Hillbillies: 21,401 to 5,820

And just HOW will they aall work oot who can get in and who cannit?

The Prawn Sandwich Brigade:  DEFIATLEEE!

Lang torn season ticket holders: PROBABLY!

One year season ticket holders: LOTTERY!

Casual fans who gan to the odd few games: NEE CHANCE!

THE GEORDIE TIMES DIARY FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS!

 Posted '8:15am bells' Thorzday 3rd September 2020

Az we are unable to gan to any NUFC games this weekend includin the resorves and juniors, we are heedin for the Dunston v Morpeth friendly on Friday neet and then onward across the Tyne to Scotswood on Saturday afternooon, where Newcasil Blue Star are takin on Winlaton Vulcans!

It's ironic to say the least that just 3 miles away from Scotswood, NUFC are playin Stoke at St James Park on the same afternoon as the Blue Star game, but of course its behind closed doors and we cannit gan!😬

And then next Munday wor forst team faces the Smoggies of Boro at Benton and we will nee doubt be seeking revenge for the 5-1 humiliation at Boro's trainin groond 2 days ago!

A Geordie Times match report on aall the games will appear here--- eventually!

Az we cannit watch the 2 Toon games, we will have to dee reports by watchin clips on youtube etc! (Great---EH?) 

Update Thorsday at '6:50pm bells'

Just hord    Wor game against The Smoggies on Munday haz been cancelled (We mustn't want anothaa 5 goal hammerin'!)

PS: Smoggies manager Neil Warnock said the followin (or words to this effect!):

"Poor Steve (Bruce), he's got 7 players injured and doesnt want to risk some more with an extra friendly!"

SEVEN players injured ?---Aalready????

SMOG MONSTERS 5 THE TOON 1 *** FRIENDLY

 Posted '6:30pm bells' Tuesday 1st September 2020

TOON ON THE ROCKS AT ROCKLIFFE!

NUFC were soundly thrashed by Championship nobodies Middlesbrough at their Rockliffe Park trainin groond this afternooon

ASM scored wor anly goal az Lascelles woz sent off with a Boro player!

There woz nee sign again of Joelinton or Muto, with just 11 days til the big kick off at West Ham on Saturday week!

Sorry yet again for nee propaa match report or pix, but beleeeve it or not, they wouldn't let us in!

We play The P*ss Pots of Stoke on Saturday at SJP (BCD) and then the Smog Monsters in the '2nd leg' at Benton next week! (Wonder if we can pull the deficit back?)

THE SMOG MONSTERS V THE TOON *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '11:40am bells' Tuesday 1st September 2020

The 3rd of wor 4 pre season forst team games takes place at '1:00pm bells' today at Boro's Rockcliff trainin groond at Hurworth near Darlo!

Yet again its behind closed doors in a now familiar pattern that we are aall sadly used to now! (However, we HAVE been there before to watch NUFCs youth teams, many moons ago!)

The Geordie Times az ever will bring yoo, wor loyal reeders news of the game and team line ups when we find oot!

PS: Last month we recorded ower 11,000 page views for the 2nd month runnin, which are the anly 2 times that we have got to 5 figures in the last 10 years!

Not bad for a daft website which iz advert free! 

ie: We dee it for NOWT and for the luv of NUFC and non Leegue futbaall!

Don't yoo just hate othaa websites that have those annoyin' pop up adverts etc to distract yoo!

We promise to keep it advert free for the foreseeable future!

Geordie Times: Last 6 months pageviews:

March: 8,054

April: 7,147 

May: 7,806 

Joon: 8,249 

July: 11,788 

August: 11,173

THE COMPLETE AND UTTER IRONY OF IT AALL, AZ THE PL GET REVENGE ON TOON FANS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 31st August 2020

GALLOWGATE!

NUFCs first 3 games of the new season will NOT be televised!

Whereas the 2 Manc clubs, The Liverbirds, The Arse and Chelski's first 3 games are AALL live!

Iz this the Premyaa Leegue's revenge and punishment on Toon fans who sent them hate mail (and Masters in particular) and gave them negative vibes durin the takeower fiasco!

The irony of it aall is that this will FORCE Toon fans to watch it illegally on pirates boxes---one of the very reasons to try and block the takeower deal!

And are there just 5 clubs who matter in the top flight?---and to hell with the othaa 15?

I for one will NOT watch any of the legal games involving the 5 teams mentioned, if I cant watch my own team legally!

Of course I will find oot where to watch it on someone's pirate box---not wot I want to dee, but will be forced into, alang with thoosands of othaa Toon fans, desperate to see us play!

The Premyaa Leegue iz a disgrace and Masters in particular should be sacked forthwith!-- and then frogmarched to Gallowgate, put into a pillory and have rotten eggs, chicken legs and black cats hoyed at him! (amongst othaa things!)

"Can I hoy the forst egg?--- pleeeze!"

SILENCE IZ GOLDEN!

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 30th August 2020

We have never met Amanda Staveley, just like 99.9% of Toon fans, but we trust hor 100%

It is now exactly one month to the day since we hord that the Saudis were 'pulling the plug' to takeower NUFC

We are sure that if the takeower by the PIF group woz 'dead in the waataa', then she would tell us, and not stay silent, if that woz the case!

We feel that sommik IZ gannin on quietly behind the scenes and hopefully we will hear some good news in the next few weeks!

We live hope that the deafenin silence IZ golden! 🙏   🙏   🙏   🙏   

THE TOON 2 BARNSLEEE 1 *** FRIENDLY

 Posted '9:48am bells' Sunday 30th August 2020

NEE ENTRY TO TOON FANS!

The Toon took on Barnsleee yesterday afternooon at Darsley Park, Benton and won 2-1 with goals from Andy Carroll and Jacob Murphy!

Carroll's strike woz a fine effort in the 27th minute and Murphy scored from the penalty spot in the 77th minute after he woz fouled in the box! (So we are told, az this game of course woz behind closed doors!)

Barnsleee had equalised in the 53rd minute but couldn't prevent the winner from the spot!

Sorry we dont have any pix from the game az we wornt there!

Next up iz The Smog Monsters at their trainin groond in Hurworth near Darlo next Tuesday! (Behind closed doors of course!) 

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 1 THE SPARTAN ARMY 2 *** FRIENDLY FIXTURE

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 29th August 2020

For the forst time this season, fans were allowed into Dunston's groond where they took on Blyth Spartans in a friendly match!

Anly 200 fans were allowed in on a forst come forst sorved basis and so aa got there and hour and a half before kick off to make sure that aa didnt get locked oot!

On arrival a Dunston committee man pointed a gun at mee foreheed!

"OK! OK!", I said, az aa held mee hands above mee heed!---"I'll buy a season ticket, yoo dont have to threaten me!"

LUCKY 7? A'V AALSO GOT A 10 YEAR 

NUFC SEASON TICKET!---PITY AA CANNIT GET IN!

"It's to check your temperature, Fink!" he replied az 'the gun' gave a readin of 32!---It must have been OK, coz he let me in!

Anothaa advantage of gettin' there orly woz that aa had more time for a pre match 'gargel' in the Dunston clubhoose!

                                        A SOCIALLY DISTANCED PINT OF BITTER!

The game kick off at '7:45 bells' and the forst sign of autumn az there were loads of leaves on the pitch from the huge trees that surroond the groond!

"IZ THAT SNOW ON THE PITCH?"

From wot aa could see, 'The Spartan Army' numbered but a dozen or so die-hards who had made the jorney south---a low number of followers for them, but hardly suprizin' az there woz nee guarantee that they would get in! (Could have been more, but aa didnt see (or hear) any)

There looked az though there woz a full hoose of 200 aaltogether, and aa have nee idea if anybody got torned away under the strict 'bat oot of hell' covid restrictions?

Spartans got off to the better start az they attacked 'The Tea Hut End' and were one-nil up after 17 minutes by Panos, with a simple tap in at the near post from where aa woz standin! And there woz muted cheerin' and applause from The Spartan Army!

They doubled their lead in the 27th minute through  McKeowen after a misstayk by the 'Bad Blue Boys' goalie, Connell!

It woz still 2-0 at the break!

Dunston did pull one back on the hour mark after Spartan's player boss Michael Nelson diverted Jack Elliott's cross into hiz own net to half the deficit!<(We naa aall the big words!)

'The Bad Blue Boys' tried in vain to find an equaliser, az 'The Spartans of Blyth' recorded their forst victory of the pre season!

Full time 2-1 to 'The Spartans'

Attendance: 200? 

Footnote: We say 'The Bad Blue Boys' coz on a trip to Croatia in The Champions Leegue a canny few years ago, NUFC played Dinamo Zagreb. A handful of us ended up in a notorious Zagreb bar where their nutters gan!  They were amazed to see us calmly drinkin pints of the local brew!  Apparently NEE away fans dare venture here coz of their reputation!

Thankfully they were OK with us and seemed pleezed to see us!

They are caalled 'The Bad Blue Boys' and in Croatia they are the equivalent of Millwaall's 'F Troop' hooligans!

                                 "FIRE BRIGADE AT THE READY!"

We decided that az Dunston play in aall blue, that we would give them the same nickname!---and it's stuck!

More pix

PS: This afternooon at '1:00 bells' 'The Toon' play Barnsleee at Darsley Park, Benton, but yet again it's behind closed doors!

LATEST SCORE

HT: THE TOON 1 (Carroll 27)  BARNSLEEE 0 

FT: THE TOON 2  THE MIGHTY BARNSLEEE 1

54th min  Barnsleee score to level game! 1-1

77th min Jacob Murphy penalty 2-1to The Toon!