"BARMY SLIMANI!" *** 3 MATCH BAN!

Updated '1:15pm bells' Thorsday 3rd May 2018

SLIMANI TRIES TO 'LAUGH OFF' HIZ KICK ON DAWSON,

AZ ANGRY WEST BROM PLAYERS SUROOND HIM!

News that Toon on loan striker Islam Slimani haz been banned for 3 matches for violent conduct after kickin' West Brom defender Craig Dawson in the penalty box on Saturday, haz reached The Geordie Times!

When yoo 'fink' aboot it, thiz on loan signin' from Lestaa in the January window, haz been a complete disaster!

He missed the games v Bornley, Bournemoooth, Palace, Man U, The Liverbirds and Soothampton, because of injury!

Came on az sub for Dwight Gayle v 'uddersfield (15 mins)

Then had to miss the game at Lestaa coz it woz hiz parent club!

Came on az sub for Gayle v The Arse (27 mins)

Started game v Evaatin and lasted 63 mins before bein' substituted by Gayle!

Came on az sub for Gayle v WBA and lasted 25 mins--- but hiz partin' 'shot woz the kick at the West Brom defender!

BANNED for Wotfaad game on Saturday!

BANNED for Sporz game next Wednesday!

BANNED for last game of the season v Chelski a week on Sunday!


On top of that, hiz performances in the 130 minutes he HAZ played, have been indifferent to say the least!
He HASN'T completed 90 minutes in any of the 4 games he haz played in!---
Thats 3 substitute appearences and 1 Start!---and NE GOALS!

Summery: Oot of the 11 games since hiz loan signin' in January, he haz played in 4 (3 az sub--1 subbed), been injured for 6 games, had to miss Lestaa game and iz banned for wor last 3 games for violent conduct!


"WOT A WASTE OF TIME!"😨

THE TOON U23s 3 MORPETH TOON 1 *** NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP FINAL

Posted '12:55pm bells' Thorsday 3rd May 2018

"IT'S WOR CUP!"

The Toon's 2nd string won The Northumberland Senior Cup when they beat Northern Leegue side Morpeth Toon 3-1 at St James' Park last neet!

The goal sequences were az follows:
15th min: Callum Roberts jinked roond a Morpeth defender to slam home hiz shot from inside the box!

45th minute: Liam Henderson equalises for the Northumbrians with a shot from close in!

62nd min: Roberts gets hiz 2nd goal when he fires in from a cross!

90mins: Dan Barlaser completes the scorin' in the last minute of game for the 3-1 win and The Toon lift the cup for the 1st time in 4 years!

Attendance: just 1,224 includin' quite a few from Morpeth!

THE TOON U23s v MORPETH TOON**** NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP FINAL **** TOONEET!

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Wednesday 2nd May 2018

Wor second string take on Morpeth at SJP tooneet in The Northumberland Senior Cup final at '7 30 bells'

Admission iz via The East Stand and everyone must pay to get in (season ticket card invalid for this game!)

Its £7 for big kids and £3 for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

Unfortunately 'yorz trulee' cant be there through work commitments! BUT! we will send one of wor rovin reporters to the game and a match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!
Az per usual---watch this space!

3rd 'TEAR' FUTBAALL

Posted '2:07 pm bells' Munday 30th April 2018

It's amazin'---isn't it!?----Less than 2 years ago the SMBs were celebratin' wor relegation and their survival in the top flight!
'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' did a jig of delight aroond the SOS pitch az their win against West Ham kept them up---and relegated us!

And less than 2 seasons later----and after wor promotion back to The Premyaa Leegue az champions at the forst attempt--- and their double relegation!---(needin' 2 attempts!)---- they find themsels in Leegue One, two leegues below us!---where they will play the likes of Accrington Stanley, Fleetwood Town, Wycombe Wanderers and 'good old' Gillingham (who can forget them and Tony Cascarino who put them in the 3rd 'tear' in 1987!)

A PLANE FLIES OWER SJP 2 SEASONS AGO

A BANNER ON THE TYNE BRIDGE

'FAT SAM THE UGLY MAN' CELEBRATES THE TOON'S DEMISE!

"YI NEED TO 'DOWNGRADE' THAT SCARF!"
"BET YOUR NOT SMILIN' NOW YOO OLD BOILER!"

AND NOW!--- JUST TWO YEARS LATER!

FORMER PLAYER DARREN BENT SCORES FOR BURTON

TO SEAL THEIR 3rd 'TEAR' FATE!

News that Geordie hero Sir Chris The Coleman haz been sacked reaches us less than a week after bein' knighted by the Queen for services to futbaall!

Owner Ellis Shortarse (who haz done a MAGnificent job az well!) haz sold the mackems to some consortium  from National Leegue side Eastleigh FC? who finished in 14th position! (It's the same leegue that Gatesheed are in--and they lost 2-0 to them a couple of weeks ago!----Soonds aboot their real 'level'!)

THE TOON 0 THE BAGGIE TROOOSERS 1 **** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '10:30am bells' Sunday 29th April 2018

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

"A ONE TO FORGET!"

On a freeezin caad afternoon (in April?) The Toon FROZE in front of the 52,000 plus sell oot crowd!

West Brom, who look doomed to life in the 2nd tier of Inglish futbaall, had nowt to lose and it woz obvious from 'the off' that we were in for a lang afternoon!

And so it proved az WBA took the lead when an unmarked Matt Phillips fired into the roof of the net at The Gallowgate End on the half hour mark, to send their 1,000 or so diehards high up in The Leazes End opposite, in raptures!

Reeelly, the ref shud have blew for full time, then, az it woz obvious that we wouldnt score if we played til Xmas!
This woz despite the fact that we hit the woodwork twice in the 1st period az well! (ie:'Lady luck' woz definatleee against us this time!)

ACTION AT THE GALLOWGATE END (2nd half)

The 2nd half wasnt much better and this woz 'A day to forget' for certain az we couldn't get oot of 1st gear!
This woz wor forst home defeat this year!

Swanzee'z home defeat v Chelski in the late kick off meant that we would definately be safe, az Swanzee still have Sooothampton to play, which meenz one of them wont be able to match wor 41 points total!

Lets hope that now the pressure iz off, that we can put in a much better performance at Wotfaad next Saturday!?

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejeune, Dummett (Murphy 58), Ritchie, Diame, Shelvey, Kenedy, Perez (Joselu 78), Gayle (Slimani)

Attendance: 52,283 (1,000 or so Baggie Troosers diehards!)

Footnote: We say 'The Baggie Troosers' az WBAs nickname iz 'The Baggies' az they used to wear 'baggie trousers' in the 19th century!

PS: Congratulations to Wycombe Wanderers who won promotion to Leegue 1 yesterday!
Guess who they will be playin' next season!?
"HA! HA!"😅😂

THE TOON V THE BAGGIE TROOOSERS **** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Friday 27th April 2018

The Miburn Stand

lookin up from groond

level on Barrack Road

We face WBA at SJP tomorrow afternooon and anly a win will save them from relegation.
If they manage that, it will only delay the inevertable and they will still gan doon az games are runnin oot!

We know how their fans feel---after aall we've been through 2 relegations worsels lately and anly their most loyal fans will be in level 7 of The Leazes End!

NUFC on the othaa hand anly need a draw to be mathimatically safe and shud Sooothampton not win at Bournemoooth then we will be safe anyway!

A win for The Toon of course iz wot we want against a revitalised West Brom, who under their new caretaker manager Darren Moore, won their last away game at Man U! (Minus Pardew and Carver of course!)
So we can't be complacent in wor bid to finish in the top half of 'The Premyaa'!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Sunday!

STAND AND DELIVER!*** 100,000 TARGET REACHED!

Posted '3:15pm bells' Thorsday 12th April 2018 onwards
Updated '4 30pm bells' Friday 20th April 2018
Updated yet again '3:00pm bells' Tuesday 24th April 2018
Updated once more 10:10pm bells' Wednesday 25th April 2018

News that West Brom have failed in their bid to have safe standin' iz shear hipocrisy!

How come Celtic can have safe standin' in a 60,000 capacity stadium and not the rest of us?

Celtic Park's safe standin' area!

"Can WE have some pleeeze!?"

Anyone who gans to an away game naaz that yoo MUST stand to see the game az hardly anybody sits doon!

Give people a choice at least!
If yoo want to sit, yoo buy a seat ticket and if yoo want to stand, yoo buy a standin' ticket!
SIMPLE!

Leeds Rugby groond's new stand haz just been opened by the sports minister Tracey Crouch, with a STANDIN' AREA!----which she praised!
Yet she rejected West Brom's application!!!!-'-HIPOCRISY OF THE HIGHEST ORDER!

If its deemed not to be safe to stand then how come they can in Scotland and in rugby in Ing-er-land????

There's a petition dein the roonds to force a debate in Parliament which needs 100,000 signatures to get it debated
'The Geordie Times' haz signed it, az we personally prefor to stand anyway!

At the time of (forst) writin' this, nearly 25,000 signatures aalready!

Updated on Friday 14th April 2018
46,000 plus have now signed petition!

Updated on Wednesday 18th April 2018
More than 63,000 signatures have now been registered!

Updated on Friday 20th April 2018
80,000 have now signed!

Updated on Tuesday 24th April 2018
91,000 plus signatures so far---less than 9,000 to gan!

Updated on Wednesday 25th April 2018
104,000 plus have now signed, so the 'target' iz reached and will be debated in Parliament! 
" WELL DONE LADS AND LASSES!"

"SIGN IT NOW"!!!
Gan to:
https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/207040

We will keep yoo updated!

THE TOFFEE NOSES 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '1:52pm bells' Tuesday 24th April 2018

THE TOON ATTACK THE PARK END (2nd half)

"BACK DOON TO ORTH WITH A BUMP!"

Most of this game woz aboot the Toon fans slaggin off the mackems on their 2nd successive relegation at the weekend and goadin' Evaatin's smb goalie jordan pickford who used to play for them and iz a mackem born and bred!

Chants of: "Your just a sad mackem bustard!", "Stayin up---gannin doon!" and "You laughed at us when we went down!--but who the f*** iz laughin' now!", reverbirated aroond Goodison Park, but unfortunataly we went back to the dark days in late 2017 and put in an inept performance on the pitch!

ACTION AT THE GLADYS STREET END (1st half)

If yoo saw the match on SKY and were a 'neutral', yoo would have went for the remote control and switched the telly off, az this game woz terrible with passes gannin astray and balls lost aplenty!

The anly goal of the game came in the 53rd minute when Evaatin took the lead through Theo Walcott who hammered an unstoppable right foot drive into the roof of wor net, givin Toon goalie Debravka ne chance!

Thiz woz one of anly 2 shots from the home side with 'us' missin a great chance to equalise late on through Dwight Gayle who blazed hiz effort ower the bar!

A torned doon penalty appeal and a scramble on the home sides goal line in the very last minute failed to get us an equaliser and the game woz lost!

On the final whistle, pickford gave hand gestures to the Toon fans for the 'stick' he endured for the full 90 minutes, but it woz 'a hollow victory' for him, az hiz beloved team wont be comin to Evaatin next season---it will be Exeter or Wycombe instead!
And trips to Arsenal, Man City and Liverpool just a year ago, will be replaced by trips to Accrington Stanley, Fleetwood Town and 'good old' Gillingham (who can forget them, when Tony Cascarino put them in the 3rd Division in 1987!)

Happy days!---even in defeat!😊

PS: We are still not mathmatically safe, but Soothampton in 18th place MUST win their last 4 games and NUFC MUST lose wor last 4, for them to catch us! (highly improbable!)
Both West Brom and Stoke can't catch us!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejeune, Dummett, Ritchie (Murphy 79), Diame, Shelvey (Merino 83), Kenedy, Perez, Slimani (Gayle 63)

Attendance: 39,061 (3,000 Toon fans)

The pre match 'gargels' took place here!

THE TOFFEE NOSES V THE TOON *** TOONEET IN A TOP FLIGHT GAME!😊

Posted 'high noon bells' St George's Day 2018

We heed for the delights of Morseyside once again to take of Fat Sam's Evaatin at Goodison Park (ko 8 bells)
They have spent £100,000,000 more than us, yet they sit just one place and one point above us in 9th place! (AND we have a game in hand az well!--away to Sporz at Wembley!)

We are settin off in mee 9 seater canny tranny at '2 30 bells' and shud arrive aboot 3 and a half hours later at The Barlow Arms boozers not far from the groond!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!

CHRIS COLEMAN IZ KNIGHED IN QUEENS BIRTHDAY HONOURS LIST!

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 22nd April 2018

Sensational news reaches The Geordie Times regarding the Queens birthday honours list!

For hiz services to futbaall Chris Coleman receives the ultimate honour!

"ARISE SIR CHRISTOPHER!

I KNOW I SPEAK ON BEHALF OF

ALL NEWCASTLE FANS WHEN I SAY THAT

YOU HAVE DONE A MAGNIFICENT JOB

AT  sUNDERLAND!"