THE TOON 1 MOAN U 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '12:16pm bells' Munday 7th October 2019

MATTY'S GOAL, WATCHED BY OLDER 'BRUVVA' SEAN

"CAALL MY BLUFF!"

A totally unexpected display from NUFC yesterday put a smile back on wor faces az we beat Moan U with a Matty Longstaff drive from a great pass by Jetro Willems halfway through the 2nd half!
It woz Matty's forst team debut and one he will nevaa evaa forget!

Before the match wor heed coach 'Broken Nose Bruce' said that we were gannin to play very defensively and "park the bus!", az he felt that that woz the anly way to get results following wor 0-5 horror show at Lestaa last week!

HOWEVER!--exactly the opposite happened when we went on the offensive and tore into their defence time and time again!
The stars of the show were the Longstaff 'bruvvaz' and Saint-Maximun who ran rings around the Moan U defenders!
'Cunning' Bruce had fooled everybody and caalled their bluff and they certainly didn't expect an attackin' display from NUFC!

He fooled The Geordie Times az well, hence the black n white bus in wor heedline yesterday!!! (parkin' the bus)

Futbaall iz amazin' isn't it---after last weeks 'low' we are now on a 'high' az we climbed to the dizzy heights of 'cloud 16' in The Premyaa Leegue and just ONE point behind wor opponents!

If there were any Moan U fans in the home sections az expected, then they kept a low profile az their team woz abysmal----the worst Manc team I have evaa seen--and that includes wor 5-0 thrashin' of them in the 1990s!---By the end, half of them had left from the away section anyway----back to where they belong, in London, Plymouth and Outer Mongolia, etc, nee doubt!

The most pleezin' thing aboot the result iz that it shut up the Moan U fans, who az usual sang the anti Shearer song throughoot the match and slagged 'us' off!
"Sad Geordie B******S" etc----but they were the SAD ONES in the end!--"HA!--HA!"

This woz 'Broken Nose Bruce's 23rd attempt at beatin' the Mancs az a manager/heed coach and hiz 'jinx' woz finally over!

There's anothaa International break now, with wor next game away to Chelski in London a week on Saturday!---lets hope we can keep the momentum and 'feel good' factor gannin til then!

Footnote: Me 'finx' that Matty Longstaff iz the forst Toon players who woz born this century to score in The Premyaa Leegue (Birthdate: 21st March 2000)

VERY HAPPY TOON FANS AFTER THE MATCH!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Schar, Clark, Willems, Saint Maximun (Atsu 82), Matty Longstaff, Sean Longstaff, Almiron (Krafth 90), Joelinton (Carroll 56)

Attendance: 51,198 (3,100 Manc fans)
There were 3 empty seats beside me and empty seats scattered around the groond---so wor estimated actual attendance iz 45,000

*PS: Aalthough there iz an International break, there are still resorve games to gan tee---and tomorrow mornin' we are off to Shrewsbury to see wor U21s play Shrewsbury's forst team in 'The EFL Trophy' at 'The New Meadow'---anothaa NEW groond for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers'!
A match report and pix of that game will appear here on Wedinzday---sometime!

THE TOON v MOAN U *** PREMYAA LEEGUE THIS AFTERNOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 6th October 2019

"DEFEND!, DEFEND!----DEFEND!, DEFEND!, DEFEND!"

STEVE BRUCE QUOTE: "CAN WE GET ONE OF THESE THROUGH THE SIDE ENTRANCE PLEEZE!"

We gan into today's game in need of a victory to drag us oot of the bottom 3 in the table!
Moan U are on a bad run az well, havin made their worst start to a season in many a year!
So something must give az we attempt to win wor forst home game for SIX months! (But wor beleaguered heed coach haz othaa ideas!) >'Broken Nose Bruce' haz said that he iz to change hiz tactics from tryin' to attack the opposition to, "lets park the bus!" defendin', to try and get some borin' goalless draws on board! (no doubt!) 

Aallso, in the space of a few days he haz said that, "The flack stops with me!" , to  blamin' the players by sayin' that, "They can no longer hide behind me!"---Mixed messages indeed!
Wots the odds on a nil-nil draw today in the pourin' rain (It's p*ssin' doon az I speak!)
Bruce haz nevaa won a game az a manager/heed coach against Moan U in 21 attempts!

The attendance iz likely to be above 50k for the forst time this season, mainly due to NUFC puttin' tickets on general sale and offerin' local organisations and universities cheap tickets for their students in a desperate attemps to get the attendance above the 'magical'? 50,000 mark! (The heavy rain will stop quite a few from attendin' for sure) (They can aalways watch it on the telly of course!)

North east based Moan U fans are boond to be in the home sections az well, after the 'general sale' and this will cause massive problems shud wor visitors manage to score!

Irresponsibility and hypocrisy of the highest order and double standards by NUFC, who told fans NOT to sell home tickets to Liverpoool fans on the last day of last season, or else they would be banned for life!

The cheapest adult tickets for this game are £41 and £22 to £26 for children, yet students can sit in the same seats for £10!----Hardly fair--iz it?

A match (and estimated actual attendance) report will appear here tomorrow!

BAD BLUE BOYS 2 COLNE FC 3 *** FA CUP 3rd PRELIMINARY ROOND

Posted '11:36am bells' Sunday 6th October 2019

DUNSTON (IN BLUE) ATTACK THE TEA-HUT END! (1st half)

Az 'The Toon' wornt playin til Sunday, we decided to heed for Federation Park in Dunston where 'The Bad Blue Boys' were playin Colne from Lancashire in an attractive FA Cup tie---the anly tie in the north east!

The clubhoose woz packed an hour before the kick off, with mostly noisy Colne fans dressed in their red n white garb and singin' 'The Blaydon Races' to their own words!

THE COLNE FANS INVADE THE CLUBHOOSE!

Colne started off well and took the lead in the 5th minute when Dunston's Craig Scott deflected the baall into hiz own net!

The Bad Blue Boys then went on the offensive and equalised in the 16th minute when a back pass from a Colne defender to their keeper woz intercepted by Liam Brookes and he made nee mistake and slotted the baall home to the delight of the Dunston fans!

Just before te break Dunston took the lead when Dan Halliday stroked the baall past their stranded keeper and into the goal!
2-1 to 'The Bad Blue Boys' at HT

The 2nd half woz dominated by the visitors and they equalised when a tame shot woz fumbled by Dryden in the Duston goal and Colne's Hughes had the easy task of tappin the baall into the net for the equaliser!
It got worse for the home side when Gonzalez heeded past Dryden to break Dunston hearts!

THE COLNE FANS INVADE THE COVERED TERRACE

They held on for the victory with the majority of the 586 crowd downbeat, while the large Colne support of aroond aboot 100, celebrated wildly at the final whistle!
The Wembley dream iz ower---for anothaa year at least!  

PS: THE CROWD OF 586 WOZ 222 HIGHER THAN NUFC GOT

FOR A RESORVE GAME AT ST. JAMES' PARK LAST MUNDAY!

343 roy west centre hull (v hull u23s)

Ground number 343
Date of First Visit: 4th October 2019
Roy West Centre, Kingston Upon Hull

Hull City U23s 0
Newcastle United U23s 1 (Luke Charman) (pen)

Premier League Cup group stage
Attendance: between 95 and 138 (The mad-sad groundhoppers couldn't agree---so we have put the highest and lowest estimates!)
(7 mad-sad groundhoppers plus a dad and hiz young lad decked oot in black n white!)

"A 'CHARM'ING DAY OOT IN HULL!"

LUKE CHARMAN'S PENALTY

WHICH WON THE GAME!

It woz my torn to drive, so I heeded for 'The White House' in Chester-Le-Street to pick 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' up from there! (It iz indeed a 'white house', but not az big az the one in Americaa!)
Blondie actually lives in Langley Park (where Booby Robson comes from) but parked hiz car in Chester coz hiz village iz a bit oot the way for a lift!

Aaall went well until we hit the centre of Hull, bang in the middle of the Friday rush hour---and we crawled the final 3 miles to the groond which iz next to Hull Univorsity!

We were still in good time and were given direction to the nearest boozer up the road after we'd parked up----The Spotted Dog!--but we didn't 'spot' any of the mad-sad groundhoppers in there?

It woz soon time to heed for the groond and we were given a nice suprize az it woz 'free admission' to get in! (which we didn't expect!) ---not such a nice suprize woz that they had nee teamsheets and we were told to take to take a photo of one stuck in a window instead!!!

"LOOK THROUGH ANY WINDOW---YEAH!"

The game kicked off az The Toon attacked 'The Dressin' Rooms End', but it woz a dour forst half for sure!

SPOT THE FLOODLIGHTS!

Dave from York woz there and told me that he'd taken a diversion route through a village called Bishop Burton to see a picturesque DUCKPOND??
And he told me excitedly that the ducks were 'qwackin' and paddlin' merrily away in the pond az he passed by!
(Some people have got very sad lives---havvent they just?)

ANYWAY!---like aa say the forst half woz dire and we went in goalless at the interval!

The Toon's youngins played better in the 2nd period and if it wasn't for the Hull goalie we could have been one or two up, az he made some very good saves!

The deadlock woz finally broken in the 83rd minute when Hull's Jacobs brought doon James Sterry in the box!
The ref immediately pointed to the spot and centre forward Luke Charman made nee misstayke az he hit a risin' shot into the net, 
to muted cheers from the travellin' contingent! (see Penalty video at top of page)

We held on to claim the 3 points---a 'Charman' result for the black n whites! (sic!)

It woz the 'homeward bound', but we went anothaa way to avoid Hull city centre this time!

Posted '4:05am bells' Friday 4th October 2019

FANS GATHER FOR THE 2019 EAST RIDING VICE PRESIDENTS CUP FINAL

AT THE ROY WEST CENTRE 

We are takin' a break from the nightmare start to the season by wor forst team and are heedin' for the delights of Hull in the East Riding of Yorkshire to watch wor U23s in a Premyaa Leegue Cup tie tooneet at The Roy West Centre v Hull City U23s---A new groond for The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!

Its a busy few days for sure, az tomorrow we are off to Dunston to watch 'The Bad Blue Boys' (Dunston FC) play Colne in a FA Cup 3rd preliminary rooond tie at Federation Park (aka UTS Stadium)

Then on Sunday afternoon its 'back to the grind' when NUFC take on Moan U at SJP in The Premyaa Leegue!---a game neethaa team can afford to lose!

We've then got Munday off, before heedin for deepest Shropshire on Tuesday neet, where wor U21s are takin on Shrewsbury Toon's forst team in The EFL Cup---anothaa new groond!

The Geordie Times will bring yoo--wor loyal subjects --reports and pix from aall theeze games az they happen (or the day after, az the case may be!)

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEWS ****** TWO NEW GROONDS ON THE MENU!

P😁sted '2:53pm bells' Wedinzday 2nd 😃ct😊ber 2😀19

THE ROY WEST CENTRE, HULL *** 

"NEW GROOND!---NEW GROOND!"

Amongst aall the doom and gloom surroondin' the plight of wor forst team, there's a bit of good news for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers', az wor U23s resorve game against Hull City U23s on Friday and Shrewsbury's forst team next Tuesday, (when wor U21s are in action), are both bein' played on new groonds that neethaa 'The Toon' or the groundhoppers have ever been tee!

THE NEW MEADOW, SHREWSBURY ***

"NEW GROOND!---NEW GROOND!"

The Hull game iz in The Premyaa Leegue Cup at The Roy West Centre in Hull, which iz the HQ of The East Riding Coonty FA and kicks off at '7:00 bells'---while the game next Tuesday iz in The EFL Trophy, where lower Leegue teams face the resorve sides of higher Leegue clubs!---This game iz bein' played at Shrewsbury's New Meadow ground (aka Montgomery Waters Meadow) and kicks off at '7:30 bells'!
Wor forst team game v Moan U in The Premyaa Leegue at SJP on Sunday (KO '4:30 bells') iz 'sandwiched' in between the 2 resorve games

'The Geordie Times' will of course be at both resorve venues, az well az the Moan U game and we will bring yoo match reports and pix on the 3 games in due course!

Az per usual "WATCH THIS SPACE!"

PS: We will aalso be at a game on Saturday in Dunston, where The Bad Blue Boys take on Colne in the FA Cup 3rd preliminary roond at Federation Park (KO '3:00 bells')

A NEW LOW AT SJP!

Posted '4:44pm bells' Tuesday 1st October 2019

52,000 EMPTY SEATS!

Last neet wor U23s side lost 1-0 to Swanzee U23s at St. James' Park to an injury time winner from the Welshmen!
But this wasn't the main talkin' point!
The official attendance woz------364------ the lowest in livin' memory for a resorve game at SJP!

THE WOODEN SPOON RACE IZ HOTTING UP!

Posted '3:29pm bells' Tuesday 1st October 2019

CURRENTLY HELD BY BRYAN ROBSON

Broken Nose Bruce's percentage win rate for a Premyaa Leegue manager/heed coach with more than 200 games in charge haz dropped from 27.88% to 27.82%, following wor 5-0 horror show defeat at Lestaa City. (111 wins from 399 games)
This iz the 2nd worst of any Premyaa Leegue manager/heed coach, behind Bryan Robson who haz a win rate of 26.29%


He haz had 1 win in 7 Premyaa Leegue games at NUFC, which gives Bruce a win rate of 14.28% and he iz catchin Robson up fast with every passin game for the 'Wooden Spoon Trophy'!

"Are yoo reeedin' this 'FAT CONTROLLER!"?

THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE 5 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '2:45pm bells' Munday 30th September 2019

"SOMEWHERE NEAR STAMFORD STATION!"

"THE STAMFORD CHAINSAW MASSACRE!"

A train to Peterboro at '8:55am bells' from 'The Central' and then onward to Lestaa from there, woz wor preferred route for this game!--A train strike had thankfully been caalled off just 2 days before and we were hopin' for a 'hassle free' jorney to Lestaa and back, az wor previous 3 train trips had numerous mishaps!

We had a quick 'gargel' in here, opposite |Peterboro station,

before catchin' the next train to Lestaa

THE HIND, opposite Lestaa station

We arrived in good time and heeded across the road from the station for the forst 'liquid lubrications' of the day! (Not includin' 4 cans of Woodpecker on the train on the way doon!---plus the short stopover at Peterboro)

It woz then onward to wor 'fave haunt' roond theeze parts, which woz The Regent Club on the way to the groond!
We left the club anly to find that the rain woz porin doon and were in 2 minds to get a taxi to the ground which woz a 15 minute walk away!----We foolishly decided to walk and by the time we were halfway there we were liked drowned rats!-----A taxi woz passin and so we flagged it doon in deseration, to take us to az near to the away end az possible!

VIEW FROM ROW 'M', SEAT 382, IN THE AWAY SECTION

NUFC started off OK and we attacked the end where wor fans were, but it soon became evident that this woz 'a flash in the pan' az Lestaa went for 'the jugular' az the incessant rain poured doon!

The deadlock woz broken in the 16th minute when Perreira strode through wor defence and fired in a shot which beat Dubravka in the Toon goal az it hit the corner of the net!
We lost wor shape after this and in the 43rd minute Hayden woz given hiz marchin orders with a bad tackle on Praet and we were doon to 10 men for the rest of the game!

DARK SKIES AND TORRENTIAL RAIN!

We were terrible in the 2nd period and it woz nee suprize when The Basil Brush Brigade went on the rampage!

4 2nd half goals 'sunk us withoot trace' az the torrential rain poured doon!----The worst performance here since aa forst went to their old abode in nearby Filbert Street in the orly 1970s!

The dreaded 'R' word iz now a real possibility az we sit 2nd bottom of the table with just one (lucky) win at Sporz after 7 games played!

After the match it had thankfully stopped rainnin' and we heeded back to The Regent Club for a quick gargle before catchin the train back to Peterboro!
The plan woz to have a few pints there before heedin yem--BUT! az we were in Oakham station an announcement came ower the trains tannoy!
"THERE'S A TREE BLOCKING THE LINE JUST BEFORE STAMFORD STATION AND WE ARE STUCK HERE UNTIL IT IS MOVED!" (Yi couldn't make it up!) (Now we know why they call this a 'BRANCH' line (sic!)

After 30 more minutes and the clock 'tickin' to catch wor connection back from Peterboro, anothaa announcement came ower the tannoy!

"RAIL WORKERS ARE AT THIS MOMENT CUTTING THE TREE UP WITH CHAINSAWS AND HOPEFULLY WE WILL SOON BE ON OUR WAY!" (The Stamford chainsaw massacre, perhaps!) (With 'massacre' refferin' to wor heavy defeat!)
But it woz too late by this time to catch wor connection and we finally rolled into Peterboro station just az the 125 train to The Toon woz leavin' on anothaa platform! (We'd obviously chosen the wrang 'root' from Lestaa! (double sic!)

We were stuck there for anothaa hour and after a few 'gargels' in a hostelry nearby, we eventually caught the '11:00 bells' train instead 

THE BREWERY TAP, PETERBORO

---arriving back on Tyneside at 12:40am bells' on Sunday mornin'!--some 6 hours after leavin Lestaa!---The FOURTH time in a row that we have suffered disruption on the trains to away games!
Chelski in London iz wor next Premyaa Leegue train jorney away----wot can possibly gan wrang this time??????

Toon team: (who didn't torn up!) Dubravka, Krafth, Dummett, Lascelles, Schar, Hayden, Saun Longstaff, Almiron (Yedlin 74), Atsu, Joelinton (Carroll 63), Muto (Ki 45)

Attendance: 32,168 (2,650 Toon fans who sang their hearts oot in the 2nd half--despite the scoreline!---they don't deserve us!)


Footnote: Lestaa'z nickname iz 'The Foxes', Basil Brush iz a fox, hence 'The Basil Brush Brigade'! (get it?) "Boom!-Boom!"

PS: 'Broken Nose Bruce's odds at bein the forst Premyaa Leegue manager to be sacked have been slashed from 14/1 to 4/1
*

THIS BANNER IN THE AWAY END, SEZ IT AALL!

THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '2:55pm bells' Saturday 28th September 2019

We heed for the delights of The Walkers 'Crisp' Stadium (aka Kingpower) where we are aimin' for a '3rd win on the spin' here!

Andy Carroll, Sean Longstaff, St Maximin and Yedlin are aall available, but Shelvey is knackered!

NUFC have sold wor allocation of 2,650 tickets, which is 300 less than we were allocated last season?
(More demand from Lestaa fans nee doubt!

We are on an orly train in the mornin and hopefully there are nee problems like wor last 3 away trips by train!(A planned rail strike for Sunday haz been called off!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Munday!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"