MOAN U V THE TOON ON BOXIN DAY

🎄Posted '12:31pm bells' XMAS EVE 2019🎄

On Boxin day we heed across the M62 when we take on Moan U at 'The Theatre of Muppets'!

With nee trains, 'Kevin the Carrot' haz got 'the short straw' and will drive us across the Pennines in mee 'canny tranny' 9 seater van! (Honest!)

NUFC are unbelievably level on points with Moan U, who have an identical home record to us (4 wins, 4 draws and 1 defeat)
Now is the time to play them, az they lost 2-0 to bottom club Wotfaad at the weekend and were terrible (watched it on Sunday)

This will be the halfway point of the season and with 25 points on board, we are just 15 points from the 'magical' 40 points mark to avoid relegation, with 19 to play!

We have sold wor entire away allocation of course and we will be in full voice come the '5:30 bells' kick off time!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here sometime on Friday---az per usual---"Watch this space!"

*PS: With NUFC in 9th place in the Premyaa Leegue and the SMBs in their lowest ever Leegue position at 13th place in Leegue One, we are now 48 places apart in the Leegue tables!-----this, we believe iz the biggest EVER margin between the 2 clubs!----stretchin' way back to the 19th century!---
 LANG MAY IT CONTINUE!

THE TOON 1 THE CRYSTAL BALLS UPS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '11:05am bells' Sunday 22nd December 2019

THE MOMENT ALMIRON HITS THE LEFT FOOTED VOLLEY TO WIN THE GAME!

(GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE PIC FROM ROW 2 OF 
THE MILBURN STAND BALCONY!)

"IT ANLY TAKES 131,460 SECONDS TO SCORE A GOAL!"

Yet again it woz anothaa pitiful performance durin the first half at St. James' Park yesterday! "ZZZZzzzz!!!"
('Mr. Hyde' won it, hands doon!)

The 2nd half wasn't much better, with Palace gannin close and dominatin' for lang periods!

However, we did have chances az well and then just 7 minutes from the end of the game, which had 'nil-nil' written aall ower it, up stepped Miggy Almiron to volley home from a Andy Carroll doonward heeder in the penalty area, to score his first ever goal for The Toon after 26 barren games and 2,191 minutes field time!
Brian Clough once famously said, "It only takes a second to score a goal!"----or in this case 131,460 seconds!

And did the crowd roar their approval az the roof woz nearly lifted off The Gallowgate End where Miggy scored! He ran towards the Milburn Stand with hiz shirt off and celebrated with a young fan az they hugged each othaa!

We were SO happy for him and more importantly we move into 9th place in the table and 10 points above the drop zone---Aalso we are just 4 points from a Champions Leegue place and are unbeaten in the last 8 home Premyaa Leegue games!
Merry Xmas indeed!

Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo, Dummett(Yedlin 93), Schar, Fernandez, Lejeune, Hayden (S. Longstaff 64), Shelvey, Carroll, Joelinton (Gayle 77), Almiron

Attendance: 45, 453 (1,500 Palace)

*

WINTER WONDERLAND FIXTURES OOT!

Posted '9:09pm bells' 'Black Eye Friday' 20th December 2019

At last the Premyaa Leegue fixtures for the winter break in February, have been released!

NUFC will have wor winter break in the forst week of February and play in the 2nd week!
The fixtures for that month are now cast in stone!
It could have been worse az there are Friday and Munday neet televised games az well!

Sat 1st  Nohrich at home '3 bells'
Sun 16th The Arse away '4:30 bells' for live telly
Sat 22nd Palace away '3 bells'
Sat 29th The Bornley Hillbillies at home '3 bells'

THE TOON v THE CRYSTAL BALLS *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '1:41pm bells' 'Black Eye Friday' 20th December 2019

WHO WILL IT BE?

DR. JEKYLL---OR MR. HYDE??

Tomorrow afternoon we take on Roy Hodgson's Palace at SJP in a '3 bells' kick off!
Lately we have put in some 'Jekyll and Hyde' performances and we can anly hope that 'Dr. Jekyll' wins the day, come '5 bells' tomorrow!

Wor club insider tells us that Jonjo Shelvey iz fit to retorn and this can anly been good news!
This will be the last time this season when we will have a sub 45,000 crowd, az 10,000 FREE half season tickets have been given away to current season ticket holders, startin' from the Everton game on 28th of this month---and not, surprisingly that game iz completely sold oot!

There's a Metro train drivers strike today and tomorrow and this will not anly effect tomorrows game, but tooneets U23s game v Bleakburn Rovers at 'Blue Flames' in Benton, which iz on the Metro line!

Best of luck to those who rely on the Metro to get to games!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday!  Az per usual, "Watch this space!" 

*PS: Wor U23s lost 3-2, with Tom Allen getting both wor goals in front of a sub 200 crowd---The result meenz that NUFC are eliminated from The Premyaa Leegue International Cup competition!😪    

MORE JOYOUS NEWS FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 17th December 2019
Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday

"NEW GROOND!---NEW GROOND!"🤪

"IT'S!---THE ROCHDALE COWBOYS!"🤪

Last neet az aa travelled back from London on the train after wor U23s game at Romford, news filtered through on mee 'mobile' that Rochdale had defeated Boston in the 2nd roond replay of the FA Cup and will meet NUFC at home in the thord roond!

This iz excellent news for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' az we have never been to Rochdale's Spotland groond before!
Whereaz we HAD been to Boston's York Street groond for a friendly, many years ago!

The game will be played at '12:31 bells' on Saturday 4th January for live telly!

"YAHOOOO!"😜

Update:
The Toon have been allocated 3,200 tickets for The Reside Estate Agency Stand and prices are nearly double from when Rochdale played Boston at home in their 2nd roond 0-0 draw!
There iz nee news wethaa we can get a mortgage from the stand's sponsers, to pay for the said tickets hike!

345 rush green stadium romford (v west ham u23s)

Ground number 345
Date of First Visit: 16th December 2019
Rush Green Stadium, Romford, East of London

West Ham U23s 4
Newcastle United U23s 0

FA Premier Reserve League 2
Attendance: 143 (includin 7 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers)

"RUSH GREEN, GREEN HORNS!"

Anothaa inept performance from NUFC-- This time from wor U23 side who were totally outplayed in Romford az we torned oot in wor aaful aall green strip!

I had travelled doon by train the neet before az the train fares for the Munday mornin were astronomical at £155 the cheapest I could find!
A £32 fare woz in the offing for Sunday evening, so aa went for that and a £15 owerneet stay in Barking (east London) sharing a twin room with Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer!

BELEEEVE IT OR NOT---THE BARKING DOG 

IZ NEXT TO THE SPOTTED DOG (WHICH WOZ SHUT)

IN BARKING! ("WOOF-WOOF!")

After a few gargels in The Barking Dog in BARKING ("woof!-woof!") it woz time to retire to the nearby hotel for a few hours kip!

It woz p*ssin doon by this time and we got soaked to the skin waakin' the few hundred yards to the hotel alang the road!

If the heavy rain woz to continue then the match would have been in doubt!

Thankfully next mornin it had stopped rainin', so we heeded for Romford which iz a 25 minutes bus ride from Barking! (But not before a quick liquid lubrication in the King's Lounge!)
The bus dropped us off ootside the groond and we heeded for the ticket office!

The lassie said season ticket holders got in for free!
Blondie said, "Does that include Newcasil season ticket holders?"
After a slight pause she said, "YES!" and so we got in for nowt instead of £5 which woz the admission fee for non season ticket holders!

Apart from me and Blondie there were 5 othaa NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers present who had made the 500 mile plus roond trip from Tyneside and Yorkshire! (they didn't ask and paid a fiver to get in!)

6 of the 7 saddos watch on!
The 7th one took this photo!
"ME!"

Just like the 1st team game v Bornley we were dire and were lucky to get away with a 4-0 defeat for certain!---az the home side dominated the game for lang periods and took the lead in the 5th minute through Scully and the rest iz 'history'!  (We were lucky to get 'nil'!)

Whey!--- that's the match report---in total we had 3 shots on target throughout the whole game---which is 3 more than the game at Bornley on Saturday!
Its VERY hard work bein a Toon fan these days!

After the game we heeded for Romford and then the bars aroond Liverpoool Street tube station, where several liquid lubrication were downed!

THE MOON AND STARS, ROMFORD

ROMFORD

NEAR LIVERPOOOL STREET STATION

---And then it woz onward to KX (King's Cross) to catch the '7:30 bells' train yem!---but not before a couple of 'gargels' in the appropriately named Northumberland Arms on King's Cross Road---where the pub's black n white cat jumped off the top of a bandit machine, onto the table aa woz sittin at, nearly knockin mee pint ower in the process!
The cat then jumped back onto the bandit a few minutes later, narrowly missin' mee heed!

"BEWARE OF THE CAT!"

PS: I am deeing this report on route to The Toon az we speak!
Much more to follow!----now completed! (Tuesday)

*Rush Green woz the last new groond of the decade 2010 to 2019,
bringin the total number of new groonds a'v visited in the last 10 years to 72

We woz there!  The proof!

I CADGED THIS TICKET OFF THE TORNSTILE OPERATOR 

AT HALF TIME FOR MY COLLECTION!

(SEASON TICKET HOLDER DIDNT GET A TICKET ON ENTRY)

CLUB HOOSE WITH NEE BEER!

BUT IT DID HAVE FREE TEA OR COFFEE!

*

THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '11:28am bells' Sunday 15th December 2019

VIEW FROM ROW Z, SEAT 0063 OF THE CRICKET FIELD STAND

Well!-- there's one thing for certain, it wont tek lang to see this match report!

Anothaa dire away performance in the rain, sleet and hailstones off the Lancashire hills, made it a black miserable day for the Toon fans present!

It reeely iz hard to watch this drivel and with a strikeforce of Carroll and Joelinton, we produced exactly NEE shots on target from the forst whistle to the last!

At 40 million quid, Joelinton haz got to be wor worst buy ever (even worse than 16 million midget Michael Owen!) az he failed yet again to score or come close to doin so!
(Just ONE goal in 17 starts and NONE in the last 14!)

Bornley wornt very good eethaa but the one and anly goal of the game to them in the 58th minute, when the ref at forst gave a goal kick to us--and then changed hiz mind? ---and from the resultin corner the home side took the lead through Wood and there woz nee way back after this!
A weak effort from Joelinton and a miss by Gayle in the 2nd period woz the anly 'highlight' from NUFC (or shud that be LOWlight?)

Quite simply, yoo cant win a game if yoo don't have a shot on goal and so it proved az the 2,450 Toon faithful watched on in disbelief at probably wor worst performance of the season, against a side that had conceded 11 goals in their last 3 games!

A one to consign to the history books aalready, FULL STOP.

Toon team: (who didn't do justice): Dubravka, Manquillo, Fernandez, Schar, Dummett, Willems (Gayle 71), Atsu (Muto 81), Hayden, S. Longstaff, Joelinton, Carroll

Attendance: 19,798 (2,450 fed up Toon fans in The Cricket Field Stand)

Before and after the game we went on wor usual 'liquid lubrication pub crawl' in various hostelries in Bornley and Manchester (where we caught train connections!)

*

BORNLEY TOON CENTRE

BORNLEY TOON CENTRE

BORNLEY TOON CENTRE

BORNLEY TOON CENTRE

MANCHESTER CITY CENTRE

MANCHESTER CITY CENTRE

*Later toooneet 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are off on wor travels again---to Eest London this time, where wor U23s are takin on West Ham U23s at Rush Green, Romford tomorrow at 'high noon bells'---which (az you've probably guessed?) iz a NEW GROOND for us!

A match report on that game will appear here sometime on Munday neet or Tuesday mornin'!

PS: By late Munday neet we will naa wor opponents in the 3rd roond of the FA Cup, when Boston United take on Rochdale in a 2nd roond replay----Hopefully Rochdale will win az we have never been to their groond---whereaz we HAVE been to Boston before in a friendly 30 years ago! 

THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '2:55pm bells' Friday 13th December 2019

Toomorrow afternoon we heed for the delights of Bornley, high up in the Lancashire wilderness----in daylight!
The last few times we have been here have been for midweek night games and so to see it in daylight will be a novelty!

'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are on the '7:18 bells' train from 'The Central' to Manchester and then onwards to the hills beyond!

Lascelles, Saint Maximin and Ritchie are unavailable and are expected to be oot until the new year!
Clark, Shelvey, Almiron and Ki are aalso doubts after pickin up injuries!
NUFC have sold wor entire allocation of 2,450 tickets for 'The Cricket Feeeeld Stand'!

A full match report and pix will appear here sometime on Sunday!

And then on Munday dinnatime we heed for 'The Smoke' (London) where wor U23s are takin on West Ham U23s at Rush Green Stadium in Romford ("New groond!---new groond!") in a 'high noon bells' kick off and 'The Geordie Times' will (of course!) have a report on this game sometime on Tuesday!
Az per usual, "Watch this space!" 

THE TOON U23s 0 READIN U23s 1 *** PPREMYAA LEEGUE 2

Posted at last! at '2:17pm bells' Tuesday 10th December 2019
(4 days late!)

PART OF THE HUGE 108 CROWD WATCH 

FROM THE FAR TOUCHLINE---'TWO'! OLD TIMERS!

An aaful first half display in a strong wind spoiled the game and the sides went in goalless at the break!

The smaall crowd of 108 could anly watch az Readin scored the one and anly goal of the game in the 50th minute through Olise who ran through wor defence to slot home!

We played a lot better in this half but just couldn't find the equaliser and so wor U23s lost for the first time in 4 games!

A 'MINT CONDITION'? TEAMSHEET!

After the match it woz a 20 minute Metro ride from Benton to Gatesheed Stadium, where 'The Heedbangers' of Gatesheed ran oot 3-1 winners against Alfreton in The Natonal Leegue North, with goals from Kayode (2) and Preston.  
Preston's goal woz a spectacular effort from 30 yards oot into the corner of the net, to send The Heedbangers into ecstasy! 

A crowd of aroond aboot 700 included 25 or so hardy Alfreton fans in the far corner of the main stand!

The gallows humour of the Gatesheed fans woz brilliant!
"Gateshead's a sh*t hole---I call it my home!"

THE TOON 2 THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 9th December 2019

"SOME-WHERE OVER THE RAINBOW!"

"A 'CARROLL' SERVICE TO SAVOUR!"

Anothaa 'Jekyll and Hyde' performance from NUFC at SJP yesterday, but despite puttin' in a 'Mr Hyde' performance in the forst half, 'Dr Jekyll' appeared in the 2nd have in the shape of Andy Carroll who came on in the 58th minute to replace centre forward Joelinton, who had yet anothaa 'Mr Hyde' nightmare!

LEFT TO RIGHT

JOELINTON & CARROLL!

Honestly!---the forst half woz 'az bad az it gets', with Sooothampton makin most of the play and they shud have been aheed at the break! 
If it wasn't for Dubravka in the Toon goal, who made at least 2 excellent saves to deny wor visitors, It would have been a much different outcome come the final whistle! (I coonted ONE shot on target from 'us', at the very end of the half!)

THE 1969 FAIRS CUP WINNIN' TEAM WERE PRESENTED 

TO THE CROWD AT HALF TIME, TO LOUD APPLAUSE!

There were huge gaps in the crowd, which woz the lowest for a leegue game for 9 years (42,000 plus) and it didn't help that Sooothampton brought less than a thoosand fans, who were huddled in the far corner of 'the gods' in The Leazes End!

SPOT THE SOOOTHAMTON FANS IN FAR TOP CORNER 

OF THE LEAZES END!

Within 7 minutes of the restart, disaster struck when Danny Ings ran through wor defence from the half way line unchalenged and hit a sweet effort past the advancin Dubravka to give *The Simon Templar Mob a desorved lead!---A great save by Dubravka 2 minutes later stopped them doublin' their lead, which would surely have won them the match!

2nd HALF ACTION AT THE GALLOWGATE END!

The tornin' point came on the hour mark when the ineffective Joelinton made way for Andy Carroll and hiz ariel presence from the start had the Sooothampton defence in turmoil!
And then 'the game changer'----Carroll, on the wing in the Galowgate/Milburn Stand corner sent ower a pinpoint cross towards the far post and Jonjo Shelvey woz on hand to send a bullet heeder past  McCarthy in the visitors goal to level the game in the 68th minute!

The winner came just 3 minutes from full time, when anothaa sub, Saun Longstaff sent in a powerful shot which McCarthy fumbled and Fernandez woz on hand to 'welly' the baall into the roof of the net to send wor lowest crowd of the season into 'ecstaseeee!'
(Longstaff had anly ben on the field for 2 minutes, before hiz contribution to the winnin goal!)

There woz nee way back for Sooothampton and we collected the 3 precious points to send us up into the top half of the Premyaa Leegue, just 7 points off a Champions Leegue place!!!, and we can anly dream of an away tie to Real Madrid next season!!!

Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo, Fernandez, Willems, Clark (Schar 46), Dummett, Hayden, Shelvey, Saint-Maximin, Almiron (Sean Longstaff 85), Joelinton (Carroll 60)

Attendance: 42,303 (Even lower than any crowd we had the last time we were in The Championship!)

*The Simon Templar Mob---an explanation: Simon Templar woz a star in the 1960's cult TV series 'The Saint'----Sooothampton's nickname iz 'The Saints'---get it????

THE ALAN SHEARER STATUE AFTER THE GAME!

"OH WHY ARE WE 'WAITING'!"

PS: Match reports for wor U23s game v Readin U23s and Gatesheed's game v Alfreton last Saturday, will eventually appear here sometime tomorrow---

4 days late!---But wot did yoo expect?--This IZ 'The Geordie Times' after aall!