DELIA'Z CANARY CREAMS 3 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '10:41 am bells' Sunday 18th August 2019

 View from the away end

"A DISASTER WAITIN' TO HAPPEN!" (Yet again!)

After gettin up at the ungodly hour of '4:30am bells' and spendin 5 hours on 3 different trains, we arrived in Nohrich at '11:30 bells' and headed straight for The Murderers Arms in a taxi from the station!

The Murderers Arms aka The Gardeners Arms

This is a real ale bar aboot a mile from the station and iz wor favourite haunt aroond these parts!

After several liquid lubrication and a 'nose bag' (sommik to eat!) it woz time to heed for Carrow Road where wor fate wud be decided one way or the other!  (A 3-0 wins or defeat woz my prediction!)

It woz the latter I'm afraid as we put in a horror show of a performance! (3-1 actually, after Jonjo Shelvey scored one for us 'at the death!)

We had chances to take the lead when £40 million signin Joelinton missed a glorious chance with wot seemed like an eazy heeded goal and othaa chances went 'a beggin' az well!
And we paid the ultimate price for those misses az the home side took the lead with a fierce volloy from Pukki on the half hour mark and we went in 1-0 behind at the break!

The 2nd half woz even worse az Pukki seemed to waak through wor defence at will and scored 2 more goals az a result, to send the Canary fans into ecstasy and the Toon fans into despair!  

One solitary  Toon fan near me then started singin', "Steve Bruce's black 'n' white army!"
"And which lunatic asylum have YOO escaped from?"
I asked him!?

At the final whistle 'Broken Nose Bruce' woz 'a broken man' alang with the 2,000 travelling fans!

Az we left the groond there woz a huge cheer from the Nohrich fans!

"They are 'chairing' Bruce aroond the pitch!" mee mate "Big Al' sarcastically said!
"Hope it's an ELECTRIC chair he's in!" , I replied!!!!

We sit near the foot of the table az we speak and cud well be in the bottom 3 if Chelski get even a draw today at home to Lestaa!
Sporz and The Liverbirds are wor next 2 away games!
God help us!

Toon team: Dubravka, Krafth, Schar, Lascelles, Dummett, Ritchie, Hayden, Shelvey, Ki (Saun Longstaff 74), Almiron, Joelinton (Muto 77)

Attendance: 27,059 (2,000 unhappy Toon fans!)

After a quick 'drowning of the sorrows' pint in a bar next to the train station (which cost £5.80!), we were off on the 3 train retorn journey, which torned into a disaster in itself!

Only drink here if yoo are very rich!

We had to get a train to Ely and anothaa from there to Peterboro and anothaa from there to The Toon.
We got to a place called Brandon where the train stopped az 2 lads got off with wot looked like cuts to their faces!
They torned oot to be Nohrich fans who had an argument with Toon fans in the next carriage and they came off the worse for wear!

The local 'Dibble' were caalled oot and we were stuck there for an hour az the train driver refused to carry on!

After wot seemed like an age we eventually left and just made wor connection at Ely to Peterboro!
At Peterboro, Toon fans started fightin' with the Dibble on the platform!

Sanctuary in Peterboro! 

An hours drinkin' time had been lost and so we left them to fight and dashed from Peterboro station to the nearest boozer and downed several 'gargels' before heedin back to the station to catch the '9 bells' train back yem!

Six hours after leavin' Nohrich and we were finally back on Tyneside to contemplate wor visit to Sporz new abode next Sunday!--via STOCKPORT!---but that's anothaa disaster story waitin to be told next weekend! (King's Cross iz closed next weekend ,so we've got to get to norf London via Stockport near Manchester!) 

Footnote: We say 'Delia'z Canary Creams' az celebratory chef and cake maker Delia Smith iz co owner of Nohrich City! (The Canaries)

Delia'z delicacy! 

DELIA'Z CANARY CREAMS v THE TOON **** SATURDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1:50pm bells' Friday 16th August 2019

DELIA'Z DELICACY! 

Wor forst away game of the season iz aalso one of wor langest az we heed to East Anglia for a game against newly promoted Nohrich City orly tomorrow mornin'.

Due to a train strike between Peterborough and Nohrich we are 'fink'in of stoppin' on the train to King's Cross (London) and then catchin' anothaa train direct to wor destination via Liverpoool Street station!

We are considerin' dee'in the same on the way back, which will make the roond trip a total of 750 miles if we dee it that way!

Aalready, its a game we simply 'must NOT lose' against one of the joint favourites for relegation, alang with Sheff Utd.

We reeely divvint naa just wot to expect, but with wor new expensive signins, we are hopeful of a positive result at Carrow Road against 'Delia'z boys' (Celebratory chef and cake maker Delia Smith iz co owner of The Canaries) (Hence 'The Canary Creams'!)

NUFC have sold oot wor 2,000 tickets for the away end, but unforgivingly, refused an extra allocation of 700 tickets which were offered to us! (same old! same old!) (ie: NUFC make nee money oot of away ticket sales, so they cannit be bothered with the hassle of sellin them!---disgrace!)

'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yoo a match report and pix sometime on Sunday 

IT'S THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE!

Posted '1:45pm bells' Wedinzday 14th August 2019
Updated '4:45pm bells' Thorsday

The Foxes are comin' to Toon!

Wor dream of an away tie in The Leegue Cup against a team who's groond we haven't be tee, woz shattered last neet, when possible trips to Fleetwood and Salford were scuppered az both teams exited the competition at the forst hurdle.
The anly othaa team left who won were Rochdale, who came first oot of the hat forst and drew Carlisle at home. (We have aalso never been to Macclesfeeeld---but we are due to gan there in 'The EFL (Leasing.com) Trophy' on Tuesday 3rd September) (Formely The Checkatrade Trophy)

NUFC were instead given a home tie against 'The Basil Brush Brigade' of Lestaa!---The anly aall Premyaa Leegue tie!

The tie will be played in the week commencin' 26th August, but az we play Sporz away on Sunday 25th August (anothaa new groond!)and then Wotfaad at SJP the followin' Saturday, Wedinzday 28th August looks to be the anly date it could be played on!

When we find oot for certain yoo can bet your bottom dollar that 'The Geordie Times' will be last with the news!
Az per usual---"Watch this space!---eventually!"

Updated Thorsday

We were reet!   The Lestaa Leegue Cup game WILL take place on Wedinzday 28th August with a '7:45 bells' kick off 
Ticket prices are £10 for big kids and a fiver for sprogs and zimmerframeites (like me, now!)

PS: The game ISN'T on the telly, despite bein' the anly aall Premyaa Leegue tie!

POSSIBLE NEW GROUNDS FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

Posted '5:00pm bells' Tuesday 13th August 2019

WE'VE BEEN TO HIGHBURY BEFORE (ARSENAL'S OLD GROOND)

---BUT NOT THIS ONE! (FLEETWOOD'S 'HIGHBURY')

"COME IN NUMBER 5!"

The Leegue Cup (Carabao Cup) forst roond ties take place tooneet and there are several possibilities of new groonds to visit az NUFC enter at the second roond stage and are baall number 5 in the draw.
The draw iz split into north and south regions and we could meet the followin' clubs on groonds where we have never been tee before!
Fleetwood Toon, Rochdale, Salford City, Shrewsbury Toon and Macclesfeeeld!
NUFC U21s are playin at both Shrewsbury and Macclesfeeeld in the next couple of months in The Checkatrade Trophy, so we would like to avoid away games against them!

That leaves 3 teams where we would love to gan tee, IF they can get through!
Joey Barton's Fleetwood face a tough away game against 'The Friar Tuck Mob' (Nottm Forest!), while Rochdale face Bolton Wanabeez at their Spotland home---And finally, leegue 'new boys' Salford City, play the biggest game in their history when they face Leeedz at The Peninsula Stadium in Salford!

Coincidently, 'yours truely' will be 3 miles away from Salford in Eccles tooneet, in mee nightly truck run from the Team Valley in Gatesheed and will be 'glued' to the truck radio in anticipation!

The draw takes place straight after the Salford v Leeedz game, which iz live on the telly (and radio of course!)

'The Geordie Times' will of course, bring yoo, wor loyal subjects, the team we will face, just after the draw iz made in Salford! 

Updated 10:15pm bells

And it's the Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa at SJP in the last week of August!
(Exact date to be confirmed!)

THE SLAGGIN' MATCH CONTINUES AZ THE LIFE AND SOUL IZ SUCKED OOT OF THE FANS!

Posted '2:08pm bells' Tuesday 13th August 2019

DO YOO BELEEEVE HIM?

Rafa haz responded to the Arsenal programme notes, where wor MD, known to Toon fans az 'Penfold' off the Danger Mouse cartoon, claimed that Rafa woz leavin' anyway and that there woz nothin' they could do to stop him gannin to Chinaa!

OR!---DO YOO BELEEEVE HIM?

To cut a lang story short, Rafa haz said that this iz blatantly untrue and that he woz willin' and wanted to stay, but the club's unwillingless to gan for hiz project of a club that could actually win somethin' 'fell on very deaf ears' from wor hierarchy!

Who do YOO beleeeve???

The truth iz that the life and soul haz been sucked oot of NUFC fans and Sunday's game proved it!
It woz so quiet at some points of the game that yoo could actually hear the players on the pitch shoutin instructions to each othaa and the sirens of emergency vehicles ootside the stadium could be cleary hord az they passed The Gallowgate End in Strawberry Place! 
The fantastic flag displays by 'Wor Flags' woz absent az 19 of the flag bearers have not renewed their season tickets in protest at the current situation!  
They have aalso said that they and the displays will not be comin' back until wor absent owner (he boycotted Sunday's game az well!) known 'affectionately' to Toon fans az 'The Fat Controller' sells wor great club!
We 'fink' that they will have a very lang time to wait indeed! 

THE TOON 0 THE ARSE 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '9:33pm bells' Sunday 11th August 2019

A summers afternoon on Tyneside!

"GREY IZ THE COLOUR!"

On a day which grey skies and torrential rain enveloped Tyneside, there were plenty of empty grey seats aroond the stadium, az 5,000  fans boycotted the game in protest at 'The Fat Controller's leadership!
Aalso boycottin' the game woz 'The Fat Controller' himself, who's normal seat in the directors box woz filled by a rather thinner person than him! (Self inflicted wounds--perhaps?)

'The Fat Controller's seat iz in front of the exit

Withoot a fanfare or announcement of any sorts, 'Broken Nose Bruce' took hiz place in the home dugout az the match kicked off!

The forst half---just like the inclement weather, woz a dower affair indeed with not many incidents to taak aboot, az the crowd were unusually quiet to say the least! (deflated by recent events for sure!)

New boy Joelinton did have a chance az we attacked the Leazes goal but hiz heeded effort went wide of the post!===Jonjo Shelvey came closest to scorin though, when hiz powerful shot woz deflected onto the post by Leno in the Arsenal goal!
Wor visitors had chances az well but the sides went in 0-0 at half time az the rain poured doon!

The one and anly goal of the game came just before the hour mark when a very bad pass from Paul Dummett foond the feet of Arsenal's Niles and he ran doon the East Stand touchline and crossed to Aubameyang, who lobbed the baall ower Dubravka in the Toon goal, much to the delight of the 3,000 visitin' fans in the top deck of The Leazes End!

Action az NUFC attack The Gallowgate goal (2nd half)

NUFC had nee answer to that and after a lot of time wastin' by The Arses goalie especially, they hung on to win the game 1-0 az the subdued Toon fans seemed resigned to wor fate, az we heeded for the exits and a good soakin' ootside!

A grey day indeed on Tyneside---in more ways than one!

Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo, Lascelles, Schar, Dummett, Ritchie, Hayden, Saun Longstaff (Saint-Maximin 67), Shelvey (Williems 54), Almiron, Joelinton

Attendance: 47,635 (3,000 Arseholes)
NUFCs lowest leegue crowd since April 2016 (46,424) It looked even lower than that to us.   More like 45,000

Empty grey seats in The Leazes End

*Geordie Times comment:
While there woz ne anti owner protests, there were ne chants for wor new head coach eethaa! in a very quiet crowd.
Plus there were ne flag displays---suspended until 'The Fat Controller' leaves---So it might be years before the flag displays come back!---Very sad indeed!

TO BOYCOTT---OR NOT---AZ THE CASE MAY BE!

Posted '2:00pm bells' Saturday 10th August 2019

Things never stand still at NUFC and on Sunday there iz a planned boycott of the Arsenal game which kicks off at '2:00 bells' for live telly!

We at 'The Geordie Times' fully understand just why many fans have not renewed their season tickets az this club iz run in a shambolic way---to say the least!

Personally, I WILL be at the game, but have decided to boycott the club shop, The Nine Bar and aall SD shops!
This iz MY protest az aa cannit bring meesel to 'hoy mee season ticket in'!

It's a very sad situation and ne doubt tomorrow many fans who are boycottin' the game will try and persuade those who want to gan, to not set foot inside SJP until 'The Fat Controller' iz gone!

Realistically this wont happen in the foreseeable future, which meeenz that 'the boycotters' may have to stay away away for quite a few years yet!
This iz sommik I couldn't do, despite my loathin of wor absent owner!

A match report will appear here on Munday---sometime! 

Upated 10:55am bells Sunday

PS: We have hord from wor secret club insider that Matt Ritchie WILL be playin'
Remember! Yoo hord this news forst in 'The Geordie Times!

MASSIVE INJURY BLOW ROCKS THE TOON!

Posted '3:20pm bells' Friday 9th August 2019

*

OH CARROLL!!!

Posted '4:33pm bells' Thorsday 8th August 2019

*Sensational news reaches 'The Geordie Times' that Andy Carroll iz finally comin' yem at last!

*With less than one hour of the transfor window left, wor beloved owner 'The Fat Controller' haz flown Carroll back from London in hiz helicopter, which landed just a few minutes ago on Tyneside!
And az yoo can see 'The Geordie Times' haz live excluuuusive coverage which we  filmed live az he landed! 

*Yoo may remember that Carroll woz flown off in 'The Fat Controller's helicopter to Liverpoool, where he signed for a whoppin' £35 million quid a few years ago----Andy haz now returned in the same mode of transport on a FREE TRANSFOR and we understand that he will sign on 'a pay if yoo play' contract!

Andy Carroll finally 

arrives at SJP!

LATEST NUFC TRANSFOR NEWS

Posted '4:22pm bells' Wedinzday 7th August 2019
Updated Thorsday '2:20pm bells'

EMIL' KRAFTY' KRAFTH IN A SWEDEN SHIRT

The latest NUFC transfor news with less than 3 to gan before the window closes, iz that we are aboot to sign 25 year old Swedish right back Emil Krafth from Amiens of France, for a reported fee of £5 million and he iz on Tyneside for a medical az we speak! ----
Just in---he HAZ signed for a reported £5million


IN
Joelinton from Hoffinheim for £40 million
Saint-Maximin from Nice for £20 million
Jetro Willems from Eintracht Frankfurt on loan
Kyle Scott---unattached---free
Jake Turner---unattached---free
Emil Krafth---Amiens---£5 million

OOT
Perez to Lestaa for £30 million
Joselu to Alaves for £2 million
Freddie Woodman to Swanzee on loan
Nathan Harker to Blyth on loan
Dan Barlaser to Rotherham on loan
Liam Gibson to Grimsby on loan