"THERE MAY BE TROUBLE AHEAD!"

Posted '2:44pm bells' Tuesday 24th September 2019

"HELLO!---NUFC TICKET OFFICE!---
CAN I PURCHASE 50 TICKETS FOR 
'THE DURHAM REDS'--ER!-'MAGS', PLEASE!"

*"DOUBLE (TROUBLE!) STANDARDS!"

News that tickets have been put on general sale for wor game with Moan United on Sunday 6th October, tells yoo everything aboot the low attendances so far this season, az many fans boycott games!

Moan U, az usual, have sold their entire allocation of 3,100 away tickets, but now any fan of any club who possesses a mobile "telling bone" can now purchase tickets in any othaa parts of the groond, because of low ticket sales in the home sections!

Personal callers can also purchase tickets from the NUFC ticket office and az there are a canny few Moan U gloryhunter fans who live in the north east, there are bound to be quite a few of their fans in the home sections!--which in turn, will ignite trouble shud they score forst!

When we played 'The Liverbirds' on the last day of last season, their fans infiltrated the home sections and trouble broke oot when they scored, despite sales to NUFC fans only!

Toon fans were told that if they sold their ticket to them, they would be banned and lose their season tickets---yet because we are now so desperate to fill thoosands of empty seats, any 'Tom, Dick or Moan U fan', can now buy them!
A disgraceful 'double standards' decision from NUFC!

Below is a letter from fans protest group, 'ToonForChange', to the ticket office manager Stephen Tickle <(no! this isn't a typing error), which woz sent yesterday, when tickets went on general sale!
This iz no laughing matter, Mr 'Tickle'!!!

*And one ticket website iz offerin' 339 tickets for sale to anybody who haz 'the bit' to buy them! (at extorshanit prices!)----
A few for the away end, but most for the home sections!

*

FA CUP 3rd QUALIFYIN' ROOND DRAW!

Posted '4:50pm bells' Munday 23rd September 2019

The draw for the FA Cup 3rd qualifyin' roond woz made at dinnatime today and we can tell yoo that the anly local team to be drawn at home are 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston, who will play eethaa Colne or Ossett Toon at Federation Park (aka UTS Stadium) on Saturday October 5th!
The good news iz that NUFC don't play til the followin' day against Moan U at SJP, so a good crowd iz expected (600-700) (including 'little old me') Admission will be £7 for big kids and £4 for sprogs and zimmerframeites (like me!)

Othaa local teams wornt so lucky in the draw and Morpeth must travel to Nantwich, The Spartans of Blyth are away to Hedensford IF they can beat Curzon Ashton in a replay, 'Anymore for' Spennymoor' are at Ashton United and Gatesheed must travel to Kidsgrove (nee kiddin'!)

"STATING THE BLINDINGLEEE OBVIOUS!"

Posted '11:08am bells' Munday 23rd September 2019

'Broken Nose Bruce' came oot with the followin' statement after wor horror show against Brightin on Saturday:

"The only thing we can try to do is to win games!" (dire 0-0 draw)
"We understand that!" (pathetic performance!)
"We'll try!" (must try harder, Steve!)

"It's the only way you can try to get people back!" (The anly way yoo will get people back iz if we get rid of YOO and wor 'beloved owner'? 'The Fat Controller'!)

Aboot the 'alledged' attendance of 43,000 (more like 40,000) "The way to try and get a few people back is to win matches!" 
(1 win in 7 games! and none  in 4 at SJP (includin' the penalty shootout defeat v Lestaa in The Leegue Cup!)

Bruce, on team bein' boood off
"I can understand the frustration. Against a decent Brighton side!"  (Brightin!---a 'decent side'? who haven't won since the forst day of the season!)

Lets get something straight!---99.9% of NUFC fans reeely DO want Bruce to succeed---we reeeely DO!---But 99.9% of us didn't want him in the forst place! az hiz track record (below) speaks volumes of hiz past managerial abilities!---or lack of them!


'Broken Nose Bruce's Premyaa Leegue percentage win record at NUFC iz now!----16.67% (1 win in 6 games)

Hiz record for managers with 200 games or more in The Premyaa Leegue iz ZERO trophies, 3 relegations, (Hull and Bormingham, plus he woz sacked by the mackems before they went doon!)
He's had 111 wins in 398 games, which gives him an oweraall percentage win rate of!----27.8---anly 'bettered' by Bryan Robson who managed a percentage win rate of just 26.8 
<*(ie: 'Brucey' iz catchin' 'Robbo' up fast for 'the wooden spoon trophy'!)

THE TOON 0 NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '11:30am bells' Sunday 22nd September 2019

ANDY CARROLL EVENTUALLY COMES ON IN THE 81st MINUTE (near touchline) 

"ZZZZzzzz!"

This woz one of the worst first half performances ever seen by a Toon team at SJP yesterday teatime!
The anly efforts of note came half way through the half when Almiron burst through Brightin's defence, but shot straight at their goalie to deny him hiz forst ever Toon goal in 15 games of tryin'! (Or is it 16?) 
And then just before the break £40 million man Joelinton heeded wide when it looked easier to score! (he haz scored just 1 goal in 6 starts, now!)
We had 'nee shape' az the away team pounded The Gallowgate goal in the openin' exchanges and indeed throughout the half!

NUFC were very lucky indeed to gan in level at the break, after 'Nee Where Near' Brightin spurned several chances to take the lead and there were loud boos at the end of the half! (their groond iz miles away in the countryside--hence 'Nee Where Near'!)

The first half of the second half woz just the same and things anly changed when 'Broken Nose Bruce' belatedly brought on 2 subs in the 73rd minute!----Namely, St Maximin and Ki who both changed the game instantly az we attacked The Gallowgate goal!
Schar then brilliantly 'acrobatically' cleared a shot from the goaline at The Leazes End late on to deny Brightin the goal they undoubtedly deserved!

'The Gatesheed Angel' Andy Carroll finally got onto the pitch in the 81st minute to the loudest cheer of the match, with chants of, "He's one of our own!", from the Toon faithful!

He had a couple of chances, but couldn't find the net and yet another stalemate against relegation fodder woz the outcome!

The team woz boooed off at full time as well, but the boos wornt az loud az at the end of the first half---indicatin' that we had played slightly better near the end!
Small comfort for the 'alledged' 43,000 crowd!

With a trio of games against teams near the top to come soon (Lestaa, Moan U and Chelski), things are lookin' bleak to say the least!

Stats: We have never scored against Brightin in the top flight at home in 3 attempts and haven't beaten them in 5 attempts home or away!

Possession woz 20/80 in wor visitors favour, which just aboot sums it up!

Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo, Schar, Lascelles, Dummett, Willems (Carroll 81), Almiron (St. Maximin 73), Hayden, Shelvey (Ki 73), Atsu, Joelinton

Attendance: 43, 316? (including 1,300 away fans)
It looked a lot less than 43,000 and season ticket holders who didn't torn up were still included in the attendance!

*PS: The Geordie Times pageviews have been much lower than usual----a result of negative (but true) reports by 'us', nee doubt!

THE TOON V NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN *** TEATIME KICK OFF

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 21st September 2019

VIEW OF ST. JAMES' PARK,  THE CHINGKEEZ ARCH (right)

AND THE CITY WALLS (left)

FROM THE NEW BEER GARDEN AT 'ROSIE'S BAR'!

*WE face a six pointer (wot!---aall ready?) when we play Brightin this evenin' in anothaa live telly game at '5:30 bells'!
NUFC are in the bottom 3 az we speak, while wor visitors sit just one place and one point above us!
In the 4 Premyaa Leegue games that we have played against them, we have failed to win any!

Wor lowest Premyaa Leegue home crowd for 9 years iz predicted (41,053 v Bleakburn Rovers in 2010) az the boycott carries on against wor beloved? owner 'The Fat Controller'!
'The Nee Where Near Brightin Brigade' (coz their groond iz 'nee where near Brightin') have sold 1,500 tickets, while home sales are 10,000 doon because of the boycott! ( 'The Fat Controller' iz aalso predicted to boycott the game az well!---self inflicted wounds, perhaps?)

Andy Crockodile Carroll (remember him?) iz said to make hiz comeback, provided that he doesn't pick up anothaa injury in the pre match handshakes!

We reeely must win this or else we are in for a very hard winter again, with games against 'The Basil Brush Brigade 'of Lestaa, Moan Utd and Chelski on the horizon!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here az usual sometime on Sunday!

SCUNTHORPE'S SCANDALOUS SCULDUGGERY SCUPPERS SADDOS!

Posted '5:305m bells' Friday 20th September 2019 😭

"NO GO FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"

"BOTTESFORD BOTCH UP!"😭😰😭

Devastatin' news haz reached 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' this evenin'!
For wor planned NUFC U23s Premyaa Leegue Cup tie v Scunthorpe U23s haz been switched from Bottesford Toon FCs groond to Scunthorpe's main stadium at Glanford Park (now known az The Sands Venue Stadium)

NUFC have played here before of course in 'The Championship', but we have NEVER been to Scunthorpe U23s Birkdale Park groond in nearby Bottesford! (where they normally play U23 games!)

WE ARE ABSOLUTLEEE DEVISTATED! and a planned massive protest march iz contemplated by angry 'Toonhopper fans' to St. James' Park on Sunday, via the nearby Strawberry Pub!----AALL 7 OF US!

TELLY DATES FOR NOVEMBER AT LAST!

Posted '4:22pm bells' Thorsday 19th September 2019

"I DON'T LIKE MUNDAYS!"

Just 4 days later than promised, 2 of NUFCs 4 games in November haz been changed for live telly!

And they are the away game v The Hazbeenz and Villains on a dreaded Munday neet---and the home game v 'The Blue Moonies' of Manchester brought forward for a Saturday dinnatime kick off!

The away game at Villa Park will be wor FOURTEENTH consecutive away game on a Munday night!---Nee wonder we divvint like Mundays!😬

Saturday 2nd November at '3:00 bells':  'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham, away (unchanged)

Saturday 9th November at '3:00 bells': Bournemoooth at SJP (unchanged)

Munday 25th November at '8:00 bells': 'The Hazbeenz and Villains', away (SKY)

Saturday 30th November at '12:30 bells': 'The Blue Moonies' of Manchester at SJP (BT)

*

"IT'S LIKE TRYIN' TO GET BLOOD OOT OF A STONE!"

Posted '2:55pm bells' Thorsday 19th September 2019
Updated '3:45pm bells'

THE ROY WEST CENTRE, HULL---

BUT WILL 'THE NUFC MAD_SAD GROUNDHOPPERS' GET THIS GROOND

TO ADD TO WOR 'LIST'?

After 4 days of deafenin' silence there iz still nee word aboot live telly games for November, despite promises that they would be announced on Munday (or Tuesday--dependin' on reports!)

Meeenwhile wor U23 Cup dates for The Premier Leegue Cup have been announced, withoot conformed venues--yet!
We have trawled the websites of both Hull and Scunthorpe to see exactly where wor away games against them will be played, but there iz nowt on them so far!
We are hopin' that the Hull away game takes place at The Roy West Centre in Hull (nufc.com says it iz) and that wor away game v Scunny takes place at Birkdale Park the home of Bottesford Toon FC ---2 groonds that we have never been tee!

Aalso the away U23 game at West Brom orly next year could take place at Hedensford Toon FC, aalthough wor Premyaa Leegue 2 away game against them next week, will take place at their trainin groond, behind closed doors!

BIRKDALE PARK, BOTTESFORD---BUT WILL NUFC U23s PLAY HERE?

The dates are az follows, with new groonds to visit---allegedly!

Premyaa Leegue Cup Group 'C'

Friday 4th October: Hull U23s away at The Roy West Centre?

Friday 8th November: West Brom U23s at home---but where exactly?? (3 possibilities--SJP, Whitley Park or Little Benton Academy)

Friday 29th November: Scunthorpe U23s away at Birkdale Park or Scunny's main groond???

Friday 17th January: Hull U23s at home at ????

Munday 10th February: West Brom U23s away at ?????

Friday 21st February: Scunthorpe U23s at home at ??????

We will of course update yoo, when we find oot 'where the hell' the games are definitely bein' played!

TELLY TIMES FOR NOVEMBER TO BE ANNOONCED VERY SOON!--ALLEDGEDLY!

Posted '3:57pm bells' Munday 16th September 2019
Updated '4:01pm bells' Tuesday

The telly times for November are/were! to be conformed eethaa later today or tomorrow---we are are not sure when?
'nufc.com' says today and 'The Ronny-Gill' says tomorrow?

It iz now 'tomorrow' and its '4 bells' in the afternoon--and STILL nee news of any November fixture changes!
Why the hell do they tell us that TV games will be announced---and then deafly silence????

There are 4 Saturday games that could be moved ---and they are:
'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham away on 2nd November
Bournemoooth at SJP on 9th November
'The Hazbeenz and Villains' away on 23rd November
'The Blue Moonies' of Manchester at SJP on 30th November 

'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yooo---wor loyal subjects--- any changes, when we (eventually!) find oot---alang with U23 fixture dates/times/ venues in The Premyaa Leegue Cup, due to be played between October and February and The FA Youth Cup 3rd roond due to be played in December!

Az per usual--"Watch this space!"---"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"😴

THE LIVERBIRDS 3 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '11:44am bells' Sunday 15th September 2019

VIEW FROM ROW 19, SEAT 66, AZ THE TOON 

ATTACK THE ANFEEELD ROAD END!

("GET YOUR KICKS IN SEAT 66!")

After draggin' mee lifeless body oot of 'mee pit' at the ungodly hour of '4:30am bells', it woz off in a taxi to 'The Central' to catch the '6:03 bells' Cross Pennines' train to 'Mickey Mouse Land'!

The train had a major fault and we were told that we had to get off at Manchester Victoria and catch anothaa train to Liverpoool Lime Street station!

This meant that we didn't get there til '9:30 bells' (instead of 9) and we heeded straight for 'The Ship and Mitre', which iz a 5 minute waalk from Lime Street to down the forst 'real ale liquid lubrications' and get some 'scran'

After a 2 hour 'binge' it woz time to heed for wor expected 'punishment' at Anfeeeld, which iz 3 mles away in the suburbs of Liverpoool!

THE LANG QUEUE FOR THE FUTBAALL SPECIAL!

('ESPECIALLY' IF IT MAKES YOO MISS THE KICK OFF!)

We decided to wait for the 'soccer special' which went to the groond---and waited---and waited-----and waited!--in the lang queues for the busses!
After a half hour wait we finally boarded one at '12:05 bells' and heeded to wor destination and the '12:30 bells' kick off---Unfortunately, because of heavy traffic we got there late and missed the forst 4 minutes of the match! (must remember to get a taxi next time---for certain!)

JETRO'S GOAL ON 'MATCH OF THE DAY'!---NOT JAMAAL'S!

It wasn't lang for the forst goal, which woz scored by 'US'---a brilliant right footer from Jetro Willems from just inside the box, just 3 minutes after wor arrival, to send the 3,000 Toon fans into unexpected joy in 'The Anfeeeld Road End'!
(For some reason the scoreboard said that Jamaal Lascelles had scored?)

VIEW OF THE 'SPOT THE TOURIST STAND'!

Wor 'joy' woz short lived however, az 'The European champions' equalised when Dubravka in the Toon goal failed to collect a shot from Mane and hiz 'fumble' allowed Mane to put the baall into an empty net to 'waken up' the home crowd, who had been very quiet up until this point!

VIEW OF THE QUIET KOP!

The 2nd goal from The Liverbirds woz even worse when Krafth lost the baall and the resultin' attack led to anothaa goal against, time from Mane again, with a shot across the box in the 40th minute!

It woz 'backs to the waall' in the 2nd period and The Liverbirds finally sealed the victory through Salah, who beat Dubravka from close in! 
Before that Krafth had blazed a shot high ower the bar into The Kop when he woz unmarked---and opportunity missed that we paid dearly for!

KRAFTH IZ UNMARKED, BUT BLAZES HIZ SHOT OWER THE BAR!

The Anfeeeld crowd and especially The Kop, were the quietest I can remember in visits gannin back nearly 51 years!---A partial result of 'futbaaal tourism' and thoosands of home fans with 'non Scouse' accents, 'back packs' and brand new red and white scarves, who wernt born anywhere near Liverpoool--for certain, 'gave it away', ootside the groond and in the city centre before and after the game!)

It woz then back to 'The Ship' for somemore 'gargels' before catchin' the 4:30 bells' train back to The Toon! (amazingly, the train didn't break doon on the way back!)

The loss took us to the edge of the relegation zone once again in 17th place--and we feel that that's where we will be, come the end of the season (hopefully not in 18th place or lower!)

Toon team: Dubravka, Krafth (Manquillo 67), Schar (Fernandez 80), Lascelles, Dummett, Willems, Hayden, Shelvey, Atsu, Amiron (Muto 67), Joelinton

Attendance: 51,430 (includin' 3,000 Toon fans and a canny few 'tourists'!)

*Stats: With just 1 win in 5, 'Broken Nose Bruce's win percentage iz now 20%!