"ITS ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOO TO DRINK!"

Posted '1:11pm bells' Wedinzday 22nd April 2020

News that amnesty international and a Qater tv company are tryin to block the takeower of NUFC iz now worldwide news!

It's unreal that az soon az we get a very rich buyer who iz gannin to make us great again, then 2 spanners are hoyed into the works to try and stop the deal gannin through!

Sheffeeeld United were bought by a rich Saudi and nowt iz said!
Man City are owned by a very rich Arab and nowt iz said!
Man U have Saudi Arabia partners and nowt said!

Yet when we try to do it, we are condemned and vilified.

Iz it just me? who 'finks' that no one likes us and that they will de ANYTHIN' to put us doon and try and stop the biggest takeower in futbaall history?

We can anly hope that the Premyaa Leegue are NOT influenced by outsiders and let the takeower gan through!

Its said a decision will be forthcomin within 3 weeks!

That's 3 weeks of nail biting, hair pullin' and daily exercise to the nearest 'off licence' to buy crates of broon ale and cans to keep us permanently comotosed!

"NO ONE LIKES US!---
IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Update: The Premyaa Leegue have replied to a letter sent by amnesty international and have said that neethaa they OR the government will intervene in the takeower!
That leaves the Qater TV company who broadcast Premyaa Leegue games owerseas az the last hurdle to overcome in the 'Fit and Propaa Persons test'! (Qater and next door neighbours Saudi Arabia are sworn enemies!)

Updated 10:40pm bells: Another spanner hoyed into the works! *

GROUNDHOPPERS ARCHIVE *** THE VICTORIA PLEASURE GROUNDS 1994 *** "TEN-NIL TO THE GEORDIE BOYS!"

Posted '1:53pm bells' Tuesday 21st April 2020

With nee  top flight futbaall for 6 weeks now--and with the lockdoon to continue for the next 3 weeks at least, av got 'time on mee hands' to add new archive match reports to mee never endin list!

This iz anothaa 'second string' game, this time against Goole Town 26 years ago, when NUFC won by a double figure score in this pre season fixture in the summer of '94'! (see below) 

PS: I picked the Goole game at random and amazingly they have the same nickname az Widnes RLFC---the last Geordie Times match report I did a few days ago!
They are both caalled 'The Vikings'!

120 victoria pleasure grounds goole

(GROUND NUMBER 120)

Date of First Visit: 10th AUGUST 1994

THE VICTORIA PLEASURE GROUNDS, GOOLE


GOOLE TOWN 0  
NEWCASTLE UNITED XI 10 (Alex Mathie 5, Richie Appleby 2, Jeffrey, Papavasiliou, Stewie Elliott (pen)


FRIENDLY FIXTURE---ATTENDANCE 400 (Quite a few Man U fans!)



"WHO'S DROPPED A 'GOOLIE'------THEN !?"

A HUGE 'ERECTION' AT THE VICTORIA 'PLEASURE' GROUNDS!

Meesel, The Undertaker, Mark from Morpeth and Glen from Ashington travelled doon for this one, and wih parked up in the docks area of Goole for a few gargels before the match.

The forst booza wih waalked in tee just stopped what they were deein' az wih sauntered through the door!. Yih would'iv thought that that wi'd waalked intih somebody's hoose uninvited, such were the black looks wih got!

A beer gutted bearded gadgie dressed in his oily work gear was playin' darts and he stopped in his tracks tih  eyebaall us across the smoked filled room, just az he was aboot tih hoy his thord 'arra' intih the board!.

At forst ah thought he was gannih 'change direction' and hoy it at US!, BUT!--- he had a 'change of heart' and hit the treble ONE! instead!  (Jocky Wilson he was'nt!---stick tih the dockers day job, mate!)



When they realised that we wornt from the 'Inland Revenue' or the 'Benefit Cheats Investigation Team' we were 'accepted' intih 'the fold' and sorved with fower throthy pints of 'Goole's Finest' (or whatever it was caalled!?)

Wih decided not tih stop for another one after wi'd finished (just in case!) and heeded for an even rougher looker booza alang the alley. (wi'll neva lorn wor lesson---will wee!?)

This one was a little more 'friendly' (neebody waz playin' darts!) so wih stopped for a couple and then heeded for the groond.





"THERE'S ANLY ONE YIHNITED!"



When wih reached the tornstiles wih could'nt believe just how many fans were wearin' Yihnited tops-----NAA!---a'm NOT! taalkin' aboot Newcasel Yihnited---a'm taalkin' abooot F****** Man Yihnited!

But what the hell were they deein' there??----WHY?, had 'the gloryhunters' come tih watch Goole against a Toon XI ???

The answer was simple!-----Apparently!---the local 'rag', 'The Goole Gazzette' (or whatever it waz caalled!?) had reported that Goole Town were playin' MANCHESTER Yihnited! and NOT US!

Hence, the hundred or so 'Humberside Hangers on', appearance at the groond!

(Because of this 'clanger', it's nuw been remamed 'The Goolie Gazzette'!) (honest!)

The disappointment on their little (and large!) faces when they foond oot the truth, az they watched the teams waamin' up before the start, said it aall!!

(Ha!-Ha!-Ha!---sorves them F*****' reet!) ('One-nowt' tih the Toon aalready!)



Actually there were quite a few dressed in the 'black 'n' white' of the Toon iz well!, and they were treated to a 'ten goal rout' az the Toon XI completely ootplayed their hosts with Alex Mathie gettin' five of them in the process! (Aalthough!---just WHAT! 'pleasure' 'Victoria' got from this, iz anybodys guess!) (work it oot!)

The goal sequences were az follows: (deep breath!)
1st goal: Richie Appleby 7th minute
2nd goal: Alex Mathie 8th minute
3rd goal: Jeffrey 20th minute
4th, 5th, 6th & 7th goals: Alex Mathie 52nd minute,  then 67th minute for hiz 'hat-trick', 69th minute and 76th minute for hiz FIFTH goal of the game!
8th goal: Richie Appleby, 85th minute
9th goal: Papavasiliou ?? minute
10th goal: And finally Stewie Elliott completed the rout with a late penalty and the 10th goal of the game!


One very odd lookin' buildin' in the distance which ah took tih be some kind of waata tower?, struck a canny resemblance to a VERY large erect p****!, (with NEE 'GOOLIES'!)(see photo tih mek yih aan minds up!) and this just aboot summed up the Goole Town players attitude! (ie: they had nee b****s! for this game!)



After the match wih heeded back alang the 'M62', singin' Alex Mathie's praises---

---Aaltogether nuw!:

ALEX, NOT ALEC!

"Alex Mathie!---Alex Mathie!---Alex!-Alex Mathie!"

"He scores the goals that makes us happy!"

"ALEX-ALEX MATHIE!"     

  

NUFC HISTORY OF AWAY GROUNDS VISITED *** 1892-2020 (1st team competitive games only)

NUFC AWAY GROUNDS HISTORY 'A' to 'Z'

Az I have got nowt better to dee in the lockdoon, I'v decided to see just how many groonds NUFC have played on in the last 128 years!
I am busy compiling a list of aall the groonds for 1st team competitive games, since the amalgamation of Newcastle East End and Newcastle West End in 1892

Teams beginnin' with the letter 'A' (Year of  first visits only)
Geordie Times first visits in brackets (ie: GT 2010)

STADIO SAN NICOLA, AS BARI, 1992 

(THE FLYING SAUCER STADIUM!) 

Letter 'A'
001: Aberdeen, Pittodrie, 1974
002: Accrington Stanley, Crown Ground, 2010 (GT 2010)
003: ACF Fiorentina, Stadio Artemio Franchi, 1973
004: AFC Bournemouth, Dean Court,1963 (GT 1989)
005: Ardwick (Manchester City), Hyde Road 1893
006: Arsenal (Woolwich), Manor Field, 1893
007: Arsenal, Arsenal Stadium (Highbury), 1919  (GT 1968)
008: Arsenal, Emirates Stadium, 2006 (GT 2006)
009: AS Bari, Stadio San Nicola, Italy, 1992 (GT 1992)
010: AS Lucchese Libertas, Italy, 1992 (GT 1992)
011: AS Roma, Stadio Olimpico, Italy, 1973 (GT 1999)
012: Aston Villa, Wellington Road, 1895
013: Aston Villa, Villa Park, 1898 (GT 1984)

014: Athletic Bilbao, Estadio San Mames, Spain, 1994 (GT 1994)

015: Atromitos Athens, Peristeri Stadium, Greece, 2012 (GT 2012)
016: Ayr United, Somerton Park, 1972 (GT 2001) (GT 200th ground)
017: AZ Alkmaar, DSB Stadion, Belgium, 2007 (GT 2007)
(Geordie Times: 12 oot of 17 visited)

Letter 'B'
018: Barcelona, Nou Camp, Spain, 1997 (GT 1997)
019: Barnsley, Oakwell, 1935 (GT 1981)
020: Bastia, Stade Armand Cesare Feriani, 1977
021: Bayer Leverkusen, BayArena Stadion, 2003 (GT 2003)
022: Birmingham City (Small Heath), Mutz Street, 1893
023: Birmingham City, St. Andrews, 1906 (GT 1974)
024: Blackburn Rovers, Ewood Park, 1898 (GT 1982)
025: Blackpool, Bloomfield Road, 1897 (GT 1971)
026: Bohemians, Dalymount Park, Ireland, 1977 (GT 1998)
027: Bolton Wanderers, Burnden Park, 1899, (GT 1976)
028: Bolton Wanderers, Reebok Stadium, 1997 (GT 1997)
029: Bradford City, Valley Parade, 1909 (GT 1984)
030: Bradford City, Odsal Stadium, 1986 (GT 1986)
031: Bradford Park Avenue, Park Avenue, 1914
032: Brentford, Griffin Park, 1935 (GT 1992)
033: Brighton & Hove Albion, Goldstone Ground, 1962 (GT 1978)
034: Brighton & Hove Albion, AMEX Stadium, 2012 (GT 2012)
035: Bristol City, Ashton Gate, 1906 (GT 1990)
036: Bristol Rovers, Eastville, 1951 (GT 1978)
037: Bristol Rovers, Twerton Park, 1990 (GT 1990)
038: Burnley, Turf Moor, 1897 (GT 1974)
039: (Burslem) Port Vale, Athletic Ground, 1894
040: (Burslem) Port Vale, Vale Park, 1894 (GT 1990)
041: Burton Albion, Pirelli Stadium, 2016 (GT 2016)
042: Burton Swifts, Peel Croft, 1893 
043: Burton Wanderers, Derby Turn, 1895 (9-0 record defeat!)
044: Bury, Gigg Lane, 1894 (GT 1996 (Man U res v NUFC res)
(Geordie Times 21 oot of 27--runnin total 33 oot of 44) Letter 'C' to follow---when aa can be bothered!

    

WOT THE PAPERS SAY!

Posted '5:55pm bells' Munday 20th April 2020

Exactly one month to the day, Boris ordered AALL drinkin dens to close for the foreseeable future!
The Sun reckons that they will be shut til Xmas (God forbid!)

Former Toon midfielder and Charlton manager Lee Bowyer says the lower leegues might not finish, as it's pointless to play games behind closed doors with nee income comin through the tornstiles!

He makes sense!----So surely The Premyaa Leegue will be in the same boat, if an antidote isnt foond very soon!
Aa meen!--- just how do yoo isolate 20 squads with 20 players in each squad for SIX weeks? (thats 400 players plus managers, match officials, trainers, doctors and physios----makin aboot 500 in total!
It would just take ONE player from ONE squad to put a spanner in the works by catchin' 'the bat out of hell' virus and f*** it up!

2 NORTH EAST CLUBS ÇHASE VIDAL!

Posted '6:00pm bells' Sunday 19th April 2020

The Geordie Times haz hord some sensational news that NUFC are after Barcelona star and highly rated central midfielder Arturo Vidal!


We understand that 'the mackems' are after Vidal az well!

GREAT EXPECTATIONS!

Posted '12:15am bells' Sunday 19th April 2020

Expectations amongst Toon fans have changed in an instant!

Spot the difference under 
The 'Fat Controller's
reign!!

PRINCE SALAM WITH PRIME MINISTERS, PRESIDENTS, QUEENS and PRINCES!

Posted '9:45pm bells' Saturday 18th April 2020

He can't be that bad if he has met the Queen!

BUCKINGHAM PALACE WITH THE QUEEN

10 DOWNING STREET WITH THE THEN 

PRIME MINISTER THERESA MAY

IN SAUDI ARABIA WITH PRIME MINISTER BORIS

IN THE WHITE HOOSE WITH DONALD

(WHO IZ WEARIN' A 'TOON' TIE!)

3 PRINCES @ BUCKINGHAM PALACE 

*I rest my case! 

50 MORE DAYS OF FAMINE? (AT LEAST!)⁷

Posted '3:55pm bells' Saturday 18th April 2020

News that The Premyaa Leegue's earliest restart date iz on the 8th Joon reaches us!

That's assuming that there iz a downward curve in the infections and deaths and that the government give them the 'green light'!

With the death toll from 'the bat out of hell' virus now nearly 1,000 a day on average in the UK (not includin' nursing homes etc) it's hard to see just how this iz possible!

We aalso hear that the 2020-2021 season must start at the beginnin of September, which gives a maximim time slot to complete the 92 Premyaa Leegue games of 2 and a half months!

The games we are told, will aall be behind closed doors and live on the telly, but the 20 playin squads must be tested first az well az coaches and match officials!
And wot abooot the hotel staff where the players will be staying in isolation???

If games are played behind closed doors, then many fans (includin me) who haven't missed a competitive game this century, will have 'the chain' broken into pieces!
(That's NINE NUFC games behind closed doors!)

Honestly, if it's safe for players to play without social distancing, then it must be safe to watch live at stadiums--and not on a box at home! (Why should futbaallers be given priority for testin, ower the rest of the population?)

But with so many deaths still bein recorded, (16,000 in total--so far!) it's quite possible that the season will have to be abandoned, as that 8th Joon restart looks highly unlikely!
And wot happens if even just ONE player from a squad gets the virus? Then the whole team will have to isolate az well and then the whole plan will faall apart, like a row of dominoes!



Who would ever have believed that somebody eating a bat in Chinaa last November, could cause aall this mayhem aroond the world 4 months later?????

GROUNDHOPPERS ARCHIVE *** "IT WOZ 20 YEARS AGO TODAY!" *** WIDNES VIKINGS RLFC

Posted '2:16pm bells' Friday 18th April 2020

On this day 20 years ago wor resorve side played Evaatin resorves at The Autoquest Stadium in Widnes, which iz the home of Rugby Super Leegue side Widnes Vikings!
A match report on that game, which woz mee 192nd groond visited watchin The Toon, iz printed below!