THE THORD OF A MILLION CLUB!

Posted '3:17pm bells' Tuesday 6th November 2018

"GEORDIE TIMES RULES OK!"

SOMEWHERE IN NEW YORK CITY!

Anothaa Geordie Times landmark woz passed today when we receeeved wor 333,334th pageview, meenin' that we have now passed the the thord of a million total!

The top 10 pageviews from countries aroond the world are az follows:

UK 159,989
USA 43,832
Ukraine 23,034
Jawmany 17,645
Israel 15,060
Rushaa 10,584
(Lost in) France 8,199
(Mee old) China 4,452
The Guinness Republic 3,802
Spain 2,382
The rest of the world totals from 149 countries and territories (plus Mars and beyond!) are az follows, 44,355

We thank each and everyone off yoo for loggin into this site

"Howay the lads!"

"Take me to your leader!

Whey aye maan!"

THE TOON 1 WOTFAAD 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '10:30am bells' Sunday 4th November 2018

'GEORDIE TIMES 'EXCLUUUSIVE!'
SOMEWHERE NEAR THE MOUTH OF THE TYNE YESTERDAY

THE SS NEWCASTLE!--- (Honest!)

"WHEN THE BOAT COMES IN!"

Before the match in 'The Bodega' on Westgate Road, most Toon fans didn't 'fink' we would get much oot of this game---includin' little ol' ME!

And so it came to pass that in the forst half Wotfaad had a 'boat load' of chances to take the lead, but their finishin' woz (thankfully!) terrible! (at least 7 easy chances!)

ACTION AT THE LEAZES END (1st half)

We were indeed on the 'back foot' and were pleased to hear the refs whistle for half time with the score still 0-0!

We attacked The Gallowgate End in the 2nd half and played much better, with the tornin point comin' when an injured Jonjo Shelvey had to gan of to be replaced by South Korean international Ki Sung Yueng. (Just before this Wotfaad had rattled the Leazes End crossbar!)

Aaal of a sudden the lang balls from Shelvey were replaced by 10 yard passes from Ki and this worked a treat in the 65th minute when Perez got hiz heed to a Ki free kick from the edge of the box and the baall flew into the top of the net to lift the roof off St. James'z!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL (2nd half)

After a couple of daft free kicks given away near the end, plus great saves from Dubravka--the crowd nervously whistled loudly for the final whistle---and finally---eventually!--- the ref blew for full time after 5 mins stoppage time and wor winless, horrible run of home defeats had finally come to an end!----After six months 'aall at sea'---THE BOAT HAD FINALLY CAME IN!

Rafa came onto the pitch at the end to applaud the crowd for their undying support of him and the team and yoo would have thought we had won the leegue, such woz the reaction!

HAPPY TOON FANS LEAVE THE GROOND!

Amazingly, the win lifts us oot of the relegation zone into 17th place, az we doubled wor points tally in one blow---although the teams below us, 'uddersfield and Fulham must play each othaa on Munday neet! (A 0-0 draw pleeze!)

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles (Schar 46 ), Fernandez, Dummett, Ritchie, Shelvey (Ki 50), Diame, Kenedy, Muto (Perez 45), Rondon

Attendance: 49,157 (1,600 Wotfaad fans) 
That meenz that 47,557 Toon fans were there---the lowest total this season---not bad, considerin' we hadn't won at home or away for SIX months!

Had Wotfaad sold their full allocation of 3,200 tickets the crowd would have been 50,757!

*PS: The crowd were asked to observe a minutes silence for the victims of the Lestaa helicopter crash--but instead some started clappin' and muted applause replaced the silence! 

THE TOON v WOTFAAD *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '3:11pm bells' Friday 2nd November 2018

THE MILBURN STAND FROM BARRACK ROAD

Tomorrow afternoon at '3 bells' we attempt to win wor forst game of the season when we take on 'The Elton John Mob' at HQ!

Salamon Rondon iz expected to start, givin the much needed forward line a boost before the game!

Yet again we MUST win this game---but I have said this so many times this season that I am 'finkin aboot gettin' a tape recordin made of it!

THE MEDIA 'STICK THE KNIFE IN!'

Wor lowest home crowd of 'just' 50,329 v Brightin haz been given az an indication of us voting with wor feet and stayin' away!.
HOWEVER!---In the previous 4 games before Brightin the away section woz sold oot with 3,200 fans from Sporz, Chelski, The Arse and Lestaa!
Brightin anly brought 1,600 fans

So the number of Toon fans in the groond this season iz az follows:

Sporz---Attendance: 51,749 - 3,200 away fans = 48,549 Toon fans

Chelski---51,791 - 3,200 away fans = 48,591 Toon fans

The Arse---52,165 - 3,200 away fans = 48,965 Toon fans

Lestaa---51,523 - 3,200 away fans = 48,323 Toon fans

Brightin---50,329 -1,600 away fans = 48,729 Toon fans 

So this actually meeenz that Toon fans attendin' the Brightin game waz the 2nd highest oot of 5! 

Az Wotfaad are bringin even fewer fans than Brightin (1,400 tickets sold) it will be very interestin' to see if the media slag us off shud the attendance be the lowest of the season because of this! 

NICE or NAUSEATING ?

Much haz been written this week aboot wor club captain Jamaal Lascelles sayin' that wor 'beloved owner' known affectionately az 'The Fat Controller' (he 'controls' wor miserable lives!) iz "A nice guy' after signin' a new 6 year contract with NUFC
He haz said that the protests are affectin the players on the pitch, which seems a very good excuse for NE wins in ELEVEN attempts this season! (The REEEL reason we cant win iz because we cant score enough goals (ne shots on target last week at Sooothampton, for example!)

He woz quizzed on Radio Newcasil last neet, sayin' to a fan who had phoned up, that he had been here for 4 years and that he had met wor owner just ONCE in aall that time, when they went for that infamous meal in Ponteland a few weeks back!

It haz been reported in 'The Sun' that this "Nice guy" threatened to "knock oot" a Toon fan, who confronted him in The Paradise Curry House in Hampstead, west London orlier this week for caallin him "A parasite!"

A "Nice guy!" OR a "Parasite!"---we leave yoo to draw your own conclusions!

PS: Its 'bonfire neet' on November 5th, when Geordies will be puttin' a certain 'guy' on top of their bonfires! (NOT an effigy of Guy Fawkes, by the way!)

SOMEWHERE NEAR ST. JAMES' PARK!

A full match report and pix will appear hear on Sunday---sometime!

HALLOWEEN 2014 REVISITED*** "WHO'S BEEN SLEEPIN' IN MY BED?"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 31st October 2108

Below iz the 'classic' archive report from wor home game against 'The Liverbirds' 4 years ago!

We make ne apologeez whatsoever for 'digging it up' again!

"GO HIGH OCTANE IN OCTOBER!"

Posted '2:20pm bells' Tuesday 2nd October 2018
Updated '2:15pm bells' Thorsday 25th October 2018
Updated '1:20pm bells' Munday 29th October 2018

'The Geordie Times' iz leadin' the fightback against the 'Go Sober in October' campaign that iz heavily advertised on the telly, radio, tabloids and mags, to stop people drinkin for the month of October!
These individuals wernt content with 'Dry January' where people didn't drink in that month and now they've started on October!---what next we ask?--- 'No bevvies in February's' or 'Lets go dry in July!'
So we've started a "GO HIGH OCTANE IN OCTOBER!" campaign to help stem the rapid decline of wor traditional pubs before its too late!

Did you naa that 18 pubs a week are shuttin' doon because of people not usin their local boozers, which works oot at staggerin' 936 a year!

And these 'Go sober' do gooders are tryin to make it worse!
Wor '100 away pub crawl challenge' where we are tryin to visit a 100 away pubs durin' this season, iz well under way and we have visited a total of 62 different pubs/clubs since wor forst game of the season at Barrow in Furness in July!

THE FIGHTBACK IZ ON! (see away pub crawl pix article below!)

THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB 0 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '11:11am bells' Sunday 28th October 2018 ("Aye, aa remembered to put mee clocks back!")
Updated Munday '12:56pm bells'

THE TOON ARE IN THE LIGHT BLUE STRIP

"LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE!"
(6 trains, 4 tubes and 2 taxis!)

This woz the jorney from hell if ever there woz one in this 700 miles roond trip to the south coast!
Forst of aall, aa dragged mee lifeless body oot of bed at '4am bells' and jumped into a taxi from wor hoose, to catch the '5:26 bells' train from 'The Central' to King's Cross in London 
Because of a train strike on the line between Waterloo in London and Sooothampton we decided cross London by 2 tube trains to catch a train from Paddington to Reading and then onward to wor final destination!

"WET! WET! WET!"

On wor jorney from Paddington to Reading, a lass waalked doon the train with a very hot cup of waataa---and az she waalked past one of the lads, who shall remain nameless, called 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer', she spilt it aall ower hiz legs and 'private parts'!
He jumped up in agony shoutin' "F***** HELL!"--F***** HELL!" several times in shock, az she apologised and apologised, az we rolled aboot with laughter, az he looked like he'd p*ssed himself! 😅

"TAKIN' THE P*SS!---GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUUSIVE!

The lass had wanted the hot waata to put on some porridge she'd bought and improvised by pourin a cup of coffee into the bowl to mix the porridge!!!! (Yi couldn't make it up!)

We were lucky (apart from Blondie!) and everything else went to plan az we arrived at Sooothampton Central some six hours after leavin' the Toon and heeded for the nearest waaterin hole (The Giddy Bridge) for some much needed 'liquid lubrications'!

THE GIDDY BRIDGE

Others wornt so lucky, az they tried to get there via Waterloo station and got stuck half way az the train woz overloaded to burstin point!
(They eventually arrived 1 hour after us!)

2 more waaterin holes later and it woz time too heed for 'wor punishment' at St Mary's Stadium!---and 'punishment' it woz az we failed to have even one shot on target in the entire game!
Soloman Rondon finally made an appearance after a lang injury, half way through the 2nd half, but even he couldn't hit the target in one of the most borin' games yoo could wish to watch, which not suprizingleee ended in a goalless draw (Sooothampton were shockin' az well!)

The one point gained actually lifted us off the bottom of the table and anly two points from safety, az aall the teams around us lost---some of them heavily!
By wor recognin' 5 teams are in 'the mix' for relegation----'uddersfield, Cardiff, Fulim, Sooothampton and 'US'!

We reversed the train, tube, train and taxi jorneys on the way back, eventually arrivin' yem at '12:30am bells'! 

Footnote: Simon Templar woz a character in a cult 1960s TV programme caalled 'The Saint'!, which of course iz Sooothampton's nickname---hence 'The Simon Templar Mob'----get it?

Team line ups and more pix to follow later, when aa get time---like! (Oot on 'the hoy' very soon!)

MUCH LATER!
Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Fernandez, Dummett, Richie, Shelvey, Diame (Ki76), Kenedy, Perez (Rondon 69), Muto (Atsu 80)

Attendance:30,736 (2,450 OR 2,500 very bored Toon fans!---not sure?)

*More pub crawl pix

Sooothampton

Sooothampton

London after game

London after game

*

"IT WOZ 50 YEARS AGO TODAY!---AA WENT AWAY TO SEE NEW-CAS-IL PLAY"

Posted '3:00pm bells' Friday 26th October 2018

Fifty years ago today at this time ('3pm bells'), az a wide eyed skoolkid, aa went to mee forst 'lang distance' away game, when we played Liverpool at Anfield at the height of Beatle mania!
A match report from that game half a century ago iz printed below ("Now where did aa put mee zimmer frame?")

Ground  number 3
"She loves you!,yeah!-yeah!-yeah!"

THE TOON U23s v THE SMOGGIES U23s **** TOONEET @ SJP

Posted '12:57pm bells' Friday 26th October 2018

Tooneet at HQ NUFCs U23 side take on The Smoggies equivalent in a Premyaa Leegue 2 match!

Kick off iz at '7 bells' and az per usual, anly The East Stand will be open for Toon fans (and Smoggies if they bring any?)

Season ticket holder get in for nowt of course and it's £3 for big kids and £1 for sprogs and zimmerframeites withoot season tickets!

Update: lost 3-1 in front of 709 fans!

THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB v THE TOON *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '2:05pm bells' Thorsday 25th October 2018

"TRY AND FIND 3 TEAMS WORSE THAN US!"

'Rafa the Gaffa' came ooot with the above statement on Saturday after wor 5th home defeat 'in a row' against Brightin, but aall of us are wonderin' after a total of TEN winless games 'in a row' in Leegue and Cup, if there reeely ARE 3 worse teams than us, az we sit anchored to the foot of the table!

These are desperate times indeed after wor worst start in wor lang history, gannin back az far az the 19th century---and we will make the 'painful' 350 mile jorney to the south coast on Saturday, hopin against hope that wor luck will change!

With train strikes between London and Sooothampton, it will indeed be a 'painful' jorney with a skeleton rail service on offer!

We leave on the '5:26am bells' train from 'the Central' on Saturday mornin' and will arrive at wor destination 'at god naaz wot time'?

We have sold wor entire allocation of 2,450 ticket which iz actually 700 less than we were given last season!


A full Geordie Times match and booze report will appear here az per usual sometime on Sunday (train strikes permittin'!)

*Simon Templar woz a character in the 1960s cult TV series 'The Saint'!    
'The Simon Templar Mob'='The Saint'=Sooothampton's nickname---get it!?


*A Geordie Times archive report on mee forst ever visit to Sooothampton's old groond, 'The Dell' 49 years ago in 1969 and anothaa report from 1984 are featured in the next article below!

DALES DIARY DATE FOR HEEDBANGERS!

Posted '1:40pm bells' Tuesday 23rd October 2018

GATESHEED PLAYERS POSE WITH SOME 'HEEDBANGERS' 

BEFORE THEIR GAME AT DUNSTON

Gatesheed's reward for beatin' 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston' in The FA Cup last Saturday iz a trip to sunny Rochdale in deepest Lancashire, just off the M62 motorway for a forst roond tie!

The game will be played on the weekend 9th to 12th of  November and 'The Heedbangers' are sure to have a large followin' from Tyneside! (However! unlike the Dunston game, it iz very unlikely that the game will be live on the telly!)