RAFA SPEAKS: "A LEOPARD CAN'T CHANGE IT'S SPOTS!"

Posted '1:57pm bells Munday 5th August 2019

From Rafa's blog in Chinaa:

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THE TOON 2 THE SAINTS OF ETIENNE 1 *** FRIENDLY FIXTURE

Posted '11:11am bells' Sunday 4th August 2019

MATTY LONGSTAFF (CENTRE OF PIC IN ORANGE) SCORES WOR 2nd GOAL!

(GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!)

"SAINTS ALIVE, AZ NUFC PUT ON A MATT FINISH!"

We played St Etienne at St James' Park az Saint Maximin put on a super show in the 2nd half!

We kicked towards The Leazes End in the forst half and this end woz sparsely  populated and we counted 6 or 7 St Etienne fans halfway up the stand, who had made the jorney from France!

THE HANDFULL OF ST. ETIENNE GROUNDHOPPERS 

BEHIND THE WAALL!

We started off well and went straight for goal from the 'off' and took the lead in the 39th minute, when new boy Joelinton scrambled the baall home after a couple of hiz efforts were stopped by the St Etienne keeper---He didn't give up and hiz scrambled goal put us one up!  

Jonjo Shelvey then hit the woodwork with a free kick just ootside the box az NUFC pounded the Leazes goal!
And at the Gallowgate End, Almiron aalso hit the woodwork, orly in the 2nd period! 
 The inevertable 2nd goal came in the 74th minute when a pass from Saun Longstaff foond hiz bruvver Matty and he slammed the baall home from just ootside the penalty area, just 2 minutes after comin' on!! (see top foto!)

We were well on top az Almiron had several near misses but he couldn't find hiz elusive forst goal for 'The Orangemen' (NUFC played in wor new aall orange 3rd strip)

Saint-Maximun and Jetro then came on and 'The Saint' (az he iz now known) put on a sinterlatin' show az he bamboozled the French defence! (He looks 'the part'!)

St. Etienne pulled one back from 'old boy' Debuchy against the run of  play near the end, but it woz a very convincin' performance from NUFC in *'Broken Nose Bruce's forst home game in charge! (*We caalled him 'Broken Nose Bruce' when he woz the manager of the SMBs and the name haz stuck!)

Toon team line up: (18 players used)
Dubravka, Manquillo, Schar, Lascelles, Fernandez, Aarons, Hayden, Shelvey, S. Longstaff, Almiron, Joelinton. Subs: Murphy, Dummett, Clark, Willems, M. Longstaff, Ki, Saint-Maximin

PRE MATCH PUB CRAWL PIX

                                 "IZ THERE ANYBODY THERE?" 

BOTH THE BODEGA AND LEAZES END COMPANIONS CLUB

WERE VIRTUALLY EMPTY BEFORE THE GAME, WHICH WOZ REFLECTED

IN THE CROWD OF 16,686 

(Top foto 2 hours before KO---Bottom foto 1 hour before KO!)

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"OH WHEN THE SAINT GOES MARCHIN' IN!"

Posted '4:04pm bells' Friday 2nd August 2019

'THE SAINT!'

"STICK YOUR TONGUE OOT FOR THE LADS!" (AND LASSES!)

News that NUFC are aboot to sign 2 new players with anothaa 2 to follow reaches 'The Geordie Times'!

Forstly, winger, Saint-Maximin aged 22 from OGC Nice iz on Tynside az we speak for a medical, az iz left back Jetro Willems aged 25 from Jawman side Eintracht Frankfurt!

"JETRO JETS IN FROM  JAWMANY!"

Various figures have been bandied aboot for 'The Saint', rangin' from 15 to 20 million euros, whereaz a smaller figure iz mentioned for Jetro!

Aalso, full backs Emil Krafth and Stanley Nsoki from French clubs Ameins and PSG have aalso been mentioned, with less than 6 days til the end of the transfor window!

Meeenwhile!--- there's the little matter of wor one and anly home pre season friendly v St. Etienne tomorrow afternoon at '3:00 bells' and we will of course have a full and compreeehensive match report on that game sometime on Sunday (plus match pix) 

NUFC TELLY TIMES FOR OCTOBER

Posted '2:17pm bells' Thorsday 1st August 2019

The telly games have just been annoonced for October and NUFC have been selected for 2 games oot of the 3 we are scheduled to play that month, which brings wor total number of live games so far to 7 oot of the forst 10 games

Sunday 6th October, '4:30 bells', Moan United at SJP on SKY

Saturday 19th October, 3:00 bells', Chelski at Stamford Bridge (NEE TELLY)

Sunday 27th October, '2:00 bells', Wolverhampton Wanabeez at SJP on Sky

*PS: We are deein well  so far, az there are nee Toon games scheduled for Friday and Munday neets! (YET!)

THE HI-BEEZ 1 THE TOON 3 *** FRIENDLY FIXTURE

Posted '2:00pm bells' Wedinzday 31st July 2019

ACTION AZ THE TOON ATTACK THE 'AWAY END' GOAL

*"JOE GOES WITH THE FLOW!"

For the 2nd time in 15 days we heeded north of the border to play Hibs. The last one woz for a U23s game at Hibs trainin' groond a few miles from Edinburgh--and this time it woz to Easter Road in the Leith district of Edinburgh for a forst team friendly.
This woz the forst time we had been to Easter Road for 35 years and an archive match report on that game in 1984 iz reprinted below this article (ground number 070)
Well!, I can tell yoo that it haz now been transformed from a ramshackle dump to a canny smart stadium, since mee forst visit there, aall those years ago!

To be honest we thought that we would struggle against a team that haz played a few competitive games in the Scottish Leegue Cup aalready!

But we were mistaken, az we came oot of the blocks with 'aall guns blazin'!---HOWEVER!  it woz the home side who took the lead against the run of play, when a defensive mix up let in Stevie Mallen who beat Toon goalie Karl Darlow from just inside the box.

We fought back though and wor new centre forwaad Joelinton got hiz forst goal, when, in the 16th minute a neat baall from Manquillo foond 'Joe' and he prodded the baall home from close range to level the scoreline!
The 3,000 or so Toon fans in the opposite end (who made up a qwaataa of the crowd) went mad az 'Joe' celebrated!

We then took the lead 10 mins before the break when Saun Longstaff hit a great shot past Marciano in the Hibs goal and went in 2-1 up at the break!

The anti 'Fat Controller' chants were loud and clear and a banner appeared behind the goal tellin' fans to boycott hiz stores (includin' the NUFC club shop!)
The local 'dibble' and stewards attempted to remove it, but the Toon fans were havin' 'non of it' and the banner 'stayed put'!

"WE SHALL NOT---WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED!

Joelinton 'woz the star of the show' in the 2nd half, but seemed reluctant to shoot when near the goal, preferrin' to pass the baall instead!
The final 'nail in the coffin' for 'The Hi-beez' came in the 72nd minute, when an Aarons cross foond the heed of Lascelles and he nodded into the net, with the home keeper well beaten!

A little bit of 'cheer' to replace the doom and gloom of recent weeks!

Toon team line up: (NUFC used 19 players in total)
Darlow, Manquillo, Lascelles, Dummett, Schar, Ritchie, Hayden, Shelvey, S Longstaff, Almiron, Joelinton. 
Subs: Aarons, Ki, Murphy, Muto, Clark, Sterry, Fernandez, M Longstaff 
(Hibs used 22 players in total)

Attendance: 12,557 (3,000 or so Toon fans)

Edinburgh pub crawl pix----Unlike last season when we visited 125 different pubs around the UK and Europe, we are not gannin to see how many we can dee this season az 125 new pubs would be very hard to dee! (ie: We will probably end up in many of the pubs we visited last season!)

THE HIBEEZ v THE TOON *** TOMORREW NEET IN EDINBURGH!

Posted '1:24pm bells' Munday 29th July 2019

EASTER ROAD --- VIEW FROM THE AWAY END

For the forst time in 35 years we heed to Easter Road in the Leith district of Edinburgh where NUFC face Hibz in wor 4th pre season friendly! (Won 1, Drawn 1, Lost 1---so far!)
We fully expect that 19 or 20 players will be used again, like in the previous 3 friendlies. NUFC were allocated 3,000 tickets.
A match report will appear in 'The Geordie Times' sometime on Wedinzday!

A match report from wor game at Hibs 35 years ago iz printed below! (ground number 070) 

070 easter road hibernian

(GROUND NUMBER 70)
Date of First Visit: 5th AUGUST 1984
EASTER ROAD, EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND


HIBERNIAN 0
NEWCASTLE UNITED 3 (Beardsley, Wharton 2)


TESTIMONIAL MATCH
ATTENDANCE 6,000 (1,500 Toon fans)




GRAND TOUR OF SCOTLAND (Part Two)


"DESPERATE DANIELE!"

"Welcome to the 'Hi-Bees' supporters club!"













It was day two of 'The Grand Tour of Scotland', after wor previous days visit to Queen of the South in Dumfries and I awoke tih the putrid smell of sweaty socks and U.F.O.s'. ('Unidentified Farting Odours'!)
The smell was so bad that it made mee nostrils twitch, and aa could even taste it on the back of mee throat!.
AAAARRRRGGHH!---it was 'mingin'. BUT!, that's what yih get when yih put ten gadgies in a transit an' ply them wih drink!.


There was a loud knock on the van roof and as aa peared oot the window aa could see 'Ronny the Hunter' in a dishevelled state, standin' half a sleep.
"Where yi been—like?", aa asked him as he grabbed haad of the nearest lamp post ti stop him faalin' ower!
"Aa managed ti find a bed for the neet, just doon that street", he replied pointin' towards a neat terraced hoose a hundred yards away. And then he added!, "The 'bed' a'm on aboot is an aad wifey's 'FLOWER BED' in hor front garden!"


Apparentleee!, 'The Hunter' had lost us after wor late neet swim and could'nt remember where wi'd parked the van, so he 'crashed oot' in the nearest convienient place which just happened to be a garden full of chrysanthithums (hope av spelt that reet!?)
The wifey, it has to be said was 'non too pleezed' to find that a 'rather large chap' had re-arranged hor prized flowers as she opened hor front door. (She now had a bed of 'crushed crysanths' in the shape of 'Big Ron' to gaze upon!)


(Er!---Before we left Dumfries, there was the little matter of pickin' 'Windy' up from the nick where he'd spent the previous neet afta his 'midneet dip'—in a 'propa bed') (aalbeit in a police cell!)


We (eventually!) set off for the Scottish capital, and aboot two hours later arrived ootside the Hibs Supporters Club.
It was dead on openin' time, which was just az well, coz we were gettin' 'the shakes!'. (divvint forget, wih had'nt had a drink for eleven hours!)


We entered the clubhoose and (naturally!) heeded straight for the bar which was engulfed in smoke.
Like a scene from a Clint Eastwood spaghetti western, the smoke cleared to reveeeel!?--------('Q', very fast Mexican accooostic guitar music!) --------The
barmaid?, who 'greeted' us through 'the mist' and was she a sight tih behold!-----To give yiz an idea of hor 'build', shih waz wearin' a 'bell tent' size top and had half a 'Woodbine' 'dump' stickin' oot the side of hor mooth and shih procceded tih puff on hor tab and cough hor lungs oot az the smoke enveloped the bar everytime shih took a 'draa'!--------(ie:---A REEEL! Scottish lassie!)
Tih complete the effect shih had 'Popeye' style muscles with dodgy tattoos tih match!


Once shi'd finished tekin' the last 'draa' from hor tab, and before shih had time tih light up another one, the smoke cleared and ah could see hor in hor 'entirety' for the forst time!-----


Nuw aa'm not sayin' the barmaid was ugly, but shih had a face like a Hallowe'en turnip!, and bristles on hor chin that 'Desperate Dan' would'iv been proud of!, and aa could'nt help wonderin' if shih kept a blowlamp in her bathroom cabinet at home?.


Ah (wisely!) decided not to ask hor, as ah did'nt fancy spendin' the next three weeks lyin' in the intensive care unit of the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary with a broken jaw!, suckin' luke waam scotch broth through a plastic straw!


I 'sheepishly!' ordered the 'Arthur Scargills' as shih lit another tab up and sneaked away tih the far corner of the club, thankful that aa was'nt drunk enough tih ask her the 'deadly' question!.
We had a few more 'Arthurs', and before wih got TOO drunk', wih headed for the next 'waaterin' hole' doon the street.


On enterin' the bar everybody torned roond and there was deathly silence!----It was the time of the miners strike and it torned oot that 'the jocks' thought that we were 'flyin pickets' from the Northumberland coalfields and had come to caaaz trouble!
When they realised that we were in fact 'Geordie futbaall fans' they shook wor hands and had a good laugh aboot it as the drink 'flowed freeleee'!


By the time kick off time approached we were 'canny sorved', so wih heeded for the groond, guided by the floodlight pylons.
WRANG DECISION!, coz we ended up at Meadowbank Stadium!, which was then the home of the now defunct Meadowbank Thistle!.


Hibs groond was HALF A MILE AWAY! doon the road, and we could see their floodlights in the distance. It meant a 'mad dash' to mek the kick off, and with a belly full of drink, that's not f*****' easy!. (two steps forward!, one step back!)


We were in luck though and JUST made it! (with seconds tih spare!)!.
The best way tih describe Easter Road in 1984 would be to caall it 'a big crumblin' concrete tip!, it really was. There was nee cover at the visitors end or on the huge side opposite the main stand. (It waz remarkably similar to how St James Park looked--pre 1972)


The main stand itself looked like an 'ancient' pre 'world war one' affair, and the end behind the far goal had bench seats, with a smaall cover for the home fans. The capacity at that time would have been aroond the 30,000 tih 35,000 mark and at least 25,000 had nee cover at aall!.


"EDINBURGH ROCK!"


This match was a testimonial for lang servin' Hibs midfielder Jackie McNamara and aa can remember that 'the late great' George Best was playin' for Hibs in what was the twighlight of his career.


Sadly, in 1984 he was WELL! owerweight and WELL! past his 'sell by date'. He was substituted in the second half and given a great standin' ovation from the crowd. (Not for his performance, I may add!)


Peter Beardsley had opened the scorin' for the Toon when Neil 'spotty dick' McDonald had laid on an inch perfect chipped pass. A grateful 'Beardo' then wrangfooted a Hibs defender before cooly slottin' the baall past Scottish International keeper Alan Rough after anly six minutes play.


The Toon fortha increased their lead five mins before the break when a Chris Waddle free kick waz intercepted by Kenny Wharton who right footed it intih the net, much tih the delight of the thoosand or so travellin' fans who danced on the terraces!.


Wharton put the game beyond doubt midway through the second half when he again latched on to a 'Waddler' cross, this time with a superb divin' heeder, which gave Rough nee chance.
That's the way it stayed til the end, but not before several easy chances went 'a beggin'.
Unlike the day before this waz an easy three-nil victory and 'The Tour' was ower!---


Played 2, Won 1, Drawn 1, Lost NONE!.


After the match a large 'clan' of 'HI-BEES' fans, (who obviously appreciated good futbaall) confronted us ootside the groond and after a few choruses of 'Flower of Scotland!', (and more worryingly!) 'If yih HATE the F***** English!' ,clap yer hands', they started hoyin' bricks, bottles, clemmies and rocks at the ootnumbered Toon fans in a side street next tih the groond!.


It DEFINATELY WAS'NT! the Edinburgh rock that yih buy in the shops, that they were hoyin' at us!, but the kind that 'Fred Flintstone' normally hoys, when he gans ten pin bowlin' in Bedrock!.
(It's at times like this that yih need the likes of the barmaid in the Hibs Supporters Club on your side!)


However!, shih waz neewhere tih be seen!, so wih decided that the best idea waz tih mek a quick retreat tih Princess Street in the centre of Edinburgh for a few more 'gargels' before headin' yem back ower the border in wor battered 'tranny'!.


'The Grand Tour' was ower!. (for another year at least!)


©Fink™ (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

KYLE & JAKE IN TOON!

Posted '12:54pm bells' Munday 29th July 2019

Kyle Scott (left) and Jake Turner

DEVELOPMENT SQUAD PLAYERS?---PERHAPS?

NUFC have made two more signings today to bring the total to three!
Midfielder Kyle Scott aged 21 from Chelski and goalie Jake Turner aged 20 from Bolton Wanabeez, who are both FREE transfors!

Kyle haz made just ONE senior appearance in an FA Cup tie v Hull, while Jake haz had loan spells at Frickley Athletic, Stalybridge Celtic and Darlo, but haz never played in Bolton's forst team! 

Just why we need anothaa goalkeeper iz beyond us, az we aalready have Mark Dubravka, Karl Darlow, Freddie Woodman and Dan Langley between 'the sticks' at forst team and resorve team level??? (And at junior level we have anothaa 4 goalies az well!) 

PRESTON DEAD END 2 THE TOON XX 1 *** FRIENDLY FIXTURE

Posted '10:56am bells' Sunday 27th July 2019

SHELVEY FREE KICK WHICH GAVE NUFC THE LEAD

"TOON WASHED AWAY IN THE WASHOOT!"

Az predicted by 'The Geordie Times' on Friday, NUFC used 20 players in this game, fieldin' nearly 2 completely different teams in each half, az we went doon 2-1 in aaful monsoon conditions in deepest Lancashire. (And in complete contrast the home side used just 11 players, with nee substitutes!)

The Toon wore wor new dark green and black away strip and Jonjo Shelvey gave NUFC the lead in the 39th minute, with a 30 yard free kick, which screamed into the net!

A penalty woz then awarded in the very orly stages of the 2nd half when new boy Joelinton woz fouled in the box in this forst ever attack, with just 27 seconds of hiz debut, on the clock!

Almiron took it, but hiz soft effort woz easily saved by the Preston keeper!
WE then gave away a penalty for hand baall, but Preston's Gallagher made ne missteak to level the tie.

A 2nd penalty woz then given away by Joelinton who fouled a Preston player in the box, and again Gallagher made nee mistayk, to give the very average Championship side the lead.
They held on til full time and wor new 'general dogsbody' and heed coach 'Broken Nose Bruce' suffered hiz forst defeat, in hiz forst official game in the dugoot! (He woz at wor 2nd game in Chinaa when we beat West Ham 1-0 in Shanghai, but had to watch on from the stands because of visa restrictions!)

Several more signings are needed for certain, or else a relegation battle will surely ensue! (Accordin' to Bruce after the defeat, we have "One or two irons in the fire!", regardin' transfor targets!) (One or two?---we need five or six at least, Brucey baby!)

Toon team: (deep breath!) Woodman, Manquillo, Sterry, Dummett, Clark, Fernandez, Schar, Laselles, Ritchie, Ki, M Longstaff, S Longstaff, Hayden, Colback, Shelvey, Murphy, Muto, Almiron, Aarons, Joelinton

Not suprizingleee considerin' the weather conditions, a 'crowd' of just 4,982 torned up, includin' 1,359 Toon fans in 'The Bill Shankly Stand'!

*'BRUCE'S EXCUSES' part 1:
Old 'Broken Nose' aalso said that, "Preston were at least ten days ahead of us", regardin' the defeat! (whatever THAT excuse iz supposed to mean???) 

PRESTON DEAD END v THE TOON XX11 *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON !

Posted '2:37 pm bells' Friday 26th July 2019

"THE GREENHORNS ON TOUR!"

Tomorrow NUFC heed for the delights of deepest Lancashire when we take on Preston in a friendly fixture at Deepdale where we will be wearin' wor new dark green and black away strip!

New boy Joelinton (and anly new signing, so far!) iz expected to play some part in the game, which iz sure to be a team of '2 halves' az at least 20 Toon players are expected to get some game time (we used 19 players in Chinaa in both games!)

With less than 2 weeks to the transfor deadline, we reeely DO need a few more new faces in wor team before we play 'The Arse' in wor forst game of the season at SJP on Sunday August 11th

'The Geordie Times' will of course have a match report on the PNE 'kickabout' sometime on Sunday!
Az per usual "Watch this space!"

PS: NUFC's odds to win the Premyaa Leegue are 250/1  which puts us in 10th place according to the bookies!