THE TOON 2 BARNSLEEE 1 *** FRIENDLY

 Posted '9:48am bells' Sunday 30th August 2020

NEE ENTRY TO TOON FANS!

The Toon took on Barnsleee yesterday afternooon at Darsley Park, Benton and won 2-1 with goals from Andy Carroll and Jacob Murphy!

Carroll's strike woz a fine effort in the 27th minute and Murphy scored from the penalty spot in the 77th minute after he woz fouled in the box! (So we are told, az this game of course woz behind closed doors!)

Barnsleee had equalised in the 53rd minute but couldn't prevent the winner from the spot!

Sorry we dont have any pix from the game az we wornt there!

Next up iz The Smog Monsters at their trainin groond in Hurworth near Darlo next Tuesday! (Behind closed doors of course!) 

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 1 THE SPARTAN ARMY 2 *** FRIENDLY FIXTURE

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 29th August 2020

For the forst time this season, fans were allowed into Dunston's groond where they took on Blyth Spartans in a friendly match!

Anly 200 fans were allowed in on a forst come forst sorved basis and so aa got there and hour and a half before kick off to make sure that aa didnt get locked oot!

On arrival a Dunston committee man pointed a gun at mee foreheed!

"OK! OK!", I said, az aa held mee hands above mee heed!---"I'll buy a season ticket, yoo dont have to threaten me!"

LUCKY 7? A'V AALSO GOT A 10 YEAR 

NUFC SEASON TICKET!---PITY AA CANNIT GET IN!

"It's to check your temperature, Fink!" he replied az 'the gun' gave a readin of 32!---It must have been OK, coz he let me in!

Anothaa advantage of gettin' there orly woz that aa had more time for a pre match 'gargel' in the Dunston clubhoose!

                                        A SOCIALLY DISTANCED PINT OF BITTER!

The game kick off at '7:45 bells' and the forst sign of autumn az there were loads of leaves on the pitch from the huge trees that surroond the groond!

"IZ THAT SNOW ON THE PITCH?"

From wot aa could see, 'The Spartan Army' numbered but a dozen or so die-hards who had made the jorney south---a low number of followers for them, but hardly suprizin' az there woz nee guarantee that they would get in! (Could have been more, but aa didnt see (or hear) any)

There looked az though there woz a full hoose of 200 aaltogether, and aa have nee idea if anybody got torned away under the strict 'bat oot of hell' covid restrictions?

Spartans got off to the better start az they attacked 'The Tea Hut End' and were one-nil up after 17 minutes by Panos, with a simple tap in at the near post from where aa woz standin! And there woz muted cheerin' and applause from The Spartan Army!

They doubled their lead in the 27th minute through  McKeowen after a misstayk by the 'Bad Blue Boys' goalie, Connell!

It woz still 2-0 at the break!

Dunston did pull one back on the hour mark after Spartan's player boss Michael Nelson diverted Jack Elliott's cross into hiz own net to half the deficit!<(We naa aall the big words!)

'The Bad Blue Boys' tried in vain to find an equaliser, az 'The Spartans of Blyth' recorded their forst victory of the pre season!

Full time 2-1 to 'The Spartans'

Attendance: 200? 

Footnote: We say 'The Bad Blue Boys' coz on a trip to Croatia in The Champions Leegue a canny few years ago, NUFC played Dinamo Zagreb. A handful of us ended up in a notorious Zagreb bar where their nutters gan!  They were amazed to see us calmly drinkin pints of the local brew!  Apparently NEE away fans dare venture here coz of their reputation!

Thankfully they were OK with us and seemed pleezed to see us!

They are caalled 'The Bad Blue Boys' and in Croatia they are the equivalent of Millwaall's 'F Troop' hooligans!

                                 "FIRE BRIGADE AT THE READY!"

We decided that az Dunston play in aall blue, that we would give them the same nickname!---and it's stuck!

More pix

PS: This afternooon at '1:00 bells' 'The Toon' play Barnsleee at Darsley Park, Benton, but yet again it's behind closed doors!

LATEST SCORE

HT: THE TOON 1 (Carroll 27)  BARNSLEEE 0 

FT: THE TOON 2  THE MIGHTY BARNSLEEE 1

54th min  Barnsleee score to level game! 1-1

77th min Jacob Murphy penalty 2-1to The Toon!

NUFC PRE SEASON FIXTURES NOW COMPLETE!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 28th August 2020

NUFC will play 'The P*ss Pots of Stoke in wor final pre season game at St. James' Park on Saturday 5th September!

Unfortunatally it will again be behind closed doors! (BCD)

Brightin are lettin' 2,500 fans in today for their friendly against Chelski----just why 'we' cannit dee the same iz bafflin'?

Pre season games:

Tue 25th Aug: Crewe Alex  won 3-0 at York (BCD)

Sat 29th Aug: Barnsleee at Darsley Park, Benton (BCD)

Tue 1st Sep: Smog Monsters at  Herworth (BCD)

Sat 5th Sep: The P*ss Pots at St. James' Park (BCD)

Team news: Dubravka and Gayle are 'cattle trucked' (work it oot!)

Andy Carroll iz wor anly fit forward az we stumble towards the forst Premyaa Leegue game in just ower 2 weeks time!

Joelinton iz self isolatin (like he did last season!) coz he went to Greece with some Chelski player, who have had to self isolate coz they have got Corona Virus!!! (make it up?---NO!--- this IZ the NUFC comedy show, yih know!)

I HAD A DREAM!

 Posted '6:52pm bells' Thorsday 27th August 2020

Unfortunately 'THE DREAM' looks like tornin' into 'THE NIGHTMARE!' (See below!)

BAD BLUE BOYS V THE SPARTAN ARMY *** FRIDAY NEET!

 Posted '7:50pm bells' Wedinzday 26th August 2020

On Friday at '7:45pm bells', Dunston 'Bad Blue Boys' play 'The Spartan Army' of Blyth in a friendly at UTS Stadium, Dunston.

This will be the first time that Dunston have played in front of fans this season and a crowd limit of 200 has been imposed (first come, first sorved) and after the limit has been reached the gates will be closed---SO! get there orly if yoo want to get in!

And on Saturday, NUFCs forst team play Barnsleee at Darsley Park, Benton----however! this game iz behind closed doors, unlike the Dunston game the neet before!

Just when we will get to see NUFC in a live game will probably be the home game on October 3rd v Bornleee-------------a gap of nearly 7 months since we were at Sooothampton on March 6th to witness a 1-0 win!

Of course anly a limited number of season ticket holders will be allowed to attend, but just how they will decide who gans and who doesn't, iz anybodys guess! ???

CREWE ALEX V THE TOON *** FRIENDLY

Posted '8:03am bells' Tuesday 25th August 2020

Updated '7:00pm bells'

This afternooon at '2:00 bells' NUFC play wor forst pre season game at wor trainin camp at York Ethelburga's Collegiate, v Crewe!

Az expected the game iz behind closed doors!(Which is just as well, coz its p*ssin doon az I write this!)

We welcome a new addition to wor squad, 28 year old Irish international midfielder Jeff Kendrick, but we dont know if he will take part in the game?

The Geordie Times will bring yoo the result and team line up az soon az we find oot!

Updated '7:00pm bells'

Alex 0  The Toon 3 (FT)

Goals from Carroll(1st half), Atsu and Fernandez (2nd half) secured this victory for The Toon in York behind closed doors!

This woz Carroll's 1st goal on his retorn to NUFC a year ago!

Mark Gillespie made his debut in goal in the first half (replaced by Darlow at half time) There woz nee sign of new signin' Jeff Hendrick--or Joelinton for that matter?

In total 23 players were used,

 11 in the forst half and 12 in the second half! (Gayle went off injured in the 63rd minute to be replaced by Barlaser)

NUFC aalso hit the goal frame 3 times as well!

TOON 23

Next up is Barnzleee at Darsley Park, Benton at '3:00 bells' on Saturday---again, behind closed doors of course!

PET SHOP BOYS BID FOR TOON! *** GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!

 Posted '2:45pm bells' at Woodall services truckpark northbound, M1, Munday 24th August 2020

News reaches us that a £300 million bid for NUFC haz been lodged by the BN Group from Singapore who are said to be the fastest growin' conglomerate in the world!(whatever that meenz?)

They share premises with a PET SHOP, which iz on the top floor of a 4 story buildin' in the city state!

I'm not sayin that theres a 'rabbit' off' somewhere,(sic!) but if yoo share a buildin with a bloody pet shop, how much money have yoo reely got and how the hell will yoo get Ronaldo to sign for NUFC az you've promised???

BN Group speaking to Ronaldo:

"We're not in the Champions League, we're not even in the Europa League, but we did finish 13th in the Premier League and yoo could partner Joelinton in attack, who scored 2 goals in 38 League games last season!"

Geordie Times comment: "They are not even 'chancers', they're not THAT good!"

And as for that American gadgie!???

MORECAMBE V THE TOON *** LEEGUE CUP 3RD ROOND

 Posted '7:58am bells' Wedinzday 23rd September 2020

"TO LAUGH OR CRY--THAT IZ THE QUESTION!"

🤣 or 😭

NUFC play Morecambe away tooneet behind closed doors in the Leegue Cup! Luckily 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have been here before (see ground 304 below)

If we get through to the 4th roond we wont be so lucky, as we will played Newport away and we have never been there before!

We wont be able to gan so I dont know wether to laugh or cry if we beat Morecambe!

WIDEOPEN 9 HEDDON UNITED 0 *** FRIENDLY FIXTURE

 Posted '5:25pm bells' Saturday 22nd August 2020

(Updated Sunday)

"HADRIAN WILL NOT BE IMPRESSED!"

Emperor Hadrian

 

This woz mee forst live game since March (Toon away at Soothampton on the 6th and then Dunston away at Widnes on the 13th)

I travelled up to the northern outskirts of the Toon in 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer's 'jam jar'

The visitors from Heddon on the Wall (Hadrians wall) were totally outplayed in this game az WideOpen (yes! There is such a place!) dominated from start to finish!

To put it bluntly the Heddon defence woz 'wide open' as the appropriately named home side laid siege to the visitors goal. The Emperor Hadrian would not be impressed if he woz watchin from the clouds above!

WideOpen is to the north of Gosforth Park racecourse and their groond iz caalled Lockey Park and they play in the Northern Alliance 2nd division!   Whereaz Heddon United play in the Hexham & District Sunday Leegue

The groond consisted of a pitch with a metal fence aroond it, open to the elements with nee stands! (Luckily it wasnt rainin'!)

The goal glut woz az follows (deep breath!)

Goal 1: 15th minute: Shot across the box!

Goal 2: Goalie blunder to let WideOpen forward in for simple tap in in 20th minute

Goal 3: Another simple tap in from close range just 2 mins later

Goal 4: A great strike which gave the Heddon goalie nee chance! (See photo)

                                                                       The 4th goal!

Wide Open didnt have any

numbers on their blue

shirts, so we didn't have a

clue who scored their 

9 goals!  

(Nee team sheets eethaa, of course!)

HT 4-0 to WideOpen

Goal 5: A wide open goal for WideOpen after anothaa defensive blunder from the Heddon defence, just 2 mins after the restart!

Goal 6: Penalty, which woz hit doon the centre az the goalie dived to his right on the hour mark!

   Goal 6 from the penalty spot!

Goal 7: Another tap in from close range!

"BEWARE OF LOW FLYIN' PLANES!"

Just before the 7th goal the linesman, who woz a Heddon substitute, flagged for offside against WideOpen

The 'away' linesman in the orange Heddon strip!

(The linesman on the far side wore a blue Wide Open strip!)

It wasn't offside and the ref, who we naa caalled Barry said, "Iz there a plane comin' in?" (To nearby Newcasil Airport--and there WOZ!)

Goal 8: A free kick in the 70th minute from the edge of the box, woz fumbled by the Heddon goalie and the baall trickled into the net (NOT a good day for him!)

Goal 9: Bang on full time. A Shot across the box ended up in the far corner of the net with the Heddon goalie 'headin' in the wrang direction! (sic!)

'Official' attendance: (Accordin to 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer') 36, plus 2 smaall doggies!

Amazingleee, this woz Blondie's 14th game of the season and 2nd today!

*PS: Had a look at WideOpen's twitter feed on Sunday mornin' and the goals were scored by: Beattie (hat-trick), Whittaker (hat-trick),  Desmond (2) and Norvell (1), but in which order, iz anybodys guess???

TRYERS, BUYERS AND LIARS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 21st August 2020

"OWER TO YOO,  AMANDA!"

The NUST (Newcasil United Supportaaz Trust) put questions to the Premyaa Leegue's cheef executive Richard 'Disaster' Masters yesterday aboot the takeower fiasco!

"The door is still open!" said Masters, when asked if the deal had been aborted!

"There is NO truth that othaa Premyaa Leegue 'big six' clubs put objections in, or influenced the owners and directors test!"

he added: We find that VERY HARD to believe?

The Buyin' party said that there were nee 'red flags' raised in the forst 9 weeks of the takeower!

Masters replied "That this was NOT true and the 'test' has no time limit!"

Put it this way, eethaa Masters iz tellin 'porkies', OR Amanda Staveley IZ!??

With 110,000 Toon fans signin' the 'e mail' for transparacy from the Leegue and 7,000 sendin 'e mails' to their MPs, of which ower 100 of them backed or wrote letters to Masters and Co., we reely DEE need Amanda and the PIF to say sommik!? (Az well az wor reluctant owner, 'The Fat Controller'!) (FAT chance of that!)

Amanda asked us to lobby the Premyaa Leegue, and we DID!

Amanda asked us to start a petition in favour of the takeower

and we DID!

Amanda asked us to send letters to wor local MPs and we DID!

We've done wor bit Amanda---we desperately need a reply!

Iz the deal still alive?---or iz it dead?

We the lang sufferin NUFC fans need to naa the answer!

ARE YOO LISTENIN', AMANDA!

Updated '1:00pm bells'

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏