SPORZ V THE TOON *** TOONEET AT WEMBLEY!

Updated 'high noon bells' Tuesday 8th May 2018

We are of to 'The Smoke' (London) yet again at dinnaatime, just 4 days aftaa retornin' from there, when we played at Wotfaad on Saturday!

Sporz are wor opponents at Wembley Stadium in wor last away game of the season.

We have played here before (and lost!) on numerous occassions, the last one bein' an FA Cup semi final defeat to Chelski, in the old Wembley 18 years ago in 2000!

This, however will be wor forst visit to the home of Inglish futbaall since the place woz rebuilt and iz a new Premyaa Leegue groond to 'tick off'! ✅ Wor 57th in total since the Premyaa woz formed in 1991-92

We are on the '1:30 bells' train to KX (King's Cross, London) and shud be 'on the hoy' by '5 bells' at the latest!
Wor allocation in the 90,000 seat arena iz a 'paltry' 3,232 in the South West Corner!

There will of course be a compreeehesive match report and pub pix report to follow sometime on Thorsday---probably on the train back--az a'v got to gan to graft on Thorsday afternooon!

RED ARROWS TRIBUTE!

Posted '1:30pm bells' Munday 7th May 2018

In celebration of sund'lind's MAGnificent achievement in bein' relegated 2 seasons in a row, Toon fans had a whiproond and booked 'The Red Arrows' display team, who flew from Newcasil airport (coz sund'lind divvint have one!) to fly ower the SOS on Sunday to commemorate their relegation to Leegue 1!

The red and white smoke trails represent the colours of some of the teams who the mackems will play next season, ie: Accrington Stanley, Fleetwood Toon, Waalsaall and Doncastaa Rovers!

The blue and white smoke trails represents Wycombe Wanderers, Rochdale, Peterboro United, Sooothend, Bristol Rovers and 'good old' Gillingham who relegated them to the 3rd 'tear' in 1987!

The black smoke trails represents anothaa 'black day' in their history, az Burton Albion relegated them last week-----and they will have to play them again next season!

"ENJOY BURTON!" ("AGAIN!")

PS: When 'The Toon' were relegated to The Championship in 2016, mackem fan steve cram sent a text to Toon fan Brendan Foster, tellin' him to "Enjoy Burton!"

Brendan haz now got hiz revenge and haz sent cram a text with directions to FLEETWOOD!
☺😊😀😁😂😃😄😅

WOTFAAD 2 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '11:30am bells' Sunday 6th May 2018

THE TOON (in blue) ATTACK THE VICARAGE ROAD END (2nd half)

For the thord game in a row we put in a poor show az the 'current bun' shon brightly for the blue sky above!

It took Wotfaad just 2 minutes to breach wor defence when a Dummett blunder let in Pereyra who had the simple task of tappin the baall into the net in front of the 2,000 Toon fans in the away section!

It got worse in the 28th minute when a Pereyra cross foond the heed of Gray who rose to heed past Dubravka in The Toon goal!

A dubious penalty woz then awarded to the home side, but Dubravka saved Deeney's effort and 2nd attempt with hiz feet to loud cheers from the away end!

HT 2-0 to Wotfaad!

We played a little better in the 2nd period and pulled a goal back when Manquillo crossed the baall from the left which foond Perez who slammed home from close in, to give us hope of salvegin' sommik from the game!

Despite heavy pressure to get the equaliser, it 'wasn't to be' and we lost for the thord game in a row!
This woz Wotfaad's forst win in 8 attempts!

Amazingly, we are still in 10th place in the table on goal difference (just!) and we heed back to King's Cross and onward to Wembley for wor last away game v Sporz at Wembley on Wednesday neet!
(It's aall go!)

Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo (Yedlin 67), Lascelles, Lejeune, Dummett, Murphy (Ritchie 53), Diame (Merino 84), Shelvey, Kenedy, Perez, Gayle

Attendance: 20,375 (2,000 sun tanned Toon fans!)
*
PS: Congratulations to Rochdale who won 1-0 yesterday to avoid relegation to Leegue 2----guess who they'll be playin' next season??? 😊😀😁😂😃😄😅

Footnote: For those of yoo who are travellin' to sund'linds home game v Wolves this afternoon, the AA have put up direction signposts to get yoo to the SOS in time for the '12:30 bells' kick off!

"LETS GAN ON THE HOY--IN MAY--AND ENJOY!"---IN WOTFAAD!

Posted from high noon bells onwards in London and Wotfaad!"

EUSTON TAP

WOTFAAD V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Friday 4th May 2018

We heed for the delights of Vicarage Road just ootside London, for wor penultimate away game of the season ⬅(that's wor 2nd last away game to aall yee ignoramasussesss!) where we take on Elton John's Mob in a '3 bells' kick off!
Not suprizingleee, we have sold wor allocation of 2,000 tickets for The Vicarage Road End!

With wor safety from 'the drop' now assured we can anly hope that we put in a better performance than we did against ' rock bottom' West Brom in wor last game! (When 'we' put in a rock bottom' display!)

Az per usual we travel by train to King's Cross tomorrow mornin' (London) and then onward by tube to Wotfaad Junction station, where there are quite a few 'waaterin' holes' on the way to the groond! ("Lets gan on hoy!--in May---and enjoy!🍺😊)

A full Geordie Times match (and boozer!) report will appear here sometime on Sunday!
"Watch this space!"

"BARMY SLIMANI!" *** 3 MATCH BAN!

Updated '1:15pm bells' Thorsday 3rd May 2018

SLIMANI TRIES TO 'LAUGH OFF' HIZ KICK ON DAWSON,

AZ ANGRY WEST BROM PLAYERS SUROOND HIM!

News that Toon on loan striker Islam Slimani haz been banned for 3 matches for violent conduct after kickin' West Brom defender Craig Dawson in the penalty box on Saturday, haz reached The Geordie Times!

When yoo 'fink' aboot it, thiz on loan signin' from Lestaa in the January window, haz been a complete disaster!

He missed the games v Bornley, Bournemoooth, Palace, Man U, The Liverbirds and Soothampton, because of injury!

Came on az sub for Dwight Gayle v 'uddersfield (15 mins)

Then had to miss the game at Lestaa coz it woz hiz parent club!

Came on az sub for Gayle v The Arse (27 mins)

Started game v Evaatin and lasted 63 mins before bein' substituted by Gayle!

Came on az sub for Gayle v WBA and lasted 25 mins--- but hiz partin' 'shot woz the kick at the West Brom defender!

BANNED for Wotfaad game on Saturday!

BANNED for Sporz game next Wednesday!

BANNED for last game of the season v Chelski a week on Sunday!


On top of that, hiz performances in the 130 minutes he HAZ played, have been indifferent to say the least!
He HASN'T completed 90 minutes in any of the 4 games he haz played in!---
Thats 3 substitute appearences and 1 Start!---and NE GOALS!

Summery: Oot of the 11 games since hiz loan signin' in January, he haz played in 4 (3 az sub--1 subbed), been injured for 6 games, had to miss Lestaa game and iz banned for wor last 3 games for violent conduct!


"WOT A WASTE OF TIME!"😨

THE TOON U23s 3 MORPETH TOON 1 *** NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP FINAL

Posted '12:55pm bells' Thorsday 3rd May 2018

"IT'S WOR CUP!"

The Toon's 2nd string won The Northumberland Senior Cup when they beat Northern Leegue side Morpeth Toon 3-1 at St James' Park last neet!

The goal sequences were az follows:
15th min: Callum Roberts jinked roond a Morpeth defender to slam home hiz shot from inside the box!

45th minute: Liam Henderson equalises for the Northumbrians with a shot from close in!

62nd min: Roberts gets hiz 2nd goal when he fires in from a cross!

90mins: Dan Barlaser completes the scorin' in the last minute of game for the 3-1 win and The Toon lift the cup for the 1st time in 4 years!

Attendance: just 1,224 includin' quite a few from Morpeth!

THE TOON U23s v MORPETH TOON**** NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP FINAL **** TOONEET!

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Wednesday 2nd May 2018

Wor second string take on Morpeth at SJP tooneet in The Northumberland Senior Cup final at '7 30 bells'

Admission iz via The East Stand and everyone must pay to get in (season ticket card invalid for this game!)

Its £7 for big kids and £3 for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

Unfortunately 'yorz trulee' cant be there through work commitments! BUT! we will send one of wor rovin reporters to the game and a match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!
Az per usual---watch this space!

3rd 'TEAR' FUTBAALL

Posted '2:07 pm bells' Munday 30th April 2018

It's amazin'---isn't it!?----Less than 2 years ago the SMBs were celebratin' wor relegation and their survival in the top flight!
'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' did a jig of delight aroond the SOS pitch az their win against West Ham kept them up---and relegated us!

And less than 2 seasons later----and after wor promotion back to The Premyaa Leegue az champions at the forst attempt--- and their double relegation!---(needin' 2 attempts!)---- they find themsels in Leegue One, two leegues below us!---where they will play the likes of Accrington Stanley, Fleetwood Town, Wycombe Wanderers and 'good old' Gillingham (who can forget them and Tony Cascarino who put them in the 3rd 'tear' in 1987!)

A PLANE FLIES OWER SJP 2 SEASONS AGO

A BANNER ON THE TYNE BRIDGE

'FAT SAM THE UGLY MAN' CELEBRATES THE TOON'S DEMISE!

"YI NEED TO 'DOWNGRADE' THAT SCARF!"
"BET YOUR NOT SMILIN' NOW YOO OLD BOILER!"

AND NOW!--- JUST TWO YEARS LATER!

FORMER PLAYER DARREN BENT SCORES FOR BURTON

TO SEAL THEIR 3rd 'TEAR' FATE!

News that Geordie hero Sir Chris The Coleman haz been sacked reaches us less than a week after bein' knighted by the Queen for services to futbaall!

Owner Ellis Shortarse (who haz done a MAGnificent job az well!) haz sold the mackems to some consortium  from National Leegue side Eastleigh FC? who finished in 14th position! (It's the same leegue that Gatesheed are in--and they lost 2-0 to them a couple of weeks ago!----Soonds aboot their real 'level'!)

THE TOON 0 THE BAGGIE TROOOSERS 1 **** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '10:30am bells' Sunday 29th April 2018

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

"A ONE TO FORGET!"

On a freeezin caad afternoon (in April?) The Toon FROZE in front of the 52,000 plus sell oot crowd!

West Brom, who look doomed to life in the 2nd tier of Inglish futbaall, had nowt to lose and it woz obvious from 'the off' that we were in for a lang afternoon!

And so it proved az WBA took the lead when an unmarked Matt Phillips fired into the roof of the net at The Gallowgate End on the half hour mark, to send their 1,000 or so diehards high up in The Leazes End opposite, in raptures!

Reeelly, the ref shud have blew for full time, then, az it woz obvious that we wouldnt score if we played til Xmas!
This woz despite the fact that we hit the woodwork twice in the 1st period az well! (ie:'Lady luck' woz definatleee against us this time!)

ACTION AT THE GALLOWGATE END (2nd half)

The 2nd half wasnt much better and this woz 'A day to forget' for certain az we couldn't get oot of 1st gear!
This woz wor forst home defeat this year!

Swanzee'z home defeat v Chelski in the late kick off meant that we would definately be safe, az Swanzee still have Sooothampton to play, which meenz one of them wont be able to match wor 41 points total!

Lets hope that now the pressure iz off, that we can put in a much better performance at Wotfaad next Saturday!?

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejeune, Dummett (Murphy 58), Ritchie, Diame, Shelvey, Kenedy, Perez (Joselu 78), Gayle (Slimani)

Attendance: 52,283 (1,000 or so Baggie Troosers diehards!)

Footnote: We say 'The Baggie Troosers' az WBAs nickname iz 'The Baggies' az they used to wear 'baggie trousers' in the 19th century!

PS: Congratulations to Wycombe Wanderers who won promotion to Leegue 1 yesterday!
Guess who they will be playin' next season!?
"HA! HA!"😅😂