THE TOON 0 THE CANARY CUSTARD 'REDS' 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '11:30am bells' Sunday 2nd February 2020

😴"SLEEPWAAKIN' TO SAFETY!"😴

Unfortunately, this woz yet anothaa game to forget, which surely will be last on Match of the Day, when I watch it on Sunday mornin'? (It WOZ!---aall 4 and a half minutes of it!)

It reely iz cringeworthy stuff to watch and if yoo cannit sleep at night, an afternoon at St. James' Park will surely make yoo want to 'drop off' into a deep-deep sleep! "ZZZZZzzzzz!"😴

ACTION? AZ NUFC ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL

The fact that Nohrich, the bottom club who look certain to be relegated, had more clear cut chances, speaks volumes of wor erratic display yesterday afternoon!

Make nee misstayk, wor visitors from Norfolk shud have won this with at least 7 clear cut chances, but the reason that they are bottom of the pile iz because of their powder puff attack, which misfired time after time! (Just like wors!)
NUFC had chances az well, but not many, with just one clear cut chance in the forst half , a heeder from Joelinton, which woz expertly tipped ower the bar by ex Toon goalie Tim Krul! 
(The anly chance created by wor 40 million poond man who looks low on confidence!)
And then in the 2nd half Saint Maximin hit a shot across the box which narrowly went wide! ---And that woz it az far az we were concerned!

MATT RITCHIE PREPARES TO TAKE A FREE KICK IN THE 2nd HALF!

There were Premyaa Leegue debuts for 3 players, Nabil Bentaleb from the start and 2nd half substitutions, Danny Rose and Valentino Lazaro, but it woz 'the same old', same old' NUFC, az we plodded alang with quite a few misplaced passes to Nohrich players, and backward passes aplenty, to frustrate the near capacity crowd!

Grandson Jamie said at the final whistle, that he couldn't bare to watch anymore after 75 minutes, and played games on hiz phone instead for the last 15 minutes! (for the 2nd home game in a row!)
That just aboot sums uz up!

Amazingly, the point lifts us into the top half of the table, az nearly every othaa result went wor way! (Just 5 points behind Sheff U in 5th place and 7 points more than West Ham in the last relegation place!)

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin (Lazaro 54), Ritchie, Clark, Lascelles, Fernandez, Hayden (S. Longstaff), Bentaleb, Almiron, Saint-Maximin (Rose 79), Joelinton

Attendance: 52,204 (1,500 colour blind Canary Custards who sang "Come on you yellows!" throughout the match!---they played in AALL RED!) 

*Footnote: Forwards, Joelinton, Saint-Maximin and Almiron cost us EIGHTY MILLION QUID between them and they have scored just FOUR Premyaa Leegue goals so far this season, from 25 games!

*

THE TOON v DELIA'Z CANARY CUSTARD CREAMS *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '2:10pm bells' BREXIT FRIDAY😊31st January 2020

GREY'S MONUMENT ENTRANCE TO ELDON SQUARE!

Tomorrow afternoon we play basement club Nohrich at SJP and 3 points 'iz a must' against the strugglin' east Anglian club!

NUFC will have THREE players makin their Premyaa Leegue debut for us, namely, Valantino Larazo, Danny Rose and Nabil Bentalib, but there iz nee sign of a much needed goalscorer to bolster wor attack! (Deadline day deal unlikely)
However! Shelvey, Dummett, Gayle, Muto, Carroll, Krafth and Manquillo are still 'crocked'!

Not suprizingly, bottom club Nohrich haven't sold their 3,000 allocation of tickets and the unsold tickets are now on sale to NUFC fans (We expect no more than 500-600 to torn up from Norfolk!)
A 50,000 crowd of predicted by The Geordie Times! (Instead of 52,000 had wor visitors sold their allocation)

Meeenwhile, wor next 2 away games v 'The Oxfaad Skolaaz' and 'The Arse' are completely sold oot!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday---az per usual, "Watch this space!" 

🎵OH DANNY BOY!--THE TOON--THE TOON--ARE CALLING!🎵

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 30th January 2020

"HELLO!--DANNY BOY?--'BROKEN NOSE BRUCE' HERE!"

*NUFC have agreed a loan deal for Sporz and England left back Danny Rose.
Danny is 29 years old and haz 29 England caps.
It has been reported that a 2 million pound loan deal haz been agreed, with an option to buy in the summer!
He woz born in 'Donny' (Doncaster) and started his playin career at Leedz!

This is a great addition to wor squad in wor bid to drag worsels well clear of the drop zone! (And who naaz---a possible European place?)

*

THE UNROMANCE OF THE FA CUP!

Posted '1:19pm bells' Tuesday 28th January 2020

THE LAST TIME WE WERE IN OXFAAD, NUFC LOST 3-0 AFTER 

FIELDIN A WEAKENED TEAM, 3 YEARS AGO THIS MONTH

(VIEW FROM THE AWAY END (THE 1st 3 ROWS WERE KEPT EMPTY)

At the time of writin this, we STILL divvint naa wethaa wor FA Cup replay v Oxfaad at The Kassam Stadium will be played next Tuesday or Wedinzday, az the BBC hazzent decided yet just which replay game they will pick for their Wedinzday neet 'slot'!

Thiz iz absolutleee 'criminal' with the fans left in limbo to book trains and hotels, which are 'sky high' az we speak!
Of course, the langer we have to wait, the more the prices gan up!---and UP!

'The Liverbirds' manager Yorgin Klopp haz said aalready that he will play an U23 resorve team in their replay v Shrewsbury at Anfieeeld next week, and that he wont even bothaa gannin to the game!!!!

The FA Cup haz been devalued yet again with Klopp's decision, meanin the 'so-called big clubs' are more interested in winnin the Leegue, and that the FA Cup haz been 'relegated' to a minor competition to them! (Remember Moan U not even enterin the FA Cup in 1999?)
Aalso the 5th roond of the competition iz to be played MIDWEEK  for the forst time ever! So if? we win the replay, we will have to travel to West Brom on a Tuesday or Wedinzday neet! (Yet more fan inconvenience!) 

A total contrast to the 1960's when the FA Cup woz 'KING' and if yoo'd asked anybody back then if they would rather win the Leegue or FA Cup the answer would have been the FA Cup EVERY time! 

The Geordie Times will of course let yiz naa, just when we will be in Oxfaadshire, az soon az we find oot!

Update Tuesday neet at Trowell truck park, M1 south:
The Oxfaad Skolaaz v The Toon replay will be played on Tuesday 4th February at '8:05 bells' for live telly (BBC)

SELF INFLICTED WOUNDS! (Part 123!)

Posted '1:00pm bells' Munday 27th January 2020

*We at 'The Geordie Times' cannit believe wor manager/heed coach's comments after wor bore no score draw v The Oxfaad Skollaz on Saturday:
Quote: 'Broken Nose Bruce' haz slammed The Premyaa Leegue's new winter break after hiz side will now face a 4th roond replay at Oxfaad, instead of puttin' hiz feet up!

NUFC had considered a warm weather trainin' camp in Dubai (very nice!) but after so many injuries in the last 2 months, Bruce had decided to give hiz players time to spend at home with their families.

A lang break between next weekend's game v Nohrich and the trip to 'The Arse' in the middle of next month had been on the agenda for NUFC had they beaten Oxfaad!

But they will now spend it preparin' for a lang haul trip to the Kassam Stadium for a 2nd attempt at gettin' past Leegue One opponents!

'Old Broken Nose' said: "For me its a ridiculous situation that you're supposed to have a week off and then all of a sudden, they've shoved replays in there, so what's the point?"

The point iz this Steve, we played 5 at the back with a near full strength team, against lowly opposition at HOME, when we shud have went for 'the jugular' from the start!  
We would surely have won the game if we had, but this iz NUFC after aall and it's WOR OWN FAULT that we face a replay in the middle of next week!

Theeze are SELF INFLICTED WOUNDS  and we can anly blame worsels for yet another unwanted midweek game!

Of course, the 'diehard fans' will be there at great inconvenience and expense, with an owerneet stay in the university city ' a must' az the game could well gan to extra time and penalties, makin' it impossible to catch a train back to the north!

Self inflicted wounds, indeed, 'Brucey baby', so don't curse and blame The Premyaa Leegue for wor predicament---BLAME YOURSELF! (and the players who failed miserably!)

PS: We shud find oot sometime today just when the replay will happen---live telly a certainty!---and of course the draw for the 5th roond takes place at '7:30 bells' tooneet---and we will let yoo, wor loyal reeders naa just when the replay date iz---and who we have drawn in the 5th roond----that's providin' we beat Oxfaad in the replay of course! (We are baall number 14)

Az per usual 'watch this space' later on tooneet!

Replay time and date:???

Possible 5th roond opponents: West Brom away

THE TOON 0 OXFAAD 0 *** FA CUP 4TH ROOND 2019-2020

Posted '10:47am bells' Sunday 26th January 2020

VIEW FROM ROW 'QQ' SEAT '105' IN THE GALLOWGATE END

 AZ NUFC ATTACK THE FAR LEAZES END GOAL

"A PENANCE AND SEVERE
PUNISHMENT!"😳

Yet anothaa shockin FA Cup display by a near full strength NUFC side, against lowly Oxfaad from Leegue One! 

2 offside goals from Joelinton and a very bad miss from him late on, meeenz that we must travel to Oxfaadshire for a midweek replay in 9 or 10 days time after this 0-0 bore draw in front of 52,000, including nearly 4,000 Oxfaad fans!

A JOELINTON SHOT IZ SAVED BY THE OXFAAD KEEPER (2nd half)

Even 'Broken Nose Bruce' admitted that we played badly (again!) and the replay iz definatly not what ANYBODY wanted ----apart from the Oxfaad contingent, that iz!

MOST OF THE 52,000 CROWD WERE HOUSED IN 

THE MILBURN STAND (left) AND LEAZES END

Grandson Jamie, who woz sittin next to me in row QQ of The Gallowgate End, spent half hiz time lookin' at the games on hiz phone, az this woz better 'entertainment' than the 'game' on the pitch!
I told Jamie that in hiz lifetime NUFC had NEVER got past the 4th roond of the FA Cup! (He's 11 next borthday!)

Just why we cant put these lower leegue team 'to bed' at the forst attempt iz a mystery and sommik that we have had to endure for half a century and more!---so this iz nee suprize to us whatsoever!

Nabil Bentalib made hiz debut and must of thought just wot the hell he had let himself in for, az we laboured alang with misplaced passes and 'crab like' sideways action!

Indeed Oxfaad could have won it 'near the death', if it wasn't for Darlow in The Toon goal, who made 2 excellent saves to deny wor visitors!

Az the final whistle blew, there woz boooing from the crowd and az we exited the stadium, Jamie said to me!, "You could miss the replay Grandad, it's only one game!", to which I replied, "It's my penance and punishment Jamie---for bein a diehard Toon fan!----so I've GOT to gan!"----That's an expensive and unwanted 600 mile roond trip on a Tuesday or Wedinzday neet!---Say no more!!!

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Schar, Lascelles, Clark, Ritchie, Almiron, Bentalib (Atsu 81), S.Longstaff (Hayden 88), Saint-Maximin (M. Longstaff 70), Joelinton

Attendance: 52, 221 (3,710 from Oxfaad) (They sold more than 3,900 tickets?)
This woz wor highest FA Cup crowd for 44 years--and so to play like that woz criminal!

*A dog is for life and so is NUFC!   (TILLY'S BAR after game!

THE TOON V OXFAAD *** FA CUP 4TH ROOND *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1:18pm bells' Friday 24th January 2020

NUFC play Leegue One Oxfaad at SJP at '3:00 bells' tomorrow afternooon and a crowd approaching 50,000 is expected, with wor visitors sellin' 3,900 of their 5,000 allocation for level 7 of The Leazes End!

Prices for sprogs have been reduced from a fiver to just a quid, hence the reason for the 45,000 ticket sales by last neet!

Update: Just hord---The game is now a complete 52,000 sellooot!

New loan signin' Valentino Lazaro is expected to start in wor bid for a 5th roond place for the first time since 2006!
Winger Lazaro has come from Inter Milan and an option to buy him for £20 million, iz on the table, shud he be a success?
He is a 23 year old Austrian International and can play on both wings!
Aalso in the startin' line up will be new midfielder Nabil Bentaleb, who signed on loan from Schalke 04, 2 days ago, with the option to buy at the end of the season for £8.5 million

NABIL BENTALEB

'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yoo 'wor loyal reeders' aall 'the gen' sometime on Sunday and pleeeze, pleeeze, nee replay at Oxfaad, where we lost 3-0, 3 years ago in the same competition with a 'scratch side'!

PS: Just hord that Lazaro will NOT make his debut az the transfor papers haven't been completed in time for him to play!😳

NEWCASIL BENFEEELD 1 THE TOON U23S 1 (NUFC win on penalties)

Posted '12:38pm bells' Thorsday 23rd January 2020

"COME ON YOO ORANGEMEN!"

Last neet wor U23s progressed to the semi finals of The Northumberland Senior Cup, by beating Northern Leegue side Newcasil Benfeeeld at Sam Smith's Park!

The score at full time woz 1-1 with Longelo gettin' wor goal in the 84th minute after Benfeeeld had taken the lead in the forst half!
And so the game went to a penalty shootout, where we won it 3-2 with Allen, Young and White scorin from the spot (Benfeeeld missed 3 penalties, which were saved by Turner in The Toon goal)

PS> Special thanx to 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' for the pix!

Attendance: 330

THE TOFFEE NOSES 2 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted from '11:00am bells' Wedinzday 22nd January 2020 on the train back yem from Liverpoool!

"GLOVELY JUBBLY!"

For starters, forget aboot the first 90 minutes az NUFC were absolutely c*ap!

Evaatin were aall ower us az we struggled to get ower the halfway line or put 2 passes together!

It woz nee suprize when wor hosts took the lead in the 30th minute through Kean!

With Joelinton up front with Almiron we faced the hopeless task of tryin for an equaliser!
We somehow went in just one goal to the bad at half time!
We had nee shots on target in this half!

The Toffee Noses doubled their lead 9 mins after the restart when Calvert-Lewin fired past Dubravka in The Toon goal!

The ineffective Joelinton then went off and az we had nee forwards on the subs bench, he woz replaced by Schar!

Evaatin shud have had many more goals az the game reached its climax and the 4th official indicated 4 mins of stoppage time!

And then the fun started!
In the 94th minute Lejeune latched onto a corner kick and sort of sizzor kicked the baall into the net for a consolation goal at The Glydiss Street End! (Or so we thought!)

And then the moment of the game!----A mad scramble in the Evaatin box just one minute after wor forst goal resulted in the ref pointing to hiz watch to indicate that the baall had crossed the line and signalled a goal for us!

The Toon fans went ballistic az the players ran towards us!

Because of the poor view we had from row 8 of The Bullens Road Stand, (above) nee one had a clue who had scored the goal, but it mattered not az we had got a precious point az the ref blew for full time!

Amazing!--- we didn't have a shot on goal in normal time, but got 2 in 5 minutes of extra time!

 Toon players hoy their shirts

to the fans at the end of the game!

It later transpired that the mackem we love to hate, Jordan 'short arms' Pickford, had been standing behind the goal line az he caught the baall with his bright yellow gloves, for wor equaliser!
UNREAL!- But comical!
(Lejeune had scored again!)

NUFC had done another smash and grab raid, followin wor very late winner against Chelski last Saturday !

PS: It shud be noted that many Toon fans left orly and missed wor goals, includin 'Donald from Darlo' and 'Alex of St. George'
They had a very restricted view of the goals as they were sitting on a bus back to the city centre when we scored!
Perhaps they shud be caalled 'Donald the Duckegg' and 'Alex the A******e'!

Toon team: Dubravka, Hayden, Fernandez, Lascelles
(Lejeune 70), Ritchie, Almiron, S.Longstaff, M.Longstaff, Atsu(Krafth 72), Joelinton (Schar 79)

Attendance: 38,822 (1,500 disbelieving Toon fans!)

*Az Del Boy would say:
"2 goals in stoppage time!"
"Glovely jubbly!"


The pub crawl!

THE TOFFEE NOSES v THE TOON *** PREMYAA LEEGUE *** TOMORROW NEET!

Posted 'high noon bells Munday 20th January 2020

The games are comin' up thick and fast and before we've had time to draw breath ("pant!-puff!-pant!"), we are off on wor travels yet again, this time to the 'blue half' of Liverpoool, where we take on Evaatin at Goodison Park in a '7:30 bells' kick off, tomorrow neet!

NUFC have sold an allocation of just 1,500 tickets for The Bullens Road Lower Stand (we could have had the Upper Stand az well, but couldn't sell anymore tickets!)

We are actually on the same number of points az wor hosts and are just 5 points behind 5th place Moan U in a EUFA Cup place!

Dummett, Gayle, Muto and Willems are aall  'crocked' and there are aalso doubts aboot Carroll, Ki, Manquillo and Yedlin---so the injury list iz still canny lang!

We leave tomorrow mornin', but not on the train we booked az its been cancelled!----and (unbeleeevableee!) so haz wor train back from Liverpoool!
(Are we 'train jinxed' or wot?--az this iz the umpteenth time this season that sommik haz gone wrong on train jornies to and back from away games!)

A Geordie Times match report will appear here (from mee mobile telling bone) az we travel back on a train that hasn't been cancelled on Wedinzday mornin'! (So the report might have a few sppellin missstakes, due to the train bumpin alang the track!)

Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

PS: Just hord the bad news that Dummett and Willems are oot for the rest of the season!😳